Reset Password
If you've forgotten your password, you can enter your email address below. An email will then be sent with a link to set up a new password.
Cancel
Reset Link Sent
If the email is registered with our site, you will receive an email with instructions to reset your password. Password reset link sent to:
Check your email and enter the confirmation code:
Don't see the email?
  • Resend Confirmation Link
  • Start Over
Close
If you have any questions, please contact Customer Service

doyaknowhat 45 M
9  Articles
Are Cows funny?   2/4/2015

Q: Where do cows go for lunch? A: The calf-eteria.

Q: Why do cows wear bells? A: Their horns don't work.

Q: What are a cows favorite subjects in school? A: Moosic, psycowolgy, cowculus

And Finally......

Q: What do call a cow that has just had a calf? A: Decalfenated


1 Comments, 19 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
doyaknowhat 45 M
9  Articles
Really Bad Jokes (Lame Bad, Not Good Bad)   2/4/2015

A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up your things. I just won a million dollar slot machine jackpot!" Martha replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?" The man responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!"

"My husband's going to a casino in central Asia. "Tibet?" "Of course, why else would he go!"

Q: Why isn't ...


1 Comments, 47 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
On Average   2/3/2015

On average, an American man under 75 will have sex two to three times a week, whereas a Japanese man the same age will have sex only one or two times a year.

This is very upsetting news to many of my friends, as they had no idea they were Japanese.


0 Comments, 71 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
it doesn't matter   2/3/2015

A truck driver spots a guy with long blond hair halfway down his back walking on the side of the highway, so he decides to pick him up. A mile into the ride the hitchhiker says, "I'll bet you thought I was a chick with all this hair". The trucker says, "It doesn't matter to me, I'm gonna fuck ya anyway.


0 Comments, 55 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
it doesn't matter   2/3/2015

A truck driver spots a guy with long blond hair halfway down his back walking on the side of the highway, so he decides to pick him up. A mile into the ride the hitchhiker says, "I'll bet you thought I was a chick with all this hair". The trucker says, "It doesn't matter to me, I'm gonna fuck ya anyway.


0 Comments, 16 Views, 0 Votes
Phone Call   1/28/2015

A woman and a man are lying in bed next to each other when her phone rings.

She picks up; the man looks over at her and listens.

She is speaking in a cheery voice, "Hi, I'm so glad you called. Really? That's wonderful. I'm so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye bye."

She hangs up, and the man asks, "Who was that?"

"Oh, " she replies, . ...


0 Comments, 233 Views, 11 Votes ,5.41 Score
aryan4664 29 M
8  Articles
onion   1/28/2015

On dinner, asks father: How many kinds of boobs r here? DAD: 3 kinds, In 20s like oranges, round n firm. In 30-40 like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. Aftr 50 like onions, u see them nd they make u cry.


4 Comments, 67 Views, 7 Votes ,4.31 Score
aryan4664 29 M
8  Articles
GUESS WHO?   1/28/2015

There are 3 Male and 1 Female pencils in a box. The Female pencil got pregnant !! Which Male pencil is responsible?

































THE ONE WITHOUT THE RUBBER.


2 Comments, 62 Views, 7 Votes ,4.82 Score
Johnny Sperm   1/27/2015

Little Johnny Sperm was in training. He knew his big day was coming and he vowed to be ready. He ran every day. He lifted weights every night. Finally one day it was time. He approached the starting line and was itching to go. His goal was to impregnate a womb. The gate opened and he took off. He was well ahead of the other sperm. As he approached the end of the tunnel he screeched to a ...


1 Comments, 141 Views, 10 Votes ,3.98 Score
Oh I need......   1/27/2015

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom’s bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, “I need a man, I need a man!” Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his ...


0 Comments, 127 Views, 7 Votes ,4.06 Score
Boy N Dad   1/26/2015

A small boy asks his Dad, "Daddy, what is politics?" Dad says, "Well , let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll ...


0 Comments, 83 Views, 9 Votes ,5.78 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
wouldnt you?   1/25/2015

Larry and Bob, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Larry didn't show up. Bob didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.. But after Larry hadn't shown up for a week or so, Bob really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Bob didn't know where ...


4 Comments, 175 Views, 18 Votes ,5.58 Score
Golfing Priest   1/23/2015

Father Murphy woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. He told the Associate Priest that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass for him that day.

The moment the Associate Priest left the room, Father Murphy headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he ...


0 Comments, 165 Views, 10 Votes ,5.97 Score
TucsonFem4Fem 70 F
7  Articles
Blondes   1/22/2015

Why did the Blonde have TGIF written on her socks

Toes Go In First





What do you call a Blonde skeleton in the closet?

The winner of LAST years hide and seek contest.

What do you call a Brunette standing between two Blondes?

A translator.

What have you got if you have four Blondes standing ear to ear in a row?

A wind ...


0 Comments, 54 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
TucsonFem4Fem 70 F
7  Articles
At the DR's office   1/21/2015

A man goes to his Dr and says his toes hurt. The Dr examines him and say the man has Toesilitus

So a week goes by and the man returns to the Dr and says now his knees hurt. The Dr once again examines him and now tells him he has the Kneesils.

Another week goes by and the man returns once again. As the Dr enters the examine room the man jumps off the table and says "Don't tell me ...


0 Comments, 151 Views, 12 Votes ,3.51 Score
TucsonFem4Fem 70 F
7  Articles
The Blonde's ride   1/21/2015

O day a Blonde decided to go horseback riding. She approached the and carefully got on sitting on the saddle placing her feet in the stirrups. She took up the reins and the started out at a slow gentle pace. Confident in her riding skills the Blonde urged the faster and it picked up it's pace to a canter. The Blonde thought to herself she was a better rider than just a canter so she urged it ...


0 Comments, 186 Views, 10 Votes ,4.98 Score
TucsonFem4Fem 70 F
7  Articles
Intelligence   1/21/2015

What do you call an intelligent Blonde

a Golden Retriever



What do you call an intelligent red head

An Irish Setter


1 Comments, 38 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
TucsonFem4Fem 70 F
7  Articles
The Ladies Room   1/21/2015

This guy was on a very long flight from LA to NY and after a couple of drinks just had to go to the bathroom. He got up from his seat and went to the bath rooms only to find all the Men's rooms full or out of order. Well he had to go so looking around he saw that one of the bath rooms marked Ladies was empty. He was just about to enter it when one of the stewardess asked him what he was doing ...


1 Comments, 175 Views, 9 Votes ,4.49 Score
ready and willing   1/20/2015

I'm not a gynecologist but I'll look at it


1 Comments, 43 Views, 9 Votes ,1.29 Score
limerick   1/20/2015

there was a trucker from Trent who had a prick so long it bent to save himself trouble he stuck it in ...


0 Comments, 47 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
hiway to hawaii   1/19/2015

a guy find's a bottle on the beach. he rubs it and out comes a genie who tells him he will grant him one wish. the guy asks for a road to Hawaii because he is afraid of flying and gets very seasick . the genie replies do you realize what that would involve? how much engineering, how much steel, how much concrete ? be reasonable man. the guy says ok just tell me how to understand women, what do ...


1 Comments, 64 Views, 7 Votes ,3.30 Score
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
LITTLE JOHNNY   1/19/2015

may be a duplicate but I didn't see it

Teacher asks the in class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Little Johnny: "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and make love to her ...


2 Comments, 108 Views, 14 Votes ,5.06 Score
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
GOT TO LOVE BLONDES   1/19/2015

FIRST A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up. The husband said, 'Who was that?' The wife said, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.'

SECOND Two blondes are walking down the street. One ...


2 Comments, 103 Views, 11 Votes ,5.22 Score
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
CROSSING THE SAHARA   1/19/2015

A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the Third day out, the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.

After dusting themselves off, the Nun and the Priest surveyed their Situation. After a long period of silence, the Priest spoke. 'Well, Sister, this looks pretty grim.'

'I know, Father. In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive More ...


0 Comments, 84 Views, 11 Votes ,4.29 Score
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
Note to drunken self   1/19/2015

when you see a very pretty girl and she tells you she is really a boy, believe her. Do NOT say "There is no freakin way"...cuz when she lifts up her skirt and proves it, your gonna stare.


0 Comments, 54 Views, 7 Votes ,4.06 Score
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
FALL IN 1850   1/19/2015

Do you know what happened this fall back in 1850? California became a state. The people had no electricity. The state had no money. Almost everyone spoke Spanish. There were gunfights in the streets. So basically nothing has changed except the women had real Boobs and the men didn't hold hands!


0 Comments, 33 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
FARM VISIT   1/19/2015

Teacher: Ok childern, what sounds did we hear on our field trip to the farm yesterday?

Sara? MOOOOOO she says Teacher claps, "thats right Sara" a cow

Ben? QUACK QUACK he says Teacher smiles, " very good Ben" a duck

Sally? BAAAAAAAAA he says Teacher claps, " thats very good Sally" a sheep

Johnny, what did you hear? GET OFF THAT FUCKING TRACTOR he says Teacher ...


0 Comments, 69 Views, 7 Votes ,3.55 Score
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
DENTURES   1/19/2015

A couple old boys were golfing when one mentioned that he was going to go to a Dr. Smith for a new set of dentures in the morning.

His elderly buddy remarked that he, too, had gone to the very same dentist two years before.

"Is that so?" asked the first old guy. "Did he do a good job?"

The second oldster replied, "Well, I was on the golf course yesterday when a guy on ...


0 Comments, 66 Views, 8 Votes ,4.87 Score
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
ARTHRITIS   1/19/2015

A drunk man who smelled of beer sat down on a subway next to a priest.

The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.

He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say Father, what causes arthritis?"

The priest ...


1 Comments, 66 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
FORGOT MY GLASSES   1/19/2015

While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip.

When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't miss them until they had been driving for about forty minutes.

By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a ...


0 Comments, 65 Views, 5 Votes ,4.77 Score
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
PARKINSONS OR ALZHEIMERS   1/19/2015

Two elderly ladies were talking. At our age, I don’t know what would be worse; Parkinson's or Alzheimer's?" one said.

Her wise friend answered, Oh I’d rather have Parkinson’s, definitely Parkinson’s. Better to spill half my wine than to forget where I keep the bottle."


0 Comments, 24 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
GOLF NUTS   1/19/2015

Ed and Linda met while on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her.

When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home. Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Linda to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Ed became convinced that Linda was indeed his soul mate ...


0 Comments, 68 Views, 7 Votes ,5.33 Score
TattyCat001 66 M
14  Articles
Starting Young?   1/18/2015

A substitute teacher for a Grade Four class has just finished taking attendance at 8:35 a.m., and notices that three pupils are late or away: James, Henry, and Mary-Jane. No one in the class knows whether they are sick and all three were present the previous day. At about 8:45 a young boy stumbles into the classroom, red-faced, and a little bedraggled. The teacher asks, "You are very late. I ...


0 Comments, 93 Views, 8 Votes ,4.87 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
good driver!!   1/17/2015

A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5, 000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt.

"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks.

The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."

His wife says, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's ...


2 Comments, 119 Views, 7 Votes ,4.31 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
yum yum   1/17/2015

Two cannibals, father and , were hunting one afternoon and they came across a beautiful young blonde sunbathing in the nude. They were both extremely stunned by her gorgeous body.

The asked his father, "What do you say we take her home and eat her?"

