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Donald Duck and Daisy Duck 1/8/2014 Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy. The first thing Daisy asked was, "Do you have a condom?" Donald 0 Comments, 191 Views, 0 Votes | |
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LETTERS TOO SANTA 12/13/2013 Dear Santa, How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of 0 Comments, 155 Views, 0 Votes | |
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waiting for his mother 12/13/2013 A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, ", can you tell me where the Post Office is?" The little boy repl 0 Comments, 166 Views, 0 Votes | |
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CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD 12/4/2013 To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last. Date: 2011-11-27, 1:43 am. E.S.T. I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly aft 0 Comments, 196 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Reduced gun crime 12/4/2013 * In 1863 a Democrat shot and killed Abraham Lincoln, President of the United States. * In 1964 a communist-turned Democrat killed John F. Kennedy * In 1983 a registered Democrat shot and wounded Rona 0 Comments, 133 Views, 0 Votes | |
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PEPPERMINT 12/4/2013 I recently spent $6, 500 on a young registered Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bu 0 Comments, 121 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The urologist is a very pretty female doctor 12/3/2013 An old guy goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the Urologist as a precaution. When he gets there, he discovers the Urologist is a very pretty female doctor. The female doctor 0 Comments, 192 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The Veterinarian 11/26/2013 One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the Pastor of a small church found a pink envelope containing $1, 000. It happened again the next week! The following Sunday 0 Comments, 142 Views, 0 Votes | |
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lady goes to the bar 11/21/2013 A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship And orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says 'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today.' Th 0 Comments, 134 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The Robot 11/21/2013 A father buys a lie detecting robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his what he did that afternoon. The says, "I did 0 Comments, 88 Views, 0 Votes | |
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SITTING ON THE TOILET 11/18/2013 A LITTLE THREE YEAR OLD BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET. HIS MOTHER THINKS HE HAS BEEN IN THERE TOO LONG, SO SHE GOES IN TO SEE WHAT'S UP. THE LITTLE BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET READING A BOOK. BUT ABOU 0 Comments, 123 Views, 0 Votes | |
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You gotta love a good nurse 11/18/2013 A policeman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well; however, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his cro 0 Comments, 106 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Senior Love....... 11/17/2013 I was in my back yard trying to launch a kite. I threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for a few seconds, then it would come crashing back down to earth. I tried this a few more times 0 Comments, 93 Views, 0 Votes | |
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husbands' marriage seminars 11/17/2013 At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Baltimore , they have weekly husbands' marriage seminars. At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding a 0 Comments, 88 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Norman 11/17/2013 Norman, an old retired sailor, puts on his old uniform and heads for the docks once more, for old times’ sake and some hot sex. He engages a lovely and takes her up to a room. 0 Comments, 87 Views, 0 Votes | |
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One more time 11/17/2013 A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I'd like to buy some cyanide." The pharmacist asked, "Why in 0 Comments, 82 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Blonde Men 11/17/2013 It had to happen sooner or later.......................Blonde Men! A friend told the blond man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year." The blond man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th." 0 Comments, 72 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Power outage 11/17/2013 Power outage We had a power outage last night and my PC, iPod, iPhone, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my wife for a few hours. She 0 Comments, 55 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Mensa Question 11/9/2013 You are on a , galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp drop off. And on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in fr 0 Comments, 131 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Random Thoughts 11/9/2013 A Man's Random Thoughts: Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I made it home OK! 0 Comments, 85 Views, 0 Votes | |
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IT HIT ME LIKE A TON OF BRICKS!!!!! 11/9/2013 I Just Realized Something: My sleeps about 20 hours a day. He has his food prepared for him. His meals are provided at no cost to him. He visits the Dr. once a year for his checkup and again 0 Comments, 87 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Pumpkin sex 11/9/2013 Recently, a female police officer arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male, fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of the night. The next day, at the Gwinnett County (GA) courthouse, Lawren 0 Comments, 78 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Golf Riders 11/1/2013 Three old men went into the pro shop after playing 18 holes of golf. The pro asked, "Did you guys have a good game today?" The first old guy said, "I had the most riders ever. I had 0 Comments, 128 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Old guys were golfing 11/1/2013 A couple of old guys were golfing one day, when one of the men said that he was going to go to Dr. Basil for a new set of dentures in the morning. His elderly friend remarked that he, too, ha 0 Comments, 110 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Remember 11/1/2013 Remember when Nancy Pelosi said: "We have to pass it, to find out what's in it." A physician called into a radio show and said: "that's the definition of a stool sample." Th 0 Comments, 66 Views, 0 Votes | |
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'Go-To' guy' 10/30/2013 Location, Location, Location In the news this week, a Southern California man was put under 72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found he owned 100 guns and had (by rough estimate) one 0 Comments, 1579 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Only permanent injury 10/30/2013 Years ago, a young Navy Pilot was severely injured while ejecting from his A-4 Skyhawk due to engine failure during a catapult shot from the aircraft carrier, but due to the heroics of rescue helicopt 0 Comments, 110 Views, 0 Votes | |
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(or maybe not!) 10/29/2013 Some of you gray hairs should remember some of these old song (or maybe not!) 60's Hits Renamed Some of the artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to a 0 Comments, 88 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The ZIPPER 10/29/2013 In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too 0 Comments, 107 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Did I send this to you already? 10/29/2013 Ever walk into a room with some purpose in mind, only to completely forget what that purpose was? Turns out, doors themselves are to blame for these strange memory lapses. Psychologi 0 Comments, 78 Views, 0 Votes | |
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"high wind?" 10/29/2013 An elderly lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said, "Pardon me, madam.. I do 0 Comments, 100 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Washington Redskins Change Their Name... 10/25/2013 The Washington Redskins are changing their name because of all the negativity, shame, humiliation, dissent, polarity, adversity, defiance, hatred, animosity, contempt, discrimination, division, violen 0 Comments, 71 Views, 0 Votes | |
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One more time 10/25/2013 Cure for Anger A woman goes to the doctor, worried about her husband's temper. The doctor asks: "What's the problem?" The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my 0 Comments, 55 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Medical distinction 10/23/2013 There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We've all heard of people having Guts or having Balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you info 0 Comments, 91 Views, 0 Votes | |
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It is that time of the year 10/23/2013 A man is walking home alone late one foggy Halloween night, when behind him he hears: BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... 0 Comments, 91 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Passing this one on... 10/23/2013 Two young businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store in the shopping mall. As yet, the store's merchandise wasn't in -- only a few shelves and display racks set 0 Comments, 101 Views, 0 Votes | |
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72 virgins in Heaven 10/23/2013 An 18-year-old suicide bomber blew himself up and appeared before Allah. He said, "Oh, Allah, I did your bidding, but I have a request. Since I'm only 18 and spent all my time in terrorist training 0 Comments, 115 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Here's an answer 10/18/2013 Should witness childbirth? Good question. Here's an answer. Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr o 0 Comments, 81 Views, 0 Votes | |
