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TattyCat001 66 M
14  Articles
The Difference?   11/18/2015

What is the difference between sin and shame? > > > > > > > > Well . . . It is sometimes a sin when it slips in, but it is almost always a shame when it slips out.


1 Comments, 11 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
Blessed4WhiteBoy 64 M
1  Article
A terrible itch   11/18/2015

A 80 year old woman goes to the doctor complaining of a terrible itch between her legs, upon inspection, he tells her she has the crabs. The old lady replies"That's impossible, I am a virgin, and never have never been with a man." So she goes to get a second opinion from another doctor, he get's her feet up in the stirrups for a closer look. She explains she is a 80 year old virgin, and that the ...


2 Comments, 107 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
lets get it on!!!   11/17/2015

While standing in front of the gorilla's cage, a gust of wind swept some dust into his eye. As he rubbed his eyelid, the gorilla went crazy, bent open the bars, and beat the guy senseless. When the guy came to his senses, he reported the incident to the zookeeper. Nodding, the zookeeper explained that pulling down your eyelid means "Fuck you! " in gorilla language. The explanation didn't make the ...


3 Comments, 79 Views, 9 Votes ,4.49 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
yea puppies!!!   11/16/2015

A father and his 6-year-old are walking down the street, and they come across two dogs having sex. The boy is shocked by what he sees and asks his father "Daddy, what are they doing?" The father, not wanting to lie to his , says "they're just making a puppy." "OK" says the , and the father is relieved that he doesn't probe further. The next day, the bursts into his parents' room and sees them ...


3 Comments, 117 Views, 5 Votes ,5.75 Score
rm_NOPoet30 67 M
47  Articles
At the convent   11/16/2015

Three nuns sitting around in the garden. The eldest in her 70s was hard of hearing and usually kept to herself and was quietly knitting. The two younger nuns across from her were discussing their garden endeavors. The first one asks if the youngest nun had any success growing vegetables. "Oh my yes..the biggest Italian squash was this long", she said holding her hands a good foot apart, "and ...


2 Comments, 78 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
SAD STORY... MAN KILLED ON GOLF COURSE.   11/15/2015

A foursome of men waited at the men's tee while a foursome of women was hitting in front of them -- taking their time.

When the final lady was ready to hit her ball, she hacked it 10 feet . Then she went over and missed it completely.

Then she hacked it another ten feet and finally hacked it another five feet.

She looked up at the patiently waiting men and said ...


1 Comments, 137 Views, 5 Votes ,5.10 Score
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
Jack and Jill   11/15/2015

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy.

But Jack got a shock and a mouthfull of cock because Jills real name was RANDY


1 Comments, 14 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
Bar Joke   11/14/2015

A guy goes into a bar in Louisiana where there is a robot bartender. The robot says, “What will you have?”

The guy replies, “Whiskey.”

The robot brings back his drink and asks, “What’s your IQ?”

The guy say, “168.”

The robot continues to talk about physics, space exploration, and medical technology.

After the guy leaves and the more ...


3 Comments, 93 Views, 8 Votes ,3.48 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
pledge!!!   11/13/2015

A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks." The couple agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor asked them, "Well, were you able to get through the two weeks without being intimate?" "Pastor, I'm afraid we were not able to go without sex for the two ...


4 Comments, 94 Views, 7 Votes ,5.84 Score
Golf on Fridays   11/12/2015

After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling.  When asked  what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.

  On and on and on: neglect, emptiness, loneliness, lack of intimacy, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.

  Finally, ...


1 Comments, 112 Views, 4 Votes ,5.19 Score
rm_NOPoet30 67 M
47  Articles
Jack & Jill   11/12/2015

Yep - they went up that hill to get the water. Jack fell down, broke his crown & Jill exclaimed: 'What a clumsy freaken aszhole Next time I get water...he stays at the bottom..'


2 Comments, 22 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
WHAT RELIGION IS YOUR BRA?   11/11/2015

A man walked into the ladies department and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, 'I'd like to buy a bra for my wife. '

' What type of bra?' asked the clerk.

'Type?' inquires the man, 'There's more than one type? '

' Look around, ' said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable. Actually, even with ...


2 Comments, 118 Views, 7 Votes ,5.59 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
one for the veterans!!!   11/11/2015

One Sunday morning, the priest noticed Little Johnny was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. It was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it.

The seven-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the priest walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning, Little Johnny."

"Good ...


3 Comments, 91 Views, 8 Votes ,6.26 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
shucks daylight saving time!   11/10/2015

A rather confident 007 walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No", he replies, "I've just been given this state-of-the-art watch by Q and I was just testing it." The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's ...


2 Comments, 78 Views, 10 Votes ,6.17 Score
rm_NOPoet30 67 M
47  Articles
WW II story in celebration of our day   11/10/2015

A POW Camp in the heart of Germany -cold as hell, at morning formation & the SS pays a visit on 'Remembrance Day' 'Ve have a special treat for you captured soldiers and airmen today. Someting you vill not forget! Ve have reviewed the records and three of you vill be chosen for immediate execution. You vill die just as your fathers have lived. Ven your name is called you vill step forward, ...


0 Comments, 58 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
rm_NOPoet30 67 M
47  Articles
WW II story in celebration of our day   11/10/2015

A POW Camp in the heart of Germany -cold as hell, at morning formation & the SS pays a visit on 'Remembrance Day' 'Ve have a special treat for you captured soldiers and airmen today. Someting you vill not forget! Ve have reviewed the records and three of you vill be chosen for immediate execution. You vill die just as your fathers have lived. Ven your name is called you vill step forward, ...


0 Comments, 13 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
rm_NOPoet30 67 M
47  Articles
WW II story in celebration of our day   11/10/2015

A POW Camp in the heart of Germany -cold as hell, at morning formation & the SS pays a visit on 'Remembrance Day' 'Ve have a special treat for you captured soldiers and airmen today. Someting you vill not forget! Ve have reviewed the records and three of you vill be chosen for immediate execution. You vill die just as your fathers have lived. Ven your name is called you vill step forward, ...


0 Comments, 11 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
you did this!   11/8/2015

Johnny’s girlfriend was in labor with they first . She was shouting out, “Get this out of me? Give me the drugs.”

She looked at him and said, “You did this to me you *******!”

He casually replied, “If you would care to remember, I wanted to stick it up your *** but you said, ‘it’ll be too painful!’.”


3 Comments, 61 Views, 8 Votes ,5.10 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
oh no!!   11/8/2015

A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when he notices that the oil-pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station. After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit ...


2 Comments, 73 Views, 6 Votes ,5.93 Score
Condom Explanation   11/7/2015

A man walks into a drug store with his adolescent . They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"

The man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, . Men use them to have safe sex."

"Oh I see, " replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school.

He looks over the display and picks up a package ...


1 Comments, 106 Views, 11 Votes ,4.10 Score
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
Alzheimer's has its advantages   11/7/2015

Bill, 85, married Sue, a lovely 25 year old . . .



Since her new husband is so old, Sue decides that after their wedding she and Bill should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together.





After the wedding festivities Sue prepares herself for bed and the ...


1 Comments, 82 Views, 5 Votes ,5.43 Score
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
When you are over seventy, who gives a shit.   11/7/2015

I was standing at the bar one night, minding my own business. This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my ass and said, "You're kind of cute you gotta phone number?" I said, "Yea you gotta pen?" She said "Yea", I got a pen". I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you". Cost me 6 stitches. When you are over seventy . . . who gives a shit. ...


3 Comments, 61 Views, 7 Votes ,5.33 Score
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
Lost Wallet   11/7/2015

A guy traveling through Mexico on vacation lost his wallet and all of his identification.

Cutting his trip short, he attempted to make his way home but was stopped by the U.S.

Customs Agent at the border.

"May I see your identification, please?" asked the agent.

"I'm sorry, but I lost my wallet, " replied the guy.

"Sure buddy, I hear that every day. ...


0 Comments, 60 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
luv-va Jay-sus   11/7/2015

Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced: "Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to New York. The weather ahead is good, so we should have an uneventful flight. So, sit back, relax, and ... OH MY GOD!"

Silence followed ...

Some moments later, the captain came ...


1 Comments, 61 Views, 7 Votes ,4.57 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
good side effects!   11/6/2015

If I was a man and had an erection lasting longer than four hours at my age. I wouldn't call a doctor. I would call and >>! everybody I know!


3 Comments, 35 Views, 7 Votes ,5.33 Score
discreetmale618 63 M
2  Articles
Blonde   11/6/2015

Blonde picks up her blouse from dry cleaners. Checks to see if spot was removed when leaving the clerk says come again the blonde replies. No it was mustard this time!


2 Comments, 34 Views, 6 Votes ,4.50 Score
MissShowMe 54 T
3  Articles
Amish cock fights   11/5/2015

Why do Amish men almost always loose in a cock fight? It takes them too long to get their pants unbuttoned.


0 Comments, 15 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
cooks!   11/4/2015

A young woman, in the course of her college life, came to terms with her homosexuality and decided to come out of the closet.

Her plan was to tell her mother first; so on her next home visit, she went to the kitchen, where her mother was busying herself stirring stew with a wooden spoon.

Rather nervously, she explained to her that she had realized she was gay.

Without ...


3 Comments, 107 Views, 11 Votes ,5.60 Score
sassylicious33 34 F
1  Article
sex partners   11/4/2015

Funny sex jokes - sex partners A doctor asks a patient while examining her: - How many sex partners did you have? - 5 or 6, don't remember exactly.. - Hmm, not that many... - Yes, that wasn't the most successful weekend..


1 Comments, 48 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
hellofrd01 42 F
5  Articles
Admiring   11/2/2015

After sex, a newly wed wife kept fondling her husbang's cock. Husband : Why? Want to have sex again? Wife : No dear, I just admiring your cock, I used to have one before!


2 Comments, 18 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
hellofrd01 42 F
5  Articles
Admiring   11/2/2015

After sex, a newly wed wife kept fondling her husband's cock. Husband : Why? Want to have sex again? Wife : No dear, I just admiring your cock, I used to have one before!


1 Comments, 7 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
hellofrd01 42 F
5  Articles
Still a Virgin   11/2/2015

Newly Wed girl tells her mom that her husband is still a virgin Mom : How do you know dear? Girl: Last night, when we made love, his cock was still in plastic cover..


0 Comments, 22 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
genius!!!   10/31/2015

A young Arkie goes off to college. Half way through the semester, having foolishly squandered all of his money on his girlfriend, he calls home.

"Dad, " he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here at Hendrix that will teach our dog, Ole' Blue how to talk!"

"That's amazing, " his Dad says. "How do I get Ole' Blue in that ...


1 Comments, 100 Views, 14 Votes ,6.34 Score
MissShowMe 54 T
3  Articles
Witches & brooms   10/31/2015

Why don't witches wear panty hose? They will slide off the broom if they do.


0 Comments, 12 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
MissShowMe 54 T
3  Articles
What?   10/29/2015

What is the difference between an epileptic oyster shucker and a with diarrhea?

The oyster shucks between fits!


0 Comments, 6 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
MissShowMe 54 T
3  Articles
Peanut buttter/ Jackass   10/26/2015

What do you get when you cross a peanut butter sandwhich with a jackass? A piece of ass that sticks to the roof of your mouth.


0 Comments, 6 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
Life expectancy   10/25/2015

A woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

  While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"

  God said, "No, you have another 33 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

  Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, some implants and a tummy tuck. She ...


2 Comments, 128 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
are you a lesbian too?   10/22/2015

A cowboy walks into a bar and sits down and orders a beer. A few minutes later a beautiful blond walks in and sits down next to him. She looks him over and says are you a real Cowboy ? To which he responds, why yes I am. I ride horses, break wild horses, rope cattle, wrestle steers, I do it all. Yes I'm a real cowboy. He smile and pleased with himself, asks her what she is ? To which she ...


3 Comments, 119 Views, 13 Votes ,4.15 Score
A RIDE IN THE TAXI   10/21/2015

A woman and her twelve-year-old were riding in a taxi. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings. 

  "Mom, " said the boy, "what are all those women doing?"  "They're waiting for their husbands to get off work, " she replied. 