The father replied, "Actually, I was thinking that maybe we should take her home and eat your mother


1 Comments, 84 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
BAR JOKE   1/16/2015

A guy walks into a gay bar and sees a monkey sitting on the bar table. , "What's the monkey for?" asks the guy.

Watch this, " says the bartender. He whacks the monkey on the head, and then the monkey goes crazy running around the bar table. swinging on several hanging lights then runs up to the bartender whips down his pants and starts sucking his dick.

The guy is amazed. ...


0 Comments, 94 Views, 9 Votes ,5.99 Score
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
BORN LOSER   1/16/2015

A loser is having a hard time picking up chicks, so his well traveled friend takes him to a nightclub in Daytona where he tells him that he will score for sure. The loser enters the bar, sees his prey, and begins to barrage her with pick up lines that he acquired from his friend. The young lady continues to ignore him but finally gives in. She says " OK, I’ll spend the night with you, but ...


0 Comments, 86 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
Nurse Nancy   1/16/2015

Two doctors in practice in a small town clinic in Bluebell had to hire a new nurse when the one they had won the lottery and quit. They interviewed Nurse Nancy and decided to hire her. She had only worked two days when one doctor called the other to his office and said that they would have to let Nurse Nancy go.

"Why, we just hired her?"

Well, I think she is dyslexic and does ...


0 Comments, 98 Views, 8 Votes ,5.80 Score
TattyCat001 66 M
14  Articles
On the first date   1/15/2015

There was a young lady from Kent Who said she knew just what was meant By an invite for dining And late candlelight wining. So she put on her best undies and went.


0 Comments, 49 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
It could happen to you   1/14/2015

A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at her door. She goes to the door opens it and sees a man standing there. He asks the lady, "Do you have a Vagina?" She slams the door in disgust. The next morning she hears a knock at the door, its the same man and he asks the same question to the woman, "Do you have a Vagina?" She slams the door again. Later that night when her husband gets ...


1 Comments, 127 Views, 8 Votes ,5.10 Score
XXXplaypal 62 M
12  Articles
In the recent wintery mix I slid into a car   1/13/2015

In the recent wintery mix I slid into a car, the man exited. He was a DWARF, omg I thought to myself! He marched up to me with his hands on his hips and angrily stated "I am NOT happy" To which I replied.. "OH REALLY, which one ARE you?"


0 Comments, 33 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
Guy_4_shemale 45 M
1  Article
Little rascals   1/10/2015

Darla and Buckwheat are in class and the teacher asks Darla to spell stupid and use it in a sentence.

Darla stands and says "Stupid S-T-U-P-I-D, Buckwheat is stupid."

Teacher says "ok now spell dumb"

Darla "D-U-M-B, Buckwheat is dumb."

Teacher then tells Buckwheat to spell dictate and use it in a sentence

Buckwheat says "Dictate, D-I-C-T-A-T-E, Darla ...


1 Comments, 62 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
Hot Chick   1/10/2015

Three friends are in a bar having a drink when a Hot Chic comes up to them and says "whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me".

So the white guy says "I love liver and cheese." She says "that's not good enough."

The black says "I hate liver and cheese", and she says "that's not creative"

and then the Mexican says "liver alone cheese mine".


0 Comments, 66 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
lie detector!!!!!!   1/10/2015

So a man buys a lie detector robot that slaps you when you lie. He decides to try it out on his . Dad asks "What'd you do after school today, Johnny?" "I went to Billy's house and we did our homework." (robot slaps ) "Oh okay we played video games!" (robot slaps again) "OKAY OKAY! WE WE'RE WATCHING SOME PORN!" Dad says "oh jeez when I was your age I didn't even know what porn was." (robot ...


3 Comments, 129 Views, 10 Votes ,5.38 Score
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
DEAD HAIR   1/9/2015

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car. The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry. ...


1 Comments, 107 Views, 11 Votes ,5.04 Score
Brothel   1/4/2015

There is a sign on a brothel house:

'Trespassers will be prostituted'


1 Comments, 46 Views, 9 Votes ,3.00 Score
Illegal Lawyer   1/3/2015

For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he did finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's . Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, and then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! "Helen, why did you not write when you learned you were pregnant?" he ...


0 Comments, 219 Views, 17 Votes ,4.12 Score
How Can Anyone Thank ! !   1/3/2015

How can I ever thank you?" gushed a woman to Clarence Darrow, after he had solved her legal troubles. "My dear woman, " Darrow replied, "ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that question."


0 Comments, 93 Views, 7 Votes ,3.04 Score
Likeable Way Of Thinking   1/3/2015

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None.", replied Johnny "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four, " said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking." Little Johnny said, "I have a question ...


2 Comments, 155 Views, 9 Votes ,4.07 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
drunks   1/2/2015

last night, I staggered into a Catholic church and ended up in the confession booth. After a short while, the priest said: "What do you need my ?". I said, "is there any toilet paper on your side?".


1 Comments, 73 Views, 9 Votes ,2.57 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
drunks   1/2/2015

last night on the street who appeared to be looking for something. He said he was looking for his watch. He said he had fallen when it came off. I asked him where he fell. He said about a block away. I asked, "why are you looking for it here then?". He said the lighting was better here.


1 Comments, 43 Views, 7 Votes ,2.02 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
drunks   1/2/2015

last night on the street who appeared to be looking for something. He said he was looking for his watch. He said he had fallen when it came off. I asked him where he fell. He said about a block away. I asked, "why are you looking for it here then?". He said the lighting was better here.


2 Comments, 32 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
grandpa's advice   1/1/2015

grandpa keeps telling me to marry a girl with small hands. I finally asked him, " Why small hands?" "Because it will make your dick look larger."


5 Comments, 73 Views, 13 Votes ,4.49 Score
Turtle Being Fishy   1/1/2015

A baby turtle was standing at the bottom of a large tree and with a deep sigh, started to climb. About an hour later, he reached a very high branch and walked long to the end. He turned and spread all four flippers and launched himself off the branch. On landing at the bottom in a pile of soft, dead leaves, he shook himself off, walked back to the bottom of the tree and with a sigh started to ...


3 Comments, 137 Views, 10 Votes ,2.99 Score
Absent Minded Professor   1/1/2015

There Was This Professor Who Kicked His Wife And Kissed The Door Shut While Going To Work ! ! ! !


2 Comments, 55 Views, 5 Votes ,0.53 Score
Professor Proposal   1/1/2015

Professor at one of the I I M's was explaining marketing concepts to the Students:- 1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" – That is Direct Marketing 2. You are at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He is very rich. Marry him." – That is Advertising 3. ...


2 Comments, 123 Views, 8 Votes ,2.78 Score
God's Gift   1/1/2015

God gave His 2, 000 years ago to die on the cross. Much like the auctioneer, His message today is: "The , the , who will take the ?" ... Because, you see, whoever takes the gets everything. For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten , that who so ever believeth in Him should not perish but have ever lasting life.


2 Comments, 57 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
Nail In The Fence   1/1/2015

Nail In The Fence :  Make sure you read all the way down to the last sentence. (Most importantly the last sentence) : There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he ...


1 Comments, 93 Views, 4 Votes ,1.30 Score
Nothing Wrong   1/1/2015

-- There is nothing the matter with me, I am just as healthy as can be, I have arthritis in both knees, And when I talk, I talk with a wheeze. My pulse is weak, my blood is thin, But I am awfully well for the shape I am in. All my teeth have had to come out, And my diet I hate to think about. I am over weight and I cannot get thin, But I am awfully well for the shape I am in. And arch supports I ...


1 Comments, 34 Views, 5 Votes ,1.51 Score
God's Gift   1/1/2015

God gave His 2, 000 years ago to die on the cross. Much like the auctioneer, His message today is: "The , the , who will take the ?" ... Because, you see, whoever takes the gets everything. For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten , that who so ever believeth in Him should not perish but have ever lasting life.


1 Comments, 9 Views, 3 Votes
Of A Gun   1/1/2015

MY ... Take my  A wealthy man and his loved to collect rare works of art. They had everything in their collection, from Picasso to Raphael. They would often sit together and admire the great works of art. When the Vietnam conflict broke out, the went to war. He was very courageous and died in battle while rescuing another soldier. The father was notified and grieved deeply for his only . ...


4 Comments, 56 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
John In High But :... :-   1/1/2015

John got off the elevator on the 50th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date's door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said. "I will be ready in a few minutes, " she said. "Why don't you play with Spot, my dog, while you're waiting?" He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up and if you make a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through." The ...


0 Comments, 28 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
John In High But :... :-   1/1/2015

John got off the elevator on the 50th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date's door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said. "I will be ready in a few minutes, " she said. "Why don't you play with Spot, my dog, while you're waiting?" He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up and if you make a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through." The ...


0 Comments, 64 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
Award   1/1/2015

It is once again time to vote for-the Darwin Award nominees for 1997. As you may already know, the Darwin Awards are for those nominees who will not be contributing to the gene pool (thankfully). Nominee number 9 {Unknown} To poacher Marino Malerba, who shot a stag standing above him on an overhanging rock - and was killed instantly when it fell on him.


0 Comments, 34 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Golf   1/1/2015

Golf  Nice lag" can usually be translated to "lousy putt." Similarly, "tough break" can usually be translated "way to miss an easy one, sucker."


1 Comments, 17 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Engineer' Recipe For Chocolate   1/1/2015

Engineer’s recipe Chocolate Chip Cookies: Ingredients:1. 532.35 cm3 gluten 2. 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3 3. 4.9 cm3 refined halite 4. 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride 5. 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11 6. 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11 7. 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde 8. Two calcium carbonate - encapsulated avian albumen - coated protein 9. 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao ...


1 Comments, 19 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Smart   1/1/2015

A butcher is leaning on the counter toward the close of day when a with a basket in its jaws comes pushing through the door. "An' wot's this then?" he asked. The knocks the basket sharply into the butcher's shins. "You dumb dog." As he reaches down to smack the dog, he notices a note and a ten dollar bill in the basket. The scribble on the note asks for three pounds of his best mince [ground beef]...


0 Comments, 75 Views, 5 Votes ,4.77 Score
Something Fishy !   1/1/2015

Two fishermen were out on the lake when one of them dropped his wallet. As they watched the wallet float down to the depths of the lake, a carp came along and snatched up the wallet. Soon came another carp who stole it away and then a third joined in. Remarked one of the fisherman, "That is the first time I have ever seen carp – to - carp walleting."


1 Comments, 31 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
aeroplanes   1/1/2015

Here are some basic descriptions of what may happen if aeroplanes had different operating systems running them. DOS: Everybody pushes it till it glides, then jumps on and lets it coast till it skids, then jumps off, pushes, jumps back on, etc. DOS with QEMM: Same as DOS, but with more leg room for pushing. Macintosh: All the flight attendants, captains and baggage handlers look the same, act the ...


0 Comments, 21 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Actual Cat Story   1/1/2015

This is an actual account by a worker at a technical support and service center. One particular customer had an old console-type machine with a print head that would ride back and forth on a spiral shaft. They also had a big bushy cat who liked to sit on the edge of the printer next to the operator. Well, one day we got a service call that said, "Cat caught in machine, come quick!" When I arrived ...