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At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Baltimore 10/18/2013 At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Baltimore , they have weekly husbands' marriage seminars. At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding a 0 Comments, 75 Views, 0 Votes | |
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With the worst premonition 10/18/2013 A father passing by his 's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 0 Comments, 92 Views, 0 Votes | |
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ITALIAN HONEYMOON 10/18/2013 After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old barbershop in Jersey to say hello to this friends. Giovanni said, "Hey Luigi, how wasa da 0 Comments, 90 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Why Some Men Have a And No Wife: 10/18/2013 1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you. 2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name. 3. 0 Comments, 71 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Paraprosdokians 10/18/2013 (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous. Enjoy! 1. Where there's a will, I want 0 Comments, 67 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Little Johnny popped up and said 10/10/2013 A teacher went around her class asking each of the what they needed at home. Joey said, "A computer." The teacher replied, "That would be very useful." Jenny said, "A new l 0 Comments, 146 Views, 0 Votes | |
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On his deathbed 10/9/2013 Morris Schwartz is dying and is on his deathbed. He is with his nurse, his wife, his and 2 sons, and knows the end is near. So he says to them: "Bernie, I want you to take the Beverly Hills 0 Comments, 120 Views, 0 Votes | |
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"I have outlived my pecker." 10/9/2013 "I have outlived my pecker." A Poem - by Willie Nelson My nookie days are over, My pilot light is out. What used to be my pride and joy, Is now my water spout. Time was when, on it 0 Comments, 11 Views, 0 Votes | |
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'What do you do in America with your old goats 10/9/2013 A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, 'Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!' The preacher said, 'Thank you sir, b 0 Comments, 100 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Life's like that!!!!!!!!!! 10/9/2013 The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part. I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My 0 Comments, 78 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Twenty Dollars all crumpled up? 10/7/2013 With a very seductive voice the woman asked her husband, "Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?" "No, " said her husband. She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned th 0 Comments, 96 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Playing poker 10/7/2013 Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bob's wife, Sue wasn't wea 0 Comments, 156 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Dead Crows 9/29/2013 Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined t 0 Comments, 91 Views, 0 Votes | |
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I DIDN'T BELIEVE THESE LAWS AT FIRST 9/29/2013 LAWS OF……. I DIDN'T BELIEVE THESE LAWS AT FIRST, BUT HAVE FOUND THEM TO BE TRUE FROM ACTUAL EXPERIENCE. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your 0 Comments, 36 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Profound philosophy 9/29/2013 This is perhaps the most profound philosophy I have heard in recent times: "Life is like a penis - simple, relaxed and hanging free... it's women who make it hard." 0 Comments, 87 Views, 0 Votes | |
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WELL, HERE'S A RECAP OF LAST YEAR.... 9/29/2013 MANY OF YOU ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO COLLEGE FOOTBALL SEASON. WELL, HERE'S A RECAP OF LAST YEAR.... Alabama beat Arkansas and Arkansas fired their coach.... Alabama beat Tennessee and Tennessee fired th 0 Comments, 68 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Most of our generation were HOME SCHOOLED in many ways. 9/29/2013 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE . "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." 2. My mother taught me RELIGION . "You better pray 0 Comments, 89 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Interview 9/27/2013 Job interview: Human Resources Manager: "What is your greatest weakness?" Old man: "Honesty." Human Resources Manager: "I don't think honesty is a weakness." Old 0 Comments, 115 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Note to golfers 9/27/2013 * Golf balls are like eggs ~ they're white. They're sold by the dozen... and a week later you have to buy more. * A pro-shop gets its name from the fact that you have to have the income of a 0 Comments, 66 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Two are arguing 9/27/2013 Two are arguing over whose father is the biggest scaredy-cat. The first says, "My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bed." The second replies, " 0 Comments, 76 Views, 0 Votes | |
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'What can I do for you?' 9/25/2013 An Arizona couple, both well into their 70's, go to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?' The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?' The doctor raises bot 0 Comments, 78 Views, 0 Votes | |
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You just got to love the Brits. 9/25/2013 A devout Arab Muslim entered a black cab in London. He curtly asked the cabbie to turn off the radio because as decreed by his religious teaching, he must not listen to music because in the time of t 0 Comments, 82 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The Hypnotist at a Senior Citizen's Center 9/19/2013 It was entertainment night at the senior citizens' center. After the community sing along led by Alice at the piano, it was time for the star of the show- Claude the Hypnotist! Claud 0 Comments, 134 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The Indian With One Testicle. 9/18/2013 There once was an Indian who had only one testicle and whose given name was 'Onestone'. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onest 0 Comments, 112 Views, 0 Votes | |
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I Love You Message 9/17/2013 There was a group of women at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband. The women were asked, “How many of you love your husbands?” All the women raised their h 0 Comments, 92 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The Polish pickle factory 9/17/2013 Yossel worked in a Polish pickle factory. For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer. Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the factory psy 0 Comments, 66 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Drill Instructor 9/13/2013 A former Sergeant in the Marine Corps, who had been a Drill Instructor, took a new job as a high school teacher. Just before the school year started, he injured his back. He was required to wear a pl 0 Comments, 118 Views, 0 Votes | |
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THE KINGDOM OF THAILAND: 9/10/2013 In the original native culture of Thailand, when males reached the age of 18, they had to participate in the following community ceremony: They lay themselves stark naked in a large circle, f 0 Comments, 84 Views, 0 Votes | |
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GHOST SEX 9/10/2013 GHOST SEX A professor at the University of North Dakota was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, 'How many people here believe in ghosts? 0 Comments, 74 Views, 0 Votes | |
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This is Priceless 9/10/2013 He's My Brother - This is Priceless Two walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter. The man at the counter a 0 Comments, 98 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Dishwasher was broken 9/10/2013 Wanda's dishwasher was broken, so she called a Sears repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave 0 Comments, 84 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The Pope went on vacation 9/8/2013 The Pope went on vacation for a few days to visit the rugged mountains of Alaska .. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope Mobile when he heard a frantic commotion just at the edge of the wo 0 Comments, 70 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Mess with seniors and you're going to lose! 9/8/2013 There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you, in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this o 0 Comments, 65 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Marital Humor 9/8/2013 A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6. A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife as 0 Comments, 57 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Cheers 9/8/2013 One night at Cheers, Cliff Clavin said to his buddy, Norm Peterson: "Well, ya see, Norm, it's like this.. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, i 0 Comments, 53 Views, 0 Votes | |
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(Love southern humor!!!!) 9/8/2013 A large jet plane crashed on a farm in the middle of rural Kentucky . Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. By the time they got there, the 0 Comments, 78 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Young doctor 9/4/2013 A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to 0 Comments, 108 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Using logic... 8/31/2013 An old country preacher......had a teenage , and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young Men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted 0 Comments, 81 Views, 0 Votes | |