  The taxi driver turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the Truth? They're hookers, boy! They have sex ...


2 Comments, 169 Views, 10 Votes ,4.58 Score
Lucypeach 41 T
2  Articles
Off the Rails   10/21/2015

Dave a longtime railway signal man from California decides to apply for a senior job advertised in neighbouring Nevada.Having received his invitation to travel to Reno for the interview he arrives to find the usual rivalvry between the two States is very much ongoing and as he waits alongside the two other applicants for the job he realises he is up against it as both of the others are native to ...


0 Comments, 89 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
The Biology Exam   10/20/2015

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk. The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student, was hard put to think of seven advantages. He wrote: 1) It is perfect formula for the . 2) It provides immunity against several diseases. 3) It is always the right temperature. 4) It is inexpensive. 5) ...


1 Comments, 129 Views, 8 Votes ,5.10 Score
Lucypeach 41 T
2  Articles
Keep Truckin   10/20/2015

a sad looking woman drives her truck into the front car park of a seedy roadhouse in Alabama. Parking up she saunters inside to order her lunch and instantly catches the raucous attention of a gang of bikers. Minding her own business she settles down in a corner of the joint and starts to eat her food but the gang members sidle over and start to goad her; firstly one picks her burger up and ...


2 Comments, 131 Views, 8 Votes ,4.64 Score
rm_NOPoet30 67 M
47  Articles
At the Old Folks Home   10/19/2015

80 yr. old woman complains of malaise and general indifference. The young Doctor prescribes massive hormone treatments. Three nights later the old gal is running down the hallway, with nothing on but her robe. She runs into the 1st men's room, a 90 yr. old, and whips open her robe and sez; 'Sup-er SEX!' The old dude drools & rolls over. She runs into an 80 guy's room: opens robe 'Supp...er ...


1 Comments, 22 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
rm_NOPoet30 67 M
47  Articles
At the Old Folks Home   10/19/2015

80 yr. old woman complains of malaise and general indifference. The young Doctor prescribes massive hormone treatments. Three nights later the old gal is running down the hallway, with nothing on but her robe. She runs into the 1st men's room, a 90 yr. old, and whips open her robe and sez; 'Sup-er SEX!' The old dude drools & rolls over. She runs into an 80 guy's room: opens robe 'Supp...er ...


2 Comments, 72 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
rm_NOPoet30 67 M
47  Articles
Silver Lining 2   10/19/2015

Lynda turns to Lucy and sez: 'Oh TY so very much! Pay back really is a freaken bitch!'


1 Comments, 36 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
JeanMichel69er 43 M
1  Article
Devoted Service   10/19/2015

Two women get together at the bar, and they spend the night drinking and having a good time. On their way home early in the morning, they begin to pass a cemetary and the one woman says to the other who is driving, "pull over, I have to use the bathroom!" They both enter the cemetary, grab a headstone and do their business, when one says to the other, "I don't have anything to wipe with!" The ...


4 Comments, 81 Views, 7 Votes ,4.06 Score
BIRTH CONTROL FOR GRANDMA   10/17/2015

The doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired.  At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her.

As the doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized Grandma had a prescription for birth control pills.

"Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH ...


2 Comments, 170 Views, 11 Votes ,5.04 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
smart ass!!!   10/17/2015

My small grandson wandered off from me at a shopping mall. A uniformed security guard approached him and asked if he was lost? He told the guard he had lost his grand dad. The security guard asked him, "What's he Like?" The small tyke replied, "Royal Crown Bourbon and big breasted women!"


3 Comments, 50 Views, 6 Votes ,5.93 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
take note guys!!!   10/17/2015

FOR SALE BY OWNER Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition, $200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.




3 Comments, 34 Views, 10 Votes ,5.38 Score
An Impatient Man   10/16/2015

A man was riding a bus, minding his own business, when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breast-feed her baby. The baby wouldn't take it, so she said, "Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I'll have to give it to this nice man next to us."

  Five minutes later, the baby was still not feeding, so she said, "Come on, honey. Take it or I'll give it to this nice man here."

  ...


2 Comments, 138 Views, 10 Votes ,6.37 Score
Otis_Good 71 M
18  Articles
All Aboard   10/15/2015

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks." The ...


5 Comments, 88 Views, 10 Votes ,5.38 Score
canuendeavorme95 37 M
4  Articles
knockedy knock knock   10/15/2015

Knock knock!



Whos There?



Khan! Khan



who?



Khan-dom broke, hope you're on the pill!


1 Comments, 17 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
canuendeavorme95 37 M
4  Articles
knock knock again   10/15/2015

Knock Knock



Who's There?



Ben Hur



Ben Hur who?





Ben Hur over and give it to her doggy style!


1 Comments, 6 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
canuendeavorme95 37 M
4  Articles
knock knock   10/15/2015

Knock, Knock!

Who's There?



Dewey!



Dewey who?



Dewey have to use a condom?


1 Comments, 9 Views, 0 Votes
Otis_Good 71 M
18  Articles
Captain Fearless   10/14/2015

A captain of his ship was sailing the seas one afternoon, when suddenly over the horizon a pirate ship was seen. The captain yells "Everyone prepare for battle, and hand me my red jacket." To which one of the crew members complied and handed him his jacket which he put on. The battle ended victoriously for the ship and his captain and they continued on in their voyage. Later, they again spotted ...


2 Comments, 91 Views, 8 Votes ,3.71 Score
andreaplaysnice 61 T
9  Articles
The Visit to the Doctor   10/11/2015

I went to see a new urologist the other day. Turned out to be a woman and Oh Man was she hot. Any way, I explained the issues I was having and she patiently sat and listened, and when I finished talking she sat there quietly for a little while then said "I think you need to quit masturbating. I asked her why and she said "Well I need to examine you now".


0 Comments, 86 Views, 11 Votes ,4.66 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
George and the dragon!!!   10/11/2015

An 18th-century vagabond in England, exhausted and famished, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked.

The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some victuals?" He asked.

The woman glanced at his shabby, dirty clothes. "No!" she shouted.

"Could I have a pint of ale?"

"No!" she shouted. ...


1 Comments, 66 Views, 8 Votes ,5.33 Score
rm_DarkHorseALS 43 F
1  Article
MCGREGGOR   10/7/2015

THERE IS A GUY MCGEGGOR IRISH MAN THAT SITS AT A BAR AND SAYS TO THE GUY BESIDE HIM...I AM PIST CAUSE U SEE THAT DOCK I MADE THAT WITH ME OWN 2 HANDS AND U SEE THIA BAR I MADE THIS WITH ME OWN 2 HANDS BUT DO THEY CALL ME MCGREGGOR THE DOCK OR BAR MAKER HELL NO HOWEVER U FUCK ONE SHEEP AND IM MCGREGGOR THE SHEEP FUCKER FOR LIFE!!! BY AMY


1 Comments, 37 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
lifes lesson   10/7/2015

A woman and her eight-year old were walking along a country road when they saw a stallion mounting a mare. "Mommy, " the little girl asked, "what are those horses doing?" The mother stuttered a moment before she could come up with a creative answer. "The on top hurt his hoof, and the one underneath is helping him back to the barn." The little girl shook her head and said, "That's the same way ...


3 Comments, 136 Views, 13 Votes ,6.00 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
lets go fishing!!   10/7/2015

Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place: First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend." Second guy: "That's nothing; I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool." Third guy: "Man, you both have it ...


4 Comments, 126 Views, 14 Votes ,6.98 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
harder! harder!   10/4/2015

A young nun was assigned by the Mother Superior to help old Father O'Malley with his Sunday night bath. The next morning, the older nun asked the young girl if she had had any difficulties. "Oh no, " the nun smiled. "As a matter of fact, I attained eternal salvation." The Mother was puzzled. "What do you mean?" "Well, Father O'Malley took my hand and put it between his legs. Then a miracle ...


3 Comments, 149 Views, 10 Votes ,4.58 Score
mspankie1992 31 M
1  Article
Handjob   10/3/2015

Three guys go to a lodge up in the snowy mountains & there aren't enough vacant rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the left wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the right wakes up and states he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "I envy you guys; I just dreamed I was ...


1 Comments, 72 Views, 9 Votes ,4.71 Score
Points Post   10/2/2015

This is a blog for everyone to comment on to get points


1 Comments, 14 Views, 3 Votes ,0.49 Score
Points Post   10/2/2015

This is a blog for everyone to comment on to get points


0 Comments, 8 Views, 3 Votes ,0.49 Score
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
The Definiton of Torque   10/2/2015

When men wake in the morning with "Hardwood"

They head to the bathroom to piss.

Standing at the bowl

As they push down on their hard cock (being sure not to miss)

It rises their heels off the floor.

Now thats torque


0 Comments, 40 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
mechdude90 32 M
1  Article
Witty Word Pun   10/1/2015

I've just realized that sex with 3 people is called threesome. Sex with 4 people is called foursome. Now I see why they call you handsome


2 Comments, 37 Views, 6 Votes ,4.22 Score
rm_BIGYODAG9 64 M
5  Articles
Another Genie   9/30/2015

Guy walks into a classy bar, with two beautiful redheads on each arm and as he sits down the bartender notices this little ugly green thing sitting on his shoulder. Fixing to to tell the dude to leave, when the guy pulling a crisp Benjamin outta his top pocket & sez is loud bass voice; 'Set up the bar! Drinks on me.' Well, of course, he starts mixing drinks & placing them in front of the ...


3 Comments, 105 Views, 12 Votes ,3.68 Score
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
Typical Highland baby boy.   9/29/2015

A Scot was drinking in a bar in London when he gets a call on his cell phone. He orders drinks for everybody in the bar as he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Scottish baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the man just shrugs, "That's about average up our way, folks...like I said - my boy's a typical Highland baby ...


1 Comments, 79 Views, 9 Votes ,4.71 Score
rm_NOPoet30 67 M
47  Articles
New Birth Control for men   9/28/2015

Idea from a Blog. Just heard about this great new product: 'Shoe-In'. It's advertised as a huge brown pill and unlike Viagra or other stiffener pills, this one isn't swallowed, it's to simply be placed in a man's shoe [Left or Right makes no difference]. It's guaranteed to make you continually LIMP! If that isn't the perfect form of Birth Control = I don't know what is.


1 Comments, 48 Views, 6 Votes ,1.09 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
spelling b!!   9/26/2015

A guy was driving down the highway with his smokin' hot blonde girlfriend and she said to him, 'I think those people in the car next to us are from another country. 'Why is that?' he said. 'Well, the are writing on the window and it says, ...'stit ruoy su wohs


2 Comments, 71 Views, 5 Votes ,5.75 Score
rm_BIGYODAG9 64 M
5  Articles
What   9/21/2015

The proctologist had been a physician for many years and had the same nurse for most of that time. One day a man comes in, with a patch over one eye, and the nurse commented that he looked like a pirate. The guy overhears her and turns to the lady sitting next to him: 'Of course I'm not a pirate, but I was in an accident and inadvertently swallowed my glass eye.' "I'm so sorry!" 'Yeah, well ...


2 Comments, 91 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
knowlegable staff!!   9/20/2015

A woman goes into Cabela's to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.

A Cabela's associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the ...


3 Comments, 130 Views, 13 Votes ,5.32 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
wrestling!!   9/20/2015

A Russian and Ole the Norwegian wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic Gold Medal. Before the final match, the Norwegian wrestling coach came to Ole and said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian.. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has." Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you're finished'. Ole nodded in ...


3 Comments, 91 Views, 12 Votes ,5.98 Score
rm_Nattatox 24 M
1  Article
You Caught My Eye   9/19/2015

A man who lived in a block of apartments thought it was raining and put his hand out the window to check. As he did so a glass eye fell into his hand. He looked up to see where it came from in time to see a young woman looking down.

"Is this yours?" he asked.

She said, "Yes, could you bring it up?" and the man agreed.

On arrival she was profuse in her thanks and ...


2 Comments, 104 Views, 10 Votes ,4.18 Score
rm_Nattatox 24 M
1  Article
Who Says Men Don't Remember Anniversaries   9/19/2015

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers ...


1 Comments, 92 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
His Last wishes   9/17/2015

Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his and 2 sons, are with him. He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak: • My , "Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses." • My "Sybil, you take the apartments over in the east end." • My , "Jamie, I want you to ...


