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voyeurs69in2003 73 C
107  Articles
Chocolate better than sex!   9/30/2003

TOP TWENTY REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN SEX: <br> 1 You can GET chocolate. 2 "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate. 3 Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft. 4 You can safely have chocolate while you are driving. 5 You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to. 5 You can have chocolate even in front of your mother. 6 ...

1 Comments, 36 Views, 10 Votes ,3.58 Score
Two blondes   9/27/2003

Two blondes decided to go to Disneyland. They were almost there when they saw a sign that read "Disneyland LEFT" So they turned around and went home.

0 Comments, 8 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
rm_hYpNoTiKaL22 31 M
1  Article
THE ACCIDENT   9/25/2003

Ted was waiting one day for his wife to come home from work. When she did not show ted got worried. Then the phone rang and the county sheriff was on it. He exclaimed to Ted that he had some good news and some bad news. Well what's the bad news ted asked. Well your wife was involved in a horrible car accident, she will need help eating and shitting for the rest of her life. ''Oh my god! ...

0 Comments, 11 Views, 0 Votes
Lesthan0 60 M
1  Article
What they really mean   9/23/2003

MEN'S ADS- What they say vs. what they really mean! <br> 40-ish................52 and looking for 25-yr-old Athletic..............Watches a lot of sports on TV Aims to please....... But can't more than 2 minutes Average looking.......Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back Educated..............Will patronize the shit out of you Good tongue action ...drools, ...

0 Comments, 20 Views, 0 Votes
Mickey Mouse In Court   9/22/2003

Mickey Mouse wanted a divorce from Minney but once in front of the judge, he had a problem since the judge wasn't going to grant the divorce. "I can't justify your reasoning. Insanity is not enough grounds for divorce." Said the judge. "I didn't say she was insane, " Replied Mickey. "I said she was fucking Goofy!"

0 Comments, 26 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
rm_hlpmelrn 62 M
9  Articles
Hold your NOSE   9/21/2003

Question: What do you get when you cross a porcupine and a skunk? <br> Answer: A s-t-i-n-k-y, s-t-i-c-k-y pussy

0 Comments, 13 Views, 241 Votes
mtrman820 120 M
1  Article
Blond Handiwoman   9/21/2003

A blond handiwoman is going from door to door looking for work. She knocks on a door and a husband and wife answer. She asked if they had any jobs to be done. Husband says "the porch needs painting.....How much?". Blond says fifty dollars.usband says OK....the paint is in the garage. The wife says to the husband "FIFTY DOLLARS??? I don't think she knows how big the porch is!" Husband says ...

1 Comments, 54 Views, 244 Votes ,6.77 Score
Survey   9/17/2003

A woman was walking down the street when she was stopped by a man who was carrying out a survey. "Excuse me, Madam, we're doing a survey on peoples' attitudes towards sex." "Really!" said the woman smiling. "Could you please tell me what you think of sex on the television?" <br> "Well, " replied the woman, "I think it's extremely uncomfortable, especially when you've got the ...

0 Comments, 35 Views, 45 Votes ,1.48 Score
liscense   9/9/2003

What kind of license does a lesbian need to get married? A lick-her license.

0 Comments, 7 Views, 23 Votes ,4.06 Score
When you are dating   9/5/2003

When you are dating..... Farting is never an issue When you are married ....You make sure there's nothing flammable near your husband...... at all time <br> When you are dating..... He takes you out to have a good time When you are married ....He brings home a 6 pack, and says "What are you going to drink?" <br> When you are dating..... He holds your hand in public ...

0 Comments, 32 Views, 55 Votes ,6.81 Score
voyeurs69in2003 73 C
107  Articles
Chocolate better than Sex   9/2/2003

<br>   <br> TOP TWENTY REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN SEX: <br> 1.   You can GET chocolate. <br> 2.   "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate. <br> 3.   Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft. <br> 4.   You can safely have chocolate while you are driving. <br> 5.   ...

2 Comments, 49 Views, 34 Votes ,6.39 Score
Sick newlywed joke   8/31/2003

A young couple go to a nice lakeside resort on their honeymoon. That evening the old resort owner sees the groom sitting on the dock fishing. The owner approaches the young man and says" You know it's none of my business but it being your wedding night and all should'nt you be inside making love to your wife?" The groom responds "I would but she has gonorhea." The old timer asks "Well how ...

0 Comments, 23 Views, 81 Votes ,6.45 Score
gt03000 56 M
1  Article
LAUGH ?? - I thought my pants would never dry !!   8/23/2003

A woman is getting ready to go out when, her husband enters the room. <br> "Look at me" she says, "I'm ugly, overweight, my hair's a mess and this dress looks awfull on me. Please pay me a compliment darling" <br> He replies - "your eyesight is excellent"

0 Comments, 28 Views, 136 Votes ,7.99 Score
ferretandjb 58 C
3  Articles
Horny Hippo   8/21/2003

Q. Why do hippopotumuses fuck in water?????? <br> A. Have you ever tried to keep a 2 pound clitoris wet

0 Comments, 6 Views, 97 Votes ,4.55 Score
differences-2   8/19/2003

wt is the difference between a man of god and a lady in bath tub? <br> <br> a man of god has a Soul full of Hope but a lady in bath tub has Hole full of Soap.

0 Comments, 19 Views, 59 Votes ,2.46 Score
ferretandjb 58 C
3  Articles
difference between and frypan and a women   8/18/2003

Q. what's the difference betwenn a women and a frypan? <br> <br> <br> A. nothing you can stick fat in both of them

0 Comments, 3 Views, 92 Votes
ferretandjb 58 C
3  Articles
difference between spaghetti and a women   8/18/2003

Q. what's the difference between spaghetti and a women? <br> <br> <br> A. nothing they both wiggle when you eat them.

0 Comments, 16 Views, 83 Votes ,6.16 Score
rm_snarrbar 43 C
1  Article
gay joke   8/18/2003

How do you fit 4 gay men on a barstool? <br> Turn it upside down!

0 Comments, 18 Views, 86 Votes ,6.62 Score
Small World   8/10/2003

Two best friends are golfing one day. The two ladies ahead of them are really slow. So Bill says to Tim, "Go up there and see if they would mind us playing through." So Tim goes up halfway to the ladies, but returns sheepishly."No way, man." Bill says, "Why?" Tim replies, "One of those two ladies is my wife and the other one's my mistress." So Bill agrees to go. Halfway there, he also ...

0 Comments, 20 Views, 106 Votes ,8.25 Score
rdhair44 65 M
98  Articles
Golfing Buddies   8/7/2003

How do you know if your behind a group of homo-sexuals on a golf course? When you yell fore they all drop their pants and bend over.

1 Comments, 28 Views, 51 Votes ,0.46 Score
voyeurs69in2003 73 C
107  Articles
Viagra   8/7/2003

1.Man goes to the doctor and asks for a Viagra to make his wife happy. 2.Doctor recommends to take it one hour before an intercourse. 3.Man's wife usually comes from work at 6.PM 4.Man takes Viagra at 5:55 PM 5. Wife calls home at 6PM, to say that she will be home after 10 PM 6. Man calls the doctor asking what to do? 7. Doctor asks: "Don't you have any neighbor to use that Viagra ...

2 Comments, 104 Views, 84 Votes ,6.87 Score
rdhair44 65 M
98  Articles
Bar Bouncer   8/7/2003

How do you know if your in a homo-sexual bar? A bouncer throws you out for farting.

1 Comments, 35 Views, 37 Votes ,0.45 Score
rdhair44 65 M
98  Articles
Physical Examination   8/7/2003

How do you know if your Doctor is a homo-sexual? <br> He drops his pants and coughs.

1 Comments, 38 Views, 36 Votes ,0.91 Score
rm_bigbone1958 66 M
1  Article
D. N. A.   8/6/2003

Most women have very intellegent DNA but the hell of it is 95% of them spit it out.

0 Comments, 33 Views, 54 Votes ,5.23 Score
rm_maasm921 66 M
21  Articles
To be six again!   7/31/2003

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again, " she replied. <br> On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear - everything there was! Wow! <br> Five hours later she ...