1 Comments, 45 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
X'Mas Bugs ! ! !   1/1/2015

>>> 12 bugs of Christmas  For the first bug of Christmas, my manager said to me See if they can do it again. For the second bug of Christmas, my manager said to me Ask them how they did it and See if they can do it again. For the third bug of Christmas, my manager said to me Try to reproduce it Ask them how they did it and See if they can do it again. For the fourth bug of Christmas, my ...


1 Comments, 19 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
Careful Consideration   12/31/2014

>>> Dear Mr. Kennelly: Thank you for your letter of April 17. After careful consideration I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment with your firm. This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates it is impossible for me to accept all ...


0 Comments, 54 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
Worms That You Will Never Have   12/30/2014

A biology teacher wished to demonstrate to his students the harmful effects of alcohol on living organisms. For his experiment, he showed them a beaker with pond water in which there was a thriving civilization of worms. When he added some alcohol into the beaker the worms doubled-up and died. "Now, " he said, " What do you learn from this?" An eager student gave his answer. "Well the answer is ...


0 Comments, 41 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
Worms That You Will Never Have   12/30/2014

A biology teacher wished to demonstrate to his students the harmful effects of alcohol on living organisms. For his experiment, he showed them a beaker with pond water in which there was a thriving civilization of worms. When he added some alcohol into the beaker the worms doubled-up and died. "Now, " he said, " What do you learn from this?" An eager student gave his answer. "Well the answer is ...


0 Comments, 12 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
Baked Beans   12/30/2014

Once upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a guy and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go for this carrying on." So she made the ...


0 Comments, 52 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
justfun19271 32 C
9  Articles
funny joke   12/28/2014

A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed. After years of this, the wife wants him to quit. She gets two shot glasses, fills one with water and the other with whiskey. After bringing him to the table that has the glasses, she brings his bait box. She says, "I want you to see this." She puts a worm in the water, and it swims around. She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies ...


6 Comments, 180 Views, 15 Votes ,5.12 Score
justfun19271 32 C
9  Articles
funny joke   12/28/2014

A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed. After years of this, the wife wants him to quit. She gets two shot glasses, fills one with water and the other with whiskey. After bringing him to the table that has the glasses, she brings his bait box. She says, "I want you to see this." She puts a worm in the water, and it swims around. She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies ...


0 Comments, 33 Views, 5 Votes ,5.43 Score
justfun19271 32 C
9  Articles
lol   12/28/2014

Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That's really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, you keep calling your wife those pet names." Morris hung his head and whispered, "To tell you the ...


2 Comments, 112 Views, 10 Votes ,4.58 Score
justfun19271 32 C
9  Articles
funny joke   12/28/2014

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them in the office and they took off for her house. Exhausted from the afternoon's activities, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Confused, she nonetheless complied and he slipped ...


4 Comments, 166 Views, 11 Votes ,5.97 Score
justfun19271 32 C
9  Articles
lottery winner   12/28/2014

A man asks his wife, "What would you do if I won the lottery?" His wife says, "Take half and leave your ass!" The man replies, "Great! I won 12 bucks, here is six, now get out!"


0 Comments, 59 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
justfun19271 32 C
9  Articles
cute joke   12/28/2014

A husband, who has six , begins to call his wife “mother of six” rather than by her first name. The wife, amused at first, chuckles. A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of this. "Mother of six, " he would say, "what’s for dinner tonight? Get me a beer!" She gets very frustrated. Finally, while attending a party with her husband, he jokingly yells out, "Mother of six, I think ...


2 Comments, 153 Views, 12 Votes ,5.80 Score
justfun19271 32 C
9  Articles
funny!   12/28/2014

A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, "Why are you so happy?" The wife says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old." "Oh yeah?" quipped her husband, "What did he say about your forty-five year old ass?" She said, "Your name never came up in the conversation."


1 Comments, 54 Views, 6 Votes ,3.93 Score
justfun19271 32 C
9  Articles
Barbie jokes   12/28/2014

Ralph is driving home one evening, when he suddenly realizes that it's his 's birthday and he hasn't bought her a present. He drives to the mall, runs to the toy store, and says to the shop assistant, "How much is that Barbie in the window?" In a condescending manner, she says, "Which Barbie?" She continues, "We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie ...


2 Comments, 114 Views, 9 Votes ,3.64 Score
justfun19271 32 C
9  Articles
Funny!   12/28/2014

A husband exclaims to his wife one day, "Your butt is getting really big. It's bigger than the BBQ grill!" Later that night in bed, the husband makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks. She answers, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"


1 Comments, 40 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
justfun19271 32 C
9  Articles
Funny!   12/28/2014

A husband exclaims to his wife one day, "Your butt is getting really big. It's bigger than the BBQ grill!" Later that night in bed, the husband makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks. She answers, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"


2 Comments, 38 Views, 5 Votes ,5.43 Score
justfun19271 32 C
9  Articles
How would you describe me?   12/28/2014

Wife: "How would you describe me?" Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." Wife: "What does that mean?" Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot." Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?" Husband: "I'm just kidding!"


1 Comments, 65 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
Steamysud 28 M
1  Article
The wise king and his men   12/26/2014

There once lived a king and a queen who ruled a large kingdom. The king was short in vital parts and the queen had to seek solace with every Dick, Tom and Harry.

After some time the king grew suspicious of the queen's escapades and wanted to punish the subjects willing to risk their lives for a fling with her.

He sought the services of his court magician to help identify the ...


0 Comments, 93 Views, 5 Votes ,2.49 Score
Well it would not be my choice but....   12/26/2014

Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect lake camping and riding trip. Two days before the group is to leave Rob’s wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn’t going. Rob’s friends are very upset that he can’t go, but what can they do. Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Rob sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and supper cooking on the ...


0 Comments, 101 Views, 8 Votes ,5.33 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
panties   12/25/2014

a lady lost three panties in her house and blames it on the maid in front of her husband. Maid said "Sir, you are my witness you know I never wear panties!"


2 Comments, 64 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
bar joke the apple   12/24/2014

this guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a rum and coke , the bar tender looks at him and says I HAVE JUST THE DRINK FOR YOU , and hands the guy an apple stunned the guy asks the bar tender if its a joke and the bar tender says TRUST ME. so the guy takes a bite of the apple and says wow it tastes just like coke the bartender tells him to take a bite from the other side of the apple ...


0 Comments, 101 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
moogielikesit 65 M
1  Article
Santa asks me what I want for xmas   12/24/2014

Santa; Well , HO HO HO little Billy , I see you have been very good this year.What do you want Santa to bring you? HO HO HO

Little Billy ; Gee Santa , could I have a Dragon??? Please.

Santa ; Ho Ho Ho , can't you be more realistic Billy? Whats your second wish?

Little Billy ; Well , could you get me a girlfriend that is trustworthy , won't cheat or lie, and ...


1 Comments, 105 Views, 5 Votes ,1.84 Score
andreaplaysnice 61 T
9  Articles
Dumb jokes   12/22/2014

Did you know an elephant's sexual organ is in his feet?
If he steps on you you're fucked.


What's gray and comes in quarts(liters)?
Elephants.


...


1 Comments, 47 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
3movecheckmate 37 M
5  Articles
Are you good at this game?   12/21/2014

Two guy where siting at home bored as hell. The 1st guy said "I know lets play a game." the 2ed guy said "ok, but what game will we play?". So the 1st guy says "I know, I will find stuff around the house and put it up your ass and you have to guess what it is." "that sounds like fun, lets do it" said the 2ed guy. So the 1st guy go's and finds a ruler and sticks it up the others ass. The 2ed guy ...


0 Comments, 118 Views, 6 Votes ,2.51 Score
3movecheckmate 37 M
5  Articles
Pickle slicer?   12/21/2014

Once I use to work in a pickle factory until I was fire. I got caught sticking my dick in the pickle slicer. But that ok because she was fired to.


0 Comments, 29 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
yellowmoon69 40 M
25  Articles
Lippy   12/20/2014

why do women have two sets of lips. So they can pisses and moan.


1 Comments, 19 Views, 6 Votes ,0.52 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
true story   12/18/2014

a co worker of ours went to a bar(overseas trip) to meet with a female companion. she called and cancel after he had a few drinks. he was tipsy and decide to walk to the hotel a few blocks away. he was solicited for sex and decided to accept the offer. the was somewhat attractive and he just wanted a blow job. she started to do her thing and he was into he decide to reach down and rub her ...


1 Comments, 190 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
bar joke   12/18/2014

a man went to the bar with his wife. when he left for the counter to buy drinks a approached his wife and whispered, " You must Demand cash before sex, I know him he does not pay.


1 Comments, 112 Views, 8 Votes ,4.41 Score
Shrewdy2 60 M
6  Articles
Legless   12/18/2014

A snail went into a bar for a Christmas drink, he went up to the barman & said "can I have half of lager & a packet of crisps please". The barman just looked at the snail & shouted "get out" & threw the snail out. A year later the snail came back in & went up to the same barman & shouted " what did you do that for"!!


2 Comments, 96 Views, 6 Votes ,2.51 Score
fredericton_4fun 34 M
10  Articles
3 nuns joke :)   12/18/2014

Three nuns are in a car accident and then find themselves in front of Saint Peter at the Gates of Heaven. "Welcome, sisters. Before I grant you entry, I must ask you if you kept your vows, including your vow of celibacy." The first sister approaches Peter and says, "I'm sorry, but I must admit that I once gave the Priest a handjob." Saint Peter replies, "Do not worry, sister. Here in Heaven all ...


0 Comments, 118 Views, 6 Votes ,3.37 Score
fredericton_4fun 34 M
10  Articles
Screaming wife :p   12/18/2014

3 friends bet each other $100 who could make their wife scream more from sex. The next day the first one said "I made love to my wife for 2 hours and she screamed for at least an hour and a half!" The next said he licked his wife for 2 hours and she screamed the whole time plus a half hour after that! The 3rd one said "that's nothing. I made love to my wife for ten minutes, I came a couple times, ...


2 Comments, 124 Views, 10 Votes ,3.78 Score
yellowmoon69 40 M
25  Articles
condoms   12/18/2014

Did you know that condoms have serial numbers? ? ? NO. Maybe because you didn't role it down far enough. LOL


0 Comments, 14 Views, 1 Votes
Dinner talk   12/18/2014

A family is at the dinner table. The asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, , a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the asks. “Yes. You see them and ...


0 Comments, 58 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
DaDevilsDelight 53 M
10  Articles
Error   12/17/2014

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis, " and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."


2 Comments, 24 Views, 4 Votes ,0.53 Score
weather or??   12/15/2014

Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? A: Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!


0 Comments, 23 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
from the mouth of boys   12/15/2014

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her and quickly dismounts, worried about what her has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him. The sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?" The mother replies, "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it." ...


0 Comments, 100 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Say it aim't so   12/15/2014

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis, " and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."


0 Comments, 29 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
Overtime   12/15/2014

A boss said to his secretary I want to have SEX with you I will make it very fast. I'll throw $1000 on the floor, by the time you bend down to pick it I'll be done. She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend then said to her, do it but "Ask him for $2000, pick up the money very fast he wouldn't even have enough time to undressed himself." So she ...


0 Comments, 85 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
3movecheckmate 37 M
5  Articles
Bowlegged?   12/14/2014

Why do cowgirls walk bowlegged? Couse cowboys do not know that they should take off there hats when they eat.