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SHERIFF EXAM 8/29/2013 A young Texan grew up wanting to be a lawman. He grew up big, 6' 2", strong as a longhorn, and fast as a mustang. He could shoot a bottle cap tossed in the air at 40 paces. When he finally came of ag 0 Comments, 61 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Startled by a late model car 8/28/2013 My neighbor was working in his yard when he was startled by a late model car that came crashing through his hedge and ended up in his front lawn. He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out 0 Comments, 82 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Nair 8/28/2013 This lady found out that her dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian. The vet quickly discovered that the problem was ear wax and hair clogging the dog's ears. He clean 0 Comments, 59 Views, 0 Votes | |
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You're very welcome.. 8/25/2013 Until recently, I didn't know this... A slave from Sardinia named Gedophamee was attending a great but as yet unnamed athletic festival 2500 years ago in Greece .. In those days, believe it or not, t 0 Comments, 53 Views, 0 Votes | |
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You're laughing aren't you? 8/25/2013 A little boy blows up a balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to break something, but the boy 0 Comments, 58 Views, 0 Votes | |
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"Why is that?" 8/25/2013 Two black guys are at a bar talking, one says to the other, "You ever notice after you have sex with a white woman that your eyes burn, your nose runs and you get all teary-eyed?" The second 0 Comments, 58 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Empathy for a homesick snowbird 8/25/2013 I was in Bonita Springs, FL the other day. I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read: "I miss Chicago ." So I broke the window, stole the radio, shot out two of the tires, add 0 Comments, 46 Views, 0 Votes | |
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"I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow. 8/25/2013 A young woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean, but just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her. 0 Comments, 51 Views, 0 Votes | |
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"Bring them all as well," 8/24/2013 One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate. He asked 0 Comments, 37 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Are you having any side effects?" 8/22/2013 A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital. Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him. "I have some good news and some bad news, " says 0 Comments, 60 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Are you a doctor? " 8/21/2013 A father walks into a restaurant with his young . He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father real 0 Comments, 62 Views, 0 Votes | |
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"AH" 8/21/2013 A motorcycle police officer stops a driver for shooting through a red light. The driver is a real bastard, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer, demanding to know why he is bein 0 Comments, 78 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Is that what happened? 8/21/2013 Sex After Surgery A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, one Anne Jones, has sued St Luke's hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all intere 0 Comments, 66 Views, 0 Votes | |
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This is for you old folks 8/11/2013 Tetanus Shot. (This is for you old folks, I.e., anyone over (or close to) 60 is eligible! ) An old man in his mid-seventies struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat. 0 Comments, 162 Views, 0 Votes | |
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grew up wanting to be a lawman 8/11/2013 A young Texan grew up wanting to be a lawman. He grew up big, 6' 2", strong as a longhorn, and fast as a mustang. He could shoot a bottle cap tossed in the air at 40 paces. When he finally ca 0 Comments, 116 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The Sensuous Wife 8/11/2013 "Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?"...the woman asked her husband. "No"...said her husband. She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of he 0 Comments, 122 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Confused? 8/11/2013 I become confused when I hear the word "Service " used with these agencies: Internal Revenue 'Service' US Postal 'Service' Cable TV 'Service' Civil 'Service' Federal, State, City, & public 'S 0 Comments, 64 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Test 8/10/2013 The last question was on the biology test was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk. The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven adva 0 Comments, 112 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Misc Humor 8/10/2013 Wedding At a wedding reception the D.J. yelled... "Would all married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living." The bartender was almost crushed to death. < 0 Comments, 94 Views, 0 Votes | |
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commercial airline flight 8/10/2013 During a commercial airline flight an experienced Air Force Pilot was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms. When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began n 0 Comments, 109 Views, 0 Votes | |
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EMPLOYEE NOTICE 8/10/2013 Due to the current sequester, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put all workers 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment 0 Comments, 76 Views, 0 Votes | |
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pushing carts around Wal-Mart 8/10/2013 Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide. The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying atte 0 Comments, 114 Views, 0 Votes | |
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awaiting surgery 8/10/2013 An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his , a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak t 0 Comments, 79 Views, 0 Votes | |
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distraught senior citizen 8/10/2013 A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true, " she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?" "'Yes, I'm af 0 Comments, 88 Views, 0 Votes | |
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non-racist version of "SnowWhite 8/8/2013 Walt Disney's new film called "Jet Black, " the non-racist version of "SnowWhite, " has been put on hold. All of the 7 dwarfs: Dealer, Stealer, Mugger, Forger, Drive By, , and Drugie have ref 0 Comments, 85 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Remember when O. J. was acquitted 8/8/2013 Remember when O. J. was acquitted, and all the white people protested, rioted, looted, and raised hell all over the country and the Attorney General, the Dept. of Justice, and the President decided to 0 Comments, 90 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Truck for Sale 8/2/2013 A sixteen year-old boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche and his parents began to yell and scream, 'Where did you get that truck???!!!' He calmly told them, 'I bought it today.' 0 Comments, 169 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The meaning of stress 8/2/2013 You pick up a hitchhiker, a beautiful girl. Suddenly she faints inside your car and you take her to the hospital. That's stressful. At the hospital the nurses say she is pregnant and 0 Comments, 121 Views, 0 Votes | |
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New Chevy Truck 8/2/2013 I stopped by the Chevrolet Dealership yesterday, for a look at the new Silverado 1500 pickup. Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive. I wanted to sense that new "feel" before they become extinct 0 Comments, 92 Views, 0 Votes | |
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New Chevy Truck 8/2/2013 I stopped by the Chevrolet Dealership yesterday, for a look at the new Silverado 1500 pickup. Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive. I wanted to sense that new "feel" before they become extinct 0 Comments, 42 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Grandpa's Drink 8/2/2013 There was a family gathering, with all generations around the table. Mischievous teenagers put a Viagra tablet into Grandpa's drink, and after a while, Grandpa excused himself because he had to go to 0 Comments, 153 Views, 0 Votes | |
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West Coast Disaster 8/1/2013 Rumors are circulating in California that radical Muslims are planning to go on a rampage in both Los Angeles and San Francisco, killing anyone who is white, straight and born in the U.S.A. 0 Comments, 85 Views, 0 Votes | |
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QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME ................ 7/18/2013 Can you cry under water? How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it 0 Comments, 112 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Far too qualified for the job. 7/13/2013 This woman applied for a job in a Florida lemon grove and seemed to be far too qualified for the job. She had a liberal arts degree from the University of Michigan and had worked as a s 0 Comments, 96 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Bear Removal Service 7/12/2013 A man in northern Minnesota woke up one morning to find a bear on his roof. He looked in the Yellow Pages, and sure enough, there was an ad for "Up North Bear Removers." He called the number 0 Comments, 105 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Golf Joke I Haven't Heard Before 7/12/2013 Jim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning his golf shoes. His wife was standing there watching him. After a long pe 0 Comments, 123 Views, 0 Votes | |
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cash a check 7/4/2013 President Obama walks into a local bank in Chicago to cash a check. He is surrounded by Secret Service agents. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash this che 0 Comments, 141 Views, 0 Votes | |