0 Comments, 40 Views, 65 Votes ,6.93 Score
Break-Up Revenge   7/30/2003

John and Jenny had been sweethearts since childhood. When it came to college, however, they unfortunately found themselves hundreds of miles apart. For a time they attempted to keep the relationship going, but eventually John found Jenny growing ever more distant. <br> Suspecting that Jenny had started seeing someone John challenged her on the issue, only to find his worst fears ...

0 Comments, 22 Views, 71 Votes ,8.29 Score
rm_sab0900 46 M
2  Articles
A blond and a brunette in a bar   7/19/2003

A blond and a brunette are in a bar. The t.v.'s in the bar have the 10-O-clock news on and there is a story of a man that is standing on a building ledge about to commit suicide. The brunette says to the blond, "I'll bet you $50 he jumps." The blond thinks for a moment and says, "I'll take that bet." So they watch and sure enough the man jumps. The blond says as she is handing over a ...

0 Comments, 46 Views, 108 Votes ,7.25 Score
jafar309 49 M
2  Articles
The donkey   7/17/2003

A bar owner was having financial difficulties so he decided to have a promotion to make money. He bought a donkey and put up a sign, "Make the donkey laugh. $1". Well, people tried everything from telling jokes to making funny faces. Finally a man entered the bar and gave his dollar to the bar owner saying, "I can definitely make the donkey laugh." He walked over to the donkey lifted ...

0 Comments, 26 Views, 96 Votes ,7.59 Score
SoberMarriedMan 46 M
1  Article
verticle blinds   7/11/2003

A beautiful blond woman was at her home taking a shower when the doorbell rang. She was quickly trying to dry herself off as she asked through the door who it was. The man replied 'I am the blind msn.' So with no harm intended she drops her towel and gracefully walks to her door nude. Upon openning her door the man stands with a big smile on his face and asks 'Where would you like me to ...

0 Comments, 16 Views, 67 Votes ,5.94 Score
Monster   7/10/2003

Q: What's got 100 teeth and keeps the monster away? <br> A: My ZIPPER.

0 Comments, 5 Views, 55 Votes ,3.78 Score
jafar309 49 M
2  Articles
No f***ing in the park.   7/9/2003

For years people went to the local park to have sex. Finally, some citizens petitioned and a law was passed forbidding sex in the park. Signs were put up everywhere. One couple had been having sex in the park since it was built and were determined to continue. They were going hot and heavy behind some bushes when a cop came by and arrested them. Three black men witnessed the couple ...

0 Comments, 16 Views, 111 Votes ,7.70 Score
RabidRabbit53 70 C
0  Articles
A Leprechaun goes into a bar......   7/6/2003

....climbs up on a bar stool, and says, "Bartender, give me a beer." The Bartender draws him a huge glass of draft, and sits it in front of him. The leprechaun pays for the beer, turns it up, and chugs the whole glass. As he wiped the foam from his chin on his sleeve, he scanned the occupants of the bar. Once he spotted the biggest man in the bar, he climbed down from the stool, walked over ...

0 Comments, 21 Views, 66 Votes ,5.51 Score
tip   7/5/2003

A husband gets back home from work to find his wife sitting in the corner with a very angry look on her face. She points to a piece of paper she's found in his pocket when doing the washing and written on it is the name "SARAH". <br> Trouble is his wife's name is Karen. She says " who the hell is Sarah?" <br> As quick as a flash he says "it's ok darling Sarah was the ...

0 Comments, 66 Views, 84 Votes ,6.96 Score
Old Shoe   6/26/2003

Whats the differeance between and old shoe and a old woman? <br> Your can eat the old shoe!

0 Comments, 12 Views, 52 Votes ,0.11 Score
itsubuibme 65 M
2  Articles
just a cute 1   6/26/2003

<br> <br> what is red and white, and has seven dents ? snow whites cherry

0 Comments, 8 Views, 52 Votes ,2.06 Score
itsubuibme 65 M
2  Articles
think about it   6/26/2003

what does kodak cameras and a tampax have in common ? they both capture that perfect moment

0 Comments, 45 Views, 48 Votes ,0.46 Score
Hurricane   6/20/2003

Why are women like a hurricane? <br> When they come they make a hell of a racket and when they leave they take the house with them.

1 Comments, 14 Views, 87 Votes ,6.62 Score
What's the 2 most useless things in the world?   6/20/2003

A man's tits and the Pope's balls.

0 Comments, 5 Views, 154 Votes ,5.73 Score
Three Men In A Dessert   6/17/2003

<br> Three men were walking aimlessly in the desert. They came upon a castle. Dying of thirst, they decided to go into the castle. <br> Inside they found no men, just dozens of beautiful women. The three men decided to stay (obviously, what man wouldn't). For a week they enjoyed themselves having sex many times a day with all of the beautiful women. <br> ...

0 Comments, 12 Views, 214 Votes ,8.86 Score
a joke for pure mathmeticians only!   6/13/2003

What do you get if you cross a mountianeer with a scaler? <br> Absolutely nothing, you can't cross a scalar with anything, it's an inverse matrix!!! <br> cue laughter from mathmeticians only

0 Comments, 17 Views, 74 Votes ,1.58 Score
hairless   6/11/2003

what do you do after eating bald pussy? <br> Put the diaper back on!!!

0 Comments, 9 Views, 118 Votes
rm_icum2you69 58 M
1  Article
STORK   6/11/2003


0 Comments, 17 Views, 54 Votes ,6.99 Score
69   6/10/2003

A young guy goes to a bar. He meets a mature woman who invites him to her house. When they get there, they start kissing and getting naked. After a while she asked him: "what would you like to do?" Being a virgin he wasn't too sure and told her that anything was okay with him. She told him to lay on the bed, that they would do a 69. She then climbed on top of him in a 69 position. After a ...

0 Comments, 30 Views, 97 Votes ,7.91 Score
Geisha   6/7/2003

A businesman, visiting Japan, is taken to the local Geisha house by his japanese host. after a great meal and lots of Sake, the amorous businessman chooses a lovely young Geisha and of they go. He sticks it in and she begins moaning "Osotugari, osotugari!". Harder and harder he pumps, "Osotugari" she yells. His large western dick pumping into her until he comes. <br> The next ...

0 Comments, 18 Views, 79 Votes ,7.25 Score
why women dont fart   6/7/2003

why dont women fart? <br> they cant keep their mouths shut long enough to build up pressure

0 Comments, 6 Views, 107 Votes ,7.45 Score
First Assignation   5/29/2003

By first assignation, I mean the first time that I ever met a woman expressly for the purpose of having sex. I had written to many women on in the weeks since I joined but only received a handful of replies. Finally, I began to get somewhere with one particular woman. We exchanged photos and I was thrilled with her appearance. She was in her mid 40’s—a couple of years ...

0 Comments, 37 Views, 87 Votes ,7.34 Score
zambonidriver96 59 M
4  Articles
Total Rejection   5/28/2003

What is total rejection? <br> Thats when your jerking off and your hand fall asleep....

2 Comments, 80 Views, 93 Votes ,6.80 Score
Pregnant woman   5/26/2003

What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? <br> You can unscrew a light bulb.

0 Comments, 18 Views, 86 Votes ,3.98 Score
redyformor269 56 C
1  Article
naked downtown   5/25/2003

This guy is standing on a corner in the middle of town, naked, looking around. A cop pulls up and arrests him for exposure. He asks the man to explain what he's doing standing there like that. He' say's "It's like this officer. I was at this party, and someone suggested all the women take their clothes off. They did! Then someone suggested that all the men take their clothes off too. We ...

0 Comments, 9 Views, 120 Votes ,4.05 Score
Pussy and Parsley   5/24/2003

Do you know the difference between pussy and parsley? <br> Nobody eats parsley!

0 Comments, 10 Views, 86 Votes ,4.02 Score
ShinmaTsunami 37 M
2  Articles
Old couple   5/24/2003

An old couple were having dinner in an italian restaruant. The old man looks at his wife and gets an evil grin on his face. <br> "You 'member the first time were here?" He asks. <br> "I sure do. We made love like animals against the fence in the back." She replied. <br> "You wanna do it again?" He asks. <br> She only laughed and said, "Follow ...

