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Shootout at the Metropole Saloon 4/9/2016 I just watched ' The Shootist ' again for the umpteenth time yesterday afternoon. After watching the flick I wrote this little summary about the picture myself, after doing some internet resear 0 Comments, 76 Views, 0 Votes | |
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There's got to be a Morning After 7/18/2015 In the shitty little small southern town of Purgatory, Tennessee I live in I was found hanged from a pine tree limb on the corner of the ' 1st Battle of Manassas Avenue' and ' The Omen Street ' 0 Comments, 82 Views, 0 Votes | |
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忙 5/25/2014 Friendfinder Network, Inc. ("Various, " “we, ” “us” or “our”), a subsidiary of FriendFinder Networks Inc., and govern your use of Friendfinder Network, Inc. ’s HornyWife (“Website”) 0 Comments, 88 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The Uzi 7/14/2012 Copy and paste from Wikipedia; The Uzi officially is a family of Israeli open bolt, blow back-operated sub machine guns. Smaller variants are considered to b 0 Comments, 160 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Movie math test ! 2/9/2012 This math test is 100% accurate in predicting your all time favorite movie: 1. Pick a number from 1-9. 2. Multiply by 3. 3. Add 3. 4. Multiply by 3 again. 0 Comments, 561 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Big man in a small town! 2/2/2012 Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town. He really wanted to impres 0 Comments, 134 Views, 0 Votes | |
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When insults had class ! 1/24/2012 These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words. A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some uns 0 Comments, 165 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Aphorism's 1/24/2012 Aphorism: A Short, Pointed Sentence That Expresses A Wise Or Clever Observation Or A General Truth. 1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow. 2. Mon 0 Comments, 71 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Class reunions ! 1/24/2012 Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?  ...0 Comments, 59 Views, 0 Votes | |
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How to treat a woman & man ! 1/24/2012 HOW TO TREAT A WOMAN Wine her. Dine her. Call her. Hold her. Surprise her. Compliment her. Smile at her. Listen to her. Laugh with her. Cry with her. Romance her. Encourage her. 0 Comments, 102 Views, 0 Votes | |
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You know ! 1/4/2012 You know it takes so little time for a who is afraid of the dark to become a who wants to stay out all night. ... 0 Comments, 34 Views, 0 Votes | |
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A good time...... 1/4/2012 A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.... 0 Comments, 30 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Seat belts ! 1/4/2012 Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.... 0 Comments, 43 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Sense of humor ! 1/4/2012 If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.... 0 Comments, 153 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Money & dogs ! 1/4/2012 Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.... 0 Comments, 84 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The future ! 1/4/2012 The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.... 0 Comments, 28 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The Barber Shop ! 1/4/2012 A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?' The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, about 2 hours.' The guy left. A fe 0 Comments, 185 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Ed the Chicken ! 1/4/2012 Ed came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber. He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Ed.' 0 Comments, 372 Views, 0 Votes | |
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A loving heart ! 10/9/2011 A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.  ...0 Comments, 88 Views, 0 Votes | |
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So long joke section ! 12/21/2010 I'll miss the jokes etc, but I'll get over it.  0 Comments, 109 Views, 0 Votes | |
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A kiss ! 12/19/2010 A kiss makes the heart young again, and wipes out the years.  Ouuu....  ...0 Comments, 88 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Dating improves happiness! 12/18/2010 Dating improves happiness, and abates misery, by doubling our joys, and dividing our grief.  ...0 Comments, 35 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Two biologists & a grizzly bear ! 12/18/2010 Two biologists are in the field following the tracks of a radio-collared grizzly bear. All of a sudden, the bear crashes out of the brush and heads right for them. They scramble up the nearest tree 0 Comments, 85 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Be my friend ! 12/18/2010 Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend. ...0 Comments, 67 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The medicine of life ! 12/18/2010 A faithful friend is the medicine of life.  ...0 Comments, 34 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The glory ! 12/18/2010 The glory of it is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship, it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in h 0 Comments, 55 Views, 0 Votes | |
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A million ! 12/18/2010 Building a relationship isn't a big thing, it's a million little things.  ...0 Comments, 75 Views, 0 Votes | |
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True friendnship after ! ? 12/18/2010 True friendship after breaking up is possible sometimes, and it is like keeping sound health; The value of it is seldom known until it be lost forever.  ...0 Comments, 57 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Almost well ! 12/18/2010 A nurse was showing some student nurses through the hospital. She tells them, "This will be the most hazardous section in the hospital for you. The men on this floor are almost well." 0 Comments, 78 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Night of the black strap on ! 12/18/2010 I picked up this 6 ft tall knockout of a brunette back in the late 70's in a disco one mild winter night. She lived in a two story apartment townhouse with her bedroom upstairs. Just as sweet as sh 0 Comments, 280 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Apple Juice ! 12/18/2010 Harry was in the hospital. He was an old man. From time to time the young nurse came in and said in a patronizing tone, "And how are we doing this morning?" Well, this is a story of reveng 0 Comments, 116 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Nurses ! 12/17/2010 Interns think of God, residents pray to God, doctors talk to God, nurses ARE God.  ...0 Comments, 29 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Three nurses ! 12/17/2010 Three nurses went to heaven, and were awaiting their turn with St. Peter to plead their case to enter the pearly gates. The first nurse said, "I worked in an emergency room. We tried our b 0 Comments, 104 Views, 0 Votes | |