1 Comments, 83 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
Wet Celery   9/17/2015

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a very attractive woman waving at him.

She says, 'Hello.'

He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he asks, 'Do you know me?'

To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my .'

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife. So he asks, ...


1 Comments, 78 Views, 8 Votes ,5.33 Score
rm_BIGYODAG2 65 M
24  Articles
The Animal Bar   9/17/2015

Nice little watering hole on the savanna; where the Hyenas are good for a laugh, the Lions prowl for fair game and the bouncer is a Gorilla. Two buds -one a Leopard and the other a good looking Field Mouse, who is known as the Don Juan type- frequent visitors /walk in and grab a table. They have been keeping score and the Mouse is way ahead. The Leopard: "Look pal... You've scored with almost ...


2 Comments, 50 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
karma!!!   9/15/2015

I was on a clean up crew and we stopped to cut back the weeds and pickup trash. We got out of the truck and I reached in back to get a weed wacker. Some Pompous ass snatched it out of my hands ans told me I was going to have to pick up the trash and he was going to run this weed wacker. I was across the street with another guy and he said, that guy is such a jerk, aren't you going to do ...


4 Comments, 116 Views, 10 Votes ,5.18 Score
Blow job   9/15/2015

A woman is on one of those funeral cruises where the ashes of loved ones may be dumped into the sea. She had been married to a real cheapskate, who after 30 years of marriage finally died. The lady had her husband cremated, at his wishes, because he felt a plot would cost too much. After the memorial services, she went to the railing and poured his ashes out into her hands and started talking to ...


2 Comments, 100 Views, 6 Votes ,3.08 Score
18 Daughters   9/15/2015

Three men went Las Vegas and after a losing their money at the blackjack tables, the best friends decided to stay off the strip in a not so lavish hotel and the guy that owned it had 18 daughters so the first man went up to they're father and said "can I sleep with your 18 daughters?" the father said "no but you can sleep with the pigs." the second man went to the father and said "can I sleep ...


2 Comments, 110 Views, 6 Votes ,3.08 Score
10 Inch Bic   9/15/2015

Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke He asks the other guy if he has a lighter He replies "Yes I do!" and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter Surprised the guy asks "Where did you get this?" The guy replies "Oh I have a personal genie." The first man asks "Can I make a wish? " Sure says the other man "Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at ...


0 Comments, 58 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
rm_BIGYODAG9 64 M
5  Articles
Hurricane   9/14/2015

A Sailor coming into the port of New Orleans after a 6 month cruise, with all his back pay. Goes to a fancy Cat House and tells the madam he wants the most exotic in the place. The madam sizes him up: 'You're a sailor and I got a gal goes by the handle of Hurricane. Some really like her, but a few have not...anyhow if you want ta try her, it'll run you $250 up front.' The sailor forks up ...


0 Comments, 80 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
farts   9/12/2015

Martin had just met his girlfriend, when she asked him to go over to her place for dinner to meet her parents. Not wanting to make a bad impression, he goes over.

After he has been sitting at the table for a while, he feels an incredible pain in his stomach and has to let a fart go. Just then, the family's dog, Fido, walks under the table and his tail bumps Martin's leg. This kind ...


2 Comments, 103 Views, 7 Votes ,4.82 Score
Being Neighborly   9/12/2015

She's single... She's shapely ...She's beautiful and she lives right across the street. I can see her place from my kitchen window.

I watched as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street, up my driveway and knocked on the door. I opened the door, she looked at me and said, "I just got home, and I have this strong urge to have a good time, ...


1 Comments, 179 Views, 4 Votes ,5.19 Score
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
LAST WISHES   9/12/2015

Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his and 2 sons, are with him. He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak: • My , "Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses." • My "Sybil, you take the apartments over in the east end." • My , "Jamie, I want you to ...


0 Comments, 29 Views, 0 Votes
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
Wet Celery   9/12/2015

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a very attractive woman waving at him.

She says, 'Hello.'

He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he asks, 'Do you know me?'

To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my .'

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife. So he asks, ...


0 Comments, 23 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Friendzone3 31 C
1  Article
Naked Dinner   9/9/2015

A man and a woman were celebrating their 50th anniversary. They were talking before their dinner about how they should celebrate their big evening. The woman decided she would cook a big dinner for her husband. Then he said they should do what they did on their wedding night and eat at the dinner table naked. The woman agreed. Later that night at the table, the woman says, "Honey, my nipples are ...


1 Comments, 86 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
rm_BIGYODAG2 65 M
24  Articles
NO SALE   9/7/2015

A Lonely Widow - Goes into a pet store looking for a companion. Speaks to the owner: 'I'm a very religious person and I want a clean pet for company.' "Humm...cats and dogs can be messy, but I have just the thing for you." They walk towards a row of cages and here is this pretty parrot on a perch, with a silver cord on one leg and a gold cord tied to the other. The owner: "We just got this ...


3 Comments, 117 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
Little League Sportsmanship   9/6/2015

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, "Do you understand what co-operation is? What a team is?"

"Yes, coach", replied the little boy.

"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?"

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

"So, " the coach continued, "I'm sure ...


1 Comments, 137 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
long shot!   9/6/2015

jack takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing.

He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit. 9Iron"

Jack looks around and doesn't see anyone. "Ribbit.9Iron."

He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts his other club away, and grabs a 9 ...


4 Comments, 95 Views, 13 Votes ,5.16 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
oh father!   9/6/2015

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the Priest beside her.

‘Father, may I ask a favor?’ ‘Of course. What may I do for you?’ ‘Well, I bought an expensive woman’s electronic hair dryer for my mother’s birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it ...


1 Comments, 101 Views, 10 Votes ,5.97 Score
rm_BIGYODAG2 65 M
24  Articles
Height of ambition   9/6/2015

A newly married gay cpl honeymooning in New Orleans visits the River Walk. They see this huge boat paddling past, with all the Jazz music blaring. They turn to a local standing near-by and ask what kind of boat is that. 'Why that one is just a Ferry Boat...carries passenger and cars from one side of the river to the other. Wait awhile and you'll see the Natchez come by...now that's a Party ...


0 Comments, 48 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
rm_BIGYODAG2 65 M
24  Articles
Height of competition   9/5/2015

Two dudes 1/2 drunk in New Orleans get turned around and find themselves on the Crescent City Connection, which is like 28' above the River connecting E & W Bank. Both have an urge to urinate, so they scramble to the safety rail and whip it out. The 1st one smiles and said: "Damn that water is cold.' Whereupon the other replies: "Hell yeah and it's deep too."


1 Comments, 37 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
rm_BIGYODAG2 65 M
24  Articles
Heights   9/5/2015

Here is the height of egotism: a midget on the Mississippi River floating on a surf board, while masterbating, approaching a bridge. He begins to scream: 'I don't have a horn! For gawd's sake open the draw gate!"


1 Comments, 24 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
rm_NOPoet30 67 M
47  Articles
Revenge   9/5/2015

An African Bush Rat was living comfortably with his family at the base of a Banyan tree. Their little nest was standard construction for their breed and had served them well over the years. One day a passing herd of elephants was moving through the area just grazing and a large female inadvertently stomped right in the middle of the nest - resulting in fatalities. The daddy rat out foraging ...


0 Comments, 52 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
rm_BIGYODAG2 65 M
24  Articles
another - 'Customer Service'   9/3/2015

Two New Orleans cops out on the beat - 1 a Vet & the other a rookie. They keep passing this house with a red door and noticed a string of men going in and out. The rookie asks: what do you think that's all about? The Veteran: ...it's probably a whorehouse. Tell you what, we'll keep an eye on it and tomorrow, I will get permission to wear civies and we'll bust 'em. Gotta be right there ...


2 Comments, 87 Views, 7 Votes ,5.33 Score
hughjorgans 53 M
2  Articles
What's Blue   9/1/2015

Q: What's blue and fucks old ladies ?

A: Hypothermia


0 Comments, 16 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
heart attack!!   8/30/2015

A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs to find her husband naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" she asks. "I'm having a heart attack, " cries the husband. The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's dialling, her four-year-old comes up and says, "Mommy! Mommy! Aunt Shirley is hiding in ...


6 Comments, 140 Views, 15 Votes ,6.65 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
ma B!!   8/30/2015

A contestant on 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire?' had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win 1, 000, 000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $25, 000 milestone money. And as she suspected the Million Dollar Question was no pushover. It was, 'Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest but instead lays its ...


3 Comments, 106 Views, 11 Votes ,5.04 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
rights!   8/30/2015

The following took place at an international conference for women's rights.

The first speaker, a lady from England stood and said, "During last year's conference, we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well, after the conference, I went home and told my husband, Barrington, that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself. After the first ...


2 Comments, 85 Views, 8 Votes ,4.87 Score
Rosebuds   8/26/2015

A comes downstairs to go on date with a see-through Blouse and no Bra.

Her Grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that!

The tells her ‘Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your Rose Buds show!’ And out she goes.

The next day the comes downstairs and the Grandmother is sitting there with no top on. The wants to ...


2 Comments, 189 Views, 12 Votes ,5.27 Score
Clodiusthefirst 77 M
23  Articles
A Limerick   8/25/2015

There was a young man from Kent, Who's tool was decidedly bent, To save himself trouble, He put it in double, And instead of coming he went.


0 Comments, 27 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
Clodiusthefirst 77 M
23  Articles
A Limerick   8/25/2015

There was a young man from Kent, Who's tool was decidedly bent, To save himself trouble, He put it in double, And instead of coming he went.


0 Comments, 10 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
so thoughtful!   8/23/2015

a man came home to be with his wife one rainy day and saw her lover running from the house, so he slapped his wife. crying she said, " that's the man that bought you that nice pair of shoes that you love and on your feet right now, he pays the bills, and he makes the down payments on the car that your driving!!" Enraged, he replied, "that's the reason I slapped you honey, the poor man is running ...


0 Comments, 99 Views, 9 Votes ,4.92 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
have to love mama!   8/19/2015

Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. "Don't worry, Maria. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you."

So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her ...


2 Comments, 137 Views, 11 Votes ,5.22 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
fore!!!   8/15/2015

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. 'Please allow me to ...


6 Comments, 137 Views, 15 Votes ,6.81 Score
Frog wants a loan   8/14/2015

A frog walks into a bank and approaches the teller, whose name plate says Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $50, 000 loan to take a vacation."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name.

"Kermit Jagger. My father is Mick Jagger. It will be fine to authorize the loan, I know your manager."

Patty explains that he will need to secure the ...


2 Comments, 93 Views, 11 Votes ,4.10 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
burglar proof   8/12/2015

A burglar broke into a home and was looking around. He heard a soft voice say, "Jesus is watching you". Thinking it was just his imagination, he continued his search. Again the voice said "Jesus is watching you". He turned around and saw a parrot in a cage.

He asked the parrot if he was the one talking and the parrot said, "yes."

He asked the parrot what his name was and ...


2 Comments, 105 Views, 16 Votes ,6.51 Score
Bobwhynot87 34 M
25  Articles
older couple   8/12/2015

An old man and an old lady are getting ready for bed one night when all of a sudden the woman bursts out of the bathroom, flings open her robe and yells "Super Pussy!" The old man says "I'll have the soup."


0 Comments, 80 Views, 10 Votes ,4.58 Score
Bobwhynot87 34 M
25  Articles
BJ for Money   8/12/2015

A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" he says. "I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free."

The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well. "Where do ...


2 Comments, 117 Views, 14 Votes ,5.54 Score
Bobwhynot87 34 M
25  Articles
Sexual Exhaustion   8/12/2015

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter.

After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared ...


2 Comments, 93 Views, 12 Votes ,5.63 Score
Bobwhynot87 34 M
25  Articles
Flashlight   8/12/2015

A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"


0 Comments, 28 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
Bobwhynot87 34 M
25  Articles
Hanjob   8/12/2015

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"


1 Comments, 37 Views, 7 Votes ,4.57 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
best cabbie ever!   8/11/2015

A devout Arab Muslim entered a taxi

A devout Arab Muslim entered a taxi in Glasgow.