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When you are over sixty who gives a shit? 7/4/2013 This asshole looked at my beer belly last night and sarcastically said, "Is that Corona or Bud?" I said, "There's a tap underneath; taste it and find out." *********** I was 0 Comments, 89 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Cowboy story 6/25/2013 A cowboy walks into a seedy café in Medicine Bow, Wyoming ... He sits at the counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded staring blankly at a full bowl of chili. After fifteen min 0 Comments, 171 Views, 0 Votes | |
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One more time 6/24/2013 Ed & Nancy met while on a singles cruise, and Ed fell head over heels for her. When they discovered they lived in the same city, only a few miles apart, Ed was ecstatic. He immediately starte 0 Comments, 175 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Ah, sweet love!!!! 6/24/2013 A middle-aged couple had finally learned how to send and receive texts on their cell phones. The wife, being a romantic at heart, decided one day that she'd send her husband a text while she was out o 0 Comments, 148 Views, 0 Votes | |
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YOU HAVE TO LOVE A GOOD NURSE 6/18/2013 A policeman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well; however, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crot 0 Comments, 235 Views, 0 Votes | |
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3 nickels 6/18/2013 A father walks into a restaurant with his young . He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father real 0 Comments, 178 Views, 0 Votes | |
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He was a widower and she a widow. 6/14/2013 He was a widower and she a widow. They had known each other for a number of years being high school classmates and having attended class reunions in the past without fail. This 60th anniversa 0 Comments, 174 Views, 0 Votes | |
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'Who owns the dog' 6/11/2013 One hot summer day, a blonde came to town with her dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into a restaurant for something cold to drink. Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered 0 Comments, 215 Views, 0 Votes | |
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APHORISMS 6/7/2013 It's not whether you win or lose, but how you place the blame.. You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. We have enough "youth". How about a fountai 0 Comments, 10 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The Importance of walking 6/6/2013 The Importance of walking Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $3, 000 per month. My grandpa started 0 Comments, 128 Views, 0 Votes | |
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A devout Arab Muslim 6/6/2013 A devout Arab Muslim entered a black cab in London . He curtly asked the cabbie to turn off the radio because as decreed by his religious teaching, he must not listen to music because in the time of t 0 Comments, 162 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Lawnmower 6/4/2013 A preacher was making his rounds on a bicycle when he came upon a little boy trying to sell a lawn mower. "How much do you want for the mower?" asked the preacher. "I just want enou 0 Comments, 167 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Senior wedding 6/4/2013 Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Miami , are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore.. Jacob sug 0 Comments, 73 Views, 0 Votes | |
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DC Traffic Jam 6/2/2013 A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside the Capitol Building in Washington, DC. Nothing was moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on his window. The driver rolls down th 0 Comments, 134 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Golf 5/31/2013 I came home from the golf course today. The wife left a note on the fridge: "IT'S NOT WORKING, I can't take it anymore!! Gone to stay with my Mother." I opened the fridge, the light 0 Comments, 190 Views, 0 Votes | |
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I failed 5/31/2013 I failed a Health and Safety course at the Senior Center today. One of the questions was: "In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?" "F*cking' big ones" was appare 0 Comments, 96 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Who knew? 5/30/2013 -------- --------- --------- Men can read smaller Print than women can; women can hear better. --------- --------- --------- Coca-Cola was originally green. --------- ------ 0 Comments, 140 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Red Coat 5/28/2013 During the recent royal wedding, the millions around the world saw that Prince William chose to wear a uniform that included the famous Red Coat Many people have asked, "why did the British wear red c 0 Comments, 136 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Who in here has been screwing my wife 5/28/2013 A man walked into his crowded local bar, waved a revolver around and yelled "Who in here has been screwing my wife?" A voice from the back of the bar yelled back "Y 0 Comments, 229 Views, 0 Votes | |
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I'm leaving 5/28/2013 The nice mother-in-law comes over and finds her -in-law furious, and packing his suitcase. "What happened"?? She asks. Bob screamed, "What happened? I'll tell you what happened! I s 0 Comments, 194 Views, 0 Votes | |
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If this isn't really true, it ought to be. 5/28/2013 A 50-something year old Muslim man arrived at his seat on a crowded flight and immediately didn't want the seat. The seat was next to an elderly white woman reading her Bible. Disgusted, th 0 Comments, 165 Views, 0 Votes | |
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True Love 5/28/2013 Max & Arlene lived by a lake in Nordern Minnesota. It vas early vinter and da lake had frozen over. Max asked Arlene if she vould valk across da frozen lake to da yeneral store to get him some beer. 0 Comments, 120 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Gynecologist's Assistant 5/22/2013 A man went into the State unemployment office in downtown Denver, and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant. Interested, he went in and asked the clerk for details. The clerk pulled up 0 Comments, 196 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Worried about her husband's temper 5/22/2013 A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband's temper. The Doctor asks: "What's the problem? The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do . Every day my husband seems to 0 Comments, 198 Views, 0 Votes | |
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CLASSIC ENGLISH LESSON 5/22/2013 This is the best, most interesting English lesson I have had to date. Did you know "listen" and "silent" use the same letters? Do you know that the words "race car" spelled backwards still sp 0 Comments, 152 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Cell phones in public 5/21/2013 After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her eyes. As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking 0 Comments, 169 Views, 0 Votes | |
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EVE'S SIDE OF THE STORY 5/21/2013 After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. 'So, how is everything going?' inquired God. 'It is all so beautiful, God, ' she replied. 'The sunrises and sunsets are breatht 0 Comments, 128 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Heaven... 5/18/2013 Mike and Yvonne were 85 years old and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they carefully watched their pennies. Though not young, 0 Comments, 154 Views, 0 Votes | |
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"What's the matter?" 5/18/2013 Bob was sitting on the plane when a guy took the seat beside him. The guy was an emotional wreck, pale, hands shaking, moaning in fear. "What's the matter?" Bob asked. "I've 0 Comments, 165 Views, 0 Votes | |
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burglaries increasing dramatically 5/18/2013 We have the standard 6 ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city. To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric f 0 Comments, 158 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The Night Light 5/18/2013 The Night Light A 90-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says, "George, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally an 0 Comments, 115 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Dancing 5/18/2013 Dancing I went to the pub last night and saw a large woman dancing on a table. I said, " Nice legs." The woman giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so." < 0 Comments, 112 Views, 0 Votes | |
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IRISH COMPASSION 5/14/2013 A man was sitting on a blanket at the ocean beach. He had no arms and no legs. Three women, the first from England, the second from Wales, and the third from Ireland, were walking past the po 0 Comments, 141 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Finally time to get married 5/14/2013 An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they wen 0 Comments, 150 Views, 0 Votes | |
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What Happens in Heaven Stays in Heaven 5/11/2013 All arrivals in heaven have to go through a bureaucratic examination to determine whether admission will be granted. One room has a clerk who inputs computerized records of what each applicant did on 0 Comments, 152 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Our society is doomed.............. 5/11/2013 IDIOT SIGHTING I handed the teller at my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00 I said "May I have large bills, please" She looked at me and said "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are the same size." When I g 0 Comments, 156 Views, 0 Votes | |