0 Comments, 52 Views, 148 Votes ,8.56 Score
Two men   5/20/2003

A man is hanging from the edge of the Empire State Building and across town another man is getting head from a 98 year old woman with no teeth. What advice would you give them both??? Don't look down

0 Comments, 22 Views, 54 Votes ,3.47 Score
Smoke_E_Mon 51 M
0  Articles
A Letter From A Redneck Mother To Her    5/16/2003

Dear , <br> I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved. Won't be able to send you the address as the last Arkansasfamily that lived here took the numbers with them for their new house, so they wouldn't have to change ...

0 Comments, 47 Views, 146 Votes ,7.67 Score
Dr., lawyer, and a priest   5/14/2003

A doctor a lawyer and a priest were standing out side a burning school house the Dr. said help someone save the . The lawyer said FUCK!!! the , The priest look at him and said do we have the time?????

0 Comments, 7 Views, 89 Votes ,5.52 Score
Da bloody mary   5/11/2003

How do you know when a female bartender doesn't like you? <br> <br> <br> They'll be a tampon in your bloody mary!

0 Comments, 6 Views, 53 Votes ,0.99 Score
Intelligent Blond   5/9/2003

What do you call an intelligent blond? GOLDEN RETRIEVER

0 Comments, 9 Views, 109 Votes ,7.21 Score
rm_Tri_some 65 C
1  Article
Olympic Condoms   5/7/2003

A man comes home with a huge grin on his face & says to his wife, Hey Honey why don't you run upstairs & put on something sexy, I got a real treat for you, I just bought a pack of those new Olympic condoms & I'm going to wear the Gold one for you tonight, She looks at him with a sarcastic grin then says, Sure thing honey but why don't you wear the Silver one instead & come second for a ...

0 Comments, 30 Views, 130 Votes ,7.85 Score
Village Moron goes into the bar ..   5/4/2003

The village moron goes into the bar, says Hi to the barman, orders his drink. Dave the barman greets him and says .. Your looking pretty pleased with yourself tonight Mike, what have you been up to? " Well Dave, I am". "You know I live near the railway line don't you"? "Yes"says Dave. "I was on my way home the other night, and I saw this beautiful blonde tied up on the railway tracks". ...

0 Comments, 10 Views, 107 Votes ,4.08 Score
Honeymoon   5/4/2003

A couple arrives at their honeymoon suite and starts to get undressed. The groom removes his shoes and sox, and his wife starts laughing. He asks what she is laughing at, and she says your toes. He says when I was a boy I had toelio. She says you mean polio, and he says no, I had toelio. He removes his trousers, and she starts laughing again. Now whats so funny, he asks. Your knees, she ...

0 Comments, 13 Views, 79 Votes ,3.57 Score
wheelmanslady 57 F
5  Articles
The old folks   5/3/2003

A husband and wife had been married many many years. They made an appointment with their Dr. because it seemed like they were always tired. The Dr. took both of them and gave them each a thorough checkup. Then, he took them both into his office to give them the news. He starts out by telling them that he sees only 1 reason that they are so tired all the time. At your age, you have got to ...

0 Comments, 113 Views, 71 Votes ,6.87 Score
RidingMoutnains 48 F
3  Articles
High Sperm Count???????????   4/30/2003

Q: How do you know if a man has a high sperm count? <br> A: On account of the fact that you have to chew before you swallow <br>

0 Comments, 28 Views, 66 Votes ,4.51 Score
Woman goes into a bar ..   4/29/2003

This woman goes into a bar, sits on one of the stools, and asks the barman for two beers. He serves her the two beers. He watches her, she slowly drinks one, but tips the other one in her lap. She leaves. Next day, she comes in again, orders two beers, the barman again watches her drink one, and tip the other one in her lap. Again she leaves. Third day, comes into the bar, same order, ...

0 Comments, 12 Views, 56 Votes ,0.17 Score
blow job   4/28/2003

male whale was swimming with a friendly famale whale when he Knoticed a wahing ship on the high seas. he told his partner that he hated whaling ships and that they ought to swim underneath and blow as hard as they could until the ship broke into pieces. this they agreed to but as the ship broke up many sailors were tossed overboard . come said the male whale, lets bite and kill those ...

0 Comments, 16 Views, 46 Votes ,2.59 Score
fungus442 50 M
3  Articles
An 80 yr old vigan lady goes to her doctor complaing of an itch in her crotch.   4/21/2003

The docotor dosn't want to have to look so he tells her it's probably just the crabs. "what's that ?", she asks and he explains it. "no way, Im a virgin." doc says "how in hell are you still a virgin at 80 ? If i have to go in and look and all I find is the crabs, i'm going to charge you double. she gets all upset and leaves. 2nd day second doctor. "please help me, i'm an 80 yr.old virgin ...

0 Comments, 28 Views, 60 Votes ,4.24 Score
woman looks like   4/19/2003

Woman at 18 is like FOOTBALL, 22 men after her. At 28 BASKETBALL, 10 men after her. At 38 GOLFBALL , one man after her. At 48 TENNIS BALL, 2 men pushing her to other.

0 Comments, 101 Views, 70 Votes ,3.84 Score
fungus442 50 M
3  Articles
chinese couple has black baby...   4/17/2003

a chineses couple has a black baby.. what should they name it?? <br> sum tin wong . <br> 9 months later, she has a white baby. husband files for a divorce, and gets everything he asks for from the judge . why is this fair ? <br> <br> two wongs dont make a white

0 Comments, 51 Views, 87 Votes ,5.53 Score
rm_YooperEMT 46 M
1  Article
Why Do Women Have 2 Sets Of Lips?   4/15/2003

Why do women have 2 sets of lips?? <br> Because they always like to "piss and moan" at the same time ~yooperemt~

0 Comments, 14 Views, 85 Votes ,5.18 Score
6  Articles
Alice limerick   3/31/2003

There once was a lady named Alice Who used a dynamite stick for a phallus They found her vagina In North Carolina And bits of her tits in Dallas

2 Comments, 22 Views, 28 Votes ,4.58 Score
6  Articles
Fellow from Kent   3/31/2003

There once was a fellow from Kent Whose dick was so long that it bent To save himself trouble He put it in double So instead of cumming he went!

3 Comments, 33 Views, 18 Votes ,2.85 Score
bongofury89145 57 M
1  Article
Limerick   3/30/2003

There was a young lad from Nantucket. With a peter so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, As he whiped off his chin, If t'would bend up my ass I would fuck it!

0 Comments, 10 Views, 36 Votes ,4.36 Score
rdhair44 65 M
98  Articles
Gates   3/25/2003

"the Rich" <br> come to gates wreaking of wealth. Peter enters choking out the words, "smells like dirty laundry". NO, that is impossible, I've always had the finest or should I say, the cleaniness goods. Peter replies, slow down boy, I was just needling.

1 Comments, 44 Views, 26 Votes
rdhair44 65 M
98  Articles
Gates   3/25/2003

<br> Musician:come to gates ringing the bell. Peter:"don't do that, it's not time to eat, besides, we don't want the angels to hear you". Musician play that bad? Peter:"that bad, you were killing them down there, man"!

1 Comments, 47 Views, 18 Votes
rdhair44 65 M
98  Articles
Gates   3/25/2003

<br> <br> <br> <br> Minister:comes to the gates calling out, "anybody home"? Peter:"nobody home, come back after the mail arrives". Minister:when the mail arrives? Peter:"yes, when the mail arrives"? Minister no, let me explain? Peter:"send your explanation to the Lord, you can ...

1 Comments, 27 Views, 16 Votes
Gotta take a shit first   3/19/2003

A man is on a flight from Toronto to Los Angeles. As they take off, the captain comes on the P.A. system and says "This is your captain John Smith speaking. I'd like to take the time to thank you for flying Air Canada, flight 666 from Toronto to Los Angeles. We will be flying at 35, 000 feet with an air speed of 650 miles per hour. If any of you have further questions about the flight, just ...

1 Comments, 233 Views, 64 Votes ,6.99 Score
MEN & WOMEN   3/17/2003

Why do MEN walk more and WOMEN talk more ??????? GUESS???? GUESS WHY ????? It is realy easy !!!!! Because MEN have THREE legs and WOMEN have FOUR lips.

1 Comments, 57 Views, 48 Votes ,4.62 Score
Deaf girl   3/16/2003

Man marries deaf girl. He mimes: “let’s make a code: if I want sex, I will squeeze your breast. In response, u can pull my penis, once for yes, and 50 times for no.”

