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yea puppies!!! 11/16/2015
A father and his 6-year-old are walking down the street,
and they come across two dogs having sex. The boy is shocked
by what he sees and asks his father "Daddy, what are
they doing?" The father, not wanting to lie to his
, says "they're just making a puppy."
"OK" says the , and the father is relieved
that he doesn't probe further. The next day, the
bursts into his parents' room and sees them ...
3 Comments, 117 Views,
5 Votes
,5.75 Score
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At the convent 11/16/2015
Three nuns sitting around in the garden. The eldest in her
70s was hard of hearing and usually kept to herself and was
quietly knitting. The two younger nuns across from her
were discussing their garden endeavors. The first one
asks if the youngest nun had any success growing vegetables.
"Oh my yes..the biggest Italian squash was this long",
she said holding her hands a good foot apart, "and ...
2 Comments, 78 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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SAD STORY... MAN KILLED ON GOLF COURSE. 11/15/2015
A foursome of men waited at the men's tee while a foursome
of women was hitting in front of them -- taking their time.
When the final lady was ready to hit her ball, she hacked
it 10 feet . Then she went over and missed it completely.
Then she hacked it another ten feet and finally hacked it
another five feet.
She looked up at the patiently waiting men and said ...
1 Comments, 137 Views,
5 Votes
,5.10 Score
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Jack and Jill 11/15/2015
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy.
But Jack got a shock and a mouthfull of cock because Jills real name was RANDY 
1 Comments, 14 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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Bar Joke 11/14/2015
A guy goes into a bar in Louisiana where there is a robot bartender.
The robot says, “What will you have?”
The guy replies, “Whiskey.”
The robot brings back his drink and asks, “What’s your
IQ?”
The guy say, “168.”
The robot continues to talk about physics, space exploration,
and medical technology.
After the guy leaves and the more ...
3 Comments, 93 Views,
8 Votes
,3.48 Score
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pledge!!! 11/13/2015
A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor
told them, "We have special requirements for new
parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two
weeks." The couple agreed and came back at the end
of two weeks. The pastor asked them, "Well, were you
able to get through the two weeks without being intimate?"
"Pastor, I'm afraid we were not able to go without
sex for the two ...
4 Comments, 94 Views,
7 Votes
,5.84 Score
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Golf on Fridays 11/12/2015
After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When
asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade
listing every problem they had ever had in the years they
had been married.
On and on and on: neglect, emptiness, loneliness, lack
of intimacy, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire
laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.
Finally, ...
1 Comments, 112 Views,
4 Votes
,5.19 Score
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Jack & Jill 11/12/2015
Yep - they went up that hill to get the water. Jack fell down,
broke his crown & Jill exclaimed: 'What a clumsy
freaken aszhole Next time I get water...he stays at the
bottom..'
2 Comments, 22 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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WHAT RELIGION IS YOUR BRA? 11/11/2015
A man walked into the ladies department and shyly walked
up to the woman behind the counter and said, 'I'd
like to buy a bra for my wife. '
' What type of bra?' asked the clerk.
'Type?' inquires the man, 'There's
more than one type? '
' Look around, ' said the saleslady, as she showed
a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable.
Actually, even with ...
2 Comments, 118 Views,
7 Votes
,5.59 Score
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one for the veterans!!! 11/11/2015
One Sunday morning, the priest noticed Little Johnny was
staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the
church. It was covered with names, and small American flags
were mounted on either side of it.
The seven-year old had been staring at the plaque for some
time, so the priest walked up, stood beside the boy, and
said quietly, "Good morning, Little Johnny."
"Good ...
3 Comments, 91 Views,
8 Votes
,6.26 Score
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shucks daylight saving time! 11/10/2015
A rather confident 007 walks into a bar and takes a seat next
to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance,
then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman
notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No", he replies, "I've just been
given this state-of-the-art watch by Q and I was just testing
it." The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch?
What's ...
2 Comments, 78 Views,
10 Votes
,6.17 Score
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WW II story in celebration of our day 11/10/2015
A POW Camp in the heart of Germany -cold as hell, at morning
formation & the SS pays a visit on 'Remembrance
Day' 'Ve have a special treat for you captured soldiers
and airmen today. Someting you vill not forget! Ve have
reviewed the records and three of you vill be chosen for
immediate execution. You vill die just as your fathers
have lived. Ven your name is called you vill step forward, ...
0 Comments, 58 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
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WW II story in celebration of our day 11/10/2015
A POW Camp in the heart of Germany -cold as hell, at morning
formation & the SS pays a visit on 'Remembrance
Day' 'Ve have a special treat for you captured soldiers
and airmen today. Someting you vill not forget! Ve have
reviewed the records and three of you vill be chosen for
immediate execution. You vill die just as your fathers
have lived. Ven your name is called you vill step forward, ...
0 Comments, 13 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
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WW II story in celebration of our day 11/10/2015
A POW Camp in the heart of Germany -cold as hell, at morning
formation & the SS pays a visit on 'Remembrance
Day' 'Ve have a special treat for you captured soldiers
and airmen today. Someting you vill not forget! Ve have
reviewed the records and three of you vill be chosen for
immediate execution. You vill die just as your fathers
have lived. Ven your name is called you vill step forward, ...
0 Comments, 11 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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you did this! 11/8/2015
Johnny’s girlfriend was in labor with they first .
She was shouting out, “Get this out of me? Give me the drugs.”
She looked at him and said, “You did this to me you *******!”
He casually replied, “If you would care to remember,
I wanted to stick it up your *** but you said, ‘it’ll
be too painful!’.”
3 Comments, 61 Views,
8 Votes
,5.10 Score
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oh no!! 11/8/2015
A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when
he notices that the oil-pressure light is on. He gets out
to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives
to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station. After
dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around
town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona,
decides that something cold would really hit ...
2 Comments, 73 Views,
6 Votes
,5.93 Score
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Condom Explanation 11/7/2015
A man walks into a drug store with his adolescent . They
happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What
are these, Dad?"
The man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called
condoms, . Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see, " replied the boy pensively. "Yes,
I've heard of that in health class at school.
He looks over the display and picks up a package ...
1 Comments, 106 Views,
11 Votes
,4.10 Score
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Alzheimer's has its advantages 11/7/2015
Bill, 85, married Sue, a lovely 25 year old . . .
Since her new husband is so old, Sue decides that after their
wedding she and Bill should have separate bedrooms, because
she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert
himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities Sue prepares herself for
bed and the ...
1 Comments, 82 Views,
5 Votes
,5.43 Score
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When you are over seventy, who gives a shit. 11/7/2015
I was standing at the bar one night, minding my own business.
This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my ass and
said, "You're kind of cute you gotta phone number?"
I said, "Yea you gotta pen?" She said "Yea",
I got a pen". I said, "You better get back in it
before the farmer misses you". Cost me 6 stitches.
When you are over seventy . . . who gives a shit. ...
3 Comments, 61 Views,
7 Votes
,5.33 Score
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Lost Wallet 11/7/2015
A guy traveling through Mexico on vacation lost his wallet
and all of his identification.
Cutting his trip short, he attempted to make his way home
but was stopped by the U.S.
Customs Agent at the border.
"May I see your identification, please?" asked
the agent.
"I'm sorry, but I lost my wallet, " replied
the guy.
"Sure buddy, I hear that every day. ...
0 Comments, 60 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
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luv-va Jay-sus 11/7/2015
Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its
cruising altitude, the captain announced: "Ladies and Gentlemen,
this is your captain. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to
New York. The weather ahead is good, so we should have an uneventful flight. So, sit back, relax, and ... OH MY GOD!"
Silence followed ...
Some moments later, the captain came ...
1 Comments, 61 Views,
7 Votes
,4.57 Score
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good side effects! 11/6/2015
If I was a man and had an erection lasting longer than four
hours at my age. I wouldn't call a doctor. I would call
and >>! everybody I know!
3 Comments, 35 Views,
7 Votes
,5.33 Score
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Blonde 11/6/2015
Blonde picks up her blouse from dry cleaners. Checks to
see if spot was removed when leaving the clerk says come
again the blonde replies. No it was mustard this time!
2 Comments, 34 Views,
6 Votes
,4.50 Score
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Amish cock fights 11/5/2015
Why do Amish men almost always loose in a cock fight? It takes them too long to get their pants unbuttoned.
0 Comments, 15 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
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cooks! 11/4/2015
A young woman, in the course of her college life, came to
terms with her homosexuality and decided to come out of
the closet.
Her plan was to tell her mother first; so on her next home
visit, she went to the kitchen, where her mother was busying
herself stirring stew with a wooden spoon.
Rather nervously, she explained to her that she had realized
she was gay.
Without ...
3 Comments, 107 Views,
11 Votes
,5.60 Score
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sex partners 11/4/2015
Funny sex jokes - sex partners A doctor asks a patient while examining her: - How many sex partners did you have? - 5 or 6, don't remember exactly.. - Hmm, not that many... - Yes, that wasn't the most successful weekend..
1 Comments, 48 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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Admiring 11/2/2015
After sex, a newly wed wife kept fondling her husbang's
cock. Husband : Why? Want to have sex again? Wife : No dear, I just admiring your cock, I used to have one
before!
2 Comments, 18 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
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Admiring 11/2/2015
After sex, a newly wed wife kept fondling her husband's
cock. Husband : Why? Want to have sex again? Wife : No dear, I just admiring your cock, I used to have one
before!
1 Comments, 7 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Still a Virgin 11/2/2015
Newly Wed girl tells her mom that her husband is still a virgin
Mom : How do you know dear? Girl: Last night, when we made love, his cock was still in
plastic cover..
0 Comments, 22 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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genius!!! 10/31/2015
A young Arkie goes off to college. Half way through the semester,
having foolishly squandered all of his money on his girlfriend,
he calls home.
"Dad, " he says, "You won't believe
what modern education is developing! They actually have
a program here at Hendrix that will teach our dog, Ole'
Blue how to talk!"
"That's amazing, " his Dad says. "How
do I get Ole' Blue in that ...
1 Comments, 100 Views,
14 Votes
,6.34 Score
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Witches & brooms 10/31/2015
Why don't witches wear panty hose? They will slide off the broom if they do.
0 Comments, 12 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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What? 10/29/2015
What is the difference between an epileptic oyster shucker
and a with diarrhea?
The oyster shucks between fits!
0 Comments, 6 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Peanut buttter/ Jackass 10/26/2015
What do you get when you cross a peanut butter sandwhich
with a jackass? A piece of ass that sticks to the roof of your mouth.
0 Comments, 6 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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Life expectancy 10/25/2015
A woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience.
Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 33 years, 2 months
and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital
and have a face-lift, liposuction, some implants and a
tummy tuck. She ...
2 Comments, 128 Views,
4 Votes
,4.80 Score
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are you a lesbian too? 10/22/2015
A cowboy walks into a bar and sits down and orders a beer.
A few minutes later a beautiful blond walks in and sits down
next to him. She looks him over and says are you a real Cowboy
? To which he responds, why yes I am. I ride horses, break
wild horses, rope cattle, wrestle steers, I do it all. Yes
I'm a real cowboy. He smile and pleased with himself,
asks her what she is ? To which she ...
3 Comments, 119 Views,
13 Votes
,4.15 Score
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A RIDE IN THE TAXI 10/21/2015
A woman and her twelve-year-old were riding in a taxi.
It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under
awnings.
"Mom, " said the boy, "what are all those
women doing?" "They're waiting for their husbands to get off
work, " she replied.
The taxi driver turns around and says, "Geez lady,
why don't you tell him the Truth? They're hookers,
boy! They have sex ...
2 Comments, 169 Views,
10 Votes
,4.58 Score
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Off the Rails 10/21/2015
Dave a longtime railway signal man from California decides
to apply for a senior job advertised in neighbouring Nevada.Having
received his invitation to travel to Reno for the interview
he arrives to find the usual rivalvry between the two States
is very much ongoing and as he waits alongside the two other
applicants for the job he realises he is up against it as
both of the others are native to ...
0 Comments, 89 Views,
4 Votes
,4.80 Score
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The Biology Exam 10/20/2015
Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their
mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven
advantages of Mother's Milk. The question was worth
70 points or none at all. One student, was hard put to think of seven advantages.
He wrote: 1) It is perfect formula for the . 2) It provides immunity against several diseases. 3) It is always the right temperature. 4) It is inexpensive. 5) ...