He asked the driver to turn off the radio because as decreed by his religious teaching, he must not listen to music because in the time of the prophet there was no music, especially Western music which is the music of the infidel.

The taxi driver politely switched off the radio, ...


1 Comments, 86 Views, 13 Votes ,6.00 Score
Just a few oldies   8/10/2015

Just a few pics I've had for years.


0 Comments, 43 Views, 6 Votes ,5.36 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
good doggie!!!   8/9/2015

Chester and Earl are going hunting. Chester says to Earl, "I'll send my out to see if there are any ducks out in the pond. If there aren't any ducks out there, I'm not going hunting." So he sends the out to the pond. The comes back and barks twice. Chester says, "Well I'm not going to go out. He only saw two ducks out there." Earl says, "You're going to take the dog's barks for the truth?" Earl ...


5 Comments, 132 Views, 17 Votes ,6.24 Score
kingseanmodel 38 M
0  Articles
Some jokes   8/8/2015

Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? A: Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!

Q: Whats a condom and a coffin got in common? A: They both hold stiffs but one is cumin and one is going!

Q: When is a man most intelligent, before, after or during sex? A: During sex cuz he's plugged up to the knowledge source Sex is like a misdameanor, the more I ...


2 Comments, 59 Views, 8 Votes ,4.64 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
oh cindy!!   8/3/2015

Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now departed Prince, she happily sat in her rocking chair watching the world go by with her cat Alan. One afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared her Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said, "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?"

The Fairy Godmother replied, "Cinderella, you have lived a good wholesome life ...


2 Comments, 151 Views, 19 Votes ,6.29 Score
MsCarlalee 61 T
9  Articles
And that's how the fight started   8/3/2015

Earl's wife told him to go get some of those pills that would help him get an erection.

When he came home he handed her a bottle of Diet Pills


3 Comments, 90 Views, 11 Votes ,5.60 Score
go damnit   8/3/2015

i was sleeping with my girlfreind and when i came inside of her she snized and all my body was covered in my own sperm


1 Comments, 48 Views, 5 Votes ,1.51 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
i love football!!!   8/1/2015

AS A WOMAN PASSES HER 'S CLOSED BEDROOM DOOR, SHE HEARD A STRANGE BUZZING NOISE COMING FROM WITHIN. OPENING THE DOOR, SHE OBSERVED HER GIVING HERSELF A REAL WORKOUT WITH A VIBRATOR. SHOCKED, SHE ASKED: "WHAT IN THE WORLD! ARE YOU DOING!?" THE REPLIED: MOM, I'M 32 YEARS OLD, UNMARRIED, AND THIS IS ABOUT AS CLOSE AS I'LL EVER GET TO A HUSBAND. SO PLEASE GO AWAY , AND LEAVE ME ALONE!" ...


3 Comments, 156 Views, 9 Votes ,5.99 Score
MsCarlalee 61 T
9  Articles
Little Shithead   8/1/2015

SENIORS & COMPUTERS As we Silver Surfers know, sometimes we have trouble with our computers. Yesterday, I had a problem, so I calledGeorgie, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over. Georgie clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong? He replied, It was an ID ten T ...


3 Comments, 97 Views, 7 Votes ,4.82 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
will you?   7/25/2015

An American guy decides to travel around. Europe. He walks into a bar and Jill (the Barmaid) takes his order, a beer, and notices his accent. Over the course of the night they get to know each other.

At the end of Jill's shift he asks her if she wants to come back to his place and have sex with him. Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her $200 for ...


3 Comments, 176 Views, 13 Votes ,6.16 Score
TattyCat001 66 M
14  Articles
Iggy and Flo   7/22/2015

Two killer whales, Iggy and Flo, were out in the Strait, cruising around, thinking about lunch and exchanging gossip. Iggy was a little upset about an injury to one of their gray whale pals the previous week. Apparently some sailors, or possibly sports fishermen had been shooting at them with high-powered rifles. They hadn't killed any members of the pod, but there were some injuries and the ...


0 Comments, 87 Views, 6 Votes ,3.37 Score
TattyCat001 66 M
14  Articles
Iggy and Flo   7/22/2015

Two killer whales, Iggy and Flo, were out in the Strait, cruising around, thinking about lunch and exchanging gossip. Iggy was a little upset about an injury to one of their gray whale pals the previous week. Apparently some sailors, or possibly sports fishermen had been shooting at them with high-powered rifles. They hadn't killed any members of the pod, but there were some injuries and the ...


0 Comments, 14 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
TattyCat001 66 M
14  Articles
Iggy and Flo   7/22/2015

Two killer whales, Iggy and Flo, were out in the Strait, cruising around, thinking about lunch and exchanging gossip. Iggy was a little upset about an injury to one of their gray whale pals the previous week. Apparently some sailors, or possibly sports fishermen had been shooting at them with high-powered rifles. They hadn't killed any members of the pod, but there were some injuries and the ...


0 Comments, 6 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
TattyCat001 66 M
14  Articles
Iggy and Flo   7/22/2015

Two killer whales, Iggy and Flo, were out in the Strait, cruising around, thinking about lunch and exchanging gossip. Iggy was a little upset about an injury to one of their gray whale pals the previous week. Apparently some sailors, or possibly sports fishermen had been shooting at them with high-powered rifles. They hadn't killed any members of the pod, but there were some injuries and the ...


0 Comments, 9 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
TattyCat001 66 M
14  Articles
Iggy and Flo   7/22/2015

Two killer whales, Iggy and Flo, were out in the Strait, cruising around, thinking about lunch and exchanging gossip. Iggy was a little upset about an injury to one of their gray whale pals the previous week. Apparently some sailors, or possibly sports fishermen had been shooting at them with high-powered rifles. They hadn't killed any members of the pod, but there were some injuries and the ...


0 Comments, 1 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
TattyCat001 66 M
14  Articles
Iggy and Flo   7/22/2015

Two killer whales, Iggy and Flo, were out in the Strait, cruising around, thinking about lunch and exchanging gossip. Iggy was a little upset about an injury to one of their gray whale pals the previous week. Apparently some sailors, or possibly sports fishermen had been shooting at them with high-powered rifles. They hadn't killed any members of the pod, but there were some injuries and the ...


0 Comments, 3 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
TattyCat001 66 M
14  Articles
Iggy and Flo   7/22/2015

Two killer whales, Iggy and Flo, were out in the Strait, cruising around, thinking about lunch and exchanging gossip. Iggy was a little upset about an injury to one of their gray whale pals the previous week. Apparently some sailors, or possibly sports fishermen had been shooting at them with high-powered rifles. They hadn't killed any members of the pod, but there were some injuries and the ...


0 Comments, 1 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
TattyCat001 66 M
14  Articles
Iggy and Flo   7/22/2015

Two killer whales, Iggy and Flo, were out in the Strait, cruising around, thinking about lunch and exchanging gossip. Iggy was a little upset about an injury to one of their gray whale pals the previous week. Apparently some sailors, or possibly sports fishermen had been shooting at them with high-powered rifles. They hadn't killed any members of the pod, but there were some injuries and the ...


0 Comments, 8 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
rm_ConchHolder 46 M
1  Article
Birds on a Wire   7/20/2015

The teacher asked her 4th graders, "If there are three birds on a telephone wire, and a hunter shoots one, how many are left?"

Bobby raises his hand and answers, "There won't be any left. One will be dead, and the sound of the gun will scare the others away."

"Hmm, that isn't quite the answer I was looking for, Bobby, but I like the way you think, " she said.

Later, at ...


4 Comments, 119 Views, 11 Votes ,5.60 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
the challenge!   7/19/2015

A trucker working out of town stops into a tavern, walks up to the bar and orders a beer and a shot. After drinking it he orders another, while drinking that he notices a huge jar behind the bar stuffed with twenties... So he asked the bartender what that's all about? The bartender replies" It's an ongoing challenge in here, there are 3 challenges to complete and if you do you win the pot! The ...


4 Comments, 160 Views, 10 Votes ,5.18 Score
An Old Golfer   7/17/2015

An elderly golfer comes in after a good round of golf at the new course and heads straight to the bar/restaurant area of the clubhouse. As he passes through the swinging doors, he spots a sign hanging over the bar that reads:

COLD BEER: $3.00 HAMBURGER: $5.00 CHEESEBURGER: $6.50 ...


2 Comments, 160 Views, 10 Votes ,6.17 Score
whorecurious 63 C
164  Articles
CAT EATER   7/17/2015

The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that pussy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"


2 Comments, 65 Views, 7 Votes ,4.82 Score
whorecurious 63 C
164  Articles
4    7/17/2015

A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part of it was that the older three had red hair, light skin, and were tall, while the youngest had black hair, dark eyes, and was short. The father eventually took ill and was lying on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me - is our youngest my ?"









...


1 Comments, 147 Views, 10 Votes ,5.58 Score
whorecurious 63 C
164  Articles
I'm a Virgin   7/17/2015

A woman was getting married for her fourth time. On the first night of the honeymoon, the new bride says to her groom "be gentle I'm a virgin." The groom replies "How's that possible, this is your 4th marriage?!" The bride replies back "Well, my first husband was a psychologist, all he liked to do was talk about it. My 2nd husband was a gynocologist & all he liked to do was look at it. My 3rd ...


1 Comments, 104 Views, 7 Votes ,4.82 Score
MsCarlalee 61 T
9  Articles
Not Appreciated!   7/14/2015

When a lady is pregnant, All her Friends touch her stomach and say say Congratulations But no one ever goes and touches the Guy's pecker saying "Good Job!"

The moral of this story "Hard work is Never Appreciated!"


2 Comments, 49 Views, 7 Votes ,5.84 Score
MsCarlalee 61 T
9  Articles
Inlaw's   7/14/2015

I have been engaged for almost a year. And am to get married next month.

My fiancee's mother is not only a Total MILF but she's really great and understanding. She's putting the entire wedding together and invited me over to go over the guest list. When I got there she said she had really invited me over for something else. She totally floored me when she said "In 1 month your going to ...


1 Comments, 158 Views, 8 Votes ,6.03 Score
MsCarlalee 61 T
9  Articles
Inlaw's   7/14/2015

I have been engaged for almost a year. And am to get married next month.

My fiancee's mother is not only a Total MILF but she's really great and understanding. She's putting the entire wedding together and invited me over to go over the guest list. When I got there she said she had really invited me over for something else. She totally floored me when she said "In 1 month your going to ...


2 Comments, 60 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
please dont shoot!   7/12/2015

Diesel was bartending in a local pub and was getting ready to close for the night when a robber with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun. He yells to Diesel, "This is a stick-up! Put all your cash in this bag!" Diesel, scared to death, pleads, "Don't shoot, please! I'll do as you say!" The robber yells, "Shut up and empty the cash register!" Diesel says, "Okay, okay! Just don't shoot, I have a ...


3 Comments, 172 Views, 19 Votes ,4.97 Score
TattyCat001 66 M
14  Articles
Sisters of Perpetual Arousal   7/12/2015

A man is driving down a deserted highway, and he notices a billboard that reads... SISTERS OF PERPETUAL AROUSAL - HOUSE OF - 10 MILES. He thinks it was a figment of his imagination and drives on. Soon, he sees another sign which says... SISTERS OF PERPETUAL AROUSAL - HOUSE OF - 5 MILES Realizing these signs are for real, he drives on, and sure enough, there is a third sign SISTERS OF PERPETUAL ...


2 Comments, 120 Views, 15 Votes ,4.97 Score
PinkTaster62 61 M
0  Articles
Would you like some 69?   7/12/2015

A farmer decides it's time for his to become a man, so he takes him to the local brothel, picks out the biggest girl there, and tells her to "make him a man". Up in the room, the girl asks him what he would like? Having spent his entire life on the farm, he has no idea what to ask for. She thinks for a minute, smiles, and asks if he would like some "69"? The young man, having no idea what ...


1 Comments, 123 Views, 10 Votes ,3.98 Score
lukeorlucas 43 M
6  Articles
can he canibal   7/12/2015

three travelers trecking through a rain forest come acrost a tribe of head hunters. they are immediatly captured and given a choice. it is a time of celebration in thier ways and they will let them go if they can perform 3 tasks. drink their nector of the gods and not go insane, 2 pull the bad tooth from the tribes tiger their god bestowed upon them that very day, and 3 sexualy satisfy the tribes ...