0 Comments, 57 Views, 81 Votes ,7.40 Score
rm_doyoutoo2 52 M
1  Article
Nuns Vacation   3/15/2003

Three nuns preparing for an outside mission were told by the preist that they must first purify themselves if they had touched any private parts of a man by washing their hands in the holy water. The first shyly walked up and washed her fingers in the water and said "it was just once" the preist asked the second to proceed when all of the sudden the third pushed her out of the way and ran ...

1 Comments, 61 Views, 41 Votes ,7.00 Score
Treatment of Viagra   3/14/2003

Teacher in class asked the : who knows for what is the viagra? One raised his hand and say: "for diarrhea sir!" Teacher said:" how did you know?" replay: "last night I heard my mother shout to dad take a tablet of viagra may be your bloody shit will stop”.

0 Comments, 38 Views, 39 Votes
6  Articles
First Blow Job   3/14/2003

Fellow walks into a bar, sits down and demands of the bartender, " Joe, gimme two shots of Jack Daniels." Joe pours the shots and the customer drinks them. "Joe, gimme two more shots, and hurry!" Joe pours two more and says, "Gee, Tom you usually only drink beer." Tom replies, "Yeah, that's right but I need two more shots. FAST!!" Joe pours the next two and asks, " Well why the ...

1 Comments, 47 Views, 67 Votes ,4.86 Score
kinky10inches 47 M
3  Articles
Double Duty   3/12/2003

A woman is going at it with her husband's best friend one af ternoon when suddenly the phone rings.she hops out of bed to answer it, ''hello... OK, BYE''. ''Who was that?''ask the guy. ''just my husband, '' she replies. ''Oh, shit.i'd better get going.did he say where he was?is he coming home?'' ''Dont worry, ''says the wife.''he said he's down at the bar playing a few games of pool ...

0 Comments, 25 Views, 47 Votes ,7.18 Score
kinky10inches 47 M
3  Articles
Look O'The Irish   3/12/2003

Wath's green, two miles long, and has an asshole every two feet? A:THE ST.PATRICK DAY PARADE.

0 Comments, 6 Views, 20 Votes ,0.70 Score
kinky10inches 47 M
3  Articles


0 Comments, 10 Views, 19 Votes ,3.26 Score
teddy bears   3/12/2003

An attractive woman is sitting in a bar when she sees a man she just has to meet. She signals the waitress and buys him a beer. The man joins her and they start talking. One thing leads to another and the next thing she knows she is in his apartment and things are getting steamy. They head for the bedroom and she gets the shock of her life. The room is FILLED with teddy bears. Big ...

1 Comments, 52 Views, 29 Votes ,6.05 Score
BILL GATES   3/11/2003

What did the say to Bill Gates while he was undressing?? "Now I know why you called it Microsoft!"

0 Comments, 34 Views, 40 Votes ,6.51 Score
Santa Clause   3/11/2003

A small boy wrote to Santa Clause "send me a brother" Santa Clause wrote back " send me your mother"

0 Comments, 16 Views, 21 Votes ,5.85 Score
worms   3/11/2003

Little Tommy was playing with an earthworm in the back of his grandparents' house. Grandpa comes out and watches him for a while. Then he says, "Tommy, I bet ya five dollars you can't get that worm to go back in the hole." Tommy thinks for a minute, then goes in to the house. He comes out a minute later with Grandma's hairspray. He holds the worm by one end, sprays it with hairspray, ...

1 Comments, 41 Views, 16 Votes ,4.30 Score
understanding women   3/11/2003

A man is shipwrecked on a desert island, and walks the beach every morining to see is anything useful has washed up. One morning he finds a lamp. He figures what the hell, and sure enough, when he rubs it out pops the genie. "I will grant your wish, oh Master", says the genie. The man thinks for a bit, then says, "Ya know, I have been here for a couple of years, and this island is not ...

1 Comments, 66 Views, 52 Votes ,8.41 Score
Want2Play692Day 62 M
11  Articles
Little Johnny and Grandma take a walk   3/9/2003

Little Johnny and his grandmother were walking around town one day when they came across two dogs fucking on the sidewalk. Johnny asked his grandmother what they were doing. She was very embarrassed so she said "The top hur his paw so the one underneath him is carrying him to the doctor." Johnny looked at her and said "They're just like people are'nt they?" "What do you mean?" grandma ...

0 Comments, 119 Views, 79 Votes ,8.53 Score
Want2Play692Day 62 M
11  Articles
Blind Flight   3/9/2003

A blind man was traveling in his private jet when he realized that something was wrong. He made his way up to the cockpit but could get no response from the pilot. He felt around until he located the radio "Help Me! Help Me! I'm blind, the pilot is dead, and we are flying upside down" he screamed into it. The Tower comes back and asks him "How do you know your upside down?" The blind man ...

0 Comments, 28 Views, 37 Votes ,7.05 Score
Want2Play692Day 62 M
11  Articles
A blind rabbitt and skunk   3/9/2003

A blind rabbit ran across a blind skunk in the woods one day and asked the skunk what type of animal he was. The skunk says he has always been blind and don't know and the rabbit says he can't tell what he is either. They decide to feel of each other and try to figure out what they are. The skunk feels the rabbit and says well you have very long ears and a soft fluffy round tail. The rabbit ...

0 Comments, 32 Views, 64 Votes ,1.96 Score
Miracles of woman   3/9/2003

4 miracles of a woman 1. getting wet without taking a SHOWER 2.Bleeding without getting HURT 3. Giving milk without eating GRASS & Making Bonless flesh HARD

0 Comments, 35 Views, 32 Votes ,5.30 Score
best friend   3/9/2003

wife : if i sleep with your best friend what is the first the first thing comes to ur mind? husband; that you are a lesbian.

0 Comments, 44 Views, 30 Votes ,6.47 Score
two drunks   3/9/2003

two drunks are sitting outside of a bar without the price of a drink between them. one has an idea..."lets get a hotdog, i will put it down my pants, and when the bartender tells us the price, you drop to your knees, pull out the hotdog, and pretend to give me a blowjob. we'll get thrown out for queers!" the other drunk agrees and they go to the first bar. the first drunk orders two ...

1 Comments, 42 Views, 26 Votes ,5.61 Score
rm_us2r4real2 53 C
0  Articles
Truck Driver   3/7/2003

A truck driver walked into a house in Vegas , he put $1000.00 down and told the madam he wanted a meanest, nastyest fatest , in the place, the madan said mister for a thousand you can have the best looking woman in the house, he said mam you dont understand im not horny im homesick!!

1 Comments, 97 Views, 87 Votes ,7.26 Score
the ed zachery disease   3/5/2003

A lady approached a doctor one day and asked if he could help her. When asked the problem, she explained that she had tried everything possible but couldn't get laid. He then explained to her that he couldn't help her but there was an oriental doctor he knew, Dr. Shotokan, that could. She goes to him and tells him the same and asked what the problem was and why she could't get laid. He ...

0 Comments, 10 Views, 24 Votes ,5.97 Score
Little Johnny being bad again .....   3/4/2003

Little Johnny came home from school and told his Dad he had been kicked out of math class..... <br> "What for?" <br> "The teacher asked me what was 2x3 and I said 6." <br> "You were right!" <br> "I know, but then she asked me what was 3x2." <br> "What's the fucking difference?!?!???" <br> "Well Dad, that's what I asked her just ...

0 Comments, 42 Views, 65 Votes ,7.89 Score
The Fly   3/4/2003

Deep, ,, Deep in the mountains near a mountain stream a Bear stands and watches the fish swim buy. The bear notices a fly buzzing a foot above the water and sees an eager trout eyes the fly. He thinks to himself, you know if that fly would just drop about 5 inches that fish would jump out of the water and eat the fly. When the fish jumps I could snatch him up and eat him. An eager coyote ...

0 Comments, 17 Views, 23 Votes ,6.16 Score
taxidermist   2/24/2003

There was a taxidermist who was the only survivor of a plane crash in the midddle of the Australian outback. He wandered for days, with no food or water to sustain him. Finally, by chance, he came upon a pub in the middle of nowhere. He runs in and orders a tall glass of milk. The guys all look at him and one growls, "Milk...what kind of drink is that for a man. Just what in the hell ...