1 Comments, 129 Views,
8 Votes
,5.10 Score
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Keep Truckin 10/20/2015
a sad looking woman drives her truck into the front car park
of a seedy roadhouse in Alabama. Parking up she saunters
inside to order her lunch and instantly catches the raucous
attention of a gang of bikers. Minding her own business
she settles down in a corner of the joint and starts to eat
her food but the gang members sidle over and start to goad
her; firstly one picks her burger up and ...
2 Comments, 131 Views,
8 Votes
,4.64 Score
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At the Old Folks Home 10/19/2015
80 yr. old woman complains of malaise and general indifference.
The young Doctor prescribes massive hormone treatments.
Three nights later the old gal is running down the hallway,
with nothing on but her robe. She runs into the 1st men's
room, a 90 yr. old, and whips open her robe and sez; 'Sup-er
SEX!' The old dude drools & rolls over. She runs
into an 80 guy's room: opens robe 'Supp...er ...
1 Comments, 22 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
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At the Old Folks Home 10/19/2015
80 yr. old woman complains of malaise and general indifference.
The young Doctor prescribes massive hormone treatments.
Three nights later the old gal is running down the hallway,
with nothing on but her robe. She runs into the 1st men's
room, a 90 yr. old, and whips open her robe and sez; 'Sup-er
SEX!' The old dude drools & rolls over. She runs
into an 80 guy's room: opens robe 'Supp...er ...
2 Comments, 72 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
|
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Silver Lining 2 10/19/2015
Lynda turns to Lucy and sez: 'Oh TY so very much! Pay
back really is a freaken bitch!'
1 Comments, 36 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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Devoted Service 10/19/2015
Two women get together at the bar, and they spend the night
drinking and having a good time. On their way home early
in the morning, they begin to pass a cemetary and the one
woman says to the other who is driving, "pull over,
I have to use the bathroom!" They both enter the cemetary,
grab a headstone and do their business, when one says to
the other, "I don't have anything to wipe with!"
The ...
4 Comments, 81 Views,
7 Votes
,4.06 Score
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BIRTH CONTROL FOR GRANDMA 10/17/2015
The doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for
most of her life finally retired. At her next checkup,
the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines
that had been prescribed for her.
As the doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide
as he realized Grandma had a prescription for birth control
pills.
"Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH ...
2 Comments, 170 Views,
11 Votes
,5.04 Score
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smart ass!!! 10/17/2015
My small grandson wandered off from me at a shopping mall.
A uniformed security guard approached him and asked if
he was lost? He told the guard he had lost his grand dad. The security guard asked him, "What's he Like?"
The small tyke replied, "Royal Crown Bourbon and
big breasted women!"
3 Comments, 50 Views,
6 Votes
,5.93 Score
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take note guys!!! 10/17/2015
FOR SALE BY OWNER Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, $200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.
3 Comments, 34 Views,
10 Votes
,5.38 Score
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An Impatient Man 10/16/2015
A man was riding a bus, minding his own business, when the
gorgeous woman next to him started to breast-feed her baby.
The baby wouldn't take it, so she said, "Come
on sweetie, eat it all up or I'll have to give it to this
nice man next to us."
Five minutes later, the baby was still not feeding, so she
said, "Come on, honey. Take it or I'll give it
to this nice man here."
...
2 Comments, 138 Views,
10 Votes
,6.37 Score
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All Aboard 10/15/2015
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen
listening to her young playing with his new electric
train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her
said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off,
get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all
of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses
in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
The ...
5 Comments, 88 Views,
10 Votes
,5.38 Score
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knockedy knock knock 10/15/2015
Knock knock!
Whos There?
Khan! Khan
who?
Khan-dom broke, hope you're on the pill!
1 Comments, 17 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
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knock knock again 10/15/2015
Knock Knock
Who's There?
Ben Hur
Ben Hur who?
Ben Hur over and give it to her doggy style!
1 Comments, 6 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
|
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knock knock 10/15/2015
Knock, Knock!
Who's There?
Dewey!
Dewey who?
Dewey have to use a condom?
1 Comments, 9 Views,
0 Votes
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Captain Fearless 10/14/2015
A captain of his ship was sailing the seas one afternoon,
when suddenly over the horizon a pirate ship was seen. The
captain yells "Everyone prepare for battle, and
hand me my red jacket." To which one of the crew members
complied and handed him his jacket which he put on. The battle
ended victoriously for the ship and his captain and they
continued on in their voyage. Later, they again spotted ...
2 Comments, 91 Views,
8 Votes
,3.71 Score
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The Visit to the Doctor 10/11/2015
I went to see a new urologist the other day. Turned out to be a woman and Oh Man was she hot. Any way, I explained the issues I was having and she patiently
sat and listened, and when I finished talking she sat there
quietly for a little while then said "I think you need
to quit masturbating. I asked her why and she said "Well I need to examine
you now".
0 Comments, 86 Views,
11 Votes
,4.66 Score
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George and the dragon!!! 10/11/2015
An 18th-century vagabond in England, exhausted and famished,
came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the
Dragon." He knocked.
The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could
ye spare some victuals?" He asked.
The woman glanced at his shabby, dirty clothes. "No!"
she shouted.
"Could I have a pint of ale?"
"No!" she shouted. ...
1 Comments, 66 Views,
8 Votes
,5.33 Score
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MCGREGGOR 10/7/2015
THERE IS A GUY MCGEGGOR IRISH MAN THAT SITS AT A BAR AND SAYS
TO THE GUY BESIDE HIM...I AM PIST CAUSE U SEE THAT DOCK I MADE
THAT WITH ME OWN 2 HANDS AND U SEE THIA BAR I MADE THIS WITH
ME OWN 2 HANDS BUT DO THEY CALL ME MCGREGGOR THE DOCK OR BAR
MAKER HELL NO HOWEVER U FUCK ONE SHEEP AND IM MCGREGGOR THE
SHEEP FUCKER FOR LIFE!!! BY AMY 
1 Comments, 37 Views,
4 Votes
,4.80 Score
|
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lifes lesson 10/7/2015
A woman and her eight-year old were walking along a country road when they saw
a stallion mounting a mare. "Mommy, " the little
girl asked, "what are those horses doing?"
The mother stuttered a moment before she could come up with
a creative answer. "The on top hurt his hoof,
and the one underneath is helping him back to the barn."
The little girl shook her head and said, "That's
the same way ...
3 Comments, 136 Views,
13 Votes
,6.00 Score
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lets go fishing!! 10/7/2015
Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following
conversation took place: First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able
to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife
that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."
Second guy: "That's nothing; I had to promise
my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool."
Third guy: "Man, you both have it ...
4 Comments, 126 Views,
14 Votes
,6.98 Score
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harder! harder! 10/4/2015
A young nun was assigned by the Mother Superior to help old Father O'Malley
with his Sunday night bath. The next morning, the older
nun asked the young girl if she had had any difficulties.
"Oh no, " the nun smiled. "As a matter
of fact, I attained eternal salvation." The Mother was puzzled. "What do you mean?"
"Well, Father O'Malley took my hand and put it
between his legs. Then a miracle ...
3 Comments, 149 Views,
10 Votes
,4.58 Score
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Handjob 10/3/2015
Three guys go to a lodge up in the snowy mountains & there
aren't enough vacant rooms, so they have to share a
bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the left wakes
up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting
a hand job!" The guy on the right wakes up and states
he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle
wakes up and says, "I envy you guys; I just dreamed
I was ...
1 Comments, 72 Views,
9 Votes
,4.71 Score
|
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Points Post 10/2/2015
This is a blog for everyone to comment on to get points
1 Comments, 14 Views,
3 Votes
,0.49 Score
|
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Points Post 10/2/2015
This is a blog for everyone to comment on to get points
0 Comments, 8 Views,
3 Votes
,0.49 Score
|
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The Definiton of Torque 10/2/2015
When men wake in the morning with "Hardwood"
They head to the bathroom to piss.
Standing at the bowl
As they push down on their hard cock (being sure not to miss)
It rises their heels off the floor.
Now thats torque
0 Comments, 40 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
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Witty Word Pun 10/1/2015
I've just realized that sex with 3 people is called
threesome. Sex with 4 people is called foursome. Now I see
why they call you handsome
2 Comments, 37 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
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Another Genie 9/30/2015
Guy walks into a classy bar, with two beautiful redheads
on each arm and as he sits down the bartender notices this
little ugly green thing sitting on his shoulder. Fixing
to to tell the dude to leave, when the guy pulling a crisp
Benjamin outta his top pocket & sez is loud bass voice;
'Set up the bar! Drinks on me.' Well, of course, he starts mixing drinks & placing
them in front of the ...
3 Comments, 105 Views,
12 Votes
,3.68 Score
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Typical Highland baby boy. 9/29/2015
A Scot was drinking in a bar in London when he gets a call on his cell phone. He orders drinks for everybody in the bar as he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Scottish baby boy weighing 25 pounds.
Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the man just shrugs, "That's
about average up our way, folks...like I said - my boy's a typical Highland baby ...
1 Comments, 79 Views,
9 Votes
,4.71 Score
|
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New Birth Control for men 9/28/2015
Idea from a Blog. Just heard about this great new product:
'Shoe-In'. It's advertised as a huge brown
pill and unlike Viagra or other stiffener pills, this one
isn't swallowed, it's to simply be placed in a
man's shoe [Left or Right makes no difference]. It's
guaranteed to make you continually LIMP! If that isn't
the perfect form of Birth Control = I don't know what
is.
1 Comments, 48 Views,
6 Votes
,1.09 Score
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spelling b!! 9/26/2015
A guy was driving down the highway with his smokin'
hot blonde girlfriend and she said to him, 'I think those people in the car next to us are from another
country. 'Why is that?' he said. 'Well, the are writing on the window and it says,
...'stit ruoy su wohs 
2 Comments, 71 Views,
5 Votes
,5.75 Score
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What 9/21/2015
The proctologist had been a physician for many years and
had the same nurse for most of that time. One day a man comes
in, with a patch over one eye, and the nurse commented that
he looked like a pirate. The guy overhears her and turns
to the lady sitting next to him: 'Of course I'm
not a pirate, but I was in an accident and inadvertently
swallowed my glass eye.' "I'm so sorry!"
'Yeah, well ...
2 Comments, 91 Views,
4 Votes
,4.80 Score
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knowlegable staff!! 9/20/2015
A woman goes into Cabela's to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't
know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to
the counter.
A Cabela's associate is standing there wearing dark
shades. She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about
this rod and reel?"
He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind;
but if you'll drop it on the ...
3 Comments, 130 Views,
13 Votes
,5.32 Score
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wrestling!! 9/20/2015
A Russian and Ole the Norwegian wrestler were set to square
off for the Olympic Gold Medal. Before the final match, the Norwegian wrestling coach
came to Ole and said, "Now, don't forget all the
research we've done on this Russian.. He's never
lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he
has." Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that
hold! If he does, you're finished'. Ole nodded
in ...
3 Comments, 91 Views,
12 Votes
,5.98 Score
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You Caught My Eye 9/19/2015
A man who lived in a block of apartments thought it was raining
and put his hand out the window to check. As he did so a glass
eye fell into his hand. He looked up to see where it came from
in time to see a young woman looking down.
"Is this yours?" he asked.
She said, "Yes, could you bring it up?" and the
man agreed.
On arrival she was profuse in her thanks and ...
2 Comments, 104 Views,
10 Votes
,4.18 Score
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Who Says Men Don't Remember Anniversaries 9/19/2015
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband
was not in their bed.
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee
in front him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at
the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes
a sip of coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers ...
1 Comments, 92 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
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His Last wishes 9/17/2015
Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His
nurse, his wife, his and 2 sons, are with him. He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in
place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he
begins to speak: • My , "Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair
houses." • My "Sybil, you take the apartments over
in the east end." • My , "Jamie, I want you to ...
1 Comments, 83 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
|
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Wet Celery 9/17/2015
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a very attractive
woman waving at him.
She says, 'Hello.'
He's rather taken aback because he can't place
where he knows her from. So he asks, 'Do you know me?'
To which she replies, 'I think you're the father
of one of my .'
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been
unfaithful to his wife. So he asks, ...
1 Comments, 78 Views,
8 Votes
,5.33 Score
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The Animal Bar 9/17/2015
Nice little watering hole on the savanna; where the Hyenas
are good for a laugh, the Lions prowl for fair game and the
bouncer is a Gorilla. Two buds -one a Leopard and the other
a good looking Field Mouse, who is known as the Don Juan type-
frequent visitors /walk in and grab a table. They have been
keeping score and the Mouse is way ahead. The Leopard: "Look
pal... You've scored with almost ...