2 Comments, 90 Views, 6 Votes ,3.93 Score
lukeorlucas 43 M
6  Articles
perils of wonderwoman nude sunbathing   7/11/2015

flying around superman notices with his super vission wonderwoan spread out naked on a rock enjoying the sun. thinking real quick he zooms toward her, swoops down and fucks at locomotive speed and zooms off. feeling not more than a super strong breeze she wonders "what was that?" the martian man hunter turns visiable and says "i dont know but my ass hole really hurt!"


0 Comments, 44 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
lukeorlucas 43 M
6  Articles
joke from joss whedon show angel   7/11/2015

this is from a show that i think is an awesome joke and thought i would put it out to see what others think of this, i like how there are different points of views on what is the meaning and would love to hear your views on it

Two men walk into a bar. The first man orders a scotch and soda. The second man remembers something he’d forgotten, and it doubles him over with PAIN. He falls ...


0 Comments, 75 Views, 6 Votes ,0.80 Score
TattyCat001 66 M
14  Articles
Sister Kathleen   7/11/2015

Sister Kathleen lived in a convent, a block away from Jack’s liquor store. One day she walked into the store and said, “Oh Jack, can you spare me a half-bottle o’ the brandy.” “Sister Kathleen, ” exclaimed Jack, “I could never do that! I have never sold alcohol to a nun in my life and certainly never given it!” “Oh Jack, ” she responded, “it’s only for the Mother ...


1 Comments, 112 Views, 11 Votes ,5.22 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
mr. strange!!   7/11/2015

A lawyer named Strange was shopping for a tombstone. After he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he would like on it.

"Here lies an honest man and a lawyer, " responded the lawyer.

"Sorry, but I can't do that, " replied the stonecutter. "In this state, it's against the law to bury two people in the same grave. However, I could put 'here lies an ...


1 Comments, 71 Views, 9 Votes ,4.71 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
mr. strange!!   7/11/2015

A lawyer named Strange was shopping for a tombstone. After he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he would like on it.

"Here lies an honest man and a lawyer, " responded the lawyer.

"Sorry, but I can't do that, " replied the stonecutter. "In this state, it's against the law to bury two people in the same grave. However, I could put 'here lies an ...


0 Comments, 30 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
They walk amoung us   7/10/2015

Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home. You want it, you take it." For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal. It looked to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: ...


2 Comments, 144 Views, 9 Votes ,4.71 Score
TattyCat001 66 M
14  Articles
The lost hot dog   7/10/2015

Two guys wanted to go drinking, but they only had a dollar between them. One of the fellows looked over at a hot dog wagon nearby, and had a sudden inspiration. He spent the dollar on a hot dog. He threw the bun away, and stuffed the hot down his underwear.

"We're gonna walk into the bar, order beers and drink them down. When the bartender asks for payment, I'm gonna stick this hot ...


3 Comments, 90 Views, 10 Votes ,3.78 Score
TattyCat001 66 M
14  Articles
Don't use that any more?   7/8/2015

A lady arriving home from a shopping trip was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing. She swore at him, and just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words.

"Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. While driving home along the highway, I saw this young girl looking tired and bedraggled, so I ...


2 Comments, 126 Views, 14 Votes ,5.54 Score
TattyCat001 66 M
14  Articles
Don't use that any more?   7/8/2015

A lady arriving home from a shopping trip was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing. She swore at him, and just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words.

"Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. While driving home along the highway, I saw this young girl looking tired and bedraggled, so I ...


0 Comments, 20 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
docter visit!!   7/7/2015

its nice to see you again doctor!!!http://SEXFinder.com.com


0 Comments, 70 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
lukeorlucas 43 M
6  Articles
my favorite joke, hope it aint here   7/5/2015

two best friends go camping in hopes of bagging a huge buck. the very 1st night they get a 10 point buck, just magnificent. the take it back gut and start drinking celebrating thier trip. "man, i gotta take a huge shit!" said one and wonders off to their shit pit. the other gets an idea, scoops up the intestins, sneaks around and deposites it in the shit pit and back all while unnoticed. after ...


0 Comments, 112 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
testicles!!   7/4/2015

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am. The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that ...


3 Comments, 117 Views, 18 Votes ,5.17 Score
eladstrebor15 52 M
2  Articles
hew pope   7/4/2015

the new pope is not there first choice . they wanted some guy from italy . his name acola . then they decided they did not want a pope acola


1 Comments, 61 Views, 5 Votes ,4.77 Score
Bobwhynot87 34 M
25  Articles
Young Love   7/2/2015

Boy and girl of class 2 asked teacher

can of our age have ?

Teacher replied " NO Never!!

Boy said to girl

see i told you not to worry!!!!


0 Comments, 37 Views, 8 Votes ,3.48 Score
The Way Golfers Age   7/1/2015

A foursome of golfers, all in their 40's, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because the waitresses were young, good looking, had big breasts and wore short-shorts.

Ten years later, at age 50, the golfing buddies once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters ...


0 Comments, 126 Views, 8 Votes ,4.87 Score
Just for boat lovers   6/29/2015

There were these two twins, Joe and John.Joe was the owner of an old dilapidated boat, and it just so happened John's wife died the same day that Joe's boat sank. A few day's later , A kindly old woman saw Joe and mistaking Joe for John, said, "I'm ...


1 Comments, 107 Views, 11 Votes ,4.10 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
wife vs true love   6/28/2015

A husband went to the police station to file a "missing person" report for his missing wife: Husband : -I lost my wife, she went shopping hasn't come back yet. Inspector : -What is her height? Husband : -Average, I guess. Inspector : -Slim or healthy?. Husband : -Not slim, but probably healthy. Inspector : -Color of eyes? Husband : -Never noticed. Inspector : -Color of hair? Husband : -Changes ...


2 Comments, 160 Views, 13 Votes ,5.66 Score
desertguy661 36 M
0  Articles
The Love Dress! *HILARIOUS*   6/27/2015

So I thought this would be hilarious to share as I loved reading it. Hope you all enjoy it too

A mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couple's house. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house. She saw her -in-law standing naked by the door. "What are you doing?" she asked. "I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work, " the -in-law answered. ...


2 Comments, 100 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
STEVE29918 63 M
4  Articles
Joke   6/26/2015

I went to see my Doctor today. I said to him "Doctor, I've got this terrible sunburn". The Doctor said "Take some Viagra". I said "What good is Viagra for sunburn?" The Doctor said "It will keep the bedclothes off your skin!!"


1 Comments, 48 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
ricksac1958 65 M
6  Articles
Are you Japanese?   6/26/2015

Statistics recently released from the United Nations reveal that: Australian, Canadian, UK and US men between 50 and 75 years of age will, on average have intimate relations two to three times a week, whereas Japanese men in the same age group will have intimate relations only once or twice a year. This is very upsetting news to most of my friends, as they had no idea they were Japanese.


0 Comments, 30 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
ricksac1958 65 M
6  Articles
Are you Japanese?   6/26/2015

Statistics recently released from the United Nations reveal that: Australian, Canadian, UK and US men between 50 and 75 years of age will, on average have intimate relations two to three times a week, whereas Japanese men in the same age group will have intimate relations only once or twice a year. This is very upsetting news to most of my friends, as they had no idea they were Japanese.


0 Comments, 12 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
keep the change   6/24/2015

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, "Sir, did you call for me?" The man replies, "No, what do you mean?" She says, "You must be new here, let me explain. It's a rule here that if ...


4 Comments, 179 Views, 19 Votes ,5.76 Score
rm_luvmel8 49 M
1  Article
Fertile   6/23/2015

Do you know how to tell if you are fertile enough to have babies?

She has to chew before she swallows !!!!!........EWWWWWE


1 Comments, 22 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
my wife is deaf docter!!!!   6/15/2015

A man tells a doctor, "I think my wife's going deaf. What can I do?"

The doctor says, "Well, try to test her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question. If she doesn't answer, move a little closer and ask again. Keep repeating this until she answers. That way we can see how bad the problem is."

The man goes home, sees his wife and says, "Hi honey, what's ...


2 Comments, 165 Views, 9 Votes ,4.49 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
just imagine the look on her face!!!   6/10/2015

At the bank, I told the teller

"I'd like to open a joint account please." She said, "OK, with whom?" I said, "Whoever has lots of money."


4 Comments, 74 Views, 9 Votes ,4.07 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
im a proud woman   6/8/2015

A woman misses a phone call. The woman hears she got a voice mail, and she plays her recent voice mail from her husband. The voice mail plays, “This may be my last phone call. I decided to call you. I took the sail boat out and there is a really bad storm. The mast broke. And my phone is about to die. OMG. The boat is taking on water. Laura just fell of board. I love you baby. Tell the ...


1 Comments, 184 Views, 9 Votes ,4.28 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
my wish   6/8/2015

An old man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender notices the guy's head is the size of a cue ball.

"I got to ask, sir, " says the bartender. "What happened?"

The old guy sighs and tells him, "My ship was torpedoed by the Germans in WWII. A mermaid rescued me and promised to grant me three wishes. For my first wish, I asked to return to the States. My second wish ...


3 Comments, 121 Views, 9 Votes ,5.35 Score
jasjack1965 53 M
4  Articles
Dead Sex   6/5/2015

A man was brought before the judge and charged with Necrophilia (having sex with a dead woman). The judge told him, 'In 20 years on the bench, I've never heard such a disgusting, immoral thing. Just give me one good reason why I shouldn't lock you up and throw away the key!'

The man replied, 'I'll give you THREE good reasons:

1. It's none of your damn business.

...


1 Comments, 144 Views, 8 Votes ,4.64 Score
rm_Hotboy898182 26 M
9  Articles
the waiter   6/5/2015

Customer: Excuse me, but I saw your thumb in my soup when you were carrying it. Waitress: Oh, that's okay. The soup isn't hot.


1 Comments, 37 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
rm_Hotboy898182 26 M
9  Articles
school boy   6/5/2015

Teacher: Why are you late? Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? Student: No. I was standing on it.


0 Comments, 21 Views, 6 Votes ,2.80 Score
rm_Hotboy898182 26 M
9  Articles
inteligent woman   6/5/2015

Man: I could go to the end of the world for you. Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?

Man: I offer you myself. Woman: I am sorry I never accept cheap gifts.

Man: I want to share everything with you. Woman: Let's start from your bank account.


0 Comments, 14 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
rm_Hotboy898182 26 M
9  Articles
intelegent woman   6/5/2015

Man: I could go to the end of the world for you. Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?

Man: I offer you myself. Woman: I am sorry I never accept cheap gifts.

Man: I want to share everything with you. Woman: Let's start from your bank account.


0 Comments, 3 Views, 0 Votes
rm_Hotboy898182 26 M
9  Articles
the idiot dad   6/5/2015

: Dad, what is an idiot? Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me? : No.


0 Comments, 12 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
rm_Hotboy898182 26 M
9  Articles
little johny   6/5/2015

Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom? Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom? Little Johnny: But I asked first!


0 Comments, 22 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
rm_Hotboy898182 26 M
9  Articles
school life   6/5/2015

PUPIL: "Would you punish me for something I didn`t do?" TEACHER:" Of course not." PUPIL: "Good, because I haven`t done my homework."


0 Comments, 5 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
rm_Hotboy898182 26 M
9  Articles
call me a taxi   6/5/2015

A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi. B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi.


0 Comments, 4 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
rm_Hotboy898182 26 M
9  Articles
funny Johny   6/5/2015

Headmaster: I've had complaints about you, Johnny, from all your teachers. What have you been doing? Johnny: Nothing, sir. Headmaster: Exactly.


0 Comments, 14 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
i'll show them that i am the boss   6/4/2015

The Board of Directors of a very large company felt it was time for a corporate shakeup and hired a new CEO.

The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against the wall. The room was full of workers so he decided to take this opportunity to let them know that he meant business!

The new CEO walked ...


3 Comments, 138 Views, 8 Votes ,5.56 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
Adam and Eve !!!   6/4/2015

One day the Lord called to Adam and said, "It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth so I want you to kiss her." Adam answered, "Yes Lord, but what is a 'kiss'?'"