0 Comments, 23 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
3movecheckmate 37 M
5  Articles
How to stop Jehovah Witnesses from nocking at your door   12/14/2014

I used to have Jehovah Witnesses nock on my door every Sunday until one Sunday I was out haunting rabbits. After I was dune haunting I went home and started to clean them when all of a sudden I herd a nock at the door. I peeked through the window and saw them at my door again. So I grabbed 2 of the rabbits by there back legs and held them behind my back as I answered the door. They asked me if I ...


0 Comments, 130 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
3movecheckmate 37 M
5  Articles
Tuff but silent   12/14/2014

The cowboys were sitting around a campfire bragging about how tuff they where. The 1st one was talking about how he took on a pack of wolves by him self. The 2ed one talked about how he was attacked be a rattlesnake and that he pick it up and bit it's head off. The 3ed one just sat quietly stirring the campfire with his dick.


0 Comments, 73 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
3movecheckmate 37 M
5  Articles
Carefull what you wish for.   12/14/2014

A cowboy was out for a ride and his was spooked by a snake. The cowboy was just about to shot the snake till the snake said plz don't shot me, I am a magical snake and I can grant you 3 wishes. So the cowboy though to his self, it must be true because it can speak. So the cowboy wished for a big mansion, $100, 000, 000, and to be hung like his . When him got back to his ranch he found a big ...


0 Comments, 118 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
Nicetouch39 48 M
2  Articles
Mole   12/11/2014

A bloke goes into the doctors, Doctor says " what seems to be the problem? " Man says " I need a mole removing off my dick.............it's the last time I have sex with one of them."


4 Comments, 75 Views, 6 Votes ,0.52 Score
A golfing mechanic   12/9/2014

An auto mechanic went out on Saturday morning to play golf. He told his wife he would be home about two o’clock.

He finally arrived home at seven. His wife asked where he’d been and he said, “It’s like this. I was on my way home and saw a customer of mine stuck on the side of the road. I stopped to help her. I got her car started but got very dirty in the process. She ...


4 Comments, 264 Views, 11 Votes ,4.10 Score
It's Christmas Time   12/6/2014

Some jokes to make your spirits bright!

What do they call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses

Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners the most? "Rude"olph

What do you call the fear of getting stuck while sliding down a chimney? Santa Claus-trophbia

What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish

What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of ...


1 Comments, 74 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
rm_right12c 52 C
10  Articles
jokes   11/30/2014

We played with a couple that were nudists and they were very quick to get naked and seemed very comfortable being naked but them sure were not comfortable having sex. When we asked if there was anything wrong they said no. They also said that being nudist had nothing to do with sex it was more an expression of being free. How can being naked not have anything to do with sex?


2 Comments, 108 Views, 9 Votes
rm_karori100 53 C
4  Articles
Kissing   11/30/2014

Why do so many couples have rules against kissing? We think it's the best part of having sex with another partner.


5 Comments, 61 Views, 8 Votes ,0.23 Score
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
Truck driver and the Blonde   11/25/2014

As a trucker stops at a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you're losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs ...


3 Comments, 294 Views, 18 Votes ,5.03 Score
joenles4fun 44 C
1  Article
Pics   11/23/2014

Would you let someone take pics of you having sex with their spouse when you swing?


6 Comments, 101 Views, 6 Votes ,0.23 Score
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
Indian Chief   11/23/2014

Chief went into a drugstore and said to the pharmacist ...Chief need-um rubber to make-um love to squaws. The pharmacist chuckled picked out an Acme thin condom, handed it to the Indian and said here ya go chief this should do the trick. Its nice and thin to give pleasure to your squaws.

The next day here come the Indian with a used rubber in hand. He tossed it on the counter and said .. ...


1 Comments, 191 Views, 8 Votes ,2.09 Score
Table Dancing   11/21/2014

I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.

I said, "Good legs."

The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so."

I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."


0 Comments, 118 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
Pool Peeing   11/21/2014

I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today. The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.


0 Comments, 108 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
Guessing Age   11/21/2014

I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.

"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."

After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"

I said, "Yesterday."


0 Comments, 159 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
Shave and Haircut   11/21/2014

I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got yourhair cut, you'd look all right."

I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends overthere instead of you."


0 Comments, 106 Views, 8 Votes ,2.32 Score
Beer belly   11/21/2014

This asshole looked at my beer belly last night andsarcastically said, "Is that Corona or Bud?"

I said, "There's a tap underneath; taste it and find out."


0 Comments, 48 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
A cowboy   11/21/2014

Cowboy: "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."

Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"

Cowboy: "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....."


0 Comments, 46 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
MrBBC1 48 M
3  Articles
Beaver   11/19/2014

One day a 7 year old boy was playing in his grandmother's yard when suddenly he felt the urge to pee. So he ran into the house and burst into the bathroom where is grandmother had just walked out of the shower. He stood there for a few seconds and asked grandma what's that between your legs? She simply replied it's a beaver. So he went back outside to play. Later that evening once he was home he ...


2 Comments, 229 Views, 10 Votes ,3.19 Score
spellfire2222 27 C
8  Articles
joke   11/18/2014

A woman and her husband wake up one Saturday morning and she turns and says to him, " are you going to mow the lawn today honey?"

To which he replies " who do I look like, Mike’s Mowing Service?" Not to be dismayed the wife goes on: "well how about fixing the TV antennae then?" "Who do I look like, The Acme Antennae Man?" And he gets up and goes off to play golf . Returning home a few ...


1 Comments, 169 Views, 8 Votes ,4.87 Score
spellfire2222 27 C
8  Articles
joke   11/18/2014

There was a perfect man who met a perfect woman. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.

One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve this perfect couple was driving along a winding road when they noticed someone at the roadside in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.

There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle ...


1 Comments, 149 Views, 7 Votes ,4.31 Score
spellfire2222 27 C
8  Articles
joke   11/18/2014

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says: "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." The husband says, "WHAT??" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it. So the next day the husband ...


1 Comments, 158 Views, 8 Votes ,4.64 Score
spellfire2222 27 C
8  Articles
joke   11/18/2014

A guy goes to the doctor and the doctor says, 'I'm sorry but you only have 6 hours to live.' So, the guy goes home and says to his wife, 'Honey, I only have 6 hours to live.' So, they go right to bed. They have sex and an hour later he says, 'Can we do it again?' His wife says, 'Well, okay.' An hour later he says, 'Honey, can we do it again?' His wife says, 'Well, okay, maybe one more time.' They ...


0 Comments, 140 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
Warning   11/16/2014

They call a girl with braces "A Black and Decker Pecker Wrecker"


0 Comments, 29 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
nicco100 55 M
13  Articles
Birth of a Candy Bar   11/15/2014

It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar. I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, "hey Sweetheart, how'd you like to Krunch on my big hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?" Well, she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll, and it was like Pure Almond Joy! I couldn't ...


2 Comments, 60 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
nicco100 55 M
13  Articles
Birth of a Candy Bar   11/15/2014

It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar. I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, "hey Sweetheart, how'd you like to Krunch on my big hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?" Well, she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll, and it was like Pure Almond Joy! I couldn't ...


0 Comments, 24 Views, 0 Votes
rm_ja8087 38 C
2  Articles
Funny   11/15/2014

16 year old boy tells his father that he had his first blow job, dad looks all proud, then says "is it supposed to taste that bad?"


1 Comments, 46 Views, 6 Votes ,3.93 Score
JohnWheels101 55 M
2  Articles
Man Gets Arrested for creeping Lady Out on Bus . His Explanation is Perfect   11/14/2014

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a Bus . She noticed a man opposite her was smiling at her ... She immediately moved to another seat . This time the smile turn into a grin , so she moved again .. The Man seemed even more amused . when on the fourth move , the man burst out laughing , she complained to the bus driver and he had the man arrested . The case Came up in court .. the Judge asked ...


0 Comments, 160 Views, 15 Votes ,5.43 Score
JohnWheels101 55 M
2  Articles
2 Nuns   11/14/2014

2 nuns were cleaning the church when The Reverand Mother came and said Ladies I need you to go to the store in town .... Being good nuns they agreed to go ... They decided to take a short cut through the woods and Half way through they Both Got Sexually Assaulted ... The younger Nun says What are we going to tell the Mother That we got Sexually Assaulted and the older ones Says yeah How do we ...


0 Comments, 148 Views, 8 Votes ,3.25 Score
rm_goodsxwithu 53 C
10  Articles
Teacher   11/12/2014

The teacher told her class that if they masturbated they would go blind. Then Johnny raised his hand and the teacher asked him if he had a question. Johnny asked "Can I just do it till I need glasses?"


2 Comments, 87 Views, 11 Votes ,2.98 Score
the69candylicker 55 M
12  Articles
New Boots   11/11/2014

An elderly couple, Ray and Bessie, recently moved to Texas. Ray has always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly! He walks into the house and says to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"

Bessie looks him over, "Nope."

Frustrated, Ray storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back ...


0 Comments, 127 Views, 11 Votes ,5.04 Score
girlinfire240188 36 F
1  Article
boss   11/11/2014

A boss said to his secretary I want to have SEX with you I will make it very fast. I'll throw $1000 on the floor, by the time you bend down to pick it I'll be done. She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend then said to her, do it but "Ask him for $2000, pick up the money very fast he wouldn't even have enough time to undressed himself." So she ...


1 Comments, 94 Views, 8 Votes ,4.64 Score
the69candylicker 55 M
12  Articles
Boobs and Willies   11/10/2014

A family is sitting around the supper table. The asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there? The father, surprised, answers, "Well, , there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a women's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions." "Onions?" "Yes, you see them ...


0 Comments, 125 Views, 13 Votes ,4.99 Score
priya8891 36 F
8  Articles
Advantages Of Breast Milk   11/10/2014

1: Cat can’t steal it.

2: No need to boil.

3: Available in attractive containers.

4: One is Free with another

5: Popular in all age group

6:No Expiry date


4 Comments, 66 Views, 13 Votes ,4.49 Score
priya8891 36 F
8  Articles
Man And Woman In Bus   11/10/2014

A man was sitting in bus his elbow touched a woman breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to woman and says, ‘Madam, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you’ll forgive me.’ She replies, ‘If your penis is as much hard as your elbow, I’m in room 112.


1 Comments, 85 Views, 14 Votes ,5.22 Score
priya8891 36 F
8  Articles
Condom talking to Whisper   11/10/2014

Condom talking to Whisper : Dear, Every month you stop my business for one week Whisper says : oh , if you make a mistake for one time, I’ll loose my business for “Nine” months…..


1 Comments, 51 Views, 9 Votes ,4.71 Score
priya8891 36 F
8  Articles
Gynecologist Appointment   11/10/2014

One night, couple were laying down the husband gently taps his wife’s hip and starts rubbing her breast. The wife turns over and said: sorry honey, I’ve gynecologist appointment 2morrow and I want to keep it fresh.”…………………………………..

The husband, dejected, turned over and tried to sleep. Unable to sleep a few minute later, he taps his wife shoulder again. ...


1 Comments, 118 Views, 15 Votes ,6.04 Score
Great_eight 58 M
10  Articles
Hockey joke   11/9/2014

Q: What does an Montreal Canadiens fan do when his team has won the Stanley Cup? A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.