2 Comments, 50 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
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karma!!! 9/15/2015
I was on a clean up crew and we stopped to cut back the weeds
and pickup trash. We got out of the truck and I reached in
back to get a weed wacker. Some Pompous ass snatched it out
of my hands ans told me I was going to have to pick up the trash
and he was going to run this weed wacker. I was across the street with another guy and he said, that
guy is such a jerk, aren't you going to do ...
4 Comments, 116 Views,
10 Votes
,5.18 Score
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Blow job 9/15/2015
A woman is on one of those funeral cruises where the ashes
of loved ones may be dumped into the sea. She had been married
to a real cheapskate, who after 30 years of marriage finally
died. The lady had her husband cremated, at his wishes,
because he felt a plot would cost too much. After the memorial
services, she went to the railing and poured his ashes out
into her hands and started talking to ...
2 Comments, 100 Views,
6 Votes
,3.08 Score
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18 Daughters 9/15/2015
Three men went Las Vegas and after a losing their money at
the blackjack tables, the best friends decided to stay
off the strip in a not so lavish hotel and the guy that owned
it had 18 daughters so the first man went up to they're
father and said "can I sleep with your 18 daughters?"
the father said "no but you can sleep with the pigs."
the second man went to the father and said "can I sleep ...
2 Comments, 110 Views,
6 Votes
,3.08 Score
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10 Inch Bic 9/15/2015
Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke
He asks the other guy if he has a lighter He replies "Yes
I do!" and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter
Surprised the guy asks "Where did you get this?"
The guy replies "Oh I have a personal genie."
The first man asks "Can I make a wish? " Sure says
the other man "Just make sure that you speak clearly
cause he is a little hard at ...
0 Comments, 58 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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Hurricane 9/14/2015
A Sailor coming into the port of New Orleans after a 6 month
cruise, with all his back pay. Goes to a fancy Cat House and
tells the madam he wants the most exotic in the place.
The madam sizes him up: 'You're a sailor and I got
a gal goes by the handle of Hurricane. Some really like her,
but a few have not...anyhow if you want ta try her, it'll
run you $250 up front.' The sailor forks up ...
0 Comments, 80 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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farts 9/12/2015
Martin had just met his girlfriend, when she asked him to
go over to her place for dinner to meet her parents. Not wanting
to make a bad impression, he goes over.
After he has been sitting at the table for a while, he feels
an incredible pain in his stomach and has to let a fart go. Just
then, the family's dog, Fido, walks under the table
and his tail bumps Martin's leg. This kind ...
2 Comments, 103 Views,
7 Votes
,4.82 Score
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Being Neighborly 9/12/2015
She's single... She's shapely ...She's
beautiful and she lives right across the street. I can see
her place from my kitchen window.
I watched as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised
when she walked across the street, up my driveway and knocked
on the door. I opened the door, she looked at me and said, "I just
got home, and I have this strong urge to have a good time, ...
1 Comments, 179 Views,
4 Votes
,5.19 Score
|
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LAST WISHES 9/12/2015
Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His
nurse, his wife, his and 2 sons, are with him. He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in
place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he
begins to speak: • My , "Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair
houses." • My "Sybil, you take the apartments over
in the east end." • My , "Jamie, I want you to ...
0 Comments, 29 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Wet Celery 9/12/2015
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a very attractive
woman waving at him.
She says, 'Hello.'
He's rather taken aback because he can't place
where he knows her from. So he asks, 'Do you know me?'
To which she replies, 'I think you're the father
of one of my .'
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been
unfaithful to his wife. So he asks, ...
0 Comments, 23 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
Naked Dinner 9/9/2015
A man and a woman were celebrating their 50th anniversary.
They were talking before their dinner about how they should
celebrate their big evening. The woman decided she would
cook a big dinner for her husband. Then he said they should
do what they did on their wedding night and eat at the dinner
table naked. The woman agreed. Later that night at the table,
the woman says, "Honey, my nipples are ...
1 Comments, 86 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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NO SALE 9/7/2015
A Lonely Widow - Goes into a pet store looking for a companion. Speaks to
the owner: 'I'm a very religious person and I want
a clean pet for company.' "Humm...cats and dogs
can be messy, but I have just the thing for you." They
walk towards a row of cages and here is this pretty parrot
on a perch, with a silver cord on one leg and a gold cord tied
to the other. The owner: "We just got this ...
3 Comments, 117 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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Little League Sportsmanship 9/6/2015
At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old
baseball players aside and asked, "Do you understand
what co-operation is? What a team is?"
"Yes, coach", replied the little boy.
"Do you understand that what matters is whether we
win or lose together as a team?"
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
"So, " the coach continued, "I'm
sure ...
1 Comments, 137 Views,
6 Votes
,4.79 Score
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long shot! 9/6/2015
jack takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing.
He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next
to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot
when he hears, "Ribbit. 9Iron"
Jack looks around and doesn't see anyone. "Ribbit.9Iron."
He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong,
puts his other club away, and grabs a 9 ...
4 Comments, 95 Views,
13 Votes
,5.16 Score
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oh father! 9/6/2015
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland
asked the Priest beside her.
‘Father, may I ask a favor?’ ‘Of course. What may I do for you?’ ‘Well, I bought an expensive woman’s electronic hair
dryer for my mother’s birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits,
and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry
it ...
1 Comments, 101 Views,
10 Votes
,5.97 Score
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Height of ambition 9/6/2015
A newly married gay cpl honeymooning in New Orleans visits
the River Walk. They see this huge boat paddling past, with
all the Jazz music blaring. They turn to a local standing
near-by and ask what kind of boat is that. 'Why that
one is just a Ferry Boat...carries passenger and cars from
one side of the river to the other. Wait awhile and you'll
see the Natchez come by...now that's a Party ...
0 Comments, 48 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Height of competition 9/5/2015
Two dudes 1/2 drunk in New Orleans get turned around and
find themselves on the Crescent City Connection, which
is like 28' above the River connecting E & W Bank.
Both have an urge to urinate, so they scramble to the safety
rail and whip it out. The 1st one smiles and said: "Damn
that water is cold.' Whereupon the other replies:
"Hell yeah and it's deep too."
1 Comments, 37 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Heights 9/5/2015
Here is the height of egotism: a midget on the Mississippi
River floating on a surf board, while masterbating, approaching
a bridge. He begins to scream: 'I don't have a horn!
For gawd's sake open the draw gate!"
1 Comments, 24 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
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Revenge 9/5/2015
An African Bush Rat was living comfortably with his family
at the base of a Banyan tree. Their little nest was standard
construction for their breed and had served them well over
the years. One day a passing herd of elephants was moving
through the area just grazing and a large female inadvertently
stomped right in the middle of the nest - resulting in fatalities.
The daddy rat out foraging ...
0 Comments, 52 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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another - 'Customer Service' 9/3/2015
Two New Orleans cops out on the beat - 1 a Vet & the other
a rookie. They keep passing this house with a red door and
noticed a string of men going in and out. The rookie asks:
what do you think that's all about? The Veteran: ...it's
probably a whorehouse. Tell you what, we'll keep an
eye on it and tomorrow, I will get permission to wear civies
and we'll bust 'em. Gotta be right there ...
2 Comments, 87 Views,
7 Votes
,5.33 Score
|
|
What's Blue 9/1/2015
Q: What's blue and fucks old ladies ?
A: Hypothermia
0 Comments, 16 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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heart attack!! 8/30/2015
A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange
noises coming from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs to
find her husband naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
"What's up?" she asks. "I'm having a heart attack, " cries the
husband. The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just
as she's dialling, her four-year-old comes up
and says, "Mommy! Mommy! Aunt Shirley is hiding in ...
6 Comments, 140 Views,
15 Votes
,6.65 Score
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ma B!! 8/30/2015
A contestant on 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire?'
had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next
question correctly, she would win 1, 000, 000. If she
answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $25, 000
milestone money. And as she suspected the Million Dollar
Question was no pushover. It was, 'Which of the following
species of birds does not build its own nest but instead
lays its ...
3 Comments, 106 Views,
11 Votes
,5.04 Score
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rights! 8/30/2015
The following took place at an international conference
for women's rights.
The first speaker, a lady from England stood and said, "During
last year's conference, we spoke about being more
assertive with our husbands. Well, after the conference, I went home and told
my husband, Barrington, that I would no longer cook for
him and that he would have to do it himself. After the first ...
2 Comments, 85 Views,
8 Votes
,4.87 Score
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Rosebuds 8/26/2015
A comes downstairs to go on date with a see-through
Blouse and no Bra.
Her Grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to dare
go out like that!
The tells her ‘Loosen up Grams. These are modern
times. You gotta let your Rose Buds show!’ And out she
goes.
The next day the comes downstairs and the Grandmother
is sitting there with no top on. The wants to ...
2 Comments, 189 Views,
12 Votes
,5.27 Score
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A Limerick 8/25/2015
There was a young man from Kent, Who's tool was decidedly bent, To save himself trouble, He put it in double, And instead of coming he went.
0 Comments, 27 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
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A Limerick 8/25/2015
There was a young man from Kent, Who's tool was decidedly bent, To save himself trouble, He put it in double, And instead of coming he went.
0 Comments, 10 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
|
|
so thoughtful! 8/23/2015
a man came home to be with his wife one rainy day and saw her
lover running from the house, so he slapped his wife. crying she said, " that's the man that bought
you that nice pair of shoes that you love and on your feet
right now, he pays the bills, and he makes the down payments
on the car that your driving!!" Enraged, he replied, "that's the reason I slapped
you honey, the poor man is running ...
0 Comments, 99 Views,
9 Votes
,4.92 Score
|
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have to love mama! 8/19/2015
Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian,
she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying
at her mother's house, she was nervous. But her mother
reassured her. "Don't worry, Maria. Tony's
a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you."
So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt
and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her ...
2 Comments, 137 Views,
11 Votes
,5.22 Score
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fore!!! 8/15/2015
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in
horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of
men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin,
fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began
to apologize. 'Please allow me to ...
6 Comments, 137 Views,
15 Votes
,6.81 Score
|
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Frog wants a loan 8/14/2015
A frog walks into a bank and approaches the teller, whose
name plate says Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $50, 000 loan to
take a vacation."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name.
"Kermit Jagger. My father is Mick Jagger. It will
be fine to authorize the loan, I know your manager."
Patty explains that he will need to secure the ...
2 Comments, 93 Views,
11 Votes
,4.10 Score
|
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burglar proof 8/12/2015
A burglar broke into a home and was looking around. He heard a soft voice say, "Jesus is watching you".
Thinking it was just his imagination, he continued his
search. Again the voice said "Jesus is watching you".
He turned around and saw a parrot in a cage.
He asked the parrot if he was the one talking and the parrot
said, "yes."
He asked the parrot what his name was and ...
2 Comments, 105 Views,
16 Votes
,6.51 Score
|
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older couple 8/12/2015
An old man and an old lady are getting ready for bed one night
when all of a sudden the woman bursts out of the bathroom,
flings open her robe and yells "Super Pussy!"
The old man says "I'll have the soup."
0 Comments, 80 Views,
10 Votes
,4.58 Score
|
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BJ for Money 8/12/2015
A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases
packed in the living room. "Where the hell do you think
you're going?" he says. "I'm going
to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I
figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you
free."
The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes
back down, with his suitcase packed as well. "Where
do ...
2 Comments, 117 Views,
14 Votes
,5.54 Score
|
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Sexual Exhaustion 8/12/2015
A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about
tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses
for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition
or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass,
male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?",
and the whole classroom burst into laughter.
After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared ...
2 Comments, 93 Views,
12 Votes
,5.63 Score
|
|
Flashlight 8/12/2015
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark
forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets
up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!".
The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass
for the past ten minutes!"
0 Comments, 28 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
|
|
Hanjob 8/12/2015
Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough
rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night,
the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild,
vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left
wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream,
too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's
funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"
1 Comments, 37 Views,
7 Votes
,4.57 Score
|
|
best cabbie ever! 8/11/2015
A devout Arab Muslim entered a taxi
A devout Arab Muslim entered a taxi in Glasgow.
He asked the driver to turn off the radio because as decreed
by his religious teaching, he must not listen to music because
in the time of the prophet there was no music, especially
Western music which is the music of the infidel.
The taxi driver politely switched off the radio, ...
1 Comments, 86 Views,
13 Votes
,6.00 Score
|
|
Just a few oldies 8/10/2015
Just a few pics I've had for years.
