MMC15: This Just In ...

Police investigate vandalism; search for missing penis

Police were called to the School of Fluffology for Gentlemen and Harlots after the vandalism of valuable school equipment. According to sources at the school, the damaged device is a unique multi-phallic thrusting strap-on.

"The Orgy-Tron 1000 is a one-of-a-kind tool that will revolutionize modern orgies," stated Head-Mistress BJ. "It was developed by students in our Advanced Orgy-ology course. It has four phalli, instead of one, to accommodate group players. The wearer utilizes hip movements, blending the motions of a hula hooper and a belly dancer. This creates kinetic energy powering the nano-technology used in the separate thrusting of each phallus."

The prototype was found torn apart with one of the thrusters missing. Police searched every nook and cranny in the school, plus every orifice of students and staff. The penis, with an estimated value of 450,000 USD, remains missing.

This is an on-going story.

UPDATE Missing penis has been found!

After analyzing the torn strap of the Orgy-Tron, police forensics discovered teeth marks, possibly of a wolf or a bear. Expanding their search, the missing phallus was found in the bed of the school's mascot, Homeless. Armed with a leash and a tasty sausage, authorities were able to retrieve the device. No injuries were reported.

When asked for a comment, Head-mistress BJ declared, " I told them to fix that squeak." Homeless simply said, "Woof!"

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