0 Comments, 18 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Great_eight 58 M
10  Articles
Free sex   11/9/2014

A gas station in Toronto was trying to increase it's sales. So the owner put up a sign saying "Free Sex With Fill-Up."

Soon a Canadian pulls in, fills his tank, and then asks for his free sex. The gas attendent tells him pick to a number from 1 to 10 if he guesses correctly, he will get his free sex. The Canadian says, "9" The gas attendent says, "You were close, sir, but the number was ...


0 Comments, 121 Views, 10 Votes ,5.97 Score
Nipples [member username]   11/9/2014

When I was a wee lad I wondered why God gave me nipples. Girls were little pests but they had nipples too, and Mum had nipples that she used. What use were mine? By the time girls became big girls and grew interesting shapes, I wondered why Darwin gave me nipples. What use were mine? By the time girls became women, I didn't wonder who given me niplles, just why! And then I met Leila, and she ...


1 Comments, 74 Views, 2 Votes
Senior Sex   11/8/2014

A senior couple goes to a doctor.

“We’re having a problem having sex, ” the man said. “We’d like you to watch and see what we are doing wrong.”

The doctor reluctantly agrees and takes them into the exam room. The couple gets undressed, climb on the exam table and have sex.

When they’re done the doctor says, “I really don’t see a problem with your ...


0 Comments, 173 Views, 12 Votes ,5.10 Score
Great_eight 58 M
10  Articles
It's really cold....   11/8/2014

A Canadian was driving his snowmobile on a particularly cold winter day. As he was nearing the end of his ride his snowmobile broke down, luckily he was able to get it towed to a nearby town so a mechanic could examine it.

As the mechanic was examining the machine, the snowmobiler stepped outside to the cold in order to have a cigarette.

The mechanic came out and said "Buddy, I ...


0 Comments, 109 Views, 7 Votes ,4.31 Score
priya8891 36 F
8  Articles
little boy   11/8/2014

“A little boy and his friends are being called bastards and bitches by bullies at school. The boy goes home and asks, "Dad, what are bastards and bitches?" And his dad replies, "Bitches are ladies and bastards are gentlemen." Then the boy goes upstairs to see his mom. As he enters the room, he accidentally drops a perfume bottle, and his mom says, "Shit!" "Mom, what is shit?" and she says, ...


4 Comments, 134 Views, 13 Votes ,5.32 Score
priya8891 36 F
8  Articles
girl   11/8/2014

A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her pants and says, “My mommy ...


2 Comments, 91 Views, 9 Votes ,4.49 Score
priya8891 36 F
8  Articles
boy   11/8/2014

The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"


0 Comments, 33 Views, 7 Votes ,4.57 Score
priya8891 36 F
8  Articles
girl friend   11/8/2014

I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild nights we used to enjoy together. I couldn’t believe it when she asked if I’d like to meet up and maybe rekindle a little of that magic. "Wow!", I said, "I don’t know if I could keep pace with you now! I’m a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!" She ...


2 Comments, 128 Views, 12 Votes ,4.04 Score
priya8891 36 F
8  Articles
18 dau   11/7/2014

Three men went Las Vegas and after a losing their money at the blackjack tables, the best friends decided to stay off the strip in a not so lavish hotel and the guy that owned it had 18 daughters so the first man went up to they’re father and said "can I sleep with your 18 daughters?" the father said "no but you can sleep with the pigs." the second man went to the father and said "can I sleep ...


5 Comments, 114 Views, 12 Votes ,4.74 Score
priya8891 36 F
8  Articles
a boy   11/7/2014

A little boy walks into a house with a $100 bill and a dead frog. He goes to the and asks for the ho with the most venerial diseases. The is surprised but gives the boy his ho. After the boy does his deed, the asks why he wanted the ho with all the venerial diseases. The boy answers: When I go home, I will get a babysitter while my parents go out to eat and I’ll fuck her. When my parents ...


1 Comments, 106 Views, 8 Votes ,4.17 Score
Nana432100 31 F
1  Article
Dirty jokes   11/7/2014

The elephant asked a camel, why do u hv ur breasts on ur back.?

Camel irritated but modest replies, wha a silly Q from someone who has a dick on his face.


2 Comments, 44 Views, 8 Votes ,3.01 Score
kimdan4fun 41 C
10  Articles
Mixed feelings   11/4/2014

It's the feelings you get seeing your mother in law driving your new Mercedes off a cliff.


1 Comments, 57 Views, 10 Votes ,2.19 Score
Aarush's Laws of Sex   11/4/2014

Three Law's of AArush First One is "Every men has pole but Women has hole" Second ONe "When pole enters into hole it produce new soul" Third One "Hand in motion produces lotion."


0 Comments, 26 Views, 3 Votes
HAHA   11/3/2014

What's worse than having your doctor tell you you have an STD? Having your dentist tell you.


3 Comments, 66 Views, 8 Votes ,2.55 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
humour   10/31/2014

a man goes to church one Sunday and when he comes back from church he lift up his wife up and let her down after some time, the wife with all smiles and blushes and say to him "you really show that you love me today, you should go to church more often" Then continues to ask "what happened at church?" the man replied "the Pastor said that when we get home, we should lift up our problems to the ...


1 Comments, 134 Views, 6 Votes ,3.37 Score
Polish Hookers   10/30/2014

In Poland hookers line the country roads waiting for truckers or other men to need sex. A major fire had broken out in the area. To help, a city fire unit came in.. The sirens screamed as the firemen approached a waiting next to a small donkey and cart with a bed in the back pulled to the side. The fire truck zoomed by. A moment later, a hook-and-ladder came tearing along. As it turned ...


0 Comments, 117 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
Witches   10/30/2014

Here's one for Halloween..... Why don't witches wear panties????????????

So they can grip their broom better!

Why can't ghost have ???????????

Because they have Hallo weenies. Hope you all get alot of tricks and especially treats.


2 Comments, 46 Views, 7 Votes ,0.75 Score
Train Ride   10/29/2014

Joe is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt.

Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realizes she has gone without underwear.

The blonde realizes he is staring and inquires, "Are you looking at my pussy?"

"Yes, I'm sorry, " says Joe and promises to avert his eyes.

"It's ...


5 Comments, 233 Views, 18 Votes ,4.35 Score
twomuchfu 64 C
11  Articles
Mustache   10/27/2014

A mustache is just a bumper for hi speed cock suckers.


3 Comments, 32 Views, 9 Votes
rm_steve123xx 52 M
1  Article
new bird   10/27/2014

They went and crossed 2 birds, a woodpecker and a swallow. You know what they called it? a peckerheadedcocksucker


2 Comments, 28 Views, 6 Votes ,1.09 Score
Boss said to his secretary   10/26/2014

A boss said to his secretary I want to have SEX with you I will make it very fast. I'll throw $1000 on the floor, by the time you bend down to pick it I'll be done. She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend then said to her, do it but "Ask him for $2000, pick up the money very fast he wouldn't even have enough time to undressed himself." So she ...


4 Comments, 147 Views, 15 Votes ,4.51 Score
The burglar   10/25/2014

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, ‘Jesus knows you’re here.’ He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard a ...


3 Comments, 141 Views, 15 Votes ,4.66 Score
Low Sperm Count   10/25/2014

A 70 year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow." The next day the 70 year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on - the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explains: "Well, doc, it's like this: ...


4 Comments, 132 Views, 13 Votes ,4.49 Score
The Dentist   10/25/2014

One day, a man walked into a dentist's surgery and asked how much it would cost to extract a wisdom tooth. "Forty quid, " the dentist said. "That's a ridiculous amount, " the man said. "Isn't there a cheaper way?" "Well, " the dentist said, "if you don't use an anaesthetic, I can knock the price down to 30 pounds." Looking annoyed, the man said, "That's still far too expensive!" "Okay, " said the ...


2 Comments, 135 Views, 9 Votes ,1.93 Score
Well Endowed   10/25/2014

A guy goes to see the doctor, because he's been a little too well endowed, shall we say. In fact, it's 25 inches long. Can't get any women to have sex with him. No men either, one would think. Anyway, the doctor says there's nothing he can do medically, but sends him to see a witch that he thinks might be able to help.

The Witch takes a look at the problem (yikes!) and tells him to go to ...


2 Comments, 170 Views, 11 Votes ,3.92 Score
Man and woman   10/24/2014

Man "Want to hear a joke about my dick? Never mind, its too long."

Woman "Wanna hear a joke about my pussy? Never mind, you won't get it"


3 Comments, 56 Views, 12 Votes ,2.62 Score
rm_waren002 25 M
3  Articles
Baking the Cake :D   10/24/2014

A little guy surprisingly caught his mum and dad having sex on the couch which is next the kitchen at night.

The little curious questioned: "What were you doing with dad?

The Mum was surprised and said: "We were baking a cake for your birthday tomorrow"

The next day the little guy asked his mum: "The cake in the kitchen, it is the one you were baking with dad?" ...


3 Comments, 127 Views, 8 Votes ,1.16 Score
rm_waren002 25 M
3  Articles
CAT   10/24/2014

Tom: Brother!! help.. dad will kill our cat!!

John (Tom's Bro) : Whaaaaaat?? Why are you saying that??

Tom: Yesterday I heard dad saying to mum " I want to eat your pussy!!"..

John: ROFL.. Dont worry.. its not our cat that dad's talking


2 Comments, 61 Views, 6 Votes ,1.66 Score
justsingle45 51 M
10  Articles
the wife   10/22/2014

He looked deep into the eyes of the woman he loved and said, "My heart is broken. I saw you with another man yesterday."

"Oh don't be silly!" she replied, "That was just my husband, you know there's no one but you."


4 Comments, 92 Views, 10 Votes ,2.19 Score
funcouple1338 49 C
1  Article
Hi   10/19/2014

All these single guys trying to hook up now that's a joke.


1 Comments, 41 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Lube   10/19/2014

How Much Lube Do You Need For Anal Sex?



A Buttload!!!


1 Comments, 19 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Elderly Couple   10/19/2014

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time.

Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.

Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.

They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.Finally, the elderly gentleman ...


2 Comments, 156 Views, 14 Votes ,4.74 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Scottsman   10/19/2014

How'd the Scottsman find the sheep in the tall grass? Quite friendly!

What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scottish farmer?

The Stones sang: "Hey you, get off a my cloud." The farmer yells: "Hey McCloud, get off a my ewe!"


1 Comments, 43 Views, 6 Votes ,2.51 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Missing   10/19/2014

Recently, a distraught wife went to the local police station, along with her next-door neighbor, to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description of the missing man.

The wife said, “He is 35 years old, 6-foot 4-inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the .”

The next-door neighbor ...


1 Comments, 133 Views, 9 Votes ,2.14 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Laughing lips   10/19/2014

So this girl goes to the plastic surgeon to get better lips.

After a while she wasn't satisfied with them anymore and decided to sue the plastic surgeon who did the operation; she discovered that the lips had previously belonged to a deceased clown.

So why did she want to sue?





She sued him because.. after the surgery... her lips 'made her feel funny' ...


0 Comments, 62 Views, 4 Votes ,1.30 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Amish   10/19/2014

Clip clop clip clop bang bang bang.... an Amish drive by shooting.


1 Comments, 13 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Dave6869 56 M
5  Articles
How to start a fight   10/19/2014



\









One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift



The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.



When she asked me why, I replied,



"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"



And that's how the fight started.....

...