0 Comments, 43 Views,
6 Votes
,5.36 Score
|
|
good doggie!!! 8/9/2015
Chester and Earl are going hunting. Chester says to Earl,
"I'll send my out to see if there are any ducks
out in the pond. If there aren't any ducks out there,
I'm not going hunting." So he sends the out
to the pond. The comes back and barks twice. Chester
says, "Well I'm not going to go out. He only saw
two ducks out there." Earl says, "You're
going to take the dog's barks for the truth?"
Earl ...
5 Comments, 132 Views,
17 Votes
,6.24 Score
|
|
Some jokes 8/8/2015
Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? A:
Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!
Q: Whats a condom and a coffin got in common? A: They both
hold stiffs but one is cumin and one is going!
Q: When is a man most intelligent, before, after or during
sex? A: During sex cuz he's plugged up to the knowledge
source Sex is like a misdameanor, the more I ...
2 Comments, 59 Views,
8 Votes
,4.64 Score
|
|
oh cindy!! 8/3/2015
Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life
with the now departed Prince, she happily sat in her rocking
chair watching the world go by with her cat Alan. One afternoon,
out of nowhere, appeared her Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said, "Fairy Godmother, what are you
doing here after all these years?"
The Fairy Godmother replied, "Cinderella, you have
lived a good wholesome life ...
2 Comments, 151 Views,
19 Votes
,6.29 Score
|
|
And that's how the fight started 8/3/2015
Earl's wife told him to go get some of those pills that would help him get an erection.
When he came home he handed her a bottle of Diet Pills
3 Comments, 90 Views,
11 Votes
,5.60 Score
|
|
go damnit 8/3/2015
i was sleeping with my girlfreind and when i came inside
of her she snized and all my body was covered in my own sperm
1 Comments, 48 Views,
5 Votes
,1.51 Score
|
|
i love football!!! 8/1/2015
AS A WOMAN PASSES HER 'S CLOSED BEDROOM DOOR, SHE HEARD A STRANGE BUZZING NOISE COMING FROM WITHIN. OPENING THE DOOR, SHE OBSERVED HER GIVING HERSELF A REAL WORKOUT WITH A VIBRATOR. SHOCKED, SHE ASKED: "WHAT IN THE WORLD! ARE YOU DOING!?" THE REPLIED: MOM, I'M 32 YEARS OLD, UNMARRIED, AND THIS IS ABOUT AS CLOSE AS I'LL EVER GET TO A HUSBAND.
SO PLEASE GO AWAY , AND LEAVE ME ALONE!" ...
3 Comments, 156 Views,
9 Votes
,5.99 Score
|
|
Little Shithead 8/1/2015
SENIORS & COMPUTERS As we Silver Surfers know, sometimes we have trouble with
our computers. Yesterday, I had a problem, so I calledGeorgie, the 11 year
old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control,
and asked him to come over. Georgie clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what
was wrong? He replied, It was an ID ten T ...
3 Comments, 97 Views,
7 Votes
,4.82 Score
|
|
will you? 7/25/2015
An American guy decides to travel around. Europe. He walks into a bar and Jill (the Barmaid) takes
his order, a beer, and notices his accent. Over the course of the night they get to know each other.
At the end of Jill's shift he asks her if she wants to
come back to his place and have sex with him. Although she is attracted
to him she says no. He then offers to pay her $200 for ...
3 Comments, 176 Views,
13 Votes
,6.16 Score
|
|
Iggy and Flo 7/22/2015
Two killer whales, Iggy and Flo, were out in the Strait,
cruising around, thinking about lunch and exchanging
gossip. Iggy was a little upset about an injury to one of
their gray whale pals the previous week. Apparently some
sailors, or possibly sports fishermen had been shooting
at them with high-powered rifles. They hadn't killed
any members of the pod, but there were some injuries and
the ...
0 Comments, 87 Views,
6 Votes
,3.37 Score
|
|
Iggy and Flo 7/22/2015
Two killer whales, Iggy and Flo, were out in the Strait,
cruising around, thinking about lunch and exchanging
gossip. Iggy was a little upset about an injury to one of
their gray whale pals the previous week. Apparently some
sailors, or possibly sports fishermen had been shooting
at them with high-powered rifles. They hadn't killed
any members of the pod, but there were some injuries and
the ...
0 Comments, 14 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
|
|
Iggy and Flo 7/22/2015
Two killer whales, Iggy and Flo, were out in the Strait,
cruising around, thinking about lunch and exchanging
gossip. Iggy was a little upset about an injury to one of
their gray whale pals the previous week. Apparently some
sailors, or possibly sports fishermen had been shooting
at them with high-powered rifles. They hadn't killed
any members of the pod, but there were some injuries and
the ...
0 Comments, 6 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
|
|
Iggy and Flo 7/22/2015
Two killer whales, Iggy and Flo, were out in the Strait,
cruising around, thinking about lunch and exchanging
gossip. Iggy was a little upset about an injury to one of
their gray whale pals the previous week. Apparently some
sailors, or possibly sports fishermen had been shooting
at them with high-powered rifles. They hadn't killed
any members of the pod, but there were some injuries and
the ...
0 Comments, 9 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
|
|
Iggy and Flo 7/22/2015
Two killer whales, Iggy and Flo, were out in the Strait,
cruising around, thinking about lunch and exchanging
gossip. Iggy was a little upset about an injury to one of
their gray whale pals the previous week. Apparently some
sailors, or possibly sports fishermen had been shooting
at them with high-powered rifles. They hadn't killed
any members of the pod, but there were some injuries and
the ...
0 Comments, 1 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
Iggy and Flo 7/22/2015
Two killer whales, Iggy and Flo, were out in the Strait,
cruising around, thinking about lunch and exchanging
gossip. Iggy was a little upset about an injury to one of
their gray whale pals the previous week. Apparently some
sailors, or possibly sports fishermen had been shooting
at them with high-powered rifles. They hadn't killed
any members of the pod, but there were some injuries and
the ...
0 Comments, 3 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
Iggy and Flo 7/22/2015
Two killer whales, Iggy and Flo, were out in the Strait,
cruising around, thinking about lunch and exchanging
gossip. Iggy was a little upset about an injury to one of
their gray whale pals the previous week. Apparently some
sailors, or possibly sports fishermen had been shooting
at them with high-powered rifles. They hadn't killed
any members of the pod, but there were some injuries and
the ...
0 Comments, 1 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Iggy and Flo 7/22/2015
Two killer whales, Iggy and Flo, were out in the Strait,
cruising around, thinking about lunch and exchanging
gossip. Iggy was a little upset about an injury to one of
their gray whale pals the previous week. Apparently some
sailors, or possibly sports fishermen had been shooting
at them with high-powered rifles. They hadn't killed
any members of the pod, but there were some injuries and
the ...
0 Comments, 8 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
|
|
Birds on a Wire 7/20/2015
The teacher asked her 4th graders, "If there are three
birds on a telephone wire, and a hunter shoots one, how many
are left?"
Bobby raises his hand and answers, "There won't
be any left. One will be dead, and the sound of the gun will
scare the others away."
"Hmm, that isn't quite the answer I was looking
for, Bobby, but I like the way you think, " she said.
Later, at ...
4 Comments, 119 Views,
11 Votes
,5.60 Score
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the challenge! 7/19/2015
A trucker working out of town stops into a tavern, walks
up to the bar and orders a beer and a shot. After drinking
it he orders another, while drinking that he notices a huge
jar behind the bar stuffed with twenties... So he asked
the bartender what that's all about? The bartender replies" It's an ongoing challenge
in here, there are 3 challenges to complete and if you do
you win the pot! The ...
4 Comments, 160 Views,
10 Votes
,5.18 Score
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An Old Golfer 7/17/2015
An elderly golfer comes in after a good round of golf at the
new course and heads straight to the bar/restaurant area
of the clubhouse. As he passes through the swinging doors,
he spots a sign hanging over the bar that reads:
COLD BEER: $3.00 HAMBURGER: $5.00 CHEESEBURGER: $6.50 ...
2 Comments, 160 Views,
10 Votes
,6.17 Score
|
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CAT EATER 7/17/2015
The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school
today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because
I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that
pussy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"
2 Comments, 65 Views,
7 Votes
,4.82 Score
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4 7/17/2015
A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part of it was that
the older three had red hair, light skin, and were tall,
while the youngest had black hair, dark eyes, and was
short. The father eventually took ill and was lying on his
deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey,
before I die, be totally honest with me - is our youngest my ?"
...
1 Comments, 147 Views,
10 Votes
,5.58 Score
|
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I'm a Virgin 7/17/2015
A woman was getting married for her fourth time. On the first
night of the honeymoon, the new bride says to her groom "be
gentle I'm a virgin." The groom replies "How's
that possible, this is your 4th marriage?!" The bride
replies back "Well, my first husband was a psychologist,
all he liked to do was talk about it. My 2nd husband was a gynocologist
& all he liked to do was look at it. My 3rd ...
1 Comments, 104 Views,
7 Votes
,4.82 Score
|
|
Not Appreciated! 7/14/2015
When a lady is pregnant, All her Friends touch her stomach
and say say Congratulations But no one ever goes and touches the Guy's pecker saying
"Good Job!"
The moral of this story "Hard work is Never Appreciated!"
2 Comments, 49 Views,
7 Votes
,5.84 Score
|
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Inlaw's 7/14/2015
I have been engaged for almost a year. And am to get married
next month.
My fiancee's mother is not only a Total MILF but she's
really great and understanding. She's putting the
entire wedding together and invited me over to go over the
guest list. When I got there she said she had really invited
me over for something else. She totally floored me when
she said "In 1 month your going to ...
1 Comments, 158 Views,
8 Votes
,6.03 Score
|
|
Inlaw's 7/14/2015
I have been engaged for almost a year. And am to get married
next month.
My fiancee's mother is not only a Total MILF but she's
really great and understanding. She's putting the
entire wedding together and invited me over to go over the
guest list. When I got there she said she had really invited
me over for something else. She totally floored me when
she said "In 1 month your going to ...
2 Comments, 60 Views,
4 Votes
,4.80 Score
|
|
please dont shoot! 7/12/2015
Diesel was bartending in a local pub and was getting ready to close for the night when a robber
with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun. He yells to Diesel, "This
is a stick-up! Put all your cash in this bag!" Diesel,
scared to death, pleads, "Don't shoot, please!
I'll do as you say!" The robber yells, "Shut
up and empty the cash register!" Diesel says, "Okay,
okay! Just don't shoot, I have a ...
3 Comments, 172 Views,
19 Votes
,4.97 Score
|
|
Sisters of Perpetual Arousal 7/12/2015
A man is driving down a deserted highway, and he notices
a billboard that reads... SISTERS OF PERPETUAL AROUSAL - HOUSE OF -
10 MILES. He thinks it was a figment of his imagination and drives
on. Soon, he sees another sign which says... SISTERS OF PERPETUAL AROUSAL - HOUSE OF -
5 MILES Realizing these signs are for real, he drives on, and sure
enough, there is a third sign SISTERS OF PERPETUAL ...
2 Comments, 120 Views,
15 Votes
,4.97 Score
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Would you like some 69? 7/12/2015
A farmer decides it's time for his to become a man,
so he takes him to the local brothel, picks out the biggest
girl there, and tells her to "make him a man".
Up in the room, the girl asks him what he would like? Having
spent his entire life on the farm, he has no idea what to ask
for. She thinks for a minute, smiles, and asks if he would
like some "69"? The young man, having no idea
what ...
1 Comments, 123 Views,
10 Votes
,3.98 Score
|
|
can he canibal 7/12/2015
three travelers trecking through a rain forest come acrost
a tribe of head hunters. they are immediatly captured and
given a choice. it is a time of celebration in thier ways
and they will let them go if they can perform 3 tasks. drink
their nector of the gods and not go insane, 2 pull the bad
tooth from the tribes tiger their god bestowed upon them
that very day, and 3 sexualy satisfy the tribes ...
2 Comments, 90 Views,
6 Votes
,3.93 Score
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perils of wonderwoman nude sunbathing 7/11/2015
flying around superman notices with his super vission
wonderwoan spread out naked on a rock enjoying the sun.
thinking real quick he zooms toward her, swoops down and
fucks at locomotive speed and zooms off. feeling not more
than a super strong breeze she wonders "what was that?"
the martian man hunter turns visiable and says "i
dont know but my ass hole really hurt!"