So the Lord gave a brief description to Adam who took Eve by the hand and took her to a nearby bush. A few minutes later, Adam emerged and said, "Thank you Lord, that was enjoyable."

And ...


3 Comments, 130 Views, 11 Votes ,6.16 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
what the heck?   6/4/2015

A wrinkled little old lady sold pretzels on a street corner in Chicago for a dollar a piece. Every day a young man would leave his office building at lunch time, and as he passed the pretzel stand, he would leave her a dollar. He never took a pretzel. This went on for three years. The two of them never spoke. One day as the young man passed the pretzel stand and left his usual offering, the ...


0 Comments, 116 Views, 6 Votes ,4.50 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
granpie knows bess   6/4/2015

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed Grandson I wanta you to listen to me. I wanta you to take mya 45 automatic pistol, so you will always remember me. But grandpa I really don't like guns, how about you leaving me your Rolex watch instead.

You lisina to me, some day you goin a be runna da bussiness, you goina have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a biga ...


0 Comments, 94 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
Best Senior Sex   6/2/2015

An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small town. The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this tavern where you leaned against the fence and I made love to you."

"Yes, " she says, "I remember it well."

"OK, " he says, "how about taking a stroll round there again ...


0 Comments, 112 Views, 7 Votes ,4.31 Score
rm_Hotboy898182 26 M
9  Articles
The leg title   6/2/2015

My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith. So I asked him "What was the name of his other leg?"


0 Comments, 7 Views, 0 Votes
rm_Hotboy898182 26 M
9  Articles
Perfect    6/2/2015

The Perfect . A: I have the perfect . B: Does he smoke? A: No, he doesn't. B: Does he drink whiskey? A: No, he doesn't. B: Does he ever come home late? A: No, he doesn't. B: I guess you really do have the perfect . How old is he? A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.


0 Comments, 8 Views, 0 Votes
Reluctant    5/31/2015

One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her and tell him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied, "I'm not going."

"Why not?" she asked.

I'll give you two good reasons, " he said. "(1) they don't like me, and (2) I don't like them."

His mother replied, "I'll give you two good reasons why you SHOULD go to church: (1) You're 59 years old, and (2) ...


2 Comments, 332 Views, 16 Votes ,5.33 Score
Sunday Mass   5/31/2015

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday & the priest nearly fell down when he saw him.

He'd never been to church in his life.

After Mass, the priest caught up with him & said: "Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?"

Murphy said: "I got to be honest with ya Father. A while back, I misplaced me hat & I really, really love that hat. I know that ...


2 Comments, 99 Views, 10 Votes ,4.58 Score
Sunday Mass   5/31/2015

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday & the priest nearly fell down when he saw him.

He'd never been to church in his life.

After Mass, the priest caught up with him & said: "Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?"

Murphy said: "I got to be honest with ya Father. A while back, I misplaced me hat & I really, really love that hat. I know that ...


0 Comments, 21 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
Morning Sex   5/31/2015

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the tee shirt that she normally slept in. As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, “You've got to make love to me this very moment!"

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!"

Not wanting to lose ...


0 Comments, 135 Views, 9 Votes ,5.35 Score
suryareddy004 20 M
1  Article
HUSBAND &WIFE   5/29/2015

Haii friends.I hope that, you are very laughing after reading the joke. A HUSBAND and WIFE trying to set up a new password to their computer Then HUSBAND puts, "MYPENIS ";and the WIFE falls on the ground laughing, because on the screen it says " ERROR, NOT LONG ENOUGH


0 Comments, 18 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
suryareddy004 20 M
1  Article
father &funny    5/28/2015

a teacher asked jimmy;', ,why is your cat at school today jimmy''. jimmy replied crying "Because I heard tell my mummy, I am going to eat that p*ssy once jimmy leaves for today


3 Comments, 55 Views, 11 Votes ,4.29 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
men vs women!!!   5/27/2015

human body…

It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

One human hair can support 6.6 pounds.

The average man’s penis is two times the length of his thumb.

Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

A woman’s heart beats faster than a man’s.

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet. ...


1 Comments, 99 Views, 10 Votes ,3.58 Score
love2rocku4 61 M
1  Article
Court Proceedings   5/24/2015

These are from a book called “Disruption in Court" and are things people actually said in court, while the exchanges were taking place.

Word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' ATTORNEY: And why did that upset ...


6 Comments, 144 Views, 13 Votes ,4.99 Score
rm_BigTaurus1 54 M
3  Articles
what happens when the train.comes?   5/24/2015

A lonely wife was living in a small house near the railroad.Her husband was at work.She was very hot and wanted sex with someone.She called the carpenter saying:my cupboard squeeks everytime the train comes, so I want you to fix it.The carpenter camefinding her in a very sexy lingerie, her boops wrre showing and her pussy uncovered.The carpenter became sweaty and embarassed.She told him;the ...


3 Comments, 169 Views, 9 Votes ,1.29 Score
nautical3 61 M
6  Articles
There's trouble in paradise   5/20/2015

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance... The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there!!


1 Comments, 91 Views, 12 Votes ,4.57 Score
Shrewdy2 60 M
6  Articles
Changing times?   5/20/2015

A man went into a watchmakers shop went up to the female assistant & slapped his penis onto the counter. The shocked assistant said "sir this is a clock shop not a cock shop"! The man looking at his penis replied "yes I know, so could you please put 2 hands & face on that"?!!!


1 Comments, 80 Views, 10 Votes ,5.38 Score
rm_jason85bbc10 32 M
2  Articles
or what?   5/20/2015

A man goes to his doctor and complains that his wife hasn’t wanted to have sex with him for the past six months. The doctor tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her and hopefully determine what the problem is.

The following day, the wife goes to the doctor’s office. The doctor asks her what’s wrong, why doesn’t she want to have sex with her husband? “Oh, ...


1 Comments, 218 Views, 11 Votes ,4.48 Score
Bobwhynot87 34 M
25  Articles
father?   5/18/2015

A family is at the dinner table. The asks the father, Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there? The father, surprised, answers, Well, , a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions. Onions? the asks. Yes. You see them and they make you cry.This ...


2 Comments, 85 Views, 11 Votes ,4.29 Score
Bobwhynot87 34 M
25  Articles
Babies?   5/18/2015

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her walks in Mother, where do babies come from? The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex. The looks puzzled so the mother continues, That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s ...


1 Comments, 107 Views, 6 Votes ,3.08 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
smart   5/9/2015

Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman all die on Christmas Eve. They reach the gates of Heaven and St. Peter is waiting on them. " Hi guys" he says. "Now unfortunately you all died on Christmas Eve, so what I want you to do is each put your hand into your pockets and pull out something that represents Christmas." So the English man put his hand into his pocket and pulls out a cigarette lighter. ...


2 Comments, 155 Views, 14 Votes ,5.06 Score
The golfer and a homeless man   5/4/2015

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some booze with it instead of dinner?" "No, I had to stop drinking years ago, ” the homeless man replied. "Will you spend this on ...


2 Comments, 238 Views, 16 Votes ,5.19 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
those idiots!!!!   5/3/2015

a takes a shortcut home 
through the cemetery.

Halfway across, he’s startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, he spots 
an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at a headstone.

“I thought you were a ghost, ” 
says the relieved . “What are you 
doing working so late?”

“Oh, those idiots, ” grumbles ...


3 Comments, 160 Views, 13 Votes ,3.98 Score
jokes   4/28/2015

so this guy walks into a bar....


0 Comments, 118 Views, 19 Votes
Four hour erections   4/27/2015

You've seen the commercials - "An erection lasting more than 4 hours". But what really happens when you ask for help with an erection lasting more than 4 hours?

I walked into a drug store and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.

The woman I was talking to said that she was the only pharmacist as she and her sister owned the store, and there were no male employees. She then asked ...


5 Comments, 322 Views, 23 Votes ,6.28 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
mugged   4/25/2015

Late one night in the Washington D.C. a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.

"Give me your money, " he demanded.



Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this - I'm a US Congressman!"

"In that case, " replied the robber, "give me MY money!"


2 Comments, 98 Views, 21 Votes ,5.11 Score
Job Search   4/25/2015

Mike saw a job advertised in the paper, Man wanted with good sense of smell

When mike arrived at the address he was surprised to see it was a private house. I came about the Job mike said to the kamp looking guy that answered the door.

I will have to test your sense of smell...ok said Mike.

Put on this blindfold and tell me what you smell, mike sniffed and beamed out AN ...


3 Comments, 193 Views, 12 Votes ,2.80 Score
1seeking1 58 F
4  Articles
Square testicles   4/23/2015

Can not take credit, received as an email.

> An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Canada one > morning with a purse full of money.. She wanted to open a > savings account and insisted on talking to the president of > the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of > money. > After many lengthy discussions > (after all, the is always right) an employee took the > elderly woman to ...


4 Comments, 200 Views, 24 Votes ,6.54 Score
varun_19802 43 M
5  Articles
Dirty Kokes   4/21/2015

A funny adult sms Sardar:Will U Marry me? Girl:Sorry I’m a Lesbian. Sardar:”Whats Lesbian?” Girl:”I have Sex only with Girls”. Sardar:”Maar Taali I’m also Lesbian”

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both ...


1 Comments, 119 Views, 10 Votes ,2.99 Score
Bobwhynot87 34 M
25  Articles
Goblins?   4/18/2015

One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden.

You're a goblin, she says, I caught you and you owe me three wishes! . So the goblin replies OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish? . The woman stops and thinks for a second, I want a huge mansion to live in., goblin replies OK, you've got it.. ...


0 Comments, 168 Views, 18 Votes ,5.31 Score
Bobwhynot87 34 M
25  Articles
Airplane?   4/18/2015

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.

She removes all her clothing and asks, Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, Here, iron this!


0 Comments, 80 Views, 10 Votes ,3.58 Score
Bobwhynot87 34 M
25  Articles
Couple?   4/18/2015

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?

The husband replied All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, ...


0 Comments, 121 Views, 16 Votes ,4.30 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
ask the darnest things!!   4/18/2015

A MOTHER AND HER YOUNG WERE FLYING FROM TAMPA TO TORONTO. THE LITTLE BOY HAD BEEN LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW. HE ASKED HIS MOTHER, IF BIG DOGS HAVE BABY DOGS, AND BIG CATS HAVE BABY CATS, WHY DON’T BIG PLANES HAVE BABY PLANES?

THE MOTHER COULDN’T THINK OF AN ANSWER.

SHE TOLD HER DON’T BOTHER ME GO ASK THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT.

HE WENT DOWN THE AISLE TO THE ...


3 Comments, 254 Views, 26 Votes ,6.15 Score
Bobwhynot87 34 M
25  Articles
Dear?   4/17/2015

Little Johnny's first grade class was playing Name That Animal. The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked What Animal is this?

A cat! said Suzy.

Good job. Now, what's this Animal?

A dog!" said Ricky.

Good. Now what Animal is this?" she asked, holding up a picture of a deer.

The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said, ...


0 Comments, 120 Views, 11 Votes ,4.10 Score
Bobwhynot87 34 M
25  Articles
The Government??   4/17/2015

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government

so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is.

When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was.

His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way

I'm the president, your mom is ...


1 Comments, 103 Views, 11 Votes ,5.22 Score
Bobwhynot87 34 M
25  Articles
Sex in the dark   4/14/2015

A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest.

After 15 minutes of this, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight."

The woman says, "So do I. You've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"


1 Comments, 51 Views, 8 Votes ,2.32 Score
Bobwhynot87 34 M
25  Articles
Ridem Cowboy   4/14/2015

The local yokel got married and his honeymoon was the first time he'd been off the farm.

He'd saved for twenty years for this, so could afford a classy hotel.

Checking in he said "Me and the new WIFE would like to hire your best room for a week"

"Certainly sir" replied the receptionist. "Would you like the Bridal"?

The yokel looked a bit uncertain, then said ...


1 Comments, 113 Views, 9 Votes ,4.49 Score
Bobwhynot87 34 M
25  Articles
U Speaka Da English?   4/14/2015

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one ...


1 Comments, 104 Views, 9 Votes ,3.21 Score
Fascinate   4/13/2015

Teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.'