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At the dentist ! 12/17/2010 A husband and wife entered the dentist's office. The husband said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible." 0 Comments, 81 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Philosophy ! 12/17/2010 Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing. ...0 Comments, 23 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The point of philosophy ! 12/17/2010 The point of philosophy is to start with something so simple as to seem not worth stating, and to end with something so paradoxical that no one will believe it.  ...0 Comments, 22 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Hypnotism at the Senior Center ! 12/17/2010 It was entertainment night at the Senior Center. Claude the hypnotist exclaimed: 'I'm here to put you all into a trance. I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.' The e 0 Comments, 75 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Being Prepared ! 12/17/2010 Seems a guy cruises thru a stop sign, or whatever, and gets pulled over by a local policeman. Guy hands the cop his driver's license, , insurance verification, and registration. The policeman notic 0 Comments, 47 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Love ! 12/17/2010 Love is not getting, but giving. It is goodness and honor and peace and pure living, the best thing in the world and the thing that lives the longest.  ...0 Comments, 33 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The nervous dental patient ! 12/16/2010 "I came in to make an appointment with the dentist." said the man to the receptionist. "I'm sorry sir." she replied. "He's out right now, but..." "Thank you, " interrupted the obv 0 Comments, 81 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The two laws of Philosophy ! 12/16/2010 The First Law of Philosophy: For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher. The Second Law of Philosophy: They're both wrong.  ...0 Comments, 33 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Naturally ! ! ! 12/16/2010 A long time ago, a visitor from out of town came to a tour in Manhattan. At the end of the tour they took him to the financial district. When they arrived to Battery Park the guide showed 0 Comments, 24 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Stockbroker's creed ! 12/16/2010 Stockbroker's creed: A man is a until proven broke.  ...0 Comments, 21 Views, 0 Votes | |
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At the bank ! 12/16/2010 If you owe the bank $100, that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem.  ...0 Comments, 24 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Hearts ! 12/15/2010 A man has a heart attack and is brought to the hospital ER. The doctor tells him that he will not live unless he has a heart transplant right away. Another doctor runs into the room and says, "You' 0 Comments, 97 Views, 0 Votes | |
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God vs social worker ! 12/15/2010 What is the difference between God and a social worker? God doesn't pretend to be a social worker. ...0 Comments, 19 Views, 0 Votes | |
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How the media would handle the end of the world ! 12/15/2010 USA Today: WE'RE DEAD. Wall Street Journal: Dow Jones Plummets as World Ends. National Enquirer: O.J. and Nicole, Together Again. Inc. Magazine: 10 Ways You Can Profit Fr 0 Comments, 13 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Journalism ! 12/15/2010 You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. ... 0 Comments, 13 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Friendly Holiday Advice ! 12/15/2010 Please, take care of yourself this Christmas. A recent joint study conducted by the Department of Health and the Department of Motor Vehicles indicates that 23% of traffic accidents are alcohol rel 0 Comments, 14 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The real Miss America ! 12/15/2010 A 19 year old ex-cheerleader now an Air Force Security Forces Sniper, was watching a road in Pakistan that led to a NATO military base when she observed a man digging by the road. She eng 0 Comments, 52 Views, 0 Votes | |
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90 years old.! 12/15/2010 Arthur is 90 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. "That's it, " he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight ha 0 Comments, 63 Views, 0 Votes | |
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According to the U.S. Census Bureau ! 12/15/2010 According to the U.S. Census Bureau: 190, 374 people are having sex right now, 212, 130 are kissing, And 1 poor soul is reading articles at A-F-F. You hang in there sunshine!!... 0 Comments, 11 Views, 0 Votes | |
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And then she changed hotels ! 12/15/2010 A 50 plus year old woman checked into the Four Seasons in Palm Beach and was a bit lonely. She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for and sensual massages." Sh 0 Comments, 74 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Lies ! 12/14/2010 Government lies, and newspapers lie, but in a democracy they are different lies.  ...0 Comments, 19 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Talking behind someone's back ! 12/14/2010 If you are talking behind someone's back, you're in a good position to kiss their ass while you at it!  ...0 Comments, 35 Views, 0 Votes | |
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A typical social worker ! 12/14/2010 A social worker asks a colleague: "What time is it?" The other one answers: "Sorry, don't know, I have no watch." The first one: "Never mind! The main thing is that we talked abou 0 Comments, 14 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The two social workers ! 12/14/2010 Two social workers were walking through a rough part of the city in the evening. They heard moans and muted cries for help from a back lane. Upon investigation, they found a semi-conscious man in a 0 Comments, 58 Views, 0 Votes | |
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How many ! ? 12/14/2010 How many Web jokers does it take to change a light bulb? 1, 623. One to tell the original joke, the rest to give some minor variation of it   0 Comments, 38 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The new patient ! 12/13/2010 When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the psychiatrist began his therapy session by saying, "I'm not aware of your problem. So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning." 0 Comments, 60 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Hypochondria ! 12/13/2010 Hypochondria is the only illness that I don't have.  ...0 Comments, 22 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Schizophrenic ! 12/13/2010 The best thing about being schizophrenic is that I'm never alone. ...0 Comments, 19 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Multiple personalities ! 12/13/2010 Once I had multiple personalities, but now we are feeling well.  ...0 Comments, 23 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Age ! 12/8/2010 Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.... 0 Comments, 40 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Middle age ! 12/8/2010 Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever.... 0 Comments, 30 Views, 0 Votes | |
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In a psychiatrist's waiting room ! 12/8/2010 In a psychiatrist's waiting room two patients are having a conversation. One says to the other, "Why are you here?" The second answers, "I'm Napoleon, so the doctor told me to come here." 0 Comments, 79 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The mood ring ! 12/8/2010 A husband, being unhappy with his wife's mood swings while she was going through menopause, bought her a mood ring so he would be able to monitor her moods. He discovered that when she was 0 Comments, 82 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Worth the look ! 12/7/2010 Live simply, Love generously, Care deeply, Speak kindly.... 0 Comments, 43 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Tomorrows ! 12/7/2010 Whatever you want to do, do it now. There are only so many tomorrows. ... 0 Comments, 22 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Have a Fantastic day ! 12/3/2010 There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is That wrinkles don't hurt. ... 0 Comments, 21 Views, 0 Votes | |
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As you get older ! 12/3/2010 As you get older your sex secrets are safe with your friends, because they probably won't be able to remember either. ... 0 Comments, 20 Views, 0 Votes | |
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My own little world 12/3/2010 I live in my own little world. But it's okay, they know me here. ... 0 Comments, 25 Views, 0 Votes | |
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You can't stay young forever ! 12/3/2010 You can't stay young forever, but you can be immature for the rest of your life. ... 0 Comments, 65 Views, 0 Votes | |