0 Comments, 44 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
|
|
joke from joss whedon show angel 7/11/2015
this is from a show that i think is an awesome joke and thought
i would put it out to see what others think of this, i like
how there are different points of views on what is the meaning
and would love to hear your views on it
Two men walk into a bar. The first man orders a scotch and
soda. The second man remembers something he’d forgotten,
and it doubles him over with PAIN. He falls ...
0 Comments, 75 Views,
6 Votes
,0.80 Score
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|
Sister Kathleen 7/11/2015
Sister Kathleen lived in a convent, a block away from Jack’s
liquor store. One day she walked into the store and said,
“Oh Jack, can you spare me a half-bottle o’ the brandy.”
“Sister Kathleen, ” exclaimed Jack, “I could
never do that! I have never sold alcohol to a nun in my life
and certainly never given it!” “Oh Jack, ” she responded, “it’s only for the
Mother ...
1 Comments, 112 Views,
11 Votes
,5.22 Score
|
|
mr. strange!! 7/11/2015
A lawyer named Strange was shopping for a tombstone. After
he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what
inscription he would like on it.
"Here lies an honest man and a lawyer, " responded
the lawyer.
"Sorry, but I can't do that, " replied
the stonecutter. "In this state, it's against
the law to bury two people in the same grave. However, I could
put 'here lies an ...
1 Comments, 71 Views,
9 Votes
,4.71 Score
|
|
mr. strange!! 7/11/2015
A lawyer named Strange was shopping for a tombstone. After
he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what
inscription he would like on it.
"Here lies an honest man and a lawyer, " responded
the lawyer.
"Sorry, but I can't do that, " replied
the stonecutter. "In this state, it's against
the law to bury two people in the same grave. However, I could
put 'here lies an ...
0 Comments, 30 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
|
|
They walk amoung us 7/10/2015
Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his
old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it
saying: "Free to good home. You want it, you take it." For three days the fridge sat there without even one person
looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people
were too un-trusting of this deal. It looked to good to be
true, so he changed the sign to read: ...
2 Comments, 144 Views,
9 Votes
,4.71 Score
|
|
The lost hot dog 7/10/2015
Two guys wanted to go drinking, but they only had a dollar
between them. One of the fellows looked over at a hot dog
wagon nearby, and had a sudden inspiration. He spent the
dollar on a hot dog. He threw the bun away, and stuffed the
hot down his underwear.
"We're gonna walk into the bar, order beers and
drink them down. When the bartender asks for payment, I'm
gonna stick this hot ...
3 Comments, 90 Views,
10 Votes
,3.78 Score
|
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Don't use that any more? 7/8/2015
A lady arriving home from a shopping trip was horrified
to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing. She
swore at him, and just as she was about to storm out of the
house, her husband stopped her with these words.
"Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came
about. While driving home along the highway, I saw this
young girl looking tired and bedraggled, so I ...
2 Comments, 126 Views,
14 Votes
,5.54 Score
|
|
Don't use that any more? 7/8/2015
A lady arriving home from a shopping trip was horrified
to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing. She
swore at him, and just as she was about to storm out of the
house, her husband stopped her with these words.
"Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came
about. While driving home along the highway, I saw this
young girl looking tired and bedraggled, so I ...
0 Comments, 20 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
|
|
docter visit!! 7/7/2015
its nice to see you again doctor!!!http://SEXFinder.com.com
0 Comments, 70 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
|
|
my favorite joke, hope it aint here 7/5/2015
two best friends go camping in hopes of bagging a huge buck.
the very 1st night they get a 10 point buck, just magnificent.
the take it back gut and start drinking celebrating thier
trip. "man, i gotta take a huge shit!" said one and
wonders off to their shit pit. the other gets an idea, scoops up the intestins, sneaks
around and deposites it in the shit pit and back all while
unnoticed. after ...
0 Comments, 112 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
|
|
testicles!! 7/4/2015
There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the
Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under
the arms.Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory
and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am. The
next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's
door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant
about the new employee. He complains that ...
3 Comments, 117 Views,
18 Votes
,5.17 Score
|
|
hew pope 7/4/2015
the new pope is not there first choice . they wanted some
guy from italy . his name acola . then they decided they did
not want a pope acola
1 Comments, 61 Views,
5 Votes
,4.77 Score
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Young Love 7/2/2015
Boy and girl of class 2 asked teacher
can of our age have ?
Teacher replied " NO Never!!
Boy said to girl
see i told you not to worry!!!!
0 Comments, 37 Views,
8 Votes
,3.48 Score
|
|
The Way Golfers Age 7/1/2015
A foursome of golfers, all in their 40's, discussed
where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed
that they would meet at Hooters because the waitresses
were young, good looking, had big breasts and wore short-shorts.
Ten years later, at age 50, the golfing buddies once again
discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it
was agreed that they would meet at Hooters ...
0 Comments, 126 Views,
8 Votes
,4.87 Score
|
|
Just for boat lovers 6/29/2015
There were these two twins, Joe and John.Joe was the owner
of an old dilapidated boat, and it just so happened John's
wife died the same day that Joe's boat sank. A few day's
later , A kindly old woman saw Joe and mistaking Joe for
John, said, "I'm ...
1 Comments, 107 Views,
11 Votes
,4.10 Score
|
|
wife vs true love 6/28/2015
A husband went to the police station to file a "missing
person" report for his missing wife: Husband : -I lost my wife, she went shopping hasn't
come back yet. Inspector : -What is her height? Husband
: -Average, I guess. Inspector : -Slim or healthy?. Husband
: -Not slim, but probably healthy. Inspector : -Color of
eyes? Husband : -Never noticed. Inspector : -Color of hair?
Husband : -Changes ...
2 Comments, 160 Views,
13 Votes
,5.66 Score
|
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The Love Dress! *HILARIOUS* 6/27/2015
So I thought this would be hilarious to share as I loved reading
it. Hope you all enjoy it too 
A mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently
married couple's house. She rang the doorbell and
stepped into the house. She saw her -in-law standing
naked by the door. "What are you doing?" she
asked. "I'm waiting for my husband to come home from
work, " the -in-law answered. ...
2 Comments, 100 Views,
6 Votes
,4.79 Score
|
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Joke 6/26/2015
I went to see my Doctor today. I said to him "Doctor,
I've got this terrible sunburn". The Doctor said "Take some Viagra". I said "What good is Viagra for sunburn?" The Doctor said "It will keep the bedclothes off your
skin!!"
1 Comments, 48 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
|
|
Are you Japanese? 6/26/2015
Statistics recently released from the United Nations
reveal that: Australian, Canadian, UK and US men between
50 and 75 years of age will, on average have intimate relations
two to three times a week, whereas Japanese men in the same
age group will have intimate relations only once or twice
a year. This is very upsetting news to most of my friends,
as they had no idea they were Japanese.
0 Comments, 30 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
|
|
Are you Japanese? 6/26/2015
Statistics recently released from the United Nations
reveal that: Australian, Canadian, UK and US men between
50 and 75 years of age will, on average have intimate relations
two to three times a week, whereas Japanese men in the same
age group will have intimate relations only once or twice
a year. This is very upsetting news to most of my friends,
as they had no idea they were Japanese.
0 Comments, 12 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
|
|
keep the change 6/24/2015
A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first
day there he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around.
A gorgeous petite blonde walks by and the man immediately
gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes
over to him and says, "Sir, did you call for me?"
The man replies, "No, what do you mean?" She
says, "You must be new here, let me explain. It's
a rule here that if ...
4 Comments, 179 Views,
19 Votes
,5.76 Score
|
|
Fertile 6/23/2015
Do you know how to tell if you are fertile enough to have babies?
She has to chew before she swallows !!!!!........EWWWWWE
1 Comments, 22 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
|
|
my wife is deaf docter!!!! 6/15/2015
A man tells a doctor, "I think my wife's going
deaf. What can I do?"
The doctor says, "Well, try to test her hearing. Stand
some distance away from her and ask her a question. If she
doesn't answer, move a little closer and ask again.
Keep repeating this until she answers. That way we can see
how bad the problem is."
The man goes home, sees his wife and says, "Hi honey,
what's ...
2 Comments, 165 Views,
9 Votes
,4.49 Score
|
|
just imagine the look on her face!!! 6/10/2015
At the bank, I told the teller
"I'd like to open a joint account please."
She said, "OK, with whom?" I said, "Whoever
has lots of money." 
4 Comments, 74 Views,
9 Votes
,4.07 Score
|
|
im a proud woman 6/8/2015
A woman misses a phone call. The woman hears she got a voice
mail, and she plays her recent voice mail from her husband.
The voice mail plays, “This may be my last phone call. I decided to call you.
I took the sail boat out and there is a really bad storm. The mast broke. And my phone is about to die. OMG. The boat is taking on water. Laura just fell of board. I love you baby. Tell the ...
1 Comments, 184 Views,
9 Votes
,4.28 Score
|
|
my wish 6/8/2015
An old man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender
notices the guy's head is the size of a cue ball.
"I got to ask, sir, " says the bartender. "What
happened?"
The old guy sighs and tells him, "My ship was torpedoed
by the Germans in WWII. A mermaid rescued me and promised
to grant me three wishes. For my first wish, I asked to return
to the States. My second wish ...
3 Comments, 121 Views,
9 Votes
,5.35 Score
|
|
Dead Sex 6/5/2015
A man was brought before the judge and charged with Necrophilia
(having sex with a dead woman). The judge told him, 'In
20 years on the bench, I've never heard such a disgusting,
immoral thing. Just give me one good reason why I shouldn't
lock you up and throw away the key!'
The man replied, 'I'll give you THREE good reasons:
1. It's none of your damn business.
...
1 Comments, 144 Views,
8 Votes
,4.64 Score
|
|
the waiter 6/5/2015
Customer: Excuse me, but I saw your thumb in my soup when
you were carrying it. Waitress: Oh, that's okay. The soup isn't hot.
1 Comments, 37 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
|
|
school boy 6/5/2015
Teacher: Why are you late? Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for
it? Student: No. I was standing on it.
0 Comments, 21 Views,
6 Votes
,2.80 Score
|
|
inteligent woman 6/5/2015
Man: I could go to the end of the world for you. Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?
Man: I offer you myself. Woman: I am sorry I never accept cheap gifts.
Man: I want to share everything with you. Woman: Let's start from your bank account.
0 Comments, 14 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
intelegent woman 6/5/2015
Man: I could go to the end of the world for you. Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?
Man: I offer you myself. Woman: I am sorry I never accept cheap gifts.
Man: I want to share everything with you. Woman: Let's start from your bank account.
0 Comments, 3 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
the idiot dad 6/5/2015
: Dad, what is an idiot? Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in
such a strange and long way that another person who is listening
to him can't understand him. Do you understand me?
: No.
0 Comments, 12 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
|
|
little johny 6/5/2015
Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom? Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom? Little Johnny: But I asked first!
0 Comments, 22 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
|
|
school life 6/5/2015
PUPIL: "Would you punish me for something I didn`t
do?" TEACHER:" Of course not." PUPIL: "Good, because I haven`t done my homework."
0 Comments, 5 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
call me a taxi 6/5/2015
A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi. B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi.
0 Comments, 4 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
|
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funny Johny 6/5/2015
Headmaster: I've had complaints about you, Johnny,
from all your teachers. What have you been doing? Johnny: Nothing, sir. Headmaster: Exactly.
0 Comments, 14 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
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i'll show them that i am the boss 6/4/2015
The Board of Directors of a very large company felt it was
time for a corporate shakeup and hired a new CEO.
The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning
against the wall. The room was full of workers so he decided
to take this opportunity to let them know that he meant business!
The new CEO walked ...
3 Comments, 138 Views,
8 Votes
,5.56 Score
|
|
Adam and Eve !!! 6/4/2015
One day the Lord called to Adam and said, "It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating
the earth so I want you to kiss her." Adam answered,
"Yes Lord, but what is a 'kiss'?'"
So the Lord gave a brief description to Adam who took Eve
by the hand and took her to a nearby bush. A few minutes later,
Adam emerged and said, "Thank you Lord, that was enjoyable."
And ...
3 Comments, 130 Views,
11 Votes
,6.16 Score
|
|
what the heck? 6/4/2015
A wrinkled little old lady sold pretzels on a street corner
in Chicago for a dollar a piece. Every day a young man would
leave his office building at lunch time, and as he passed
the pretzel stand, he would leave her a dollar. He never
took a pretzel. This went on for three years. The two of them never spoke.
One day as the young man passed the pretzel stand and left
his usual offering, the ...