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LOOKING FORWARD TO FOOTBALL SEASON 5/11/2013 I KNOW MANY OF YOU (LIKE ME) ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO FOOTBALL SEASON. WELL, HERE'S A LITTLE RECAP OF LAST YEAR......... Coincidence?? Just wondering! Alabama beat Arkansas and they fi 0 Comments, 86 Views, 0 Votes | |
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And they say blondes are dumb 5/10/2013 One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?' 'It depends, ' 0 Comments, 145 Views, 0 Votes | |
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WHAT TO DO IN A CRISIS 5/8/2013 "How come you're late?" asks the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in the door. "It was awful, " she explains. "I was walking down Elm street and there was this terrible accident. A man 0 Comments, 155 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Hellmann's mayonnaise 5/6/2013 Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 1, 000 cases (12, 000 jars) of the condiment, consigned for delivery in V 0 Comments, 125 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The Rules of Chocolate 5/6/2013 If you get melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly. Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want. The pr 0 Comments, 10 Views, 0 Votes | |
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One more time 5/6/2013 The Jewish Tie Salesman A fleeing Taliban terrorist, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurrie 0 Comments, 119 Views, 0 Votes | |
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HOW MOSES GOT THE 10 COMMANDMENTS 5/3/2013 HOW MOSES GOT THE 10 COMMANDMENTS God went to the Arabs and said, 'I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.' The Arabs asked, 'What are Commandments?' And the Lo 0 Comments, 160 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Your parrot is dead 5/2/2013 At dawn the telephone rings, "Hello, Señor Bob? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house." "Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?" < 0 Comments, 154 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Lie detector robot 5/1/2013 A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his what he did that afternoon. The says 0 Comments, 171 Views, 0 Votes | |
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An attempt to spice up her dead sex-life. 5/1/2013 A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotch less panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life. She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband. At strategic 0 Comments, 159 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Sex & Calories 4/30/2013 Sex & Calories They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the hell runs 8 miles in 15 seconds? 0 Comments, 97 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The devil made me send this.............. 4/29/2013 Catholic Recognition Here is the latest from our newly ordained Pope Francis. If you are Catholic or know a Catholic you'll appreciate this. Pope Francis was recently finish 0 Comments, 123 Views, 0 Votes | |
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New set of dentures 4/29/2013 A couple of retirees were golfing one day when one mentioned that he was going to see Dr. Smith for a new set of dentures in the morning. His elderly buddy remarked that he, too, had gone to 0 Comments, 109 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Lovemaking Tips for Seniors 4/28/2013 Lovemaking Tips for Seniors - 1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed. 2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle. 0 Comments, 110 Views, 0 Votes | |
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(This One Is Priceless!) 4/27/2013 FATHER A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards. The man, who 0 Comments, 210 Views, 0 Votes | |
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What deep thinkers men are... 4/27/2013 I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking on various topics. Finally 0 Comments, 148 Views, 0 Votes | |
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How did she know? 4/22/2013 Three hookers were talking.The first one said, "I had a Fireman last night". The second one asked how she knew he was a fireman, and the first one replied "I saw his badge." The seco 0 Comments, 199 Views, 0 Votes | |
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restaurant - once more 4/22/2013 A Republican man in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. He looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?" 0 Comments, 135 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Boss who reacts before getting the facts 4/21/2013 If you've ever worked for a boss who reacts before getting the facts and thinking things through, you will love this! Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. 0 Comments, 142 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Dating Ads for Seniors found in a Florida Newspaper 4/21/2013 Dating Ads for Seniors found in a Florida Newspaper You can say what you want about Florida, but you never hear of anyone retiring and moving north. These are actual ads seen in ''The Villages'' Flori 0 Comments, 172 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The silence was deafening 4/20/2013 One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny, and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her so we put her in a carrier 0 Comments, 158 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Once more, This is a REAL SALESMAN 4/20/2013 A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" 0 Comments, 158 Views, 0 Votes | |
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F***ing 4/20/2013 Six Basic Rules For Good Health 1. F***ing once a week is good for your health, every day is even better. 2. F***ing gives proper relaxation for your mind & body. 3. F***ing 0 Comments, 110 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Old joke different version 4/17/2013 The madam opened the brothel door in Milngavie and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties. "May I help you sir?" she asked. The m 0 Comments, 148 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt 4/15/2013 Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny foun 0 Comments, 175 Views, 0 Votes | |
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"What's your occupation?" 4/14/2013 A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions. He gets her name, addres 0 Comments, 171 Views, 0 Votes | |
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And now you know the rest of the story! 4/14/2013 A young Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind. Student:"Sir, do you really understand everything about t 0 Comments, 129 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Have you ever seen a twenty dollar bill 4/13/2013 Upon arriving home from work our hero was greeted by his wife, dressed in a low cut and very sexy dress. "Have you ever seen a twenty dollar bill all crumpled up?" She asked. "No, " 0 Comments, 171 Views, 0 Votes | |
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"touch of romance" 4/11/2013 Thought you might need a "touch of romance" in your life - Ha, ha. Wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text: “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, se 0 Comments, 119 Views, 0 Votes | |
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An old Italian man is dying 4/11/2013 Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family. An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you t 0 Comments, 133 Views, 0 Votes | |
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IF WOMEN ONLY TRUSTED THEIR HUSBANDS 4/10/2013 There comes a time when a woman just has to trust her husband... For example... A wife comes home late at night, and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the bl 0 Comments, 158 Views, 0 Votes | |
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DILEMMA 4/9/2013 A STUDENT ASKED HIS ENGLISH PROFESSOR, “WHAT IS THE DEFINITION OF A DILEMMA". THE PROFESSOR SAID, “WELL, THERE'S NOTHING BETTER THAN AN EXAMPLE TO ILLUSTRATE THAT DEFINITION". "I 0 Comments, 149 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Dresses - One more time 4/8/2013 Do you know that when a woman wears a leather dress, a man’s HEART beats quicker, his throat gets DRY, he gets WEAK in the knees and he thinks IRRATIONALLY. Have you ever wondered why? 0 Comments, 126 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Locked her keys inside 4/7/2013 A woman received a call that her was sick. She stopped by the pharmacy to get medication, Got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys inside. The woman found an old r 0 Comments, 172 Views, 0 Votes | |
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New golf terms 4/7/2013 Some new golf terms to use when you're out on the course... A 'Rock Hudson' - a putt that looked straight, but wasn't. A 'Saddam Hussein' - from one bunker into another. 0 Comments, 87 Views, 0 Votes | |
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"DO YOU HAVE AN OLD NEWSPAPER?" 4/7/2013 "DO YOU HAVE AN OLD NEWSPAPER?" I was visiting with my last night when I asked if she had an old newspaper. "This is the 21st century, ” she said. “I don't waste money on newspa 0 Comments, 116 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Walk With Me As I Get Older 4/5/2013 Walk With Me As I Get Older I hope this poem has the same effect on you as it did on me - then my forwarding it will be worth the effort. Walk with me by the water - worth the read. 0 Comments, 104 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Cleanup on aisle 25 4/3/2013 On the PA system: ‘Cleanup on aisle 25, we have a husband down. A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart. 0 Comments, 151 Views, 0 Votes | |