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To get a 's attention ! 12/3/2010 The quickest way for a parent to get a 's attention, is to sit down and look comfortable.... 0 Comments, 32 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Welcome to the Republican Party ! 12/3/2010 I recently asked my friends’ little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President of the United States. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing t 0 Comments, 34 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The Penis Poem ! 12/3/2010 My nookie days are over, My pilot light is out. What used to be my sex appeal, Is now my water spout. Time was when, on its own accord, From my trousers 0 Comments, 36 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The fishing trip ! 12/3/2010 A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend. They had been fucking for hours when the phone rings. Since it is the woman's house, she reaches over picks up the 0 Comments, 112 Views, 0 Votes | |
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New Panties ! 12/3/2010 A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless panties in order to spice up her dead sex-life. She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband. At stra 0 Comments, 146 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Life is all about asses ! 12/3/2010 Life is all about asses. You're either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it, trying to get a piece of it, or behaving like one. ... 0 Comments, 60 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Southwest Airlines ! 12/2/2010 A mother and her young were flying Southwest Airline from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and asked, 'If big dogs have baby dogs a 0 Comments, 109 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Grandma's pies ! 12/2/2010 Granny made such beautiful pies. So one day I asked her, "How do you get such beautiful pies with the crimps around the edges so even?" She said, "It's a family secret. So promise 0 Comments, 176 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Instant old age ! 12/2/2010 My granddaughter asked me what it is like to be old. So I told her, "Put cotton in your ears, and pebbles in your shoes. Pull on rubber gloves. Smear Vaseline over your glasses, and there you have 0 Comments, 48 Views, 0 Votes | |
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House / Home ! 12/2/2010 A house is built with walls and beams. A home is built with love and dreams. ... 0 Comments, 29 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Growing old ! 12/2/2010 Growing old is a state of mind, brought on by graying hair, wrinkles, false teeth, a pot belly, and an overall feeling of feeling pooped. ... 0 Comments, 22 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Weight problem ! 12/2/2010 My weight problem is hereditary. It was passed from my mouth to my stomach. ... 0 Comments, 25 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Square meals 12/2/2010 The trouble with square meals, is that they make you round. ... 0 Comments, 18 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Brain Quiz:! 12/2/2010 1. Why are 2009 dollar bills worth more than 2008 dollar bills? 2. Johnny's mother had three . The first was named April. The second was named May. What was the third 's name? 0 Comments, 227 Views, 0 Votes | |
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And remember ! 11/30/2010 Be kinder than necessary. Everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle. ... 0 Comments, 72 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Years ! 11/30/2010 It's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.... 0 Comments, 19 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Being happy ! 11/30/2010 Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.... 0 Comments, 59 Views, 0 Votes | |
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With age comes wisdom ! 11/30/2010 A guy is 74 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.' He looked around and couldn't see anyone. He th 0 Comments, 112 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The bank holdup ! 11/29/2010 A hooded robber burst into a Tennessee Bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door a brave customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off revealing the ro 0 Comments, 96 Views, 0 Votes | |
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A hug ! 11/29/2010 A Hug is like a perfect gift. One size fits all and nobody minds if you exchange it. 0 Comments, 27 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Ear Infection ! 11/24/2010 There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the 0 Comments, 67 Views, 0 Votes | |
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JFK's limousine driver ! 11/24/2010 Sadly not hat anyone cares anymore, on November 22nd was the 47th anniversary of JFK's assignation, probably one the most darkest days in American History. I was wondering, "Have any of yo 0 Comments, 134 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Oh, by the way ! 11/21/2010 An American ex Federal agent from Tennessee, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail's and articles they're checking out with their hand 0 Comments, 40 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Just a weeeeee bit ! 11/21/2010 An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful beyond compare. With that as his mission he began to search fo 0 Comments, 75 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist! 11/8/2010 What is the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist? If you say to a psychiatrist "I hate my mother, " he will ask "Why do you say that?" while a psychologist will say "Thank 0 Comments, 66 Views, 0 Votes | |
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A group therapy ! 11/8/2010 A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small . "You all have obsessions, " he observed. To the first mother he said, "You are obsessed with 0 Comments, 115 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline! 11/8/2010 If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6 0 Comments, 37 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Psychotic's & neurotic's ! 11/8/2010 A psychotic thinks that two and two are five. A neurotic knows two and two are four, but he hates it.... 0 Comments, 49 Views, 0 Votes | |
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I said a happy day ! 11/6/2010 Neurotics build castles in the sky. Psychotics live in them. Psychiatrists collect the rent.... 0 Comments, 42 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Seeing a psychologist ! 11/6/2010 A guy goes in to see a psychologist. He says, "It seems I can't make any friends. Can you help me, you fat bastard!?"... 0 Comments, 87 Views, 0 Votes | |
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A good Catholic Joke! 11/4/2010 The Pope and Nancy Pelosi are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd. The Pope leans towards Mrs. Pelosi and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand 0 Comments, 86 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Accidents ! 11/4/2010 in the front seats of cars can cause accidents. Accidents in the back seats of cars can cause . ... 0 Comments, 58 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Training for position in United States Congress! 11/2/2010 An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and the other hand pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter: "Want coffee." The waiter says, "Sure, Chief. Comin 0 Comments, 62 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Mississippi gas station! 11/2/2010 A gas station owner in Mississippi was trying to increase his sales. So he put up a sign that read; 'FREE SEX WITH FILL-UP.' Soon a Billy Ray pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his f 0 Comments, 178 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The problem 10/30/2010 See, the problem eeuah, is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.... 0 Comments, 48 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Instead of marriage ! 10/29/2010 Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.... 0 Comments, 68 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Clinton lied ! 10/29/2010 A man might forget where he parks or where he lives. But he never forgets a blow job, no matter how bad it is.... 0 Comments, 29 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Peaches ! 10/29/2010 A farmer was selling his peaches door to door. He knocked on a door and a shapely 30-something woman dressed in a very sheer negligee answered the door. He raised his basket to show her th 0 Comments, 177 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Guns & Husbands ! 10/26/2010 Guns don't kill people. Husbands who come home too early kill people. This is my safe sex article.  ...0 Comments, 47 Views, 0 Votes | |