0 Comments, 116 Views,
6 Votes
,4.50 Score
|
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granpie knows bess 6/4/2015
An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson
to his bed Grandson I wanta you to listen to me. I wanta you
to take mya 45 automatic pistol, so you will always remember
me. But grandpa I really don't like guns, how about
you leaving me your Rolex watch instead.
You lisina to me, some day you goin a be runna da bussiness,
you goina have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a biga ...
0 Comments, 94 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
|
|
Best Senior Sex 6/2/2015
An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together
in a small town. The husband leans over and asks his wife,
"Do you remember the first time we had sex together
over fifty years ago? We went behind this tavern where you
leaned against the fence and I made love to you."
"Yes, " she says, "I remember it well."
"OK, " he says, "how about taking a stroll
round there again ...
0 Comments, 112 Views,
7 Votes
,4.31 Score
|
|
The leg title 6/2/2015
My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith.
So I asked him "What was the name of his other leg?"
0 Comments, 7 Views,
0 Votes
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Perfect 6/2/2015
The Perfect . A: I have the perfect . B: Does he smoke? A: No, he doesn't. B: Does he drink whiskey? A: No, he doesn't. B: Does he ever come home late? A: No, he doesn't. B: I guess you really do have the perfect . How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
0 Comments, 8 Views,
0 Votes
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Reluctant 5/31/2015
One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her and tell
him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied,
"I'm not going."
"Why not?" she asked.
I'll give you two good reasons, " he said. "(1)
they don't like me, and (2) I don't like them."
His mother replied, "I'll give you two good reasons
why you SHOULD go to church: (1) You're 59 years old, and (2) ...
2 Comments, 332 Views,
16 Votes
,5.33 Score
|
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Sunday Mass 5/31/2015
Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday & the priest nearly
fell down when he saw him.
He'd never been to church in his life.
After Mass, the priest caught up with him & said: "Murphy,
I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?"
Murphy said: "I got to be honest with ya Father. A while
back, I misplaced me hat & I really, really love that
hat. I know that ...
2 Comments, 99 Views,
10 Votes
,4.58 Score
|
|
Sunday Mass 5/31/2015
Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday & the priest nearly
fell down when he saw him.
He'd never been to church in his life.
After Mass, the priest caught up with him & said: "Murphy,
I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?"
Murphy said: "I got to be honest with ya Father. A while
back, I misplaced me hat & I really, really love that
hat. I know that ...
0 Comments, 21 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
|
|
Morning Sex 5/31/2015
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled
eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the tee shirt that
she normally slept in. As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and
said softly, “You've got to make love to me this very moment!"
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming
or this is going to be my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose ...
0 Comments, 135 Views,
9 Votes
,5.35 Score
|
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HUSBAND &WIFE 5/29/2015
Haii friends.I hope that, you are very laughing after
reading the joke. A HUSBAND and WIFE trying to set up a new password to their
computer Then HUSBAND puts, "MYPENIS ";and the WIFE
falls on the ground laughing, because on the screen it says " ERROR, NOT LONG ENOUGH
0 Comments, 18 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
|
|
father &funny 5/28/2015
a teacher asked jimmy;', ,why is your cat at school
today jimmy''. jimmy replied crying "Because
I heard tell my mummy, I am going to eat that p*ssy once jimmy
leaves for today
3 Comments, 55 Views,
11 Votes
,4.29 Score
|
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men vs women!!! 5/27/2015
human body…
It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to
your stomach.
One human hair can support 6.6 pounds.
The average man’s penis is two times the length of his
thumb.
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
A woman’s heart beats faster than a man’s.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet. ...
1 Comments, 99 Views,
10 Votes
,3.58 Score
|
|
Court Proceedings 5/24/2015
These are from a book called “Disruption in Court"
and are things people actually said in court, while the
exchanges were taking place.
Word for word, taken down and published by court reporters
that had the torment of staying calm
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to
you that morning? WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' ATTORNEY: And why did that upset ...
6 Comments, 144 Views,
13 Votes
,4.99 Score
|
|
what happens when the train.comes? 5/24/2015
A lonely wife was living in a small house near the railroad.Her
husband was at work.She was very hot and wanted sex with
someone.She called the carpenter saying:my cupboard
squeeks everytime the train comes, so I want you to fix
it.The carpenter camefinding her in a very sexy lingerie, her
boops wrre showing and her pussy uncovered.The carpenter
became sweaty and embarassed.She told him;the ...
3 Comments, 169 Views,
9 Votes
,1.29 Score
|
|
There's trouble in paradise 5/20/2015
The graveside service just barely finished, when there
was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt
of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling
in the distance... The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said,
'Well, she's there!!
1 Comments, 91 Views,
12 Votes
,4.57 Score
|
|
Changing times? 5/20/2015
A man went into a watchmakers shop went up to the female assistant
& slapped his penis onto the counter. The shocked assistant
said "sir this is a clock shop not a cock shop"!
The man looking at his penis replied "yes I know, so
could you please put 2 hands & face on that"?!!!
1 Comments, 80 Views,
10 Votes
,5.38 Score
|
|
or what? 5/20/2015
A man goes to his doctor and complains that his wife hasn’t
wanted to have sex with him for the past six months. The doctor
tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her and
hopefully determine what the problem is.
The following day, the wife goes to the doctor’s office.
The doctor asks her what’s wrong, why doesn’t she want
to have sex with her husband? “Oh, ...
1 Comments, 218 Views,
11 Votes
,4.48 Score
|
|
father? 5/18/2015
A family is at the dinner table. The asks the father,
Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there? The father, surprised,
answers, Well, , a woman goes through three phases.
In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and
firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice,
hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions. Onions? the
asks. Yes. You see them and they make you cry.This ...
2 Comments, 85 Views,
11 Votes
,4.29 Score
|
|
Babies? 5/18/2015
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when
her walks in Mother, where do babies come from? The mother thinks for
a few seconds and says, Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in
love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom,
they kiss and hug, and have sex. The looks puzzled
so the mother continues, That means the daddy puts his penis
in the mommy’s vagina. That’s ...
1 Comments, 107 Views,
6 Votes
,3.08 Score
|
|
smart 5/9/2015
Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman all die on Christmas
Eve. They reach the gates of Heaven and St. Peter is waiting
on them. " Hi guys" he says. "Now unfortunately
you all died on Christmas Eve, so what I want you to do is each
put your hand into your pockets and pull out something that
represents Christmas." So the English man put his hand into his pocket and pulls
out a cigarette lighter. ...
2 Comments, 155 Views,
14 Votes
,5.06 Score
|
|
The golfer and a homeless man 5/4/2015
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by
a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man
who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,
"If I give you this money, will you buy some booze with
it instead of dinner?" "No, I had to stop drinking years ago, ” the homeless
man replied. "Will you spend this on ...
2 Comments, 238 Views,
16 Votes
,5.19 Score
|
|
those idiots!!!! 5/3/2015
a takes a shortcut home
through the cemetery.
Halfway across, he’s startled by a tapping noise coming
from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, he spots
an
old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at a headstone.
“I thought you were a ghost, ”
says the relieved
. “What are you
doing working so late?”
“Oh, those idiots, ” grumbles ...
3 Comments, 160 Views,
13 Votes
,3.98 Score
|
|
jokes 4/28/2015
so this guy walks into a bar....
0 Comments, 118 Views,
19 Votes
|
|
Four hour erections 4/27/2015
You've seen the commercials - "An erection lasting
more than 4 hours". But what really happens when you ask for help with an erection
lasting more than 4 hours?
I walked into a drug store and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.
The woman I was talking to said that she was the only pharmacist
as she and her sister owned the store, and there were no male
employees. She then asked ...
5 Comments, 322 Views,
23 Votes
,6.28 Score
|
|
mugged 4/25/2015
Late one night in the Washington D.C. a mugger wearing a
ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck
a gun in his ribs.
"Give me your money, " he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't
do this - I'm a US Congressman!"
"In that case, " replied the robber, "give
me MY money!"
2 Comments, 98 Views,
21 Votes
,5.11 Score
|
|
Job Search 4/25/2015
Mike saw a job advertised in the paper, Man wanted with good sense of smell
When mike arrived at the address he was surprised to see
it was a private house. I came about the Job mike said to the kamp looking guy that
answered the door.
I will have to test your sense of smell...ok said Mike.
Put on this blindfold and tell me what you smell, mike sniffed
and beamed out AN ...
3 Comments, 193 Views,
12 Votes
,2.80 Score
|
|
Square testicles 4/23/2015
Can not take credit, received as an email.
> An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Canada
one > morning with a purse full of money.. She wanted to open
a > savings account and insisted on talking to the president
of > the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of > money. > After many lengthy discussions > (after all, the is always right) an employee
took the > elderly woman to ...
4 Comments, 200 Views,
24 Votes
,6.54 Score
|
|
Dirty Kokes 4/21/2015
A funny adult sms Sardar:Will U Marry me? Girl:Sorry I’m a Lesbian. Sardar:”Whats Lesbian?” Girl:”I have Sex only with Girls”. Sardar:”Maar Taali I’m also Lesbian”
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question.
As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps
into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into
her breast. They are both ...
1 Comments, 119 Views,
10 Votes
,2.99 Score
|
|
Goblins? 4/18/2015
One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when
she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden.
You're a goblin, she says, I caught you and you owe me
three wishes! . So the goblin replies OK, you caught me fair
and square, what's your first wish? . The woman stops
and thinks for a second, I want a huge mansion to live in.,
goblin replies OK, you've got it.. ...
0 Comments, 168 Views,
18 Votes
,5.31 Score
|
|
Airplane? 4/18/2015
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps
up frantically and announces, If I'm going to die,
I want to die feeling like a woman.
She removes all her clothing and asks, Is there someone
on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, Here, iron this!
0 Comments, 80 Views,
10 Votes
,3.58 Score
|
|
Couple? 4/18/2015
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th
anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening
25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, When you first
saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through
your mind?
The husband replied All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains
out, and suck your tits dry
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, ...
0 Comments, 121 Views,
16 Votes
,4.30 Score
|
|
ask the darnest things!! 4/18/2015
A MOTHER AND HER YOUNG WERE FLYING FROM TAMPA TO TORONTO.
THE LITTLE BOY HAD BEEN LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW. HE ASKED HIS MOTHER, IF BIG DOGS HAVE BABY DOGS, AND BIG CATS
HAVE BABY CATS, WHY DON’T BIG PLANES HAVE BABY PLANES?
THE MOTHER COULDN’T THINK OF AN ANSWER.
SHE TOLD HER DON’T BOTHER ME GO ASK THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT.
HE WENT DOWN THE AISLE TO THE ...
3 Comments, 254 Views,
26 Votes
,6.15 Score
|
|
Dear? 4/17/2015
Little Johnny's first grade class was playing Name
That Animal. The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked
What Animal is this?
A cat! said Suzy.
Good job. Now, what's this Animal?
A dog!" said Ricky.
Good. Now what Animal is this?" she asked, holding
up a picture of a deer.
The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher
said, ...
0 Comments, 120 Views,
11 Votes
,4.10 Score
|
|
The Government?? 4/17/2015
A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the
government
so for homework that one day, she told her her students to
ask their parents what the government is.
When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad
and ask his what the government was.
His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look
at it this way
I'm the president, your mom is ...
1 Comments, 103 Views,
11 Votes
,5.22 Score
|
|
Sex in the dark 4/14/2015
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark
forest.
After 15 minutes of this, the man finally gets up and says,
"Damn, I wish I had a flashlight."
The woman says, "So do I. You've been eating grass
for the past ten minutes!"
1 Comments, 51 Views,
8 Votes
,2.32 Score
|
|
Ridem Cowboy 4/14/2015
The local yokel got married and his honeymoon was the first
time he'd been off the farm.
He'd saved for twenty years for this, so could afford
a classy hotel.
Checking in he said "Me and the new WIFE would like
to hire your best room for a week"
"Certainly sir" replied the receptionist.
"Would you like the Bridal"?
The yokel looked a bit uncertain, then said ...
1 Comments, 113 Views,
9 Votes
,4.49 Score
|
|
U Speaka Da English? 4/14/2015
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage
in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them
ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized
when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice. Then I come one ...
1 Comments, 104 Views,
9 Votes
,3.21 Score
|
|
Fascinate 4/13/2015
Teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate'
in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my
granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was
fascinating.'
The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to
use the word 'fascinate’, not ‘fascinating'.
Sally raised her hand. She said, 'My family went to
see RockCity and I was ...