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AND THE WINNER IS.... 4/3/2013 These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car videos: 1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through." < 0 Comments, 123 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Living Will Form: 3/31/2013 Living Will Form: I, ______________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.. Under no circumstances should 0 Comments, 96 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Stuck in a traffic jam 3/31/2013 A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC. Nothing was moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What' 0 Comments, 156 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Football and the Blond 3/31/2013 SORRY, BUT ITS ANOTHER BLONDE IN—DISTRESS-- A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her h 0 Comments, 100 Views, 0 Votes | |
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"Are you a good golfer?" 3/24/2013 A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening between two trees he thought he could hit through. 0 Comments, 169 Views, 0 Votes | |
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"Did you hit him with that golf club?" 3/24/2013 Police are called to an apartment and find a woman, holding a bloody 5-iron, standing over a lifeless man. The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?" "Yes" says the woman. 0 Comments, 152 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Short par-3 3/24/2013 A young man and a priest are playing together. At a short par-3 the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole, my ?" The young man says, "An 8-iron, Father. How about you?" 0 Comments, 109 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Sex with a white woman?? 3/24/2013 Sex with a white woman?? Two black guys are at a bar talking, one says to the other, "You ever notice after you have sex with a white woman that your eyes burn, your nose burns and you get a 0 Comments, 176 Views, 0 Votes | |
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PECANS IN THE CEMETERY 3/22/2013 PECANS IN THE CEMETERY On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tr 0 Comments, 114 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Watching TV 3/22/2013 Grandma and grandpa were watching a religious healing program on TV. The evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed, to put one hand on the TV and the other on the body part they wanted 0 Comments, 88 Views, 0 Votes | |
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dragging 2 plastic garbage bags behind her 3/21/2013 A cute old lady was walking along dragging 2 plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman 0 Comments, 115 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Confession - One more time 3/20/2013 An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues: Man: 'I am 72 years old, have a wonderful wife of 50 years, many , grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterd 0 Comments, 186 Views, 0 Votes | |
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fix the outhouse 3/17/2013 Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out, "Pa! You need to go out and fix the outhouse!" Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse." Ma yells back, "Y 0 Comments, 116 Views, 0 Votes | |
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applied for a fork lift operator job 3/17/2013 Tyrone applied for a fork lift operator job at a famous firm based in Detroit. A white man applied for the same job and since both applicants had similar qualifications, they were asked to ta 0 Comments, 98 Views, 0 Votes | |
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LEAD MONKEY DEAD 3/15/2013 On January 2nd of this year Davy Jones, lead singer for the 60’s pop group the Monkeys passed away. The following morning headlines in the Washington Post read: LEAD MONKEY DEAD 0 Comments, 112 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s 3/11/2013 An old Woman was asked, "At your ripe age, which would you prefer to get, Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s?" The wise one answered, "Definitely Parkinson's - Better to spill half my wine than t 0 Comments, 136 Views, 0 Votes | |
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IRISH OR ITALIAN ... 3/11/2013 There were two Catholic boys, Timothy Murphy and Antonio Secola, whose lives paralleled each other in amazing ways. In the same year Timothy was born in Ireland, Antonio was born in Italy. Fa 0 Comments, 150 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Minnesota Bank Robbery 3/8/2013 Minnesota Bank Robbery A hooded robber burst into a Minnesota bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door, a brave Minnesota customer grabbed the hood and 0 Comments, 102 Views, 0 Votes | |
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best pistols in my collection……... 3/8/2013 While out hiking in Alberta Canada with my girlfriend we were surprised by a huge grizzly bear charging at us from out of no where. She must have been protecting her cubs because she was extremely ag 0 Comments, 89 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Spring is coming 3/8/2013 Wife texts husband on a cold winter Morning: "Windows frozen, won't open." Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it." Wife texts back 5 minutes later: 0 Comments, 79 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Two bowling teams 3/7/2013 Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend trip to Louisiana. The brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus and the blonde team rode on 0 Comments, 91 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Don't eat turkey sandwiches, as a reminder 3/7/2013 Don't eat turkey sandwiches, no matter what!! A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends. Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered 0 Comments, 96 Views, 0 Votes | |
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A must read for Grandparents 3/7/2013 At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, 'Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?' The little boy nodded in the affirmative. 0 Comments, 102 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Golfing 3/5/2013 A couple of old guys were golfing when one mentioned that he was going to go to Dr. Smith for a new set of dentures in the morning. His elderly buddy remarked that he too had gone to the very 0 Comments, 95 Views, 0 Votes | |
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It doesn't hurt to shake up your 3/4/2013 It doesn't hurt to shake up your a little every now and then! They'll be old some day too (hopefully)! Yesterday my again asked why I didn't do something useful with my t 0 Comments, 124 Views, 0 Votes | |
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55th Wedding Anniversary with a trip to Las Vegas. 3/3/2013 George and Harriet decided to celebrate their 55th Wedding Anniversary with a trip to Las Vegas. When they entered the MGM Hotel/Casino and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skir 0 Comments, 80 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Working in the family business 3/3/2013 Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed t 0 Comments, 127 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Man/Woman Conversation 3/3/2013 Woman: Do you drink beer? Man: Yes Woman : How many beers a day? Man: Usually about 3 Woman : How much do you pay per beer? Man: $5 with a tip Woman : And how long have you 0 Comments, 97 Views, 0 Votes | |
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If you don't like the punch like, change the name 3/1/2013 Sitting in a Pew. In church, while reverently preparing for the service, I heard a sweet little old lady, sitting next to me in the pew, quietly whispering a prayer. It was so sweet and si 0 Comments, 129 Views, 0 Votes | |
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(comic) scientist 3/1/2013 If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famous Erudite (comic) scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplic 0 Comments, 103 Views, 0 Votes | |
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SMALLTOWNS 2/27/2013 Those who grew up in small towns will laugh when they read this. Those who didn't will be in disbelief and won't understand how true it is. 1) You can name everyone you graduated with. < 0 Comments, 147 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The smoothest-talking Cajun 2/27/2013 Boudreaux, the smoothest-talking Cajun in the Louisiana National Guard, got called up to active duty. Boudreaux's first assignment was in a military induction center. Because he was a good ta 0 Comments, 93 Views, 0 Votes | |
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A Cannibal 2/23/2013 A cannibal was walking through the jungle & came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down & looked over the Menu... + Tourist: $5.00 + Br 0 Comments, 162 Views, 0 Votes | |
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11 PEOPLE ... ON A ROPE 2/23/2013 Eleven people were hanging on a rope, under a helicopter. 10 men and 1 woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, Because otherwise they w 0 Comments, 127 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The Box Under Bill & Hillary's Bed - Old, old! 2/22/2013 When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said, "I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it." In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. On the af 0 Comments, 68 Views, 0 Votes | |
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LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE 2/21/2013 An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." 0 Comments, 166 Views, 0 Votes | |