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What could possibly go wrong!? 10/26/2010 Let me get this straight.  We have been "gifted" with a health care plan we are forced to purchase and fined if we don't, written by a committee whose chairman says he doesn't understan 0 Comments, 167 Views, 0 Votes | |
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May ! 10/26/2010 May there always be work for your hands to do; May your purse always hold a coin or two; May the sun always shine on your windowpane; May a rainbow be certain to follow 0 Comments, 34 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Getting married ! 10/26/2010 Getting married is like getting into a bath tub. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot. ... 0 Comments, 53 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Billy Bob and LeRoy were talking ! 10/26/2010 Billy Bob and LeRoy were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells LeRoy, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a bit different. The last few y 0 Comments, 136 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Sex and Marriage ! 10/26/2010 Sex is the price women have to pay for marriage. Marriage is the price men have to pay for marriage. ... 0 Comments, 59 Views, 0 Votes | |
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A tight skirt ! 10/26/2010 A tight skirt is like a barbed wire fence. It protects the premises without restricting the view. ... 0 Comments, 75 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Marriage ! 10/26/2010 Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy. 0 Comments, 51 Views, 0 Votes | |
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New survey ! 10/20/2010 According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, 0 Comments, 62 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Reason ! 10/20/2010 Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.... 0 Comments, 35 Views, 0 Votes | |
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My girlfriend ! 10/20/2010 My girlfriend always laughs during sex, no matter what she's reading.... 0 Comments, 89 Views, 0 Votes | |
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My dog ! 10/20/2010 My sleeps about 20 hours a day. He has his food prepared for him. He can eat whenever he wants, 24/7/365. His meals are provided at no cost to him. He visits the Dr. once a year for his checkup 0 Comments, 173 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Faking it ! 10/19/2010 Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake whole relationships.... 0 Comments, 49 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Pinch my nipples ! 10/19/2010 A woman went to the service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work. The clerk told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it 0 Comments, 135 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Paraprosdokian sentences ! 10/16/2010 A "paraprosdokian" is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to re-frame or reinterpret the fir 0 Comments, 35 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Military words of wisdom ! 10/15/2010 "If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal --------------------------------------------- "It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you 0 Comments, 53 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Some people ! 10/13/2010 Some people cause happiness wherever they go. Others cause happiness whenever they go. ... 0 Comments, 36 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Letterman's top 10 NASCAR list ! 10/12/2010 Be advised, not my words. DAVID LETTERMAN MAY BE IN TROUBLE WITH SOME PEOPLE. David Letterman may not get any flak from NASCAR, but I'll bet he does get some 'flak' from some othe 0 Comments, 69 Views, 0 Votes | |
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October 2010 10/12/2010 This October is very special. It has 5 Fridays, 5 Saturdays and 5 Sundays all in 1 month. This happens once in 823 years. ... 0 Comments, 46 Views, 0 Votes | |
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's Union Rules ! 10/9/2010 A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?" 0 Comments, 121 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Nostalgia ! 10/9/2010 Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. ... 0 Comments, 25 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Naturally ! 10/9/2010 You're never too old to learn something stupid. ... 0 Comments, 24 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Stay ! 10/9/2010 I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping center and rolled Down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air. She was stretched full-out on the b 0 Comments, 92 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Indecisive ! 10/8/2010 I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure. ... 0 Comments, 32 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Cooter and Gomer ! 10/8/2010 Stanley died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best deer hunting friends, Cooter and Gomer. 0 Comments, 78 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Change, old sea story ! 10/8/2010 There's an old sea story about a ship's Captain who inspected his sailors, and afterward told the first mate that his men smelled bad. The Captain suggested perhaps it would help if the sa 0 Comments, 27 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The lawyer ! 10/7/2010 This took place in Charlotte, North Carolina. A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire. Within a month, havi 0 Comments, 40 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The Patient Grandfather ! 10/7/2010 A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year-old grandson. It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the screaming for sweets in the sweet ai 0 Comments, 102 Views, 0 Votes | |
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U.S. Air Force rule no. 1 10/6/2010 "It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over an area you just bombed."... 0 Comments, 63 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Test Pilot Humor ! 10/6/2010 "Mankind has a perfect record in aviation. Every plane has returned to earth!"... 0 Comments, 39 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Words from an unkown pilot ! 10/6/2010 "When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."... 0 Comments, 38 Views, 0 Votes | |
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US Army Bomb Disposal Manual ! 10/6/2010 "If you see a bomb technician running, you'd better keep up with him." ... 0 Comments, 29 Views, 0 Votes | |
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A majority to prevail ! ? 10/6/2010 "It does not take a majority to prevail, but rather an irate, tireless minority, keen on setting brush fires of freedom in the minds of men." --Samuel Adams... 0 Comments, 13 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Being Retired Changes Things! 10/6/2010 Charley, a new retiree/greeter at Wal Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Everyday he was five, ten, fifteen minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp mi 0 Comments, 352 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Pilots & air traffic controllers ! 10/5/2010 "What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies. If an air traffic controller screws up, the pilot dies." ... 0 Comments, 18 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Pen is mightier than the sword ! ? 10/5/2010 "Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword, obviously never encountered automatic weapons." - General MacArthur -... 0 Comments, 14 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Cow, an Ant and an Old Fart ! 10/5/2010 A Cow, an Ant and an Old Fart are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them. The Cow: I give 50 litres of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest!! The Ant: I 0 Comments, 97 Views, 0 Votes | |