1 Comments, 58 Views, 10 Votes ,4.78 Score
thweatt76 45 M
1  Article
the man   2/20/2003

As a man gets off work one day. He gets on the elevator at the 36th floor. On his way down the elevator stops and this beautiful blonde gets on the elevator with him. As they both go down to the 1st floor an earthquake shakes the buliding and the cable on the elevator breaks. Here they are falling to their deaths. The women turns to the man and asks him to make her feel like a women for the ...

0 Comments, 30 Views, 17 Votes ,4.68 Score
rm_jmhet42 63 M
1  Article
Barroom Football   2/17/2003

A big, mean redneck was sitting in the local bar when a small, effeminate guy walks in and sits down next to him. "Look here, fella, I don't drink with no faggots! Get the hell out of here, " he yells. The small guy replies very calmly, "I have every right to be here. Let's play barroom football, and the loser has to leave, OK?" "What's barroom football?" asks the redneck. "It's ...

0 Comments, 25 Views, 44 Votes ,4.20 Score
wolf56il 67 M
2  Articles
High wires and old women   2/4/2003

On one side of the world there is a man walking on a tightrope over a 4, 000 ft. deep gorge. At the same time on the other side of the world, a man is getting a blowjob from an 85 year old woman with no teeth. What is going through both of their minds at the same time? <br> DON'T LOOK DOWN !!!!!

1 Comments, 77 Views, 43 Votes ,5.96 Score
rm_davemidlands 67 M
1  Article
An Ostrich and a Cat   2/4/2003

A guy, an ostrich and a cat go into a bar. The guy says to the barman 'I'll have a pint of Guiness please' The ostrich says 'I'll have the same please' and the cat says 'I'll have a whisky, but I'm not paying'. So they get their drinks and the man pulls out the exact money to pay for them. The next week, the same trio go into the bar. The man says 'I'll have a brandy', the ostrich says ...

1 Comments, 58 Views, 58 Votes ,6.58 Score
Steering Wheel   1/26/2003

Irish guy walks into a bar with a steering wheel down the front of his pants. The bartender says "Hey, why do you have a steering wheel down the front of your pant?" The man replies "Ei, is drivin' me nuts."

0 Comments, 7 Views, 94 Votes
The Accountant   1/21/2003

A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening that reads: <br> Dear Wife, I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Red Roof Inn with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary. <br> When he arrives at the hotel there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows: <br> Dear Husband, I too am 54 ...

0 Comments, 20 Views, 152 Votes ,8.34 Score
Old Boat!   1/16/2003

Once there were two twins, Joe and John. Joe was the owner of a dilapidated old boat. It so happened that John's wife died the same day that Joe's boat sank. <br> A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Joe a mistook him for John. She said, 'I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible.' <br> Joe thinking that she was talking about his boat, ...

1 Comments, 59 Views, 140 Votes ,8.05 Score
rm_GOLIONS84 36 M
2  Articles
12 inch piano player   1/9/2003

A man wearing a backpack walked into a bar. He sat down and asked the bartender "If I play the most beautiful music you've ever heard, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender said "Sure, but it better be the best I've ever heard." So the man pulls out of his backpack a 12 inch little man who gets up and plays the most beautiful song the bartender has ever heard. "That was great! ...

0 Comments, 13 Views, 71 Votes ,7.16 Score
It's my arthritis, sonny.........   1/6/2003

A guy was cruising the bars trying to get laid in order to win a $500 bet with a golfing buddy. He absolutely had to get laid, but was striking out left and right. Just before closing time he spotted this very very old woman at the bar who was looking around the room expectantly. <br> He introduced himself and told her the whole deal, and promised her he would do absolutely ...

0 Comments, 17 Views, 64 Votes ,4.18 Score
rm_GOLIONS84 36 M
2  Articles
Elevator   1/5/2003

A Blond and a Brunette are standing in an elevator when a man wearing a suit walks in. This man has absolutely the worst dandruff in the history of the world. It's all over his shoulders and everything. A few floors later he gets off. The Brunette turns to the Blond and says "Somebody should REALLY give that man some Head & Shoulders." The Blond turns to the Brunette and says "How do ...

0 Comments, 17 Views, 50 Votes ,4.43 Score
triston8899 32 M
0  Articles
ping pong balls   1/1/2003

There were three men bidding for the hand of a princess. The king said well i will test you all, go out and find me all the ping pong balls you can and the man with the most will get the hand of my . so after a while the first man comes back and he has 33 ping pong balls. Good said the king 33 will be hard to beat. the second man arives and he has 102 ping pong balls oh my lord said the ...

0 Comments, 20 Views, 27 Votes ,2.71 Score
funtime24sexxx 40 C
1  Article
eggs   12/20/2002

A couple was celebrateing their 60th wedding aniversity and they are having dinner and talking about their life with each other over the years when the husband asked, I have always wondered what you keep in the hope chest that you got at our wedding I have never seen whats in it.The wife says no problem I'll show you. So they go into the bedroom and she unlocks the chest and opens it up. ...

5 Comments, 136 Views, 127 Votes ,7.22 Score
moral   12/15/2002

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree, " sighed the turkey. "But I just haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next ...

0 Comments, 6 Views, 100 Votes ,6.43 Score
Dickhed 70 M
1  Article
Another Limerick   11/30/2002

On Saturn the sexes are three Which is quite awkward you'll agree To perform Con Brio It requires a Trio and it even takes two for a pee

2 Comments, 27 Views, 43 Votes
alien sex study   11/27/2002

There is a couple that's spending a relaxing summer night at their cabin in the middle of nowhere when a spaceship lands in their front yard. Out from the spaceship come an alien couple. They introduce themselves and say they are exploring the cosmos and would like to know more about humans. The earthlings invite them inside where they all swap stories about each others homeworlds. Well ...

0 Comments, 26 Views, 136 Votes ,6.58 Score
NorthLondon77 47 M
3  Articles
BEDROOM GOLF   11/21/2002

The Rules Of Bedroom Golf <br> 1. Each player should furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club and two balls. <br> 2. Play on the course should be approved by the owner of the hole. <br> 3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out. <br> 4. For most effective play, the club should ...

0 Comments, 6 Views, 162 Votes ,7.88 Score
NorthLondon77 47 M
3  Articles
Male Rules (Lady's Take Note) We always hear   11/21/2002

<br> 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down. <br> 1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it. <br> 1. Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. <br> 1. Don't cut your ...

0 Comments, 29 Views, 221 Votes ,8.45 Score
NorthLondon77 47 M
3  Articles
Scottish Footie 2006   11/21/2002

Fast forward to 2006 - it is just before Scotland v Brazil at the next World Cup Group game. Ronaldo goes into the Brazilian changing room to find all his team mates looking a bit glum. "What's up?" he asks. "Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only Scotland. They're sh*te and we can't be bothered". Ronaldo looks at them and says ...

0 Comments, 18 Views, 27 Votes ,1.87 Score
briankneeskern 36 M
2  Articles
Muffin joke   11/19/2002

Two muffins are baking in an oven. One muffin turns, and says to the other "man it's hot in this oven". The other muffin turns as says "HOLY SHIT ITS A TALKING MUFFIN!"

0 Comments, 8 Views, 80 Votes ,0.03 Score
women and cows   11/12/2002

Why did god give women one more brain cell than a cow?---So they dont shit on the floor when you play with their tits

0 Comments, 3 Views, 139 Votes ,4.21 Score
Bar Joke   11/11/2002

A man walked into a bar and sat at the counter down a ways from a lady. When the bartender came over to him he said he wanted to buy that douche-bag over there a drink. The bartender said excuse me, but we treat women like ladies in here. The guy said OK, but I still want to buy that douche-bag over there a drink. The bartender figured the only way to shut this guy up was to get a drink ...

0 Comments, 3 Views, 85 Votes ,1.48 Score


2 Comments, 42 Views, 91 Votes
italianchef33 74 M
8  Articles
firm it up   11/7/2002

One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on the butt and said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle." While this was on the edge of intolerable, she controlled her anger and replied with silence. The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast and said, "You know if you firmed these up we could get rid of ...