0 Comments, 67 Views, 6 Votes ,5.07 Score
MovingOn001 64 M
7  Articles
Construction workers at a convent   10/17/2014

There was a large construction project going on at a convent. The project had been going on for a while and there had been a few problems, so people's nerves were on edge. Finally one day, the mother superior of the convent called the construction supervisor into her office.

"Sir, you HAVE to talk with your men! This is a holy place, blessed by God, and their language is not suitable for ...


2 Comments, 159 Views, 9 Votes ,3.64 Score
MovingOn001 64 M
7  Articles
How to get a nun pregnant   10/17/2014

How do you get a nun pregnant?







Dress her up as an altar boy


0 Comments, 27 Views, 0 Votes
Mr Angus McDonald [blog username]   10/15/2014

My old friend Angus, 85, needed some extensive surgery. As the consultant ran through the preliminary pre-op list with Angus, ticking boxes, he paused and said, "Irrelevant". Angus said, "what?". The consultant at him mildly and said, "Oh, just the sperm freezing, seems pointless at your age?" "Hell, no, I'll have that". The consultant shrugged, and handed him a bottle with a safety lid. "Just ...


0 Comments, 84 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
MovingOn001 64 M
7  Articles
Two Hunters   10/15/2014

Two hunters, neither of whom had an IQ much higher than a rock, were out hunting one day. As they were walking along the dirt road through the woods, they came upon a sign. The sign said "Bear Left", so they went home.


0 Comments, 48 Views, 5 Votes ,2.16 Score
Two idiots   10/13/2014

These two idiots were walking through the wood and came across a sink hole. They wondered how deep it was and threw a rock down and never heard it land. they decided they needed something larger so they grabbed a railroad tie lying near by and tossed it into the hole. Right after they threw the tie a goat whizzed by them and jumped down the hole. The looked at each other and shrugged their ...


2 Comments, 125 Views, 8 Votes ,2.32 Score
Someone from back home   10/13/2014

A couple in their 50's were traveling in their RV from Maine to Florida. They stopped for gas in Georgia and the attendant asked the guy if he wanted to fill it up. The wife being very hard of hearing said "WHAT DID HE SAY?" The husband yelled 'HE ASKED IF WE WANTED TO FILL IT UP." While pumping the gas the attendant asked the husband if he wanted his oil checked and he said yes. The wife again ...


0 Comments, 107 Views, 5 Votes ,4.77 Score
fucking love   10/12/2014

I said fuck yu man


0 Comments, 26 Views, 0 Votes
MrBBC1 48 M
3  Articles
Turna Brown   10/12/2014

One day on an elevator there was a black guy and a white guy talking. The white guy could barely understand the black guy because he talked to fast. The black guy introduced himself by saying I'm 7 ft tall, with a 12 inch cock, right ball weigh 50 lbs, left ball weigh 50 lbs, and they call me Turna Brown. The white guy passes out. After a few minutes the white guy woke up off the floor and ask ...


0 Comments, 106 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
chiefconsultant6 74 M
1  Article
and so it goes   10/11/2014

From a friends profile I read: ....."A Penis has a sad life: His hair is a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an asshole and his owner beats him"


1 Comments, 33 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
railroad   10/11/2014

A man is telling his friend of a recent experience: "I was walking along beside the railway line" he says, "When I saw this girl tied to the tracks. Well, naturally I freed her, pulled her off the tracks and ended up having sex with her all night." "Did you get a blow job?" asks his friend. "No!" he says, "I never did find the head.


1 Comments, 36 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
doctors office   10/11/2014

There was a girl that came into the doctors office. Then awed by her beauty all his professionalism goes right out the window. He tells her to take her pants off , then he starts to rub her thighs, he asked her "Do you know what I am doing?" She replied "Yes your checking for abnorbilities." Then he tell her to take of her bra and shirt and he rubs her boobs and asks her "Do you know what I am ...


0 Comments, 122 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Fens   10/11/2014

Best chat up line in Spalding is "I've come to widen your gene pool". Definition of a virgin in Wisbech is a girl who can run faster than her uncle. username...


0 Comments, 21 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
alexprince2007 52 M
1  Article
a day at the office...lol   10/11/2014

A boss said to his secretary I want to have SEX with you I will make it very fast. I'll throw $1000 on the floor, by the time you bend down to pick it I'll be done. She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend then said to her, do it but "Ask him for $2000, pick up the money very fast he wouldn't even have enough time to undressed himself." So she ...


0 Comments, 83 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Fucked now   10/11/2014

A woman with no arms or legs was sitting on the beach when along a , an jogging down the beach. So she gets his attention and tells him she has never been hugged. So he reached down and hugged her then went on his way.

A few minutes later another man comes jogging down the beach. So she gets his attention and tells him she's never been kissed. So he reached down and kissed her and went ...


1 Comments, 98 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Elderly lady   10/11/2014

I Was at the ATM Yesterday When an Elderly Lady Approached and Asked Me to Help Her Check Her Balance.....So I Pushed Her...Who Knew???


1 Comments, 47 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
PARKING SPOTS   10/11/2014

What are the similarities between women and car parking spaces?

All the good ones are taken so sometimes when no-ones looking you stick it in a disabled one.


0 Comments, 18 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
TRUE?????   10/11/2014

The American Government has revealed it's emergency plans in case of an outbreak of Ebola were to happen in the states. The Emergency plans are as follows....

More guns.


0 Comments, 41 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
OUCH   10/11/2014

Ebola - finishing what Live Aid started


0 Comments, 16 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
cat   10/9/2014

The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!


0 Comments, 14 Views, 0 Votes
Shrewdy2 60 M
6  Articles
Try not to giggle!   10/9/2014

Went to my weight watchers group the other day & dropped my malteasers on the floor, well it was best game of Hungry Hippos I've ever seen!!


0 Comments, 26 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
rm_sweatmuscle 71 M
1  Article
The three rings associated with marriage ?   10/8/2014

(1) Engagement ring ! (2) Wedding ring ! (3) The suffer ring !!


0 Comments, 9 Views, 1 Votes
Shrewdy2 60 M
6  Articles
No nuts or bolts required!   10/8/2014

IKEA have launched a new easy to assemble Lesbian bed, there's no screwing together but a lot of tongue in groove!!


1 Comments, 24 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
rm_misterbach13 73 M
8  Articles
New & Improved   10/6/2014

When a product comes out as "New & Improved" does that mean we were idiots for buying the old version?


1 Comments, 17 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
rm_misterbach13 73 M
8  Articles
Milk   10/6/2014

Is all Chinese milk Lo Fat?


1 Comments, 11 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
rm_misterbach13 73 M
8  Articles
The Beaver   10/6/2014

*When Jerry Mathers loses his hair will he be known as the Brazilian Beaver?


0 Comments, 6 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
rm_misterbach13 73 M
8  Articles
Ugly Women   10/6/2014

I HAVE NEVER GONE TO BED WITH AN UGLY WOMAN..... I have woken up with a few, though.


1 Comments, 17 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
rm_misterbach13 73 M
8  Articles
Linoleum   10/6/2014

Did you hear about the mohel who saved all the foreskins? He glued them to the linoleum and when he buffed them he got a hard wood floor.


1 Comments, 12 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
rm_misterbach13 73 M
8  Articles
Invisible ink?   10/6/2014

If Claude Rains got a tattoo would they use invisible ink?


0 Comments, 5 Views, 1 Votes
rm_misterbach13 73 M
8  Articles
Bad driver   10/6/2014

My ex- was such a bad driver she hit more trees than George of the Jungle.


0 Comments, 12 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
rm_misterbach13 73 M
8  Articles
3 boobs   10/6/2014

All MARRIED women have three boobs… if you include the one they married.


0 Comments, 9 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
rm_kinkyEDVARD 23 M
1  Article
Jokes   10/6/2014

A family is at the dinner table. The asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, , a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the asks. “Yes. You see them and ...


1 Comments, 54 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
Indian Names   10/5/2014

An Indian boy went to his mother and asked, “How do Indian boys get their name?”

Mom told him, “I don’t know, ask your father.”

He went to his father. “How do Indian boys get their name?”

Dad said, “I don’t know, ask the medicine man.”

The boy went to the medicine man. “How do Indian boys get their name?”

The medicine man ...


1 Comments, 114 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
Engaged Couple   10/5/2014

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him.

St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has ...


1 Comments, 121 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
Clodiusthefirst 77 M
23  Articles
Sundry thoughts   10/4/2014

Waltz= Navel encounter without loss of semen.

Group names A chapter of Trollops A refusal of Bank Managers. An exaggeration of Estate Agents(Realtors) A fanfare of Strumpets.

Book titles. Shorter skirts by Seymour Legg 20 years in the saddle by Major Bumsore. Baby's Revenge by Nora Titsoff


0 Comments, 22 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
Shrewdy2 60 M
6  Articles
Choose carefully!   9/29/2014

Stephen Hawking has been found at home with a fractured skull & broken hip. Police suspect that his new girlfriend stood him up!!


0 Comments, 41 Views, 6 Votes ,1.94 Score
LayDownAndDance 52 M
1  Article
a birch or a beech   9/29/2014

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, 'Is that a of a beech or a of a birch?'

The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.

The birch says, 'Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a of a beech or a of a birch?'

The ...


0 Comments, 99 Views, 6 Votes ,2.51 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
FARM joins the Marines   9/27/2014

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth ...


6 Comments, 146 Views, 16 Votes ,6.07 Score
The Wedding Night   9/24/2014

A couple got married and on their wedding night they retired to their room. She excused herself and went into the bathroom to “get ready”. He was eager to see his wife naked so he knelt by the bathroom door and peeked in through the keyhole.

The first thing he saw was his wife taking of her wig. Then he watched her take off her false eyelashes. Next came her bra with all it’s ...


2 Comments, 225 Views, 9 Votes ,2.57 Score
liqher13 57 M
4  Articles
anal joke   9/24/2014

A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well.

"What's the matter?" he asks.

"I have a case of anal glaucoma, " she says in a weak voice.

"What the hell is anal glaucoma?"

"I can't see my ass coming into work today


2 Comments, 73 Views, 9 Votes ,4.49 Score
liqher13 57 M
4  Articles
Honest reply   9/24/2014

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she ...


0 Comments, 94 Views, 8 Votes ,4.87 Score
talionfrost 27 M
9  Articles
the value of a quarter   9/20/2014

im shopping with some friends were heading back to the car i go to return the 25 cent cart as i see my friends skid out of the parking lot and drive start to drive away as i yell jokes on you I got your quarter


1 Comments, 98 Views, 12 Votes ,0.86 Score
Lost_Cause_69 51 M
6  Articles
Do not stop... please...   9/20/2014

There is an Italian, a Frenchman, and an Englishman sitting in a bar talking... and the Italian is bragging that last night he made love to his wife 3 times and this morning his wife made him breakfast in bed and told him how amazing he was the night before. The Frenchman said "That’s nothing. I made love to my wife 5 times last night and then this morning to show her appreciation she made me ...


2 Comments, 195 Views, 11 Votes ,4.10 Score
Lost_Cause_69 51 M
6  Articles
Without Fail....   9/20/2014

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced five husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you’ve been married five times?" "Well, Husband 1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband 2 was an engineer; he understood the basic process ...


4 Comments, 134 Views, 10 Votes ,5.58 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Scotland   9/19/2014

I used to chase skirt all over the world,

till I got to Scotland.....