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College football truths ! 10/5/2010 (1) What does the average Univ. of Florida player get on his SATs? ........Drool. (2) What do you get when you put 32 West Virginia cheerleaders in one room? ........A full set of teeth. 0 Comments, 32 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Money & happiness ! 10/4/2010 Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. ... 0 Comments, 44 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Vet call ! 10/4/2010 A lover, whose was a female and "in heat', agreed to look after her neighbors' house and male while they were away on vacation. She had a large house however and believed that she could keep them a 0 Comments, 148 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The enemy ! 10/4/2010 Always remember, if the enemy is in range, so are you.... 0 Comments, 15 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Seasons greetings, kinda ! 10/4/2010 T'was the night before elections, and all through the town, Tempers were flaring, Emotions all up and down. I, in my bathrobe with a cat in my lap, Had cut off the TV, tired of political c 0 Comments, 22 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Interesting piece of history ! 9/30/2010 In 1872 Muslims invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine. In 1873 the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.... 0 Comments, 163 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Leroy & the gator in the pool ! 9/30/2010 A very rich Florida man decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the only Redneck in the neighborhood. He held the party 0 Comments, 94 Views, 0 Votes | |
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How life is ! 9/30/2010 Another year has passed, And we're all a little older. Last summer felt hotter, And winter seems much colder. There was a time not long ago, When life was quite a blast. Now I fully unders 0 Comments, 38 Views, 0 Votes | |
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People & Slinkies ! 9/30/2010 Some people are like slinkies. They don't really have a purpose, but they still bring a smile to your face, when you push them down a flight of stairs.... 0 Comments, 43 Views, 0 Votes | |
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A diplomat ! 9/28/2010 A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip. ... 0 Comments, 22 Views, 0 Votes | |
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A lot of truth to this ! 9/28/2010 Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman. ... 0 Comments, 59 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The evening news ! 9/28/2010 The evening news is where they begin with "Good evening, " and then they proceed to tell you why it isn't. ... 0 Comments, 22 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Acting ! 9/28/2010 We never really grow up. We only learn how to act in public. ... 0 Comments, 16 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Hospitality ! 9/27/2010 Hospitality is making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were. ... 0 Comments, 14 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Forgotten heoes ! 9/27/2010 They return from every war Thanking God to be alive They meld into society, Feeling blessed that they survived. Some, with daily nightmares And memories 0 Comments, 16 Views, 0 Votes | |
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A lot of thought goes into marriage ! 9/27/2010 A man wanted to get married and he was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5, 000 and watches to see what they do with the money. The f 0 Comments, 95 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Banks ! 9/27/2010 A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. ... 0 Comments, 15 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Speed of light ! 9/26/2010 Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. ... 0 Comments, 17 Views, 0 Votes | |
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You know what they say ! 9/26/2010 Ugly in the cradle, pretty at the table. ... 0 Comments, 22 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Breast implants & Viagra! 9/26/2010 There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and h 0 Comments, 84 Views, 0 Votes | |
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50 bucks ! 9/26/2010 Ken and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year, and every year Ken would say, 'Edna, I'd like to ride in that helicopter' Edna always replied, 'I know Ken, but that helicopter rid 0 Comments, 102 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Inner Peace ! 9/24/2010 If you can start the day without caffeine, If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains, If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles, If 0 Comments, 21 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Redneck fisherman & Pet Fish ! 9/24/2010 A redneck was stopped by a game warden in Central Mississippi recently with two ice chests full of fish. He was leavin' a cove well-known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, 'D 0 Comments, 91 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Looking at love ! 9/24/2010 Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.... 0 Comments, 45 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Don't argue with an idiot ! 9/24/2010 Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. ... 0 Comments, 20 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Worth the grin ! 9/22/2010 1) NUDITY I was driving with my three young one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 0 Comments, 180 Views, 0 Votes | |
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One to remember ! 9/22/2010 On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this are not necessarily those of his parents."... 0 Comments, 56 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Things ! 9/21/2010 Weeds grow faster than flowers. Numbers of everything are longer than when I was 10. Mail comes the day after you expect it. A lot of dumb people graduate from college. < 0 Comments, 16 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Our ears & eyes ! 9/21/2010 It would be good if we could close our ears as easily as we close our eyes.... 0 Comments, 34 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Wine ! 9/21/2010 Wine that you can afford is often not worth drinking. ... 0 Comments, 24 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The computer ! 9/21/2010 The computer may make it easier for someone to write, but it doesn't make the writing better.... 0 Comments, 23 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Welcome to our welfare state ! 9/20/2010 As a 18 wheeler with "Welcome to our welfare state" emblazoned on the side of it arrived across the border into Arizona, it stopped and over 300 Mexican nationals started piling out. One M 0 Comments, 41 Views, 0 Votes | |
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A joke or not? 9/20/2010 President Obama said today, "The term illegal alien will no longer be allowed. Henceforth they referred to as undocumented Democrats." ... 0 Comments, 65 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Military bumper stickers of today ! 9/20/2010 U.S. Marines- Certified Counselors to the 72 Virgins Dating Club." "Water-boarding is out, so kill them all!" "Interrogators can't water-board dead guys" " U.S. Marines - Travel A 0 Comments, 27 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The cop & the little boy ! 9/20/2010 It was the end of the day when the cop parked his police van in front of the station. As he gathered his equipment, his K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and he saw a little boy staring at h 0 Comments, 147 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Moving to Mexico ! 9/19/2010 Dear Mr. President: I'm planning to move my family and extended family into Mexico for my health, and I would like to ask you to assist me. We're planning to simply walk across th 0 Comments, 58 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Seniors & criminals ! 9/19/2010 Let's put the seniors in jail, and the criminals in nursing homes. This way the seniors would have access to showers, hobbies, and walks. They'd receive unlimited free prescriptio 0 Comments, 49 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Beer ! 9/19/2010 Beer contains female hormones! Yes, that's right, FEMALE hormones! Last month, April 2009, Sydney University and scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed 0 Comments, 27 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Elderly ! 9/19/2010 While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances o 0 Comments, 118 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Barber shop ! 9/18/2010 A little girl goes to the Barber Shop with her Daddy. She stands next to the chair while her Daddy is getting his hair cut, eating a snack cake. The Barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're 0 Comments, 137 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Catching wild pigs ! 9/18/2010 There was a physiology professor in a large college that had some exchange students in the class. One day while the class was in the lab, the Prof noticed one young man, an exchange student, who ke 0 Comments, 52 Views, 0 Votes | |