0 Comments, 11 Views, 144 Votes ,8.06 Score
rednecks new pickup truck   11/3/2002

billy bob ask earl "how did you get a new truck" earl" sue ellen gave it to me" billy bob " why did sue ellen give you aher truck" well she drove me out to the woods striped off all her clothes and told me to take what i wanted so i took the truck" billy bob " good thing you diddnt take the clothes they would have never fir you"

0 Comments, 18 Views, 49 Votes ,4.05 Score
WIFE'S NEW JOB   10/31/2002

Harry came home with the bad news from his doctor, "Either you stop work immediately or you will be dead" the doctor told him. Harry and his wife were like most people they had bills and hadn't saved much money. His wife Amy was very pretty but not smart at all. After numerous attemps at finding and keeping a job both of them realized that there was only one job she was really good at, and ...

0 Comments, 23 Views, 246 Votes ,0.10 Score
Secret-romance 67 M
7  Articles
Shemale golfer   10/25/2002

Why a shemale golfer refuse to play with any male golfer? Ans....She already have two balls of her own to play with ahd can get a hole-in-one anytime she like!!

2 Comments, 76 Views, 50 Votes
rm_bustygirl26 48 F
1  Article
Playing a   10/20/2002

A man has been on a deserted island for ten years. One day he see's a beautiful woman in a wet suit swim onto his beach. She comes up to him and asks, "when was the last time you had a drink?" "It's been ten years", he replies. She zips open a pocket on her wet suit and pulls out a flask of brandy. The man takes a big swig and say's he is in heaven. "When was the last time you had a ...

0 Comments, 16 Views, 100 Votes ,4.68 Score
just4fun92 51 C
1  Article
infection   10/19/2002

Why does God give women yeast infections? <br> <br> <br> So they know what its like to live with an irritated CUNT!

0 Comments, 18 Views, 131 Votes ,1.10 Score
family reunion   10/5/2002

At a family reunion, two grandsons decide to play a prank on grandpa. So they drop a viagra in his drink. After grandpa drinks it, he tells the boys that he needs to go pee. When he comes back, he is soaking wet from the waist down. The boys ask him what happened to him. He replies, "When I pulled it out to pee, it didn't look it was mine, so I put it back."

0 Comments, 80 Views, 92 Votes ,7.07 Score
curiousvixen68 55 F
0  Articles
Needs a Prom Dress   9/30/2002

Jenny came home one day all excited, " Daddy, daddy I got asked to the prom by a really cute guy today. Wouls you please buy me a prom dress?" "Sure, " was her fathers reply, "just as you get down on your knee's and suck old papa's cock!" " Dad you're disgusting!" she screamed stomping out of the room. <br> The next day the same scenario went down. She came home, begged her ...

0 Comments, 163 Views, 137 Votes ,0.16 Score
gross   9/30/2002

whats grosser than gross? Finishing your bloody mary and finding a string at the bottom of your glass

0 Comments, 10 Views, 111 Votes
rotn2dacore 69 M
11  Articles
3 Mice   9/28/2002

3 mice were in a bar, drinking and bragging about how tough they were. After downing a shot of bourbon and slamming the glass on the bar, the 1st mouse said:"When I see a mousetrap, I lay on my back, set it off with my foot, catch the bar in my teeth, bench press it 30 times to build up an appetite, then snatch the cheese and eat it". The 2nd mouse, after downing 2 shots of tequila and ...

2 Comments, 71 Views, 178 Votes ,8.17 Score
italianchef33 74 M
8  Articles
rectum stretcher   9/22/2002

While I was flying down the road yesterday (only ten mph over the limit), I noticed a cop with a radar gun sitting on top of a bridge. The cop pulled me over, He walked up to the car and asked me, "What's the hurry?". I replied, "I'm late for work." "Oh yeah, " said the cop, "what do you do?", I responded, "I'm a rectum stretcher." The cop said "What...a rectum stretcher, and what does a ...

0 Comments, 16 Views, 88 Votes ,8.92 Score
:Best Goalkeeper   9/18/2002

During the recently held World Cup Soccer a team of jury was formed to decide the Best Goalkeeper. Members of the jury deliberated a lot anf ultimately decided about the best goalkeeper as woman. On being asked to name the reasons they had the following to say:- <br> "Look you can't put the balls in how so hard you may try"

0 Comments, 11 Views, 733 Votes
5 floors?   9/9/2002

5 ladies were hangin´out in Vegas late @ night. And suddenly they saw a hotel with a big neon sign: "Hotel for women only". They all said in a choir: "WOAW! Let's check this shit out"! So they went into the lobby and walked infront of the handsome male receptionist. And curiously asked what this place "for women only" was all about. The recepionist replied: -"Well, Why not take the ...

0 Comments, 13 Views, 305 Votes ,1.26 Score
Why women don't fart   6/29/2002

Women don't fart because they can't keep their mouth shut long enough to build up pressure.

5 Comments, 42 Views, 626 Votes ,7.32 Score
Little Red Riding Hood   6/25/2002

Little Red Riding Hood is getting ready to go to her grandmother?s house when her mother tells her ?Now you be careful Little Red Riding Hood, the Big Bad Wolf is out there and he?s gonna make you pull down your little red panties so he can fuck the shit out of you.? With this Little Red Riding Hood says, ?Relax mom, I have it taken care of, you don?t need to worry, ? and she takes off out ...

0 Comments, 36 Views, 90 Votes ,7.51 Score
Nursery School   6/13/2002

3 little boy's are on their first day at nursery school. The only thing that scare's them id the stern teacher "Now you are all at big school you will all talk like adults" she growled. She asked the first boy what he did at the weekend? "I went to my Nana's Miss" he replied. "It's not Nana's it's grandmothers, talk like an adult" she replied. She asked the second boy what he did at the ...

0 Comments, 26 Views, 658 Votes
another blonde joke...   6/5/2002

Whats the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? When you slap the mosquito it stops sucking...

0 Comments, 2 Views, 268 Votes ,7.00 Score
silent treatment   5/30/2002

A husband and wife were having problems one evening and were giving one another the silent treatment. Being a heavy sleeper, the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM the next morning for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (AND LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." <br> ...

0 Comments, 18 Views, 108 Votes ,7.08 Score
what do you have when you hold a green ball in each hand?   5/28/2002

a great hold on the jolly green giant...

0 Comments, 23 Views, 144 Votes
God and Eve   5/27/2002

One day Eve was washing her beaver in the river, when all of a sudden God spoke down to Eve and said ?Eve you shouldn?t be washing in that river I will never be able to get the smell out of those fish.

4 Comments, 60 Views, 34 Votes ,2.97 Score
Creation of a PUSSY!   5/26/2002

Seven wise men with knowledge so fine created a pussy to their design. First was a Butcher, smart with wit, using a knife he gave it a SLIT. Second was a Carpenter, strong and bold, with hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole. Third was a Tailor, tall and thin, with a piece of red velvet he lined it within. Fourth was a Hunter, short and stout, with a piece of fur he lined it without. Fifth ...

0 Comments, 24 Views, 118 Votes ,6.47 Score
rm_rickyb99 51 M
2  Articles
===========c=a=r=t=o=o=n====j=o=k=e==============   5/9/2002

What part of popeye will never rust?????????????????????????? The bit he dips in olive oil!

0 Comments, 9 Views, 133 Votes ,4.45 Score
rm_rickyb99 51 M
2  Articles
viagra   5/9/2002

my girl was feelin kinda frisky. Im impotant, so I have to get viagra from the chemist. "I know, Take it now and we can get down to it as soon as I get back, It will be a nice supprise" Having no water the viagra gets stuck in my throat. I get home no sex, girlfriends pissed off, so off I go to bed. Next morning I wakeup with a stiff neck!

0 Comments, 13 Views, 60 Votes ,0.06 Score
Obsessions   4/19/2002

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small <br> "You all have obsessions, " he observed. To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your Candy." <br> He turned to the second Mom. "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your 's name, Penny." <br> He turns to ...

0 Comments, 20 Views, 210 Votes ,8.68 Score
fucking the pool man   2/1/2002

I am Donna, a 42 year old housewife (look 32) with a model's figure and 34D tits. I live in a sunshine state and nude sunbathe year round. One day a new pool man caught me off guard and observed me totally nude by the pool. He was young, muscular, and handsome and I let him take a good look as I towled off and excused myself to let him work. He commented on my body and said he missed ...