Holy shit was I surprised.......


3 Comments, 72 Views, 12 Votes ,3.51 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
House Painter   9/19/2014

There is a guy painting a house and he gets tired of painting and goes to a whorehouse and says, "Give me the biggest black woman that you have"

So the Madame at the whorehouse says, "Go upstairs she's in the corner, "

So the painter goes upstairs and says, "Spread your legs as much as possible."

She does and he walks away. The black woman then says, "Is that all you ...


2 Comments, 139 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Amish Elevator   9/19/2014

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall.

They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, "What is this Father?"

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, ", I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don"t know what it ...


2 Comments, 112 Views, 6 Votes ,5.64 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THE STAR OF THE SHOW   9/19/2014

A trumpeter is hired to play two solos in a movie. After the sessions he is paid handsomely and promised by the director that he will be notified when the movie is released to the public.

Three months later, he receives a notice that the movie will make its debut in Times Square at a porno house. The musician enters the theatre wearing a dark raincoat and shades. Unaccustomed to porno ...


2 Comments, 130 Views, 7 Votes ,4.82 Score
sadako2l 43 F
4  Articles
Observing the perverted mind   9/16/2014

What’s most useful when it’s long and hard? A college education.


2 Comments, 59 Views, 11 Votes ,2.98 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Remove the hat????   9/16/2014

A women goes into a Photo shop after reading a sign in the window that reads...All photos reproduced for $5.

She gives her picture of her later husband to the owner and says...can your reproduce this photo but with the mole he has on his chin can you leave that out?

The owner replies....Sure, not a problem

The lady then askes...How much?

The owner ...


1 Comments, 160 Views, 14 Votes ,2.82 Score
JimmyLSlamU 61 M
2  Articles
Fat Girlfriend   9/15/2014

How do you know when your girlfriend is starting to get Fat?? When she starts to fit into your wife's clothes!!


1 Comments, 39 Views, 10 Votes ,3.39 Score
Lost_Cause_69 51 M
6  Articles
Fallen   9/15/2014

An old priest who became sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll leave the priesthood!" Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen". This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until ...


2 Comments, 142 Views, 7 Votes ,4.31 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Great Chicken   9/14/2014

Whoo man, I fingered this fat bitch earlier and it was just like sticking your hand in a greasy bucket of KFC chicken,

with the exception of wanting to lick your fingers after.


0 Comments, 44 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Doggy visit to the vet   9/14/2014

Three people, 2 men and 1 woman, and their dogs are in the Vets waiting room.

The first man's asked the second man's dog what he's there for.

They are putting me down. Oh no, says the first dog, why?

The second says, "Well, you see... I've been chasing the Postman for years. Yesterday, I finally caught him, and bit him. So, I'm going to be put to sleep.

The ...


1 Comments, 137 Views, 9 Votes ,5.99 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
AT THE AUCTION   9/14/2014

Wife : "I dreamt they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for ten dollars and the thick ones went for twenty dollars." Husband : "How about the ones like mine?" Wife : "Those they gave away." Husband : "I had a dream too...I dreamt they were auctioning off cunts. The pretty ones went for a thousand dollars, and the little tight ones went for two thousand." Wife : "And how much for the ...


0 Comments, 129 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
ANAL   9/14/2014

My girlfriend said if this gets 100 votes we'll try anal.





So please don't vote, her strap on is huge and it really scares me.


0 Comments, 39 Views, 8 Votes ,4.64 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Must be a blonde   9/14/2014

she thought a quarterback was a refund

She thought General Motors was in the Army.

At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign Here", she wrote Sagittarius.

Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked on Phonics".

She spent twenty minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "concentrate".

She told me to meet her at the ...


0 Comments, 73 Views, 6 Votes ,4.22 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
spell what?????????????   9/14/2014

I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles.

My next crap could spell disaster.


0 Comments, 34 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Magnums   9/14/2014

A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if the store carries extra-large condoms.

“Yes we do, ” he says. “Would you like to buy some?”

“No, ” she replies. “But do you mind if I wait around until someone does?”


0 Comments, 35 Views, 6 Votes ,4.22 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Metal of Bravery   9/14/2014

An officer shouted orders to a nearby soldier.

With considerable bravery, the soldier ran directly onto the field of battle, in the line of fire, to retrieve a dispatch case from a dead soldier.

In a hail of bullets, he dove back to safety.

“Private…” the officer said, “I’m recommending you for a medal of bravery. You risked your life to save the locations ...


2 Comments, 112 Views, 6 Votes ,3.65 Score
sadako2l 43 F
4  Articles
russian   9/14/2014

Why did the Russian wear fur underwear?

Ans:He wanted ball to ball carpeting.


2 Comments, 39 Views, 9 Votes ,3.00 Score
andreaplaysnice 61 T
9  Articles
Geting screwed   9/13/2014

Guy walks up to the bartender and says
" I wanna get fucked, you know where I can go to get fucked around here?"
Bartender says "Go to the apartment building across the street, upstairs to
apartment 3b and knock on the door, but it might not be what you're expecting"
Guy says "I don't care, I wanna get fucked" and heads out the door.
Once he gets there, he pounds on the door ...


1 Comments, 191 Views, 11 Votes ,4.10 Score
jack_wyatt31 36 M
1  Article
ski lodge   9/13/2014

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"


1 Comments, 46 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
QUICKIES   9/11/2014

* A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you omfortable? " The man says, "I make a good living."

* I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

* I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me!

* Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends ...


0 Comments, 67 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
IRISH & HIS FIRST PINT   9/11/2014

My and his first pint ....... I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons and memories came flooding back of the time I took my out for his first pint.

Off we went to our local pub which is only two blocks from the house. I got him a Harp. He didn't like it - so I had it. Then I got him a Guinness, he didn't like it, so I had it. It was the same with the Kilkenny and ...


1 Comments, 78 Views, 8 Votes ,5.33 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
STUCK IN AN ELEVATOR?????   9/11/2014

If you get stuck in an elevator, what do you do?



1. You start to scream and shout hysterically ?

2. You cry like a baby ?

3. You get claustrophobic ?

4. You call the fire department for help ?

5. You call the caretaker for help ? ...


0 Comments, 91 Views, 6 Votes ,5.93 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
PUZZLER?????   9/11/2014

Puzzler?

Either it's the most fascinating book...or she's reading the Instruction Manual.


2 Comments, 35 Views, 6 Votes ,3.37 Score
foxeyatfifty 67 F
26  Articles
Remember to put your toys away...   9/11/2014

This happened to one of my friends..Well mum and dad were getting ready for work..mum in the kitchen making breakfast, dad in the shower..and junior, only 4 yrs old..making his way around the house....Well dad got dried and dressed, mum finished off breakfast..had lunch ready for dad..And then dad was looking for his keys in a panic and said he must have left them on the bedside table ...the ...


0 Comments, 126 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
The World's Greatest Golfer   9/9/2014

The golfer hit his ball onto the green in Ireland. When he approaches the green he sees a leprechaun sitting on the hole. The leprechaun told him, “Leprechaun law says you get any wish you want.”

The golfer immediately says, “I want to be the world’s greatest golfer.”

The leprechaun tells him, “I can do that but it’s going to affect your sex life.”

...


2 Comments, 171 Views, 7 Votes ,5.33 Score
BillySmith401 64 M
2  Articles
Dumb & Dumber   9/7/2014

A mother and father took their to a nude beach. As the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had boobs bigger than his mother’s, and asked her why.

She told her , "The bigger they are the dumber the person is." The boy pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger "units" than his dad. ...


1 Comments, 139 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
joke   9/7/2014

Seven wise men with knowledge so fine, created a pussy to their design. First was a butcher, with smart wit, using a knife, he gave it a slit, Second was a carpenter, strong and bold, with a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole, Third was a tailor, tall and thin, by using red velvet, he lined it within, Fourth was a hunter, short and stout, with a piece of fox fur, he lined it ...


0 Comments, 85 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
GOOD CLEANING   9/6/2014

An old man and his wife were always arguing, he would yell and scream she would sit quietly and then get up and go and clean the toilet.

One day he asked her why she didn’t get mad at him. She replied I just go and clean the toilet.

How does that help he asked,

I use your toothbrush she replied.


0 Comments, 43 Views, 4 Votes ,5.19 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THANKS   9/6/2014

I wonder if a receptionist at a sperm bank has ever used the phrase: "Thanks for coming."


1 Comments, 39 Views, 6 Votes ,3.65 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
DINNER   9/6/2014

My girl caught me blowing my dick with the air dryer, and asked what I was doing?

Apparently "heating your dinner" wasn't a good answer.


0 Comments, 30 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Oral Sex Survey   9/6/2014

5000 MEN WERE SURVEYED AS TO WHY THEY LIKE TO RECEIVE ORAL SEX.

1% LIKED THE WARMTH,

2% LIKED THE SENSATION,

3% LIKED THE EROTICISM,

94% JUST LIKED THE PEACE & QUIET.


3 Comments, 41 Views, 6 Votes ,5.64 Score
andreaplaysnice 61 T
9  Articles
The Geezer   9/6/2014

Eighty year old man walks into the doctors office one day,
steps up to the receptionist where she says
"Good morning sir, how may we help you today?"

"Gotta problem with ma cock"
"Need to see the doctor"


(Several gasps and snickers from around the waiting room)
"SIR!" the receptionist says.
"You can't just come in to a public place and say things like ...


0 Comments, 141 Views, 8 Votes ,4.87 Score
Lost_Cause_69 51 M
6  Articles
What's politics actually all about...   9/6/2014

A small boy asks his Dad, "Daddy, what is politics?" Dad says, "Well , let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll ...


1 Comments, 72 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
markchampagne83 40 M
1  Article
4 stages of sex...   9/5/2014

HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.

BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.

HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU"

COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in ...


1 Comments, 51 Views, 8 Votes ,3.25 Score
Rating a Blonde   9/4/2014

A drop-dead gorgeous blonde walks into a bar. Immediately the guys start grading her. She hears a 9, 9.5, 9.2, etc. Then she hears a 6! She’s stunned. She identifies the man who gave the low number and approaches him.

“I’m really hurt. I have never been rate below a nine and you rated me a six! Why?”

The man says, “I grade on the Budweiser scale.”

...


1 Comments, 223 Views, 12 Votes ,5.45 Score
andreaplaysnice 61 T
9  Articles
The face lift   9/4/2014

A woman went in to get a face lift, and during the consultation, the doctor pointed out that over the course of time, it might be necessary to come in periodically for a "tightening" to maintain the look. Another option he explained, was a new procedure that installs a device so the patient could "self adjust" over time so she wouldn't need to make further appointments. However, he did recommend ...


2 Comments, 109 Views, 7 Votes ,3.30 Score
andreaplaysnice 61 T
9  Articles
The Nudist Beach   9/1/2014

The family went to the nudist beach one afternoon, and after a while, the little boy comes running up to his dad... "daddy daddy daddy, I just saw a man with a bigger penus than you."

"Well , you know what they say. The bigger they are the dumber they are".

A little while later the little girl come running up and says "mommy mommy mommy, I just saw a woman with bigger boobs than ...