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6 months pregnant ! 9/15/2010 The mom was 6 months pregnant with her second . Her 4 year old came into the bathroom while was preparing to get in the shower and said. "Mommy you're getting fat." The mom replied, "Yes, 0 Comments, 209 Views, 0 Votes | |
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A strong person ! 9/15/2010 A strong person knows how to keep their life in order. Even with tears in their eyes, they still manage to say "I'm ok" with a smile.... 0 Comments, 23 Views, 0 Votes | |
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An old adage for women ! 9/14/2010 An old adage for women is, 'The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone.' ... 0 Comments, 39 Views, 0 Votes | |
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And so it goes ! 9/14/2010 Every person, and all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you. ... 0 Comments, 35 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The 7 Dwarves of menoupause ! 9/13/2010 Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful, and Psycho. ... 0 Comments, 55 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Woe as me ! 9/13/2010 A woman barges into her bosses office and says, "All the other women here are suing you for sexual harassment. Since you haven't sexually harassed me, I'm suing you for discrimination." ... 0 Comments, 106 Views, 0 Votes | |
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HMO I 9/13/2010 Two old ladies are talking; One says, "I went to my HMO doctor today. The other one says, "I think our doctor is HMO, but my husband thinks he's straight." ... 0 Comments, 45 Views, 0 Votes | |
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HMO II 9/13/2010 A woman health care giver tells a man sick in bed, "I'm sorry Mr. Smith, but your HMO does not cover enema's, so I'm going to have to slap the shit out of you." ... 0 Comments, 41 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Gubment ! 9/13/2010 A government big enough to give you everything you want, is big enough to take everything you have. ~ Thomas Jefferson ~ ... 0 Comments, 35 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Recession, depression and recovery ! 9/13/2010 Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose your job. And recovery is when Obama loses his job. ... 0 Comments, 29 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Penalties for lying to Congress ! 9/13/2010 From Peter Schmuck, a Baltimore sports Writer, concerning the indictment of former major league pitcher Roger Clemens. "Isn't it great to live in a society where the penalty for lying to a 0 Comments, 43 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The One ! 9/13/2010 And it came to pass in the Age of Insanity that the people of the land called America , having lost their morals, their initiative, and their will to defend their liberties, chose as their Supreme 0 Comments, 102 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Highlights of the obvious ! 9/8/2010 1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize 0 Comments, 53 Views, 0 Votes | |
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A short spelling lesson ! 9/8/2010 The last four letters in American......I Can. The last four letters in Republican......I Can. The last four letters in Democrats.....Rats ! End of lesson. Test to follow 0 Comments, 81 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Thought for the day ! 9/7/2010 Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that is where shitty ideas come from. ... 0 Comments, 34 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Cash for clunkers ! 9/7/2010 Q: What was the most positive result of the "Cash for clunkers" program? A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road. ... 0 Comments, 78 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Lunch with a convicted felon ! ? 9/7/2010 Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon? A: A fund raiser. ... 0 Comments, 39 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Bo ! 9/7/2010 Q: What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo? A: Bo has papers. ... 0 Comments, 31 Views, 0 Votes | |
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What's the difference ! ? 9/7/2010 What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary? A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners. ... 0 Comments, 42 Views, 0 Votes | |
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You never know ! 9/7/2010 You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.... 0 Comments, 33 Views, 0 Votes | |
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A Guy Fairy Tale ! 9/7/2010 Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?" The Princess said, "NO!" And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing 0 Comments, 15 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Florida Court Sets Atheist Holy Day! 9/7/2010 I don't know if this is true or not. I got it as a junk mail. I thought I would share it. In Florida, an atheist created a case against Easter and Passover Holy days. He hired 0 Comments, 90 Views, 0 Votes | |
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That moment ! 9/6/2010 Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize that you're wrong.... 0 Comments, 33 Views, 0 Votes | |
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McDonald's' new Value Meal ! 9/5/2010 Q Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal? A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it. ... 0 Comments, 49 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Obama-care ! 9/5/2010 America needs Obama-care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask. ... 0 Comments, 37 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Evermore ! 9/5/2010 Bad decisions make good stories.... 0 Comments, 29 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Husband & wife ! 9/5/2010 A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compli 0 Comments, 244 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Liberals ! 9/3/2010 The liberals that supported him are asking us to give Obama time. We agree and think 25 to life would be appropriate. ... 0 Comments, 48 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Truck driver ! 9/3/2010 A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are 0 Comments, 121 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Old man & the wall ! 9/3/2010 A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She we 0 Comments, 74 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Check for Alzheimer's ! 9/3/2010 The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University. Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without making a mistake. < 0 Comments, 144 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Back In 1850 ! 9/2/2010 DO you know what happened 160 years ago this fall, back in 1850? California became a state. The people had no electricity. The state had no money. Almost everyone spoke Spanish. There were 0 Comments, 47 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The Indian With One Testicle ! 9/2/2010 There once was an Indian who had only one testicle and whose given name was 'Onestone'. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onest 0 Comments, 122 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Happy woman ! 9/2/2010 A woman in her fifties is at home, naked, happily jumping on her bed and squealing with delight. Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look 0 Comments, 177 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Sentence structure is important ! 9/2/2010 The boss had to fire somebody and he narrowed it down to one of two people, Mary or Jack. It was a tough decision because they were both decent workers. Rather than flip a coin, 0 Comments, 65 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Why do Sharks swim circles around you ? 9/2/2010 Why do Sharks swim circles around you before attacking? Two great white sharks, swimming in the ocean, spied survivors of a sunken ship. "Follow me, ." the father shark said to the shark and th 0 Comments, 64 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Red tomatoes ! 9/2/2010 A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day, while taking a stroll, she came upon a gentleman neighbor who had the most beautiful garden ful 0 Comments, 107 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Montana Restaurant; true story ! 9/2/2010 The radio station America FM was doing one of its 'Is Anyone Listening?' bits this morning. The first question was, 'Ever have a celebrity come up with the 'Do you know who I am' routine?' 0 Comments, 49 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Church Social ! 9/2/2010 I lost the trivia contest at the church social last night by one point. The last question was, "Where do most women have curly hair? Apparently the correct answer is, "Africa." 0 Comments, 61 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Quickie in the Bushes ! 9/2/2010 There are two statues in a park; One of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a path way for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky a 0 Comments, 130 Views, 0 Votes | |
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How to Tell the Sex of a Fly ! 9/1/2010 A woman walked into the kitchen to find her Husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" She asked. "Hunting Flies" He responded. "Oh! Killing an 0 Comments, 95 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The Defective Parrot ! 9/1/2010 A guy is browsing in a pet shop, and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch.It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, 'Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot.?' 0 Comments, 74 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Attorney & the doctor ! 8/30/2010 ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.... 0 Comments, 56 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Said in court ! 8/30/2010 ATTORNEY: Doctor, do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: 0 Comments, 61 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Life is easy ! 8/30/2010 Life is easy. It's the people who make it fucking difficult. ... 0 Comments, 19 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Sex on the first date ! 8/30/2010 I believe in having sex on the first date. At my age there may not be a second date. ... 0 Comments, 44 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Getting hard ! 8/30/2010 At my age, the only thing getting hard, is my arteries. ... 0 Comments, 33 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Each day ! 8/30/2010 Live each day like it's your last. One day you'll get it right ! ... 0 Comments, 21 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Happy hour ! 8/30/2010 At my age, happy hour is a nap ! ... 0 Comments, 25 Views, 0 Votes | |
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At my age ! 8/30/2010 At my age, getting any, means sleep ! ... 0 Comments, 22 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Dying ! 8/30/2010 I don't think about dying. It's the last thing I want to do. ... 0 Comments, 17 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Young at heart ! 8/30/2010 I'm young at heart, but slightly older in other places. ... 0 Comments, 22 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Old dog ! 8/30/2010 In years, I'm dead !  ...0 Comments, 15 Views, 0 Votes | |
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After a certain age ! 8/30/2010 After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching somewhere, you may be dead.... 0 Comments, 19 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Money can't buy happiness ! 8/30/2010 Money can't buy happiness, but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a late model Porsche than in a 1967 Volkswagen.... 0 Comments, 56 Views, 0 Votes | |
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A future realization ! 8/30/2010 Do you realize that in about forty years, we'll have millions of old ladies running around with tattoos and pierced navels? (Now that's scary!) ... 0 Comments, 37 Views, 0 Votes | |
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To err ! 8/30/2010 To err in dating is human; to forgive, highly unlikely.... 0 Comments, 24 Views, 0 Votes | |
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In middle age ! 8/30/2010 The only two things we do with greater frequency in middle age are urinate and attend funerals.... 0 Comments, 9 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Waking up ! 8/30/2010 If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance. ... 0 Comments, 19 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Birthday ! 8/30/2010 Take every birthday with a grain of salt. This works much better if the salt accompanies a Margarita.... 0 Comments, 16 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Cell phones ! 8/30/2010 I can't use the cell phone in the car. I have to keep my hands free for making gestures. Do you ? ...0 Comments, 28 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Building Permit ! 8/30/2010 A man recently submitted a building permit application for a new house. It was going to be 100 ft. tall and 400 ft. wide with 9 gun turrets at various heights and windows all over the plac 0 Comments, 81 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Yep ! 8/25/2010 Eat right and exercise. You still gonna die. ... 0 Comments, 21 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Don't worry ! 8/25/2010 Don't worry about your health. It'll eventually go away. ... 0 Comments, 16 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The $2.99 Special ! 8/25/2010 We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'seniors' special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99. 'Sounds good, ' my wife said. 'But I don't want the eggs.' 0 Comments, 149 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Alabama ! 8/25/2010 A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Whe 0 Comments, 97 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Texas ! 8/25/2010 The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over 0 Comments, 99 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Tennessee ! 8/25/2010 A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-40. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?" The driver replied, "Bout whut?" ... 0 Comments, 99 Views, 0 Votes | |
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North Carolina ! 8/25/2010 A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. 0 Comments, 92 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Georgia ! 8/25/2010 The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated f 0 Comments, 74 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Taliban want's the Arizona Immigration law repealed! 8/25/2010 This morning, from a cave somewhere in Pakistan, the Taliban Minister of Migration, Mohammed Omar, warned the United States that if Arizona's Immigration Law is not repealed; Taliban authorit 0 Comments, 87 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Senior Love ! 8/25/2010 An elderly senior couple was invited to an old friend's home for dinner one evening. She was impressed by the way her lady friend preceded every request to her husband with endearing terms such as: 0 Comments, 107 Views, 0 Votes | |