0 Comments, 49 Views, 148 Votes ,7.40 Score
seekin4snatch 56 M
1  Article
Island Fun   1/17/2002

I have always been a bit of an exhibitionist, but my wife is very shy about showing her body. In general, I do not think she even wants to see herself naked. However, when she has been drinking a lot, this changes. She still does not want others to see her naked, but she takes a lot more risks. For example, it is not unusual for me to talk her out of all of her clothes on a ride home from ...

4 Comments, 273 Views, 87 Votes ,8.67 Score
fucked your ass   6/11/2001

once astudent of our college went to buy a bed for himself when he was coming back he met one of his friends who asked him where were you he said" i went to buy this bed" his friend asked for how much he replied" for rs400" his friend siad you have got your ass fucked and went away <br> he thought he may have bought itat higher rate so he decided to tell the rate as rs300 ...

0 Comments, 67 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
Nymphomaniac Convention   5/30/2001

A man boards an airplane and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she's heading straight towards his seat. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside his. <br> Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, "Business trip or vacation?" She turns, smiles and says, "Business. I'm going to the annual ...

0 Comments, 16 Views, 24 Votes ,6.99 Score
Dumb Blonde   5/11/2001

There was a blonde and her house was on fire so she called the fire department and said, "You have to help me. My house is burning." The fireman said, "O.K.Lady we will help. Tell us how to get there." The blonde replied, "Da, Big Red Truck."

0 Comments, 6 Views, 16 Votes ,5.92 Score
Pussy vs. beer   5/8/2001

A beer is always wet. A pussy needs encouragement. Advantage: Beer. A beer tastes horrible served hot. A pussy tastes better served hot. Advantage: Pussy. Having an ice cold beer makes you satisfied. Having an ice cold pussy makes you Hillary Clinton. Advantage: Beer. Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones. Pussy does not. Advantage: Draw. If you get a hair ...

0 Comments, 11 Views, 12 Votes ,4.92 Score
2  Articles


3 Comments, 84 Views, 7 Votes ,5.84 Score
Do you want fries with that?   9/11/2000

What do you call a 300 pound woman with a yeast infection? <br> A: A Whopper with cheese!

3 Comments, 44 Views, 12 Votes
Bowler's Hands   9/9/2000

A man?s wife asked him to go to the store to buy her some cigarettes. So he walked down to the store, only to find it closed. He went into a nearby bar to get cigarettes from the vending machine. At the bar he noticed a beautiful woman and he started talking to her. They had a couple of drinks, one thing led to another, and they ended up in her apartment. After they had their fun he ...

0 Comments, 9 Views, 29 Votes
SexPist01 61 M
1  Article
ATM Dancer   9/7/2000

So the other day, my friends and I went to this "Ladies Night Club". <br> One of the girls wanted to impress us, so she pulls out a $10 bill. The "dancer" came over to us, and my friend licked the $10 and put it on his butt cheek. <br> Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill. She calls the guy back over, licks the $20 bill and puts it on his ...

3 Comments, 92 Views, 58 Votes
Lantern of Events   8/29/2000

In a terrible accident at a railroad crossing, a train smashed into a car and pushed it nearly four hundred yards down the track. Though no one was killed, the driver took the train company to court. At the trial, the engineer insisted that he had given the driver ample warning by waving his lantern back and forth for nearly a minute. He even stood and convincingly demonstrated how he'd ...

0 Comments, 20 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
On Prostitutes   8/23/2000

Q. What do you call a with a runny nose? A. Full Q. Why do prostitutes lean on lamp posts? A. To drain

0 Comments, 10 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
Who wants to be a millionaire?   8/23/2000

The man asks the wife if he can have some. She says no. He asks if that is her final answer. She says yes. He asks if he can call a friend!!

3 Comments, 57 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
women win again !!!   7/30/2000

Three men are walking in the desert when they come across a beatiful oasis. Underneath one of the palm trees one of the men spots something shining in the sun. After a bit of sand clearing he recovers a lamp and yes you've guessed it after a long hard rub out pops a beautiful female genee. The curvacious genee princess offers them a wish each. The first man asks for 1 ...

0 Comments, 6 Views, 1 Votes
What a reputation   7/13/2000

Jock McTavish was in his local, depressed and drowning his sorrows with whiskey. He takes a big gulp and says to the landlord... "You see that fence over there, I built that by all by myself, hewed and carried the timber from the forrest, cut and set the posts, split and hung the rails. But do they call me McTavish the fence builder - No they don't" Jock orders another large whiskey, ...

0 Comments, 14 Views, 0 Votes
What's the difference...   7/11/2000

What's the difference between a condom and a coffin? They both hold stiffs but one is coming and one is going.

0 Comments, 7 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
Wedding Bells   6/27/2000

Q: Why does the bride smile as she walks down the aisle to the altar? <br> A: Because she *knows* that she will never have to give another blowjob again!

0 Comments, 5 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Three beggars   6/22/2000

Three beggars are begging in New York City. The first one wrote 'beg" on his broken steel cup and he received ten dollars after one day. The second one wrote "" on his cup and after one day he received hundreds of thousand dollars. Someone even wanted to take him to NASDAQ. The third one wrote "e-beg" on his cup. Both IBM and HP sent vice presidents to talk to him about a ...

0 Comments, 12 Views, 0 Votes
Tattoo   6/18/2000

A woman goes to a tattoo artist and asks to have her boyfriends name tattooed on her ass for a birthday present. The artist says OK what's his name. Brandon Broncowitz says the lady. The artist says thats a lot of letters. Maybe it would be better to just put his initials. He will know what they stand for. She agree's, so the artist places one B on each of her ass cheeks and she goes ...

0 Comments, 133 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Talking Frog   6/5/2000

An errant drive took my ball into the trees and out of bounds. I searched and searched for the lost ball. Just as I was about to give up, I heard a voice and turned to see a frog. The frog said, "Kiss me on the mouth and I will turn into a beautiful 25 year old nympho. I'll wear you out." Sometime later I finally returned to the course, and to the demands of my playing partners that I ...

0 Comments, 7 Views, 0 Votes
rm_Jakeflash2 47 M
1  Article
seven dwarves   6/3/2000

One Sunday, after mass 2 nuns were talking outside of the church when they heard some voices coming toward them. When they looked they saw that it was the seven dwarves. They appeared to be chanting "Ya did it, ya did it, we KNOW ya did it!" Pretty soon Doc says "Quiet down boys. Perhaps one of these nuns can resolve our little problem." Doc goes up to the nuns and asks, "Sisters, I ...

0 Comments, 17 Views, 0 Votes
Red Neck Birth control   5/24/2000

An Arkansaw woman goes to the doctor and says that she would like her husband to be castrated, The doctor gave her an empty soda can and a cherry bomb. "Light the bomb and give it to him, ask him to count to fifteen then he'll be fine" The woman goes home and does as he asked, confused as to why a tin can could castrate her hubby. "Here honey count to ten" said the woman. The ...

0 Comments, 23 Views, 2 Votes
12do69l8r 61 M
2  Articles
threes guys and a mormon   5/4/2000

Three guys and a mormon were standing around talking one day and the first guy says , "I have 4 , one more and I'll have a basketball team," the second guy says so.. "I have 8 , one more and I'll have a baseball team,".. The third guy says, "SO I have 11 , one more and I'll have a footbal team"... The mormon laughing says thats nothing.."I've got 17 wives, one more and I'll have a ...

3 Comments, 134 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
12do69l8r 61 M
2  Articles
2 lawyers in a bar   5/4/2000

Two lawyers were in a bar during happy hour sharing a beer, when this sexy/shapley blond walks by, the first lawyer says to his friend, "I'd love to fuck her" the second turns and says "really, outa what?"

3 Comments, 136 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
emale123 76 M
0  Articles
No Kidding   4/27/2000

Someone took a poll of 38, 500 women and asked them what their ultimate fantasy was. 97.6% of the women said their ultimate fantasy was to have two men at once.....One doing the cooking and one doing the cleaning... I do windows, now come I'm lonely? And a friend sent me a list. She knows me too well: <br> SIGNS THAT YOU ARE NO LONGER A ........ HOW MANY ARE FAMILIAR? ...