1 Comments, 165 Views, 10 Votes ,4.98 Score
andreaplaysnice 61 T
9  Articles
The General   9/1/2014

The General had just taken command of the desert outpost and was out inspecting the camp with the sergeant. When they got to the parade grounds the general pulls up short and asks:



"Sergeant! What's this camel doing tied up to the flag pole?"

Sergeantt: "Well sir......she um.........well, it is a long way from town you know, and she really does boost morale around ...


0 Comments, 133 Views, 6 Votes ,3.65 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
TODAY'S THOUGHT   8/31/2014

Today's Thought



According to recent studies, blowjobs are the healthiest breakfast.



It comes with a sausage, two nuts and a protein shot.



Stay healthy girls... suck a dick!


1 Comments, 37 Views, 6 Votes ,3.08 Score
MechanicalMe 54 M
3  Articles
Taffy pull   8/30/2014

Father MacElry had just completed the Seminary and was at his first posting as an assistant Catholic Priest in a fairly large parish.

After getting settled in, hearing some confessions, serving a few communions, officiating at a few midnight masses, it was determined that he should give the sermon on the following Sunday.

His first time in the pulpit had the hapless assistant's ...


0 Comments, 110 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
lovestolick619 48 M
171  Articles
eating the pussy   8/30/2014

The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that pussy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"


2 Comments, 63 Views, 6 Votes ,3.93 Score
lovestolick619 48 M
171  Articles
eating the pussy   8/30/2014

The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"


2 Comments, 45 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
MechanicalMe 54 M
3  Articles
How Embarrasking!   8/29/2014

This isn't really a joke, it's actually a true story.

When I was younger, a best friend of my older sister had a baby girl.

The mother was the epitome of a Flower and was so "progressive" that the speed of light had nothing on her!

Being as progressive and "with it" as she was, she taught her about the "birds and the bees" at a very early age, around 4 years old.

Big ...


1 Comments, 131 Views, 4 Votes ,1.69 Score
MechanicalMe 54 M
3  Articles
The difference between an elephant and a train   8/29/2014

A mother took her to the zoo because they had just opened a "family" section that contained mother and father animals and their new born offspring.

They saw the Mama Elephant with the Papa Elephant and their baby Elephant.

The saw the Mama Zebra, the Papa Zebra and the baby Zebra

The saw many different kinds of animals together with their offspring.

On the train ride ...


2 Comments, 131 Views, 10 Votes ,4.78 Score
The Golf Lesson   8/29/2014

Mrs. Jones wanted to learn to play golf so she went to the local teaching pro. He had her hit some balls with her seven iron, as that’s a fairly easy club to hit. She popped them up, dribbled some off the tee. In other words couldn’t hit at all.

The pro said, “Mrs. Jones, you’re squeezing the club to tight. Now this may not sound polite but I want you to hold the club like ...


5 Comments, 253 Views, 14 Votes ,6.02 Score
Have you confessed?   8/29/2014

Two teenage catholic boy went to confession. The first one finished first and the 2nd one took his turn. Bless me father for I have sin. What have you done ? The boy replied: ' I had performed inappropriate act with a teenage girl '.

The priest replied: who is it ? I know all the teenage girls in this parish. Is it Mary? No father, I can't say. Is it Cathy? No father I really can't tell ...


4 Comments, 228 Views, 18 Votes ,5.03 Score
Heads up   8/29/2014

A 5 yr old boy asked her mother: " when you go to heaven, do you go head first or feet up first" ? With a puzzled look, the mother answered his : ' we go head first when we go to heaven'. But may I ask why you are asking this question?

The replied: ' I saw this woman in the park, she was screaming ' Lord I'm coming' with her feet up. Its a good thing this man was on top of her trying ...


1 Comments, 53 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
rm_waren002 25 M
3  Articles
Wrong Password   8/28/2014

A couple recently bought a laptop and while trying to set up a new password for their laptop, the husband proposed "mydick"; the wife fell on the ground laughing.

The screen showed : "password too short"




1 Comments, 36 Views, 7 Votes ,4.57 Score
MechanicalMe 54 M
3  Articles
Ole & Sven   8/27/2014

Two bachelor Norwegian farmers, brothers Ole and Sven were working in the 40 down by the county road.

A sporty red convertible pulls up and driving it is a women the likes of which they'd never seen! They thought she was the most beautiful thing they had ever seen!

If you saw their cow Bessy though, you'd understand that that didn't take much.

But anyway, she was ...


0 Comments, 85 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
MechanicalMe 54 M
3  Articles
Ole & Lena   8/27/2014

When Ole & Lena first got married, they came up with a code word they could use to indicate to each other that they were hot to trot and not to spare the Rommegrot.
The word they came up with was "Washing Machine".
It's been a number of decades that Ole and Lena have been married now and what was "hot to trot" is now closer to luke warm to sit down.
Anyway, Ole feels like trottin' one ...


1 Comments, 61 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
MechanicalMe 54 M
3  Articles
I said 12 inches!!!   8/27/2014

A piss-pot General from a backwater country needed to buy condoms for his troops.
He contacts Trojan in the US and trying to impress the salesman, says that he wants 10, 000 condoms for 12" dicks!
The salesman says, "Sir, do you really mean "inches" as in US Standard "inch", that seems quite long?"
The General gets all huffy and says, "I said 12 inches and I mean 12 inches!!!!"
...


0 Comments, 103 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
OLE & LENA AGAIN   8/26/2014

Ole was on his deathbed, and asked Lena to have all his and relatives come to his bedroom.

When they were there, he named each one - were they there?

Yes they were all there. He said, "then why are the lights still on in the living room downstairs?"


2 Comments, 70 Views, 6 Votes ,3.08 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
OLE & LENA   8/26/2014

And the other one was Ole was on his deathbed, and he could smell something good that Lena was baking.

He crawled down the stairs and reached on the table for a good cookie, but Lena slapped his hand.

"You can't have any - they're for the funeral!"


0 Comments, 39 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score
coolbreezes19 54 C
0  Articles
Mature joke   8/25/2014

The other day, I bumped into a Middle Aged Woman over 40's with her Grown up Standing besides her in a hotel lobby Elevator and accidentally my elbow went into her Breast .... We were both quite startled .. ....

I turned to her when the Elevator stopped at the Ground floor after her left... and said, 'Ma'am, if your Heart is as Soft as your Breast, I know you'll forgive me ...


0 Comments, 90 Views, 8 Votes ,4.41 Score
madhubala00 48 F
1  Article
Same Price   8/20/2014

Man to a Super Hot Air Hostess: Whats your name? Air Hostess : Eva Benz Man : Lovely name. Any relation with Mercedes Benz? Air Hostess : ( smiling ) Yes Same Price!!


2 Comments, 60 Views, 11 Votes ,3.35 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
SCAM   8/15/2014

Just got scammed out of $25.

Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes". Turns out it's all about golf.

Absolute waste of money!

Pass this on so others don't get scammed


4 Comments, 54 Views, 11 Votes ,4.66 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THE DIFFERENCE??????   8/15/2014

Have you ever smelled moth balls? - How did you get their little legs apart?

What's the difference between a bull and a cow?A bull smiles when you milk it

What’s the difference between a blond and a Mosquito?The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.

What’s the difference between a regular toad and a horney toad?A regular toad croaks "Ribbit Ribbit" while a ...


0 Comments, 89 Views, 14 Votes ,5.86 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
BANNED   8/15/2014

What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat?





Apparently banned from the petting zoo...


1 Comments, 43 Views, 9 Votes ,3.43 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
NO WHAT?????   8/15/2014

What do you call a woman with no clitoris?



It doesn't matter, she's not going to come.


5 Comments, 49 Views, 9 Votes ,4.07 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
OLD BOB   8/15/2014

John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully, "Give me one last request, dear, " he said.

"Of course, John, " his wife said softly.

"Six months after I die, " John said, "I want you to marry Bob."

"But I thought you hated Bob, " she said.

With his last breath John said, "I do!"


1 Comments, 70 Views, 9 Votes ,5.56 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
LARRY'S BAR????   8/15/2014

A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men.

In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?"

"Relax, " says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"


1 Comments, 49 Views, 6 Votes ,3.65 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
PESSIMIST   8/15/2014

Me: - Sweetie, why is the bottle of whiskey half empty?





Wife: - Because you're a pessimist, honey!


1 Comments, 24 Views, 4 Votes ,1.69 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
STAY   8/15/2014

I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever pup had fresh air.

She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.

I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay! ...


1 Comments, 110 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
MOB BOSS   8/15/2014

And we all know why a Mfioso Boss is like a two inch penis?





You don't wanna fuck with either of them!


1 Comments, 23 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
MAFIOSO   8/15/2014

Luigi walks 20 blocks to work every day and passes a shoe store twice every day. Each day he stops and looks to admire the Armani leather shoes.

He wants those shoes so much...it's all he can think about. After about 2 months he saves the price of the shoes, $300, and purchases them.

Every Friday night the Italian community holds a dance in the church basement - Luigi seizes ...


0 Comments, 78 Views, 5 Votes ,5.43 Score
Mother's Milk   8/13/2014

The professor was lecturing a hall full of medical students on milk for babies. He asked the question ‘Which is better for the baby cows milk or mother’s milk and give me three reasons why?’

One student immediately raised his hand. The professor asked him which one was better.

“Mother’s milk of course. First, it contains all the nutrients the baby needs. Two, ...


3 Comments, 204 Views, 11 Votes ,5.04 Score
s2ndegree 64 M
5  Articles
Trip to the vet.   8/7/2014

The man who takes his pet gorilla to the vet.The vet says, "she sure is small for a gorilla."That's funny! That's what my friends say about my wife.The man replied


0 Comments, 103 Views, 7 Votes
Big_dickstoner 29 M
4  Articles
Shameful   8/7/2014

How shameful is your sex life? More or less than you're comfortable with? What about your fantasy life? As is patently obvious, I have severe sexual dysfunctions that amuse me to no end, so recently I thought to wrap up some of you, my readers, in my own depravity by way of a sex survey and see if there's anything we can learn about sex, fantasy, and shame together in a friendly yet uncomfortable ...


2 Comments, 65 Views, 2 Votes
Big_dickstoner 29 M
4  Articles
First time   8/7/2014

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have a dinner with her parents.

Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.. He tells the pharmacist it’s his ...


1 Comments, 105 Views, 7 Votes ,3.30 Score
Big_dickstoner 29 M
4  Articles
First time   8/7/2014

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have a dinner with her parents.

Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.. He tells the pharmacist it’s his ...


3 Comments, 65 Views, 10 Votes ,3.78 Score
rm_rudawg317 41 M
1  Article
yup   8/7/2014

how many pigs it take to screw a light bulb nonelol


0 Comments, 22 Views, 1 Votes
A Bull Story   8/6/2014

A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

The rancher says, "Okay, but do not go in that field over there, " as he points out the location.

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his ...


3 Comments, 201 Views, 11 Votes ,5.60 Score
Sex After Death   8/4/2014

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death.

Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.

True to his word, he made the first contact:

"Marion ... Marion "

"Is that you, Bob?"

"Yes, I've come back like ...


1 Comments, 208 Views, 14 Votes ,5.70 Score
A Brazilian?   8/4/2014

A Blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says, 'Six Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.'

The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing 'That's horrible.'

Confused, he says, 'Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is that risk involved.'

After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, 'How many is a Brazilian?'


0 Comments, 111 Views, 9 Votes ,4.71 Score