4 Comments, 219 Views,
11 Votes
,5.60 Score
|
|
lol 4/9/2015
A man walks into a bar all distressed...
He looks at the bartender and say please give me 5 shots of
whiskey.
The bartender noting something was wrong asks what the
problem is.
"I just found out my brother is gay, and I'm here
to drown my sorrows."
A couple nights later the same guy comes in hanging his head
and orders another 5 shots.
Bartender ...
5 Comments, 240 Views,
25 Votes
,5.79 Score
|
|
Confession 4/7/2015
Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday & the priest nearly
fell down when he saw him.
He'd never been to church in his life.
After Mass, the priest caught up with him & said: "Murphy,
I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?"
Murphy said: "I got to be honest with ya Father. A while
back, I misplaced me hat & I really, really love that
hat. I know that ...
3 Comments, 214 Views,
21 Votes
,5.60 Score
|
|
Senior Sex 4/5/2015
Maude and Claude, both 81, lived in The Villages, in Florida.
They met at the singles club meeting and discovered over
time that they enjoyed each others' company. After
several weeks of meeting for coffee, Claude asked Maude
out for dinner and, much to his delight, she accepted.
They had a lovely evening. They dined at the most romantic
restaurant in town. Despite their ages, they ...
0 Comments, 204 Views,
18 Votes
,6.40 Score
|
|
Preparing Breakfast 4/5/2015
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled
eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the tee shirt that
she normally slept in. As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and
said softly, “You've got to make love to me this very moment!"
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming
or this is going to be my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose ...
0 Comments, 189 Views,
12 Votes
,5.63 Score
|
|
teacher 4/5/2015
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't
paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three
ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are
left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher
asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the
shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No,
two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny
asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking ...
0 Comments, 133 Views,
13 Votes
,5.32 Score
|
|
awesome 4/5/2015
A family is at the dinner table. The asks the father,
“Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father,
surprised, answers, “Well, , a woman goes through
three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons,
round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still
nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.”
“Onions?” the asks. “Yes. You see them and ...
1 Comments, 85 Views,
8 Votes
,4.87 Score
|
|
hahaha 4/5/2015
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when
her walks in. “Mother, where do babies come
from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well
dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night
they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.”
The looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That
means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s ...
1 Comments, 102 Views,
10 Votes
,4.58 Score
|
|
jinny 4/5/2015
The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school
today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because
I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that
p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"
0 Comments, 30 Views,
7 Votes
,5.08 Score
|
|
one wish 4/4/2015
Bill Clinton was driving when he accidentally ran over
a dog, crushing it flat as a fucking pancake. He climbed
out of his Rolls and sat down on the grass totally distraught.
Then Bill noticed a lamp half-buried in the ground. He dug
it up, brushed it off and immediately a Genie popped out.
"You have freed me from thousands of years of imprisonment, "
said the Genie "As a reward I shall grant ...
2 Comments, 151 Views,
13 Votes
,3.98 Score
|
|
golfer 4/3/2015
A small private plane was flying over southwest Florida
when all of a sudden the engine died, miles away from any
airport.
The pilot turned to his wife and said, “Don’t worry,
Honey, there are dozens of golf courses in this area. I’ll
just land on the next one I see.”
To which his wife screamed, “What you mean ‘don’t
worry?’ I’ve seen you play! You’ll never ...
1 Comments, 125 Views,
10 Votes
,3.78 Score
|
|
congratulations!!!!! 4/3/2015
a man walks up to woman in the bar and buys her a drink
Man- I'm Celebrating.
Lady- Me too.
Man- What A Coincidence. Why are you Celebrating?
Lady- My Husband & I Have Tried 4 Yrs For A Baby.. Today I'm Pregnant.
Man- What A CoIncidence I Am A Farmer From 4 Yrs my Hens, didnt lay any eggs Today All are Laying Eggs
Lady- Wow How Did ...
0 Comments, 121 Views,
11 Votes
,3.73 Score
|
|
dwl 4/3/2015
An old guy walks into a bar...
And sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
#1 CHEESE-BURGER: $1.50 #2 CHICKEN SANDWICH : $2.50 #3 HAND-JOB: $10.00
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks
up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally
attractive women serving drinks to a group of scruffy looking
men.
"Yes?" she ...
1 Comments, 138 Views,
11 Votes
,5.60 Score
|
|
mothers are too smart !!! 4/1/2015
John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal,
his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's
roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship
between John and his roommate and this only made her more
curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact,
she started to wonder if there was more between John and
the roommate than met the ...
1 Comments, 184 Views,
12 Votes
,5.98 Score
|
|
blondes!!! 4/1/2015
A blonde walks into a used appliance store. The clerk approaches
her and asks if she needs help. She then says "I'd
like to buy that TV in the front window." The clerk
says " I'm sorry, we don't sell to blondes."
So, the blonde leaves in a huff and highly offended. She
goes home and changes her clothes, puts on a brunette wig,
dark glasses, and a scarf. Then she returns to the store
and asks the ...
0 Comments, 137 Views,
8 Votes
,4.17 Score
|
|
More Jokes on Sunday Funday! 3/29/2015
****** A guy walks into a bar with an alligator.
The bartender looks over and yells, "Hey, buddy,
You have to get that gator outta here! He's gonna end up snappin' at
one of my customers and get me sued!"
The guys replies to the bartender, "No no, this gator
is tame and very well behaved...he won't do anything.
Here, I'll show you."
The guy lifts the alligator up and ...
2 Comments, 125 Views,
7 Votes
,5.59 Score
|
|
Sunday Funday Jokes! 3/29/2015
A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you going today?" the man asks. "I'm going to give blood." replies the
woman. "How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
he asks. "About twenty dollars." she says. "Wow, " he says, "I'm going up to
donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays a hundred dollars."
The woman angrily storms off the elevator. The very next day, the man and woman are in the ...
2 Comments, 115 Views,
7 Votes
,5.08 Score
|
|
Chicken-fuckers 3/29/2015
A parrot developed the bad habit of fucking the farmer's
hens, making them quit laying. The farmer tells the parrot
if he does it again he will pull out every feather in the parrot's
head. The next day, the farmer again catches the parrot
humping a hen, and snatches the parrot bald.
The following day, the farmer's wife hosts a formal
dinner. She thinks it would be unique if the parrot ...
1 Comments, 156 Views,
5 Votes
,5.75 Score
|
|
Couple of funnies 3/25/2015
“A little boy caught his mom and dad having sex. After,
he asked, "What were you and daddy doing?" The
mom said, "We were baking a cake." A few days
later, the little boy asked his mom, "Were you and
daddy baking a cake in the living room?" She said yes,
and asked him how he knew. He answered, "Because I
licked the frosting off the couch! It was sweet!”
“A man and a woman were ...
2 Comments, 90 Views,
8 Votes
,5.33 Score
|
|
A chuckle or two 3/25/2015
“A little boy and his friends are being called bastards
and bitches by bullies at school. The boy goes home and asks,
"Dad, what are bastards and bitches?" And his
dad replies, "Bitches are ladies and bastards are
gentlemen." Then the boy goes upstairs to see his
mom. As he enters the room, he accidentally drops a perfume
bottle, and his mom says, "Shit!" "Mom,
what is shit?" and she says, ...
1 Comments, 100 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
Laughter is the best medicine... 3/25/2015
“A small boy asks his Dad, "Daddy, what is politics?"
Dad says, "Well , let me try to explain it this way:
I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call
me Capitalism. Your mom, she's the administrator
of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're
here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the
People. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working
Class. And your baby brother, ...
1 Comments, 47 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
The Genie 3/24/2015
A man was walking on a beach in California. He found a dirty
old bottle and picked it up. When he rubbed it to clean it
up a Genie popped out.
“Oh Master. Thank you for freeing me. For that you are
granted one wish. What would that be?” the Genie said.
“I’ve always wanted to visit Hawaii but I don’t like
flying. Build me a highway so I can drive there.” ...
1 Comments, 117 Views,
7 Votes
,5.33 Score
|
|
Confession 3/23/2015
Gianni Poggio, an elderly Italian man who lives on the outskirts
of Positano, Italy, recently went to the local church for
confession.
When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional,
the man said: "Father, during World War II, a beautiful
Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on
my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her
in my attic."
...
1 Comments, 116 Views,
10 Votes
,4.18 Score
|
|
Ha ha! Very funny Kyle! 3/21/2015
A teacher is instructing a class and sees that JImmy is not
paying attention, so she asks Jimmy, "You see there
are 3 squirrels sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how
many are left on the fence?" Jimmy replies, "There would be none." The teacher
asks, "Why would there be none?" Jimmy says
to the teacher, "Because the shot scared the rest
of them away." The teacher says, "No, the answer
is ...
3 Comments, 135 Views,
12 Votes
,5.45 Score
|
|
in laws !!! 3/21/2015
On the way back from a dinner celebrating their twentieth
wedding anniversary, a couple is involved in a gruesome
accident. The husband survives with only a broken arm,
but the wife's face is horribly disfigured. A plastic
surgeon said a skin graft is the only remedy, but the woman
is too thin to offer much spare flesh. It will have to come
from her husband's buttocks. They agree to the ...
1 Comments, 179 Views,
12 Votes
,5.80 Score
|
|
Just some quick jokes for ya... 3/20/2015
So, a husband and wife are online trying to come up with a
new password for their profile. The husband types, "Mypenis, "
and the wife falls out the chair and is rolling on the ground
laughing ... the screen reads, "Error. Not long enough."
The teacher asked Billy, "Why did you bring your cat
to school today Billy?" Billy, being scared and crying,
tells the teacher, "Because I heard ...
1 Comments, 70 Views,
7 Votes
,5.59 Score
|
|
Funny story 3/20/2015
The Amish Mother and her
One cold winter day, an Amish woman, along with her ,
were riding in an old -drawn buggy on their way home.
The turned to her mother and said, "My hands
are so cold, I can barely feel them."
The mother replied, "Perhaps you should put your
hands between your legs. The heat from your body should
warm them up nicely." The did as her mother
said, and ...
0 Comments, 118 Views,
8 Votes
,5.56 Score
|
|
Everyone can use a little laughter in their life... 3/20/2015
The first story...
There was this old couple who had been married for fifty
years. The two of them were sitting down for breakfast one
morning when the gentleman says to his wife of fifty years,
"Just think dear, we've been married for fifty
years."
"Yes we have, " she replied, "And just
think, fifty years ago we were both sitting here at this
very table together."
...
0 Comments, 89 Views,
10 Votes
,4.58 Score
|
|
A Golf Joke 3/18/2015
A golfer is waiting for a threesome to join in a round of golf.
A threesome shows up and they invite him to play with them.
He does and shoots a fabulous two under par playing right-handed.
The following Saturday he’s waiting once again and the
same threesome shows up. They invite him to join them. He
shoots another two under par but this week he shoots left-handed.
The ...
0 Comments, 151 Views,
11 Votes
,6.16 Score
|
|
Chuck Norris Joke! 3/16/2015
They say that they found the cure for Cancer in Chuck Norris's
tears.
Too bad he never cries.
0 Comments, 25 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
|
|
Question:.... 3/16/2015
Name Two things in the Air that can get a girl Pregnant?
Answer: Her Legs.
0 Comments, 16 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
|
|
A Cowboy Story 3/15/2015
A cowboy is on his first visit to a big city. He enters a bar
and orders a drink. A few minutes later a beautiful woman
walks in and sits next to him.
She looks at him and says, “Are you a cowboy?”
The cowboy looks at her and replies, “Ma’am. I get up
in the morning and ride in the saddle all day, I eat chow from
a chuck wagon, and at night I sleep under the stars. ...
0 Comments, 181 Views,
9 Votes
,4.28 Score
|
|
Senior Sex 3/15/2015
Maude and Claude, both 81, lived in The Villages, in Florida.
They met at the singles club meeting and discovered over
time that they enjoyed each other’s company. After several
weeks of meeting for coffee, Claude asked Maude out for
dinner and, much to his delight, she accepted.
They had a lovely evening. They dined at the most romantic
restaurant in town. Despite their ages, they ...
0 Comments, 141 Views,
7 Votes
,5.59 Score
|
|
knock knock 3/14/2015
who is there?
me me who? me so horny nobodys home but me love you long time...
dont judge me im bored lol
0 Comments, 20 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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What Part of your Body goes to Heaven First? 3/13/2015
A Teacher asked her class that when you die, what part of
your Body goes to Heaven First. A Student raised his hand
and said "I Know, I Kniw! It's your Feet! Right?"