0 Comments, 30 Views, 0 Votes
Best Damn Blow Job   4/25/2000

There was this guy sitting on a park bench muttering to himself and spitting. He would mutter, then spit, mutter, then spit, he would say, "Damn, that sonofabitch can drive", then spit, "Damn, that sonofabitch can drive", then spit, "Damn that sonofabitch can drive", then spit. A man sits down next to him and asks him, "What's going on here? You keep saying, "Damn that sonofabitch can ...

0 Comments, 18 Views, 5 Votes ,0.86 Score
Sex on the Schedule   4/20/2000

A married couple went to see a cousilor due to an unhappy relationship in the past two months. After listening each of them complain about their personal lifestyles he asked them if they even having a "sexual relationship". They both agreed that the sex part of it is good although it's difficult to schedule a particualar time between their work schedules. The counsilor was flabbergasted ...

4 Comments, 176 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
City of Los Angeles High School Proficiency Test   4/20/2000

1. Johnny has an AK-47 with a forty round clip. If he misses six shots out of ten shots and shoots thirteen times at each drive-by shooting, how many drive-bys can he do before he has to re-load? 2. Jose has two ounces of cocaine. He sells an eight-ball to Jackson for $320.00 and two grams to Billy for $65.00 per gram. What is the street value of the balance of the cocaine if he doesn't ...

0 Comments, 23 Views, 0 Votes
Sexy Jokes   4/17/2000

Sunbathing <br> A rather well proportioned young lady, Joan, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of the hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day but, on the second, being a naturist, she decided that no one could see her way up there, so she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was ...

0 Comments, 43 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
ALABAMA 3RD GRADER   4/13/2000


0 Comments, 18 Views, 0 Votes


0 Comments, 27 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
free drinks   4/12/2000


0 Comments, 14 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
here are some funny jokes   4/9/2000

1)How is a woman and a tornado alike?---in the begining theres alot of sucking and blowing but in the end you loose your house. 2)What does a woman and a condom have in common? they spend more time in your wallet then on your dick. 3)If the dove is the true meaning of peace what bird is the true meaning of love?....the swallow. 4)Why do women fake orgasms? because they think men ...

0 Comments, 20 Views, 0 Votes
mouth like a bird cage.   2/21/2000

Two female roomates are sitting having breakast one morning after a pretty heavy night before. One turns to the other an says "Boy my mouth feels like the bottom of a bird cage." the other replies, " I'm not surprise you had a cock or twoin it last night

0 Comments, 13 Views, 0 Votes
definition of indecect?   2/1/2000

Q: Whats the definition of indecent? A: If long enough, hard enough and in far enough its indecent!

0 Comments, 12 Views, 0 Votes
COP ON A .   12/27/1999


0 Comments, 15 Views, 0 Votes
rm_jcns731 49 M
1  Article
ole and lena sex story   12/20/1999

lena was at the store one day and bought a pair of crotchless panties to surprise ole with. so she went home put some music on turned down the lights and finally put on only her new crotchless panties and waited for ole to come home. when he finally did come home he seen the lights were dimmed and heard the music and then he heard lena calling hm seductively from the bedroom .so he walks ...

0 Comments, 10 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
1  Article
freeride   12/13/1999

Two fleas are scheduled to meet in Miami once winter hits. One arrives weeks before the other, and once the second arrives he is hypothermic and near dead. The second flea sees the first so comfortable and asks how he did it, the first replies that he simply crawls up a stewardess's dress and waits where it is nice and warm, and suggests that the other flea try the same. So the next year the ...

3 Comments, 183 Views, 9 Votes ,1.93 Score
rm_icmguy 43 M
1  Article
How was Colonel Sanders a typical male?   12/3/1999

How was Colonel Sanders a typical male? All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.

1 Comments, 29 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
MY DAD HAS TWO PRICKS   11/29/1999

One day John visited his neighbor, Mr. Palmer. When he got there Mr. Palmer was painting the housing a brush, John being boastful said, "My Dad has to of those." Mr. Palmer smile at him and continued working. Later, Mr. Palmer was doing a higher section of the house so he climbed his ladder to continue painting and again John said " My day has two ladders." Once again Mr. Palmer smiled at ...

0 Comments, 91 Views, 0 Votes
A guy walks into a bar...   11/16/1999

A guy walks into a tavern, and has a seat at the bar. As he's sipping his drink he notices a jar stuffed with $100 bills sitting behind the cash register. He asks the bartender "what's the deal with the jar full of hundreds?" The bartender replies "It's a contest we have here, whoever can complete three tasks wins the all the money in the jar. The entry fee is $100, though. The guy ...

0 Comments, 40 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
rm_theaxman 54 M
3  Articles
butt ugly pickup artist   10/28/1999

A man is sitting in a bar accross from an incredibly beautiful woman. Pretty soon the ugliest guy he has ever seen sits down and starts talking to her. After just a few minutes they get up together and leave. The next week he is in the same bar and another beutiful woman is sitting at the bar and the same thing happens. The incredibly ugly man sits down talks with her for a couple of minutes and ...

0 Comments, 79 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
Two little boys   10/17/1999

Joey and Timmy meet in the hospital ward prior to surgery. Timmy is obviously nervous, so Joey asks, "Are you alright?" "I'm getting my tonsils out and I'm kinda scared, " said Timmy. Oh, I had my tonsils out last year. You'll just have a sore throat. Then they'll bring you ice cream!" said Joey. "Oh, I guess that's ok 'cause I like ice cream. What are you here for?" "I'm having a ...

1 Comments, 74 Views, 0 Votes
Great Night of Sex   9/13/1999

A social misfit walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face. “What are you so happy about?” asks the Barman. “Well I’ll tell you,” replies the ugly bloke, “you know I live by the railway, well on my way home last night I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the movies. I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my ...

0 Comments, 23 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Naryan Dutt Tiwari   7/14/1999

Once a person was admitted to a hospital, as he mat an accident. While sponging him the nurse, a bold brunette, noticed that the patient has lots of name written on her body. She asked the patient the reason of such name being written on his body. He told her that he had an hobby of writing names of some celibirity and big people on his body. While sponging his crotch area the nurse noticed that ...

0 Comments, 117 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score

A rather inhibited computer engineer finally splurged on a luxury cruise to the Caribbean. It was the "craziest" thing he had ever done in his life. Just as he was beginning to enjoy himself, a hurricane roared upon the huge ship, capsizing it like a 's toy. Somehow the engineer, desperately hanging on to a life preserver, managed to wash ashore on a secluded island. Outside of beautiful ...

0 Comments, 49 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
ABOUT POLITICS   6/29/1999

This little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad says, "Well , let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby ...

0 Comments, 54 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
2  Articles
Jokes for U   6/23/1999

Joke#1 An old man went to his doctor and complained that he had toilet problems 'Well, let's see', said the doctor,'How is your urination?' 'Every morning at seven o'clock on the dot'. 'Good. How about your bowel movements ? ' 'Eight o'clock each morning as regular as could be' 'So what's the problem?' asked the Doctor. 'I don't wake up until nine!' Joke#2 A big game hunter was engaged by a ...

3 Comments, 139 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
2  Articles
Lord Shiva's wish ( Love automation )   6/23/1999

Lord Shiva granted Manu a wish. Manu : I want my penis to increase/ decrease in size as per my wish. Lord Shiva : Ok. If you clap your hands the size of your penis will increase. Manu : But I also wish to decrease it's size when required. Lord : Don't worry if you snap your fingers the size will decrease. Manu : Thank you ,lord. One day,Manu left his home to visit his friend Raja. On his way he ...

3 Comments, 124 Views, 4 Votes ,0.14 Score
2  Articles
Walking Lane   6/23/1999

Lord Shiva was waiting at the door to heaven. He was to decide posting's of candidates based on their merit. Merit Criteria : 1. If a candidate was faithful to his/her spouse, he/she was given a "Mercedes Benz" to enjoy his life in heaven. 2. If a candidate had engaged in sex with a neighbour he/she was given a "Two-wheeler" to enjoy his life in heaven. 3. If a candidate had engaged in ...

3 Comments, 126 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
I know the truth   6/15/1999

At school a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." The boy decides to go home and try it out. He goes home and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased ...

0 Comments, 376 Views, 18 Votes ,6.94 Score