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I described a typical day this way 2/21/2013 During my physical examination, my doctor asked me about my physical level I described a typical day this way: "Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk, About 7 miles, thr 0 Comments, 108 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Late Night Phone Call - Once more 2/21/2013 A lover, whose was a female and in heat, agreed to look after her neighbors' male while the neighbors were on vacation. She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart. < 0 Comments, 131 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Reunion 2/20/2013 Jan, Sue and Mary haven't seen each other since High School. They rediscover each other via a reunion website and arrange to meet for lunch in a wine bar. Jan arrives first, wearing beige Ver 0 Comments, 162 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Take my ass to jail 2/18/2013 Take my ass to jail.................... A Union Township policeman pulled a car over on I-275 about 2 miles south of SR32. When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, th 0 Comments, 188 Views, 0 Votes | |
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These fit so well they should be in a dictionary. 2/18/2013 These fit so well they should be in a dictionary. ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle. BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women c 0 Comments, 115 Views, 0 Votes | |
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A Valentine 2/14/2013 Ole was out shopping in the mall when he met his friend Sven outside the jewelers. Sven noticed that Ole had a small gift-wrapped box in his hand. "So vat have you yust purchased Ole?" Sven 0 Comments, 144 Views, 0 Votes | |
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If you buy stuff online 2/12/2013 If you buy stuff online, check out the seller carefully. Be careful what you purchase on eBay. A friend has just spent $100 on a penis enlarger. The Bastards sent him a ma 0 Comments, 166 Views, 0 Votes | |
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as told by a woman 2/12/2013 The Black Bra (as told by a woman) I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years. We were chatting about our re 0 Comments, 172 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Once more 2/8/2013 Harry is 77 and lives in a Senior Citizens Home. Every night after dinner he goes to a secluded garden behind the home to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life. One evening, Mildre 0 Comments, 223 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Welfare Office 2/7/2013 A woman walks into the downtown Harrisburg welfare office, trailed by 15 . 'WOW, ' the social worker exclaims, 'are they all yours?" 'Yep, they are all mine, ' the flustered momma si 0 Comments, 190 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Ramblings of a Retired Mind 2/7/2013 I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I seldom need one. So, I'm wearing my garage door opener. I also made a cover 0 Comments, 111 Views, 0 Votes | |
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'I almost had an affair' 2/7/2013 A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.' The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?' The Irishman said, 'We 0 Comments, 158 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Is there anything I can do 2/7/2013 A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him. The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome. Th 0 Comments, 109 Views, 0 Votes | |
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It because it cost him $2000 in Ohio! 2/5/2013 A man and his wife moved back home to West Virginia from Ohio ... The husband had a wooden leg, and to insure it back in Ohio it cost them $2, 000 per year! When they arrived in West Virginia 0 Comments, 126 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The Gorilla and the Redneck: 2/5/2013 A small zoo in Georgia obtained a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the p 0 Comments, 127 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Woman shot in the head 2/5/2013 Linda Burnett, 29 , a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Later, her husband noticed her sitting in her car 0 Comments, 116 Views, 0 Votes | |
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resurrection 2/5/2013 A pastor was presenting a 's sermon. During the sermon, he asked the if they knew what the resurrection was. Now, asking questions during 's sermons is crucial, but at the same time, asking question 0 Comments, 82 Views, 0 Votes | |
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One more time 2/5/2013 An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland, arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, 0 Comments, 101 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Winter Boots 2/4/2013 The Winter Boots (Anyone who has ever dressed a will love this) Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her reception class pupils put on his boots? He asked for help 0 Comments, 88 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Mule Trading 2/4/2013 Curtis & Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Daily in Starkville, MS. and bought a mule for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day. The next morning the farmer drove 0 Comments, 100 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Then I remembered McDonald’s 2/1/2013 Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I made it home OK! My sister-in-law sat on my glasses 0 Comments, 161 Views, 0 Votes | |
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"I'll be 97 next month" 1/31/2013 My neighbour was working in his yard when he was startled by a late model car that came crashing through his hedge and ended up in his front lawn. He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out 0 Comments, 93 Views, 0 Votes | |
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THE TOILET SEAT 1/31/2013 My wife, Julie, had been after me for several weeks to paint the seat on our toilet. Finally, I got around to doing it while Julie was out. After finishing, I left to take Care of another matter befor 0 Comments, 119 Views, 0 Votes | |
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IMPOSSIBILITIES 1/30/2013 IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD 1)You can't count your hair. 2)You can't wash your eyes with soap. 3)You can't breathe when your tongue is out. Put your tongu 0 Comments, 88 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Saying goodbye to mother 1/30/2013 We were dressed, and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet, and put the cat in the backyard. We ph 0 Comments, 116 Views, 0 Votes | |
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NAG NAG NAG 1/30/2013 An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed. A 0 Comments, 80 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Smile - One more time 1/30/2013 1. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by ) -You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the 0 Comments, 69 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The midget went to the doctor 1/29/2013 The testicles of a Texas midget hurt and ached almost all the time. The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem. The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a loo 0 Comments, 116 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Driving Stories 1/25/2013 Florida A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what littl 0 Comments, 124 Views, 0 Votes | |
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F***ing 1/25/2013 1. F***ing once a week is good for your health, every day is even better. 2. F***ing gives proper relaxation for your mind & body. 3. F***ing refreshes you. 4. After F***i 0 Comments, 89 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Wife is having a baby 1/25/2013 A Redneck went to the hospital as his wife was having a baby Upon arriving he sits down, and the nurse says, "Congratulations, your wife has had quints, ." 5 big baby boys 0 Comments, 129 Views, 0 Votes | |
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It just hit me! 1/23/2013 My sleeps about 20 hours a day. He has his food prepared for him. His meals are provided at no cost to him. He visits the Dr. once a year for his checkup, and again during the year, if any medical nee 0 Comments, 108 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Simple 1/23/2013 SIMPLE TRUTH 1 Lovers help each other undress before sex. However after sex, they always dress on their own. Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed. SIMPLE T 0 Comments, 69 Views, 0 Votes | |
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IT'S ALL IN THE DELIVERY 1/23/2013 Barack Obama was touring the countryside in his chauffeur-driven limo. Suddenly, a Donkey jumps out onto the road, they hit it full-on and the car comes to an abrupt stop. Obama says to the c 0 Comments, 142 Views, 0 Votes | |
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There comes a time 1/23/2013 There comes a time when a woman just has to trust her husband... For example... A wife comes home late at night, and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket she sees four legs 0 Comments, 116 Views, 0 Votes | |
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NORWEGIAN FIRE DEPARTMENT 1/21/2013 One dark night outside a small town in Minnesota , a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departmen 0 Comments, 102 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Wish I'd Said That! 1/20/2013 When the white missionaries came to Africa, they had the Bible and we had the land. They said, 'Let us pray.' We closed our eyes. When we opened them, we had the Bible and they had the land. 0 Comments, 97 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Man logic 1/17/2013 Lady: Do you drink? Man: Yes Lady: How much a day? Man: 3 6 packs Lady: How much per 6 pack Man: about $10.00 Lady: And how long have you been dri 0 Comments, 138 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Warning: 1/17/2013 Don't wash your hair in the shower. It's so good to finally get a health warning that is useful!!! IT INVOLVES THE SHAMPOO WHEN IT RUNS DOWN YOUR BODY WHEN YOU SHOWER WITH IT!!!! W 0 Comments, 103 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Jack and the 1/17/2013 So, we had this great cat named Jack and the would carry him around and nothing ever bothered him. He used to hang out and nap all day long on this mat in our bathroom. Well we have 3 and a 0 Comments, 102 Views, 0 Votes | |