Everybody looked at him strange. Then he said again "I
know it's your Feet, because every night I see my Mom
with her Feet in the Air saying OH GOD!!! I'm Coming!"
lol
I hope that you got it and enjoyed reading this.
0 Comments, 31 Views,
7 Votes
,3.55 Score
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The difference. 3/10/2015
What is the difference between a young and an old ?
A young uses KY and an old uses poly grip.
2 Comments, 42 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
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Chicken Rancher 3/6/2015
A rancher went to a local bar and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman sitting next to him said, 'How about that?
I just ordered champagne, too!'
'What a coincidence' the farmer said. 'This
is a special day for me. I am celebrating.'
‘This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating, '
said the woman.'
'What a coincidence!' said the farmer. ...
3 Comments, 191 Views,
13 Votes
,4.99 Score
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sports 3/6/2015
what is the difference between a pussy and a bowling ball?//
well you only put 3 fingers in a bowling ball.....
0 Comments, 38 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
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hurracane gussy 3/2/2015
this middle aged man was out of town and had little to do .
he saw this and decided to go check it out.
walked in to this woman at the desk and he told her my name
is big moe and i want to get fucked. she told him go to the 2st
door on the right he walked over to it and knocked loud as
he said my name is big moe and i want to get fucked. this voice
rang out.Well slid 20 dollars under the ...
0 Comments, 131 Views,
11 Votes
,0.18 Score
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Show Time 3/1/2015
Dad was in bed on a Sunday morning. He wrote a note and asked
his four year old to bring it to Mommy. He did.
She opened the note and read: ‘The tent pole is up, the
canvas is spread. Quit your damn cooking and come back to
bed!’
She wrote a note back and asked the four year old to bring
it to Daddy. He did.
Dad opened the note and read: ‘Take the tent pole ...
0 Comments, 185 Views,
9 Votes
,3.43 Score
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The Texan 2/28/2015
This Texan walked into this bar in Alaska and there were
3 men sitting at the bar. They all started laughing when
they say his cowboy hat and told him all men from Texas are
pussys. They told him to be tough around here you must be
able to choug a beer go out and fuck and escmo girl and wressle
a grizzle bear and be back here in an hour.The Texan grabed
and chouged a 5th of jack then asked were ...
1 Comments, 163 Views,
8 Votes
,1.86 Score
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Lost Golfer 2/26/2015
A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what
hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked
up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She
replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you're
a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole." He
thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached
the lady ...
0 Comments, 223 Views,
17 Votes
,5.81 Score
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old man's woes 2/26/2015
a 65 year old man visited a nudist colony the receptionist told him the charges were Rs. 5000 deposit (refundable if he did not like there - within
6 hours) & Rs. 500 per day/per visit he paid in cash , got locker to put all his belongings including
his clothes, and set off in a beautiful garden many people -- all nude were there- nobody bothered to look
at him he passed a few couples fucking in ...
1 Comments, 136 Views,
11 Votes
,5.97 Score
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old man's woes 2/26/2015
a 65 year old man visited a nudist colony the receptionist told him the charges were Rs. 5000 deposit (refundable if he did not like there - within
6 hours) & Rs. 500 per day/per visit he paid in cash , got locker to put all his belongings including
his clothes, and set off in a beautiful garden many people -- all nude were there- nobody bothered to look
at him he passed a few couples fucking in ...
1 Comments, 47 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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Honeymoon Prank 2/25/2015
The wedding date was set and groom's 3 friends -
A Carpenter
An Electrician
And A Doctor
were deciding what pranks to play on the couple on their
wedding night.
The carpenter figured sawing the slats of their bed would
be fun..
The electrician decided to wire the bed with current , of
course...
The Doctor wouldn't commit himself, but ...
1 Comments, 163 Views,
12 Votes
,5.27 Score
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Why does the woman sheriff always get her man? 2/24/2015
Because she has the biggest posse
0 Comments, 28 Views,
6 Votes
,0.80 Score
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Men are MEN 2/23/2015
A sexy blonde at a Casino, seemed a little intoxicated She bet 20, 000 Euro on a single roll of dice.
She said - "I hope you don't mind, but I feel luckier
when I'm nude".
With that she removed her clothes, rolled the dice and yelled
- "come on baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped and yelled - "yes
yes, I won.....I won...."
...
1 Comments, 160 Views,
14 Votes
,6.34 Score
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THE LAWYER AND THE DUCK 2/16/2015
Subject: THE LAWYER & THE DUCK
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Wairarapa.
He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field
on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer
drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The ...
2 Comments, 169 Views,
12 Votes
,5.45 Score
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1 life 2 live 2/15/2015
A blonde woman, a priest, a pilot, and a high schooler are
all on a crashing plane. There are only enough parachutes
to save three of them, and the pilot is the first to jump out.
He grabs a parachute and says, "I'm a pilot! People
need me to fly planes!" and then jumps out. The blonde
is next to jump out. She grabs a parachute and says, "My
hair won't look pretty if I'm dead!" and
then jumps ...
1 Comments, 166 Views,
11 Votes
,4.85 Score
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A simple question? 2/14/2015
Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults have in adultery?
>>!
0 Comments, 20 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
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left overs 2/13/2015
I walked into the kitchen tonight expecting my wife to be
fixing dinner. Instead she was standing there wearing
no clothes but wrapped in saran wrap. I turned around and
walked back out. I don't like leftovers. 
3 Comments, 64 Views,
8 Votes
,2.78 Score
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Love four-year-olds! 2/12/2015
A mother was shopping with her four-year-old . She smelled
something that smelled suspiciously like poop.
She asked her , “Did you poop in your pants?”
The boy looked at her and said no.
A few minutes later she smelled it again.
She asked her again, “Did you poop in your pants?”
The boy replied, “No Mom.”
Minutes later she ...
0 Comments, 273 Views,
7 Votes
,4.31 Score
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The chicken and the 2/10/2015
On the farm lived a chicken and a , both of whom loved
to play together. One day the two were playing, when the fell into a bog
and began to sink. Scared for his life, the whinnied for the chicken
to go get the farmer for help!
Off the chicken ran, back to the farm.. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer,
but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only ...
0 Comments, 179 Views,
12 Votes
,4.92 Score
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The chicken and the 2/10/2015
On the farm lived a chicken and a , both of whom loved
to play together. One day the two were playing, when the fell into a bog
and began to sink. Scared for his life, the whinnied for the chicken
to go get the farmer for help!
Off the chicken ran, back to the farm.. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer,
but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only ...
0 Comments, 50 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Cards 2/5/2015
How is sex like a game of bridge? You either need a good partner or a good hand.
2 Comments, 12 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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Couple more I heard 2/5/2015
How do you know if you have a high sperm count ? She has to chew before she swallows.
2 potatos are standing on a corner, how can you tell which
one is a ? The one that says IDAHO!
2 Comments, 22 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
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A man and a woman get into an elevator 2/5/2015
The woman takes off all her clothes, throws them on the floor
touches herself then says...
"Make me a woman!"
The man takes off all his clothes, throws them on the floor
points and says...
"Pick 'em up!"
0 Comments, 15 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
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Oh FUCK.... 2/5/2015
Have you ever seen a twenty pound note all crumpled up?"
asked the wife. "No, " I said
. She gave me a sexy little smile, reached into her cleavage
and pulled out a crumpled twenty pound note.
"Have you ever seen a fifty pound note all crumpled
up?" she asked. "No, " I said.
She gave me another sexy little smile, reached into her
knickers and pulled out a crumpled fifty ...
0 Comments, 108 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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getting wet 2/5/2015
"Give it to me, Give it to me !" , she yelled.
"I'm so fucking wet, give it to me Now!"
she cried.
Scream all she wants........ I'm keeping the fucking
umbrella
0 Comments, 30 Views,
3 Votes
,1.47 Score
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rough 2/5/2015
Two men in a pub and one is riding a Bucking Bronco Machine.
He lasts over 10 minutes. 'Crikey mate, that was impressive!' 'I get lots of practice' replied the other guy.
'My wifes epileptic'
1 Comments, 20 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
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oops my bad =)) 2/5/2015
I keep having my profile on that well known dating website
rejected.
One of the questions is, 'What do you want in a woman?'.
Apparently 'my dick' is not an acceptable answer.
0 Comments, 9 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Bad taste joke 2/5/2015
Whats the difference between a priest and acne?
Acne waits until you're a to come on your face
0 Comments, 9 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
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Bad taste joke 2/5/2015
Whats the difference between a priest and acne?
Acne waits until you're a to come on your face
0 Comments, 4 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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God 2/5/2015
Why did god create man first? Because he didn't want any advice.
0 Comments, 4 Views,
0 Votes
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Blonde 2/5/2015
How do you make a blonde laugh on a Wednesday? Tell her a joke on a Monday.
0 Comments, 1 Views,
0 Votes
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Lipstick 2/5/2015
Why would a blonde wear green lipstick? Because red means stop.
0 Comments, 1 Views,
0 Votes
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Fast food sex 2/5/2015
How did the Dairy Queen get pregnant? Burger King didn't cover his whopper.
0 Comments, 0 Views,
0 Votes
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What's thd difference? 2/5/2015
What's the difference between your wife and your job?
After 10 years you job still sucks.
0 Comments, 2 Views,
0 Votes
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Coins 2/5/2015
Nurse: Doctor how is that little girl that swallowed 10
coins last night? Doctor: no change yet.
0 Comments, 2 Views,
0 Votes
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2 blondes 2/5/2015
2 blondes walk into a building.....you think one of them
would have seen it.
0 Comments, 1 Views,
0 Votes
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What's the difference? 2/5/2015
What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?
When you sleep the mosquito it stops sucking.
0 Comments, 2 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
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Grandma 2/5/2015
'Mum there's a man at the door collecting for the
old folks home, shall I give him grandma?'
0 Comments, 10 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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The blonde 2/5/2015
What's the best blonde secretary to have in the world?
One that never misses her period
0 Comments, 4 Views,
0 Votes
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Better? 2/5/2015
A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an
argument about who enjoyed sex more.
The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women.
Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?"
"That doesn't prove anything, " the woman
countered.
"Think about this: when your ear itches and you stick
your little finger in it, wiggle it around, and then ...
0 Comments, 70 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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Funny? 2/5/2015
“Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one, Michael J. Fox
has a small one, Madonna doesn't have one, The Pope
has one but doesn't use it, Dominique Strauss-Khan
uses his all the time. What is it? A last name! And shame on
you for thinking it was something else.”
0 Comments, 24 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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Maybe a laugh 2/4/2015
If women with big breasts work at Hooters, where does someone
with only one leg work?
IHOP!
Bad I know....
0 Comments, 13 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Maybe a laugh 2/4/2015
If women with big breasts work at Hooters, where does someone
with only one leg work?
IHOP!
Bad I know....
0 Comments, 5 Views,
0 Votes
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Blonde Joke 2/4/2015
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister,
"I slept with a Brazilian....
The blonde replies,
"Oh my God! You slut! How many is a Brazilian?"
1 Comments, 20 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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Genie 2/4/2015
2 Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke He
asks the other guy if he has a lighter He replies "Yes I do!" and hands the other a 10
inch long BIC lighter Surprised the guy asks "Where did you get this?"
The guy replies "Oh I have a personal genie."
The first man asks "Can I make a wish? " Sure says
the other man "Just make sure that you speak clearly
cause he is a little hard at ...
0 Comments, 71 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
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Are Cows funny? 2/4/2015
Q: Where do cows go for lunch? A: The calf-eteria.
Q: Why do cows wear bells? A: Their horns don't work.
Q: What are a cows favorite subjects in school? A: Moosic,
psycowolgy, cowculus
And Finally......
Q: What do call a cow that has just had a calf? A: Decalfenated
1 Comments, 19 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
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Really Bad Jokes (Lame Bad, Not Good Bad) 2/4/2015
A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha,
pack up your things. I just won a million dollar slot machine
jackpot!" Martha replies, "Shall I pack for
warm weather or cold?" The man responds, "I
don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house
by noon!"
"My husband's going to a casino in central Asia.
"Tibet?" "Of course, why else would he
go!"
Q: Why isn't ...
1 Comments, 47 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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On Average 2/3/2015
On average, an American man under 75 will have sex two to
three times a week, whereas a Japanese man the same age will
have sex only one or two times a year.
This is very upsetting news to many of my friends, as they
had no idea they were Japanese.
0 Comments, 71 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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