The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate’, not ‘fascinating'.

Sally raised her hand. She said, 'My family went to see RockCity and I was ...


4 Comments, 219 Views, 11 Votes ,5.60 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
lol   4/9/2015

A man walks into a bar all distressed...

He looks at the bartender and say please give me 5 shots of whiskey.

The bartender noting something was wrong asks what the problem is.

"I just found out my brother is gay, and I'm here to drown my sorrows."

A couple nights later the same guy comes in hanging his head and orders another 5 shots.

Bartender ...


5 Comments, 240 Views, 25 Votes ,5.79 Score
Confession   4/7/2015

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday & the priest nearly fell down when he saw him.

He'd never been to church in his life.

After Mass, the priest caught up with him & said: "Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?"

Murphy said: "I got to be honest with ya Father. A while back, I misplaced me hat & I really, really love that hat. I know that ...


3 Comments, 214 Views, 21 Votes ,5.60 Score
Senior Sex   4/5/2015

Maude and Claude, both 81, lived in The Villages, in Florida. They met at the singles club meeting and discovered over time that they enjoyed each others' company. After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Claude asked Maude out for dinner and, much to his delight, she accepted.

They had a lovely evening. They dined at the most romantic restaurant in town. Despite their ages, they ...


0 Comments, 204 Views, 18 Votes ,6.40 Score
Preparing Breakfast   4/5/2015

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the tee shirt that she normally slept in. As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, “You've got to make love to me this very moment!"

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!"

Not wanting to lose ...


0 Comments, 189 Views, 12 Votes ,5.63 Score
teacher   4/5/2015

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking ...


0 Comments, 133 Views, 13 Votes ,5.32 Score
awesome   4/5/2015

A family is at the dinner table. The asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, , a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the asks. “Yes. You see them and ...


1 Comments, 85 Views, 8 Votes ,4.87 Score
hahaha   4/5/2015

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s ...


1 Comments, 102 Views, 10 Votes ,4.58 Score
jinny   4/5/2015

The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"


0 Comments, 30 Views, 7 Votes ,5.08 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
one wish   4/4/2015

Bill Clinton was driving when he accidentally ran over a dog, crushing it flat as a fucking pancake. He climbed out of his Rolls and sat down on the grass totally distraught. Then Bill noticed a lamp half-buried in the ground. He dug it up, brushed it off and immediately a Genie popped out. "You have freed me from thousands of years of imprisonment, " said the Genie "As a reward I shall grant ...


2 Comments, 151 Views, 13 Votes ,3.98 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
golfer   4/3/2015

A small private plane was flying over southwest Florida when all of a sudden the engine died, miles away from any airport.

The pilot turned to his wife and said, “Don’t worry, Honey, there are dozens of golf courses in this area. I’ll just land on the next one I see.”

To which his wife screamed, “What you mean ‘don’t worry?’ I’ve seen you play! You’ll never ...


1 Comments, 125 Views, 10 Votes ,3.78 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
congratulations!!!!!   4/3/2015

a man walks up to woman in the bar and buys her a drink

Man- I'm Celebrating.

Lady- Me too.

Man- What A Coincidence. Why are you Celebrating?

Lady- My Husband & I Have Tried 4 Yrs For A Baby.. Today I'm Pregnant.

Man- What A CoIncidence I Am A Farmer From 4 Yrs my Hens, didnt lay any eggs Today All are Laying Eggs

Lady- Wow How Did ...


0 Comments, 121 Views, 11 Votes ,3.73 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
dwl   4/3/2015

An old guy walks into a bar...



And sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:

#1 CHEESE-BURGER: $1.50 #2 CHICKEN SANDWICH : $2.50 #3 HAND-JOB: $10.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive women serving drinks to a group of scruffy looking men.

"Yes?" she ...


1 Comments, 138 Views, 11 Votes ,5.60 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
mothers are too smart !!!   4/1/2015

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the ...


1 Comments, 184 Views, 12 Votes ,5.98 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
blondes!!!   4/1/2015

A blonde walks into a used appliance store. The clerk approaches her and asks if she needs help. She then says "I'd like to buy that TV in the front window." The clerk says " I'm sorry, we don't sell to blondes." So, the blonde leaves in a huff and highly offended. She goes home and changes her clothes, puts on a brunette wig, dark glasses, and a scarf. Then she returns to the store and asks the ...


0 Comments, 137 Views, 8 Votes ,4.17 Score
XRecoverinNympho 47 M
7  Articles
More Jokes on Sunday Funday!   3/29/2015

****** A guy walks into a bar with an alligator.

The bartender looks over and yells, "Hey, buddy, You have to get that gator outta here! He's gonna end up snappin' at one of my customers and get me sued!"

The guys replies to the bartender, "No no, this gator is tame and very well behaved...he won't do anything. Here, I'll show you."

The guy lifts the alligator up and ...


2 Comments, 125 Views, 7 Votes ,5.59 Score
XRecoverinNympho 47 M
7  Articles
Sunday Funday Jokes!   3/29/2015

A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you going today?" the man asks. "I'm going to give blood." replies the woman. "How much do you get paid for giving blood?" he asks. "About twenty dollars." she says. "Wow, " he says, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays a hundred dollars." The woman angrily storms off the elevator. The very next day, the man and woman are in the ...


2 Comments, 115 Views, 7 Votes ,5.08 Score
BBWMissyLuvsCock 51 F
3  Articles
Chicken-fuckers   3/29/2015

A parrot developed the bad habit of fucking the farmer's hens, making them quit laying. The farmer tells the parrot if he does it again he will pull out every feather in the parrot's head. The next day, the farmer again catches the parrot humping a hen, and snatches the parrot bald.

The following day, the farmer's wife hosts a formal dinner. She thinks it would be unique if the parrot ...


1 Comments, 156 Views, 5 Votes ,5.75 Score
XRecoverinNympho 47 M
7  Articles
Couple of funnies   3/25/2015

“A little boy caught his mom and dad having sex. After, he asked, "What were you and daddy doing?" The mom said, "We were baking a cake." A few days later, the little boy asked his mom, "Were you and daddy baking a cake in the living room?" She said yes, and asked him how he knew. He answered, "Because I licked the frosting off the couch! It was sweet!”

“A man and a woman were ...


2 Comments, 90 Views, 8 Votes ,5.33 Score
XRecoverinNympho 47 M
7  Articles
A chuckle or two   3/25/2015

“A little boy and his friends are being called bastards and bitches by bullies at school. The boy goes home and asks, "Dad, what are bastards and bitches?" And his dad replies, "Bitches are ladies and bastards are gentlemen." Then the boy goes upstairs to see his mom. As he enters the room, he accidentally drops a perfume bottle, and his mom says, "Shit!" "Mom, what is shit?" and she says, ...


1 Comments, 100 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
XRecoverinNympho 47 M
7  Articles
Laughter is the best medicine...   3/25/2015

“A small boy asks his Dad, "Daddy, what is politics?" Dad says, "Well , let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, ...


1 Comments, 47 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
The Genie   3/24/2015

A man was walking on a beach in California. He found a dirty old bottle and picked it up. When he rubbed it to clean it up a Genie popped out.

“Oh Master. Thank you for freeing me. For that you are granted one wish. What would that be?” the Genie said.

“I’ve always wanted to visit Hawaii but I don’t like flying. Build me a highway so I can drive there.” ...


1 Comments, 117 Views, 7 Votes ,5.33 Score
Confession   3/23/2015

Gianni Poggio, an elderly Italian man who lives on the outskirts of Positano, Italy, recently went to the local church for confession.

When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said: "Father, during World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic."

...


1 Comments, 116 Views, 10 Votes ,4.18 Score
XRecoverinNympho 47 M
7  Articles
Ha ha! Very funny Kyle!   3/21/2015

A teacher is instructing a class and sees that JImmy is not paying attention, so she asks Jimmy, "You see there are 3 squirrels sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left on the fence?" Jimmy replies, "There would be none." The teacher asks, "Why would there be none?" Jimmy says to the teacher, "Because the shot scared the rest of them away." The teacher says, "No, the answer is ...


3 Comments, 135 Views, 12 Votes ,5.45 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
in laws !!!   3/21/2015

On the way back from a dinner celebrating their twentieth wedding anniversary, a couple is involved in a gruesome accident. The husband survives with only a broken arm, but the wife's face is horribly disfigured. A plastic surgeon said a skin graft is the only remedy, but the woman is too thin to offer much spare flesh. It will have to come from her husband's buttocks. They agree to the ...


1 Comments, 179 Views, 12 Votes ,5.80 Score
XRecoverinNympho 47 M
7  Articles
Just some quick jokes for ya...   3/20/2015

So, a husband and wife are online trying to come up with a new password for their profile. The husband types, "Mypenis, " and the wife falls out the chair and is rolling on the ground laughing ... the screen reads, "Error. Not long enough."

The teacher asked Billy, "Why did you bring your cat to school today Billy?" Billy, being scared and crying, tells the teacher, "Because I heard ...


1 Comments, 70 Views, 7 Votes ,5.59 Score
XRecoverinNympho 47 M
7  Articles
Funny story   3/20/2015

The Amish Mother and her

One cold winter day, an Amish woman, along with her , were riding in an old -drawn buggy on their way home. The turned to her mother and said, "My hands are so cold, I can barely feel them."

The mother replied, "Perhaps you should put your hands between your legs. The heat from your body should warm them up nicely." The did as her mother said, and ...


0 Comments, 118 Views, 8 Votes ,5.56 Score
XRecoverinNympho 47 M
7  Articles
Everyone can use a little laughter in their life...   3/20/2015

The first story...

There was this old couple who had been married for fifty years. The two of them were sitting down for breakfast one morning when the gentleman says to his wife of fifty years, "Just think dear, we've been married for fifty years."

"Yes we have, " she replied, "And just think, fifty years ago we were both sitting here at this very table together."

...


0 Comments, 89 Views, 10 Votes ,4.58 Score
A Golf Joke   3/18/2015

A golfer is waiting for a threesome to join in a round of golf. A threesome shows up and they invite him to play with them. He does and shoots a fabulous two under par playing right-handed.

The following Saturday he’s waiting once again and the same threesome shows up. They invite him to join them. He shoots another two under par but this week he shoots left-handed.

The ...


0 Comments, 151 Views, 11 Votes ,6.16 Score
mmatkdboss 56 M
3  Articles
Chuck Norris Joke!   3/16/2015

They say that they found the cure for Cancer in Chuck Norris's tears.

Too bad he never cries.


0 Comments, 25 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
mmatkdboss 56 M
3  Articles
Question:....   3/16/2015

Name Two things in the Air that can get a girl Pregnant?

Answer: Her Legs.


0 Comments, 16 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
A Cowboy Story   3/15/2015

A cowboy is on his first visit to a big city. He enters a bar and orders a drink. A few minutes later a beautiful woman walks in and sits next to him.

She looks at him and says, “Are you a cowboy?”

The cowboy looks at her and replies, “Ma’am. I get up in the morning and ride in the saddle all day, I eat chow from a chuck wagon, and at night I sleep under the stars. ...


0 Comments, 181 Views, 9 Votes ,4.28 Score
Senior Sex   3/15/2015

Maude and Claude, both 81, lived in The Villages, in Florida. They met at the singles club meeting and discovered over time that they enjoyed each other’s company. After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Claude asked Maude out for dinner and, much to his delight, she accepted.

They had a lovely evening. They dined at the most romantic restaurant in town. Despite their ages, they ...


0 Comments, 141 Views, 7 Votes ,5.59 Score
onlyoneme913 34 M
10  Articles
knock knock   3/14/2015

who is there?

me me who? me so horny nobodys home but me love you long time...

dont judge me im bored lol


0 Comments, 20 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
mmatkdboss 56 M
3  Articles
What Part of your Body goes to Heaven First?   3/13/2015

A Teacher asked her class that when you die, what part of your Body goes to Heaven First. A Student raised his hand and said "I Know, I Kniw! It's your Feet! Right?" Everybody looked at him strange. Then he said again "I know it's your Feet, because every night I see my Mom with her Feet in the Air saying OH GOD!!! I'm Coming!" lol

I hope that you got it and enjoyed reading this.