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North vs South ! 8/24/2010 You can say what you want about the South, but you never hear of anyone retiring and moving North. ... 0 Comments, 34 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The Mississippi witness ! 8/24/2010 The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!" Bubba replied, "Did you see who it wa 0 Comments, 86 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The genie ! 8/16/2010 Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf..... Unfortunately, the wife promptly whacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. 0 Comments, 177 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Monkey in a bar ! 8/16/2010 A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. He grabs some olives from the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced 0 Comments, 142 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Where baby girl scent? 8/16/2010 It's better to have loved and lost, than live with a psycho the rest of your life. ... 0 Comments, 86 Views, 0 Votes | |
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As always ! ! ! 8/16/2010 Admitting you're an asshole is the first step. As always!  ...0 Comments, 32 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The welfare office ! 8/12/2010 A young man walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched straight up to the counter and said, ' Hi. You know, I just HATE Drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.' 0 Comments, 132 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Da end be near ! 8/10/2010 Reverend Boudreaux was the part-time pastor of the local Cajun Baptist Church and Pastor Thibodaux was the minister of the Covenant Church across the road. They were both standing by the r 0 Comments, 126 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The grandparents ! 7/26/2010 At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, 'Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?' The little boy nodded in the affirmat 0 Comments, 123 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Aging ! 7/26/2010 I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, g 0 Comments, 112 Views, 0 Votes | |
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PSALM 2010 ! 7/26/2010 Obama is the shepherd I did not want. He leadeth me beside the still factories. He restoreth my faith in the Republican party. He guideth me in the path of unemployment for his party's sak 0 Comments, 58 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Dorothy and Edna ! 7/26/2010 Dorothy and Edna, two 'senior' widows, are talking. Dorothy: ''That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you abou 0 Comments, 89 Views, 0 Votes | |
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You know you're a okie when.... 7/26/2010 1. You take your for a walk and you both use the same tree. 2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter. 3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years. 4. You bur 0 Comments, 71 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant! 7/26/2010 People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASO 0 Comments, 47 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Skillet & Leroy ! 7/26/2010 Skillet & Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Daily News Newspaper in Starkville, MS. and bought a mule for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day. The next mornin 0 Comments, 87 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Author unkown ! 7/26/2010 I thought I'd share this mail I received; The Marine stood and faced God, Which must always come to pass. He hoped his shoes were shining, Just as brightly as his brass. 0 Comments, 39 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Always remember ! 7/26/2010 1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity, by legislating the wealth out of prosperity. 2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiv 0 Comments, 87 Views, 0 Votes | |
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WAKE UP America ! 7/26/2010 Great grandfathers watched as their friends died in the Civil War. My father watched as his friends died in WW II, and Korea. And I watched as my friends died in Vietnam. 0 Comments, 83 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The drover and the blonde ! 7/22/2010 A Drover walks into a bar with a pet crocodile by his side. He puts the crocodile up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. 'I'll make you a deal. I'll open this crocodile's mouth and pl 0 Comments, 88 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Boudreaux the cajun ! 7/20/2010 Boudreaux, an 80-year-old South Louisiana Cajun, goes to the doctor for his every year check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape he is in and asks, "How you stay in such great phys 0 Comments, 92 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The Mayonnaise Jar ! 7/20/2010 When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, When 24 hour in a day is not enough; Remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee. A professor stood before his philosophy clas 0 Comments, 154 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Barack Obama is no fool. He is not incompetent! 7/20/2010 Barack Obama is no fool. He is not incompetent. To the contrary, he is brilliant. He knows exactly what he's doing. He is purposely overwhelming the U.S. economy to cre 0 Comments, 170 Views, 0 Votes | |
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A - H ! 7/20/2010 A police motorcycle cop stops a driver for running a red light. The guy is a real jerk and comes running back to the officer demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo! So 0 Comments, 95 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Governor of Mississippi ! 7/20/2010 I just heard an interview on the news with the Mississippi Governor. They asked the Governor how he feels about the way Obama is handling the BP oil spill. The Governor answered, "Never in 0 Comments, 71 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Two joints ! 7/19/2010 Lately I been feeling lethargic, listless and apathetic, and if I stand up too fast I'll get dizzy. My says she'll have to smoke two joints to feel like that. ... 0 Comments, 68 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Obama Cabinet Bucket! 7/19/2010 Michelle Obama got offered 50 Bucks from National Geographic. We all remember the KFC "Hillary Meal"---two small breasts and two big thighs. Now, KFC has announced an addition to 0 Comments, 220 Views, 0 Votes | |
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How is Norma!? 7/19/2010 A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital. She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?" The operator said, "I'll be glad to he 0 Comments, 118 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Harley biker! 7/19/2010 A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Washington , DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to 0 Comments, 80 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Hot snatch ! 7/18/2010 Little Johnny was looking in the refrigerator, then in the oven for food without success one morning while his parents were just getting out of the bed. He hollered, "Hey mom, you got anym 0 Comments, 170 Views, 0 Votes | |
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That's Italian ! 7/18/2010 An 18-year-old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months.. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the gir 0 Comments, 191 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Toyota Dealership ! 7/15/2010 I stopped by the Toyota Dealership yesterday for a look at the new Tacoma . Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive. I wanted to sense that "new" feel. The salesman (wearing an Obama 0 Comments, 138 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Riddle ! 7/15/2010 You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a 'drop off', (The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on), and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at 0 Comments, 65 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Wrong Flowers ! 7/14/2010 A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card..."Rest in Peace." 0 Comments, 39 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Grandma Still Drives! 7/14/2010 Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes, Dear Grand-, The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you 0 Comments, 121 Views, 0 Votes | |
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PMS & GPS 7/14/2010 What do you get when you mix PMS with a GPS? Answer: A crazy bitch who WILL find you!... 0 Comments, 52 Views, 0 Votes |
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