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I was ready to check out 1/16/2013 When I was ready to check out and pay for my groceries, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me." Making a mental note so I could complain to our congressman about this running amok Homeland 0 Comments, 96 Views, 0 Votes | |
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This is my neighbor: 1/16/2013 > She's single. > She lives right across the street. > I can see her from my living room. > I watched as she got home this evening from playing golf. > I was surprised when she walked across the stree 0 Comments, 123 Views, 0 Votes | |
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"I'm going hunting with you!" 1/16/2013 > It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke up raring to go bag > the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to geta cup > of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, 0 Comments, 113 Views, 0 Votes | |
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HOLY HUMOR 1/16/2013 During these serious and troubled times, people of all faiths should remember these four great religious truths: 1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's Chosen People. 2. Jews do not recognize Jesus 0 Comments, 91 Views, 0 Votes | |
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One more time 1/16/2013 Distinction between Guts and Balls To those of you who are nit-pickers about the meaning of words: there is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. W 0 Comments, 70 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Tobacco Smoke Enemas (1750s – 1810s) 1/13/2013 Tobacco Smoke Enemas (1750s – 1810s) The tobacco enema was used to infuse tobacco smoke into a patient’s rectum for various medical purposes, primarily the resuscitation of drowning vic 0 Comments, 102 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Maybe you should sell your guns and boat.” 1/13/2013 Tim and his long-time girlfriend finally decided to tie the knot. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was reloading some shells for an upcoming hunt. His new wife was standing there at the bench. < 0 Comments, 119 Views, 0 Votes | |
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" Not yet, " 1/13/2013 A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. " Not yet, " said the little boy. His mother tells him no breakfast until 0 Comments, 114 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Sing whatever hymn comes to your mind 1/13/2013 One Sunday morning, a priest decided to do something a little different. He said "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I 0 Comments, 97 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Retire to Alaska? 1/13/2013 Oops... Tom had been in Police work for 25 years. Finally sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and 0 Comments, 92 Views, 0 Votes | |
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It's the first time they've flown together 1/13/2013 An Air Canada plane leaves Pearson Airport under the control of a Jewish captain; his co-pilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence between the two se 0 Comments, 97 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Ole needs a new milk cow 1/9/2013 Ole is a farmer in Minnesota . He needs a new milk cow and hears about one for sale over in Nordakota. (That would be North Dakota for you non-Scandahoovians out der). He drives to Nordakota, finds t 0 Comments, 84 Views, 0 Votes | |
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A doctor in Duluth 1/8/2013 A doctor in Duluth, Minnesota wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant. "Ole, I am goin' huntin' tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take c 0 Comments, 91 Views, 0 Votes | |
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,"How have things been going?" 1/8/2013 These two guys meet after not having seen each other for many many years. First guy asks the second guy, "How have things been going?" The second guy speaking very slowly tells the first guy, 0 Comments, 88 Views, 0 Votes | |
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For the over 60 years of age group ! 1/6/2013 Little Poem, so true it hurts! Another year has passed And we're all a little older. Last summer felt hotter And winter seems much colder. There was a time 0 Comments, 56 Views, 0 Votes | |
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And last but not least: 1/6/2013 Did you know? Here is some useless, interesting, information! To make half a kilo of honey, bees must collect nectar from over 2 million individual flowers Heroin is the brand name of morphine once ma 0 Comments, 28 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Grave news 1/6/2013 In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the fortune teller delivered grave news: "There's no easy way to tell you this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Yo 0 Comments, 110 Views, 0 Votes | |
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VERY BRAVE MAN JOKES --- 1/6/2013 How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry It! What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side. How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? Put 0 Comments, 95 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Dig...Dig...Dig 1/6/2013 An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other. Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, " 0 Comments, 99 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Open heart bypass surgery 1/6/2013 The store clerk called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery. He awakene 0 Comments, 104 Views, 0 Votes | |
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"Just Fred" One more time 1/6/2013 A local law enforcement officer stopped a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he was in a good mood that day he decided to give the poor fellow a break and write him out a warn 0 Comments, 93 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Wise Doctor 1/4/2013 BEER AND SWEET TEA A woman goes to the doctor all black and blue . Doctor: "What happened?" Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk o 0 Comments, 100 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Rare happening 1/4/2013 In the year 2013, a remarkable coincidence will take place----both Groundhog day and the State of the Union address will occur on the same day. This rare happening this year has special meani 0 Comments, 89 Views, 0 Votes | |
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My work is done here. 1/4/2013 A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6." A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. < 0 Comments, 92 Views, 0 Votes | |
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I failed 1/3/2013 I failed a Health and Safety course at the Senior Center today. One of the questions was: "In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?" "F***ing' big ones" was appare 0 Comments, 66 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Pervert calling 1/3/2013 The telephone rings, and the wife answers. A pervert with heavy breathing, says, "I bet you have a tight ass, with no hair." Woman replies, "Yes, he's watching TV - whom sha 0 Comments, 78 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Illinois bikers - making the rounds again 12/21/2012 A group of Pekin, Illinois bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge, so they stopped. George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets o 0 Comments, 170 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Pregnant got on a bus 12/21/2012 A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The 0 Comments, 182 Views, 0 Votes | |
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A friend of mine needs some help! 12/21/2012 I'm reaching out, as a friend of mine needs some help! His wife told him to go out and get some of those pills that would help him get an erection. When he came back he tossed her so 0 Comments, 179 Views, 0 Votes | |
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THE 'Y' CHROMOSOME 12/21/2012 People born before 1946 are called - The Greatest Generation. People born between 1946 and 1964 are called - The Baby Boomers. People born between 1965 and 1979 are called - Generati 0 Comments, 144 Views, 0 Votes | |
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man goes to a shrink 12/20/2012 A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do 0 Comments, 180 Views, 0 Votes | |
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A man goes to see the Rabbi. 12/20/2012 "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it." The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?" The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me. The Rabbi, very surp 0 Comments, 145 Views, 0 Votes | |
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All eyes were on the radiant bride 12/20/2012 All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom, the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The g 0 Comments, 139 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often? 12/20/2012 I was in the six item express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with grocerie 0 Comments, 141 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Really Bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 12/20/2012 Did you hear about the blonde who: ...had more on her body than on her mind? ...was called "Sanka" because she had no active ingredient in the bean? ...took an hour to cook Minute Rice? ...got into th 0 Comments, 99 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Brunette on train tracks 12/20/2012 A brunette is standing on some train tracks, jumping from rail to rail, saying "21" "21" "21". A Blonde walks up, sees her and decides to join her. She also starts jumping from rail to rail, 0 Comments, 113 Views, 0 Votes | |
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"GREEN SIDE UP!" 12/20/2012 A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yel 0 Comments, 111 Views, 0 Votes |
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