0 Comments, 31 Views, 7 Votes ,3.55 Score
TucsonFem4Fem 70 F
7  Articles
The difference.   3/10/2015

What is the difference between a young and an old ?





A young uses KY and an old uses poly grip.


2 Comments, 42 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
ricksac1958 65 M
6  Articles
Chicken Rancher   3/6/2015

A rancher went to a local bar and ordered a glass of champagne.

The woman sitting next to him said, 'How about that? I just ordered champagne, too!'

'What a coincidence' the farmer said. 'This is a special day for me. I am celebrating.'

‘This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating, ' said the woman.'

'What a coincidence!' said the farmer. ...


3 Comments, 191 Views, 13 Votes ,4.99 Score
ileanoverman123 61 F
2  Articles
sports   3/6/2015

what is the difference between a pussy and a bowling ball?// well you only put 3 fingers in a bowling ball.....


0 Comments, 38 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
rm_Orgasmiclava 60 M
10  Articles
hurracane gussy   3/2/2015

this middle aged man was out of town and had little to do . he saw this and decided to go check it out. walked in to this woman at the desk and he told her my name is big moe and i want to get fucked. she told him go to the 2st door on the right he walked over to it and knocked loud as he said my name is big moe and i want to get fucked. this voice rang out.Well slid 20 dollars under the ...


0 Comments, 131 Views, 11 Votes ,0.18 Score
Show Time   3/1/2015

Dad was in bed on a Sunday morning. He wrote a note and asked his four year old to bring it to Mommy. He did.

She opened the note and read: ‘The tent pole is up, the canvas is spread. Quit your damn cooking and come back to bed!’

She wrote a note back and asked the four year old to bring it to Daddy. He did.

Dad opened the note and read: ‘Take the tent pole ...


0 Comments, 185 Views, 9 Votes ,3.43 Score
rm_Orgasmiclava 60 M
10  Articles
The Texan   2/28/2015

This Texan walked into this bar in Alaska and there were 3 men sitting at the bar. They all started laughing when they say his cowboy hat and told him all men from Texas are pussys. They told him to be tough around here you must be able to choug a beer go out and fuck and escmo girl and wressle a grizzle bear and be back here in an hour.The Texan grabed and chouged a 5th of jack then asked were ...


1 Comments, 163 Views, 8 Votes ,1.86 Score
Lost Golfer   2/26/2015

A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady ...


0 Comments, 223 Views, 17 Votes ,5.81 Score
old man's woes   2/26/2015

a 65 year old man visited a nudist colony the receptionist told him the charges were Rs. 5000 deposit (refundable if he did not like there - within 6 hours) & Rs. 500 per day/per visit he paid in cash , got locker to put all his belongings including his clothes, and set off in a beautiful garden many people -- all nude were there- nobody bothered to look at him he passed a few couples fucking in ...


1 Comments, 136 Views, 11 Votes ,5.97 Score
old man's woes   2/26/2015

a 65 year old man visited a nudist colony the receptionist told him the charges were Rs. 5000 deposit (refundable if he did not like there - within 6 hours) & Rs. 500 per day/per visit he paid in cash , got locker to put all his belongings including his clothes, and set off in a beautiful garden many people -- all nude were there- nobody bothered to look at him he passed a few couples fucking in ...


1 Comments, 47 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
hellofrd01 42 F
5  Articles
Honeymoon Prank   2/25/2015

The wedding date was set and groom's 3 friends -

A Carpenter

An Electrician

And A Doctor

were deciding what pranks to play on the couple on their wedding night.

The carpenter figured sawing the slats of their bed would be fun..

The electrician decided to wire the bed with current , of course...

The Doctor wouldn't commit himself, but ...


1 Comments, 163 Views, 12 Votes ,5.27 Score
rm_Orgasmiclava 60 M
10  Articles
Why does the woman sheriff always get her man?   2/24/2015

Because she has the biggest posse


0 Comments, 28 Views, 6 Votes ,0.80 Score
hellofrd01 42 F
5  Articles
Men are MEN   2/23/2015

A sexy blonde at a Casino, seemed a little intoxicated She bet 20, 000 Euro on a single roll of dice.

She said - "I hope you don't mind, but I feel luckier when I'm nude".

With that she removed her clothes, rolled the dice and yelled - "come on baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped and yelled - "yes yes, I won.....I won...."

...


1 Comments, 160 Views, 14 Votes ,6.34 Score
taxman1943 70 M
3  Articles
THE LAWYER AND THE DUCK   2/16/2015

Subject: THE LAWYER & THE DUCK





A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Wairarapa. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.







As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.





The ...


2 Comments, 169 Views, 12 Votes ,5.45 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
1 life 2 live   2/15/2015

A blonde woman, a priest, a pilot, and a high schooler are all on a crashing plane. There are only enough parachutes to save three of them, and the pilot is the first to jump out. He grabs a parachute and says, "I'm a pilot! People need me to fly planes!" and then jumps out. The blonde is next to jump out. She grabs a parachute and says, "My hair won't look pretty if I'm dead!" and then jumps ...


1 Comments, 166 Views, 11 Votes ,4.85 Score
TravelingMan524 71 M
17  Articles
A simple question?   2/14/2015

Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults have in adultery? >>!


0 Comments, 20 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
left overs   2/13/2015

I walked into the kitchen tonight expecting my wife to be fixing dinner. Instead she was standing there wearing no clothes but wrapped in saran wrap. I turned around and walked back out. I don't like leftovers.


3 Comments, 64 Views, 8 Votes ,2.78 Score
Love four-year-olds!   2/12/2015

A mother was shopping with her four-year-old . She smelled something that smelled suspiciously like poop.

She asked her , “Did you poop in your pants?”

The boy looked at her and said no.

A few minutes later she smelled it again.

She asked her again, “Did you poop in your pants?”

The boy replied, “No Mom.”

Minutes later she ...


0 Comments, 273 Views, 7 Votes ,4.31 Score
The chicken and the    2/10/2015

On the farm lived a chicken and a , both of whom loved to play together. One day the two were playing, when the fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!

Off the chicken ran, back to the farm.. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only ...


0 Comments, 179 Views, 12 Votes ,4.92 Score
The chicken and the    2/10/2015

On the farm lived a chicken and a , both of whom loved to play together. One day the two were playing, when the fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!

Off the chicken ran, back to the farm.. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only ...


0 Comments, 50 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
doyaknowhat 45 M
9  Articles
Cards   2/5/2015

How is sex like a game of bridge? You either need a good partner or a good hand.


2 Comments, 12 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
doyaknowhat 45 M
9  Articles
Couple more I heard   2/5/2015

How do you know if you have a high sperm count ? She has to chew before she swallows.

2 potatos are standing on a corner, how can you tell which one is a ? The one that says IDAHO!


2 Comments, 22 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
rm_daytimes2015 52 M
1  Article
A man and a woman get into an elevator   2/5/2015

The woman takes off all her clothes, throws them on the floor touches herself then says...

"Make me a woman!"

The man takes off all his clothes, throws them on the floor points and says...

"Pick 'em up!"






0 Comments, 15 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
mannersdeviate 53 M
4  Articles
Oh FUCK....   2/5/2015

Have you ever seen a twenty pound note all crumpled up?" asked the wife. "No, " I said

. She gave me a sexy little smile, reached into her cleavage and pulled out a crumpled twenty pound note.

"Have you ever seen a fifty pound note all crumpled up?" she asked. "No, " I said.

She gave me another sexy little smile, reached into her knickers and pulled out a crumpled fifty ...


0 Comments, 108 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
mannersdeviate 53 M
4  Articles
getting wet   2/5/2015

"Give it to me, Give it to me !" , she yelled.





"I'm so fucking wet, give it to me Now!" she cried.





Scream all she wants........ I'm keeping the fucking umbrella


0 Comments, 30 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
mannersdeviate 53 M
4  Articles
rough   2/5/2015

Two men in a pub and one is riding a Bucking Bronco Machine. He lasts over 10 minutes. 'Crikey mate, that was impressive!' 'I get lots of practice' replied the other guy. 'My wifes epileptic'


1 Comments, 20 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
mannersdeviate 53 M
4  Articles
oops my bad =))   2/5/2015

I keep having my profile on that well known dating website rejected.

One of the questions is, 'What do you want in a woman?'.



Apparently 'my dick' is not an acceptable answer.


0 Comments, 9 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
mannersdeviate 53 M
4  Articles
Bad taste joke   2/5/2015

Whats the difference between a priest and acne?

Acne waits until you're a to come on your face


0 Comments, 9 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
mannersdeviate 53 M
4  Articles
Bad taste joke   2/5/2015

Whats the difference between a priest and acne?

Acne waits until you're a to come on your face


0 Comments, 4 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Clitlicker8615 37 M
10  Articles
God   2/5/2015

Why did god create man first? Because he didn't want any advice.


0 Comments, 4 Views, 0 Votes
Clitlicker8615 37 M
10  Articles
Blonde   2/5/2015

How do you make a blonde laugh on a Wednesday? Tell her a joke on a Monday.


0 Comments, 1 Views, 0 Votes
Clitlicker8615 37 M
10  Articles
Lipstick   2/5/2015

Why would a blonde wear green lipstick? Because red means stop.


0 Comments, 1 Views, 0 Votes
Clitlicker8615 37 M
10  Articles
Fast food sex   2/5/2015

How did the Dairy Queen get pregnant? Burger King didn't cover his whopper.


0 Comments, 0 Views, 0 Votes
Clitlicker8615 37 M
10  Articles
What's thd difference?   2/5/2015

What's the difference between your wife and your job? After 10 years you job still sucks.


0 Comments, 2 Views, 0 Votes
Clitlicker8615 37 M
10  Articles
Coins   2/5/2015

Nurse: Doctor how is that little girl that swallowed 10 coins last night? Doctor: no change yet.


0 Comments, 2 Views, 0 Votes
Clitlicker8615 37 M
10  Articles
2 blondes   2/5/2015

2 blondes walk into a building.....you think one of them would have seen it.


0 Comments, 1 Views, 0 Votes
Clitlicker8615 37 M
10  Articles
What's the difference?   2/5/2015

What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? When you sleep the mosquito it stops sucking.


0 Comments, 2 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
Clitlicker8615 37 M
10  Articles
Grandma   2/5/2015

'Mum there's a man at the door collecting for the old folks home, shall I give him grandma?'


0 Comments, 10 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
Clitlicker8615 37 M
10  Articles
The blonde   2/5/2015

What's the best blonde secretary to have in the world?

One that never misses her period


0 Comments, 4 Views, 0 Votes
doyaknowhat 45 M
9  Articles
Better?   2/5/2015

A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more.

The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?"

"That doesn't prove anything, " the woman countered.

"Think about this: when your ear itches and you stick your little finger in it, wiggle it around, and then ...


0 Comments, 70 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
doyaknowhat 45 M
9  Articles
Funny?   2/5/2015

“Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one, Michael J. Fox has a small one, Madonna doesn't have one, The Pope has one but doesn't use it, Dominique Strauss-Khan uses his all the time. What is it? A last name! And shame on you for thinking it was something else.”


0 Comments, 24 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
doyaknowhat 45 M
9  Articles
Maybe a laugh   2/4/2015

If women with big breasts work at Hooters, where does someone with only one leg work?

IHOP!



Bad I know....


0 Comments, 13 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
doyaknowhat 45 M
9  Articles
Maybe a laugh   2/4/2015

If women with big breasts work at Hooters, where does someone with only one leg work?

IHOP!



Bad I know....


0 Comments, 5 Views, 0 Votes
doyaknowhat 45 M
9  Articles
Blonde Joke   2/4/2015

A redhead tells her blonde stepsister,

"I slept with a Brazilian....

The blonde replies,

"Oh my God! You slut! How many is a Brazilian?"


1 Comments, 20 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
doyaknowhat 45 M
9  Articles
Genie   2/4/2015

2 Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke He asks the other guy if he has a lighter He replies "Yes I do!" and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter Surprised the guy asks "Where did you get this?" The guy replies "Oh I have a personal genie." The first man asks "Can I make a wish? " Sure says the other man "Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at ...


0 Comments, 71 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score