There was one couple, whom my partner and I just judged above-the-line shaggable. We agreed to meet after a phone call. But we were both of the opinion that the meet had to be socially good before sex was to happen.
As soon as we met, it was clear, at least to my partner and I, that things weren't going to work out with the couple. At least we can enjoy the meal, have a few drinks and have lots of sex in our hotel bedroom afterwards.
While sitting down to have a meal, the man of the couple asked me for a private word. A little surprised at this request as I always preferred things to be out in the open, I followed him to a corridor just off the restaurant.
The man explained to me how his wife likes sex and wanted my assurance that's how I'll have sex with her. Because his wife had mobility issues, I had to have sex with her from a certain position. I replied to him that this was our first meet and that we don't have sex on the first meet. That wasn't true but it seemed a good way out of the situation.
This moment characterised the difference between functional and social swingers. They were clearly functional swingers. They just wanted sex, or at least his wife did. My partner and I were social swingers; we had to click socially before having sex with a couple.
Also the moment characterised how some men see themselves as pimps and controllers of the swinging situation. Now he may have been a very loving and thoughtful husband, but he was trying to own his wife and direct sexual proceedings. That always turned me off. Swinging should be spontaneous with everyone involved feeling they have agency in the situation.
Do you think I was too hard on the other man?
As I write up this swinging moment, I'm beginning to think I may have been a bit too hard on the other man. Perhaps he was solely motivated to ensure his wife had a good time even if he presumed sex was going to happen.
There was another time when I met up with a functional swinger. This couple came to one of my parties. She was complaining towards the end of the night that there wasn't enough fucking going on. I answered that's the way it goes sometimes. She was perplexed that a sex party was not a fuck party. I tried to explain that sex parties also involve chatting and flirting and not just fucking. She wasn't impressed with my answer.
The couple crashed out for the night. On waking up, I chatted with her again and she was still complaining. And then we fucked. I was just being sociable trying to please a guest and she was just being functional wanting to be fucked! That's the difference between social and functional swinging. The couple, despite a couple of invites, never came to another party again; they just wanted a functional fuck. And for me and my partner at the time, our sex parties weren't just about that. The social was important for us when swinging.
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17 comments
that is so hot
Swinging is hot. Thanks for stopping by.
no fire but the fireplace is still hot!
Thanks for stopping by.
Some people place too much expectations on swinger parties
Like with many things, sex parties are best approached with no or low expectations then one is less likely to be disappointed.
You were not too hard at all. If I were actively seeking sex partners again, I would definitely be a social swinger. I’ll admit that when I first came to this site MANY years ago, I was purely functional - I just wanted to find a guy to fuck my brains out and then go our separate ways. When I met my long term lover 9 months later, that changed 100%. When/if we met someone or invited someone to join us, we aways insisted on meeting socially to first make sure that they were who they portrayed themselves to be, and then to make sure that we were comfortably with them socially.Our reasons were that if we were going to spend 2-3 hours, or even an hour with someone, the time spent having sex would be less than half of the time. The rest would be talking, laughing, siping wine, etc. If there wasn’t a good social connection, the time between fucking would be too boring or awkward!
Sex is far better with someone you connect with.
Good comparison. This reminds me of the people who always say "we're all here for the same reason".
As you well know, we're here often for different reasons. And sex may be one of them. Thanks for stopping by.
Good explanation of the difference
Many non-swingers often assume all swingers are functional swingers; they're not.
I think you have to always be honest my friend and you told him how it was. If he can't handle that then it's his problem. Honesty is always the best policy especially if your swingers.
It's sad that the lady was still complaining in the morning and you did give her a pity fuck my friend, well that's what I call it.
Thanks for sharing another swinging story with us. I hope your Friday is a fun start to your weekend..
Honesty is often the best policy, not least it's sometimes easier to be honest than to concoct lies and then remember the lies told!
I don't think you were too harsh with the first man. You gave a very plausible and reasonable excuse. You could've said that they didn't meet your fuckability standards, which would have been harsher..
I was polite to him.
No doubt that in some cases (MANY even) the males in the couple want to be the one in charge, even if that means controlling how someone else fucks HIS partner. But I think in this case it's entirely possible that the man was concerned for his wife's feelings and that you might reject her due to her apparent physical limitations.
On a side note: I once met a couple (as a single male) where it was VERY clear the event was ALL her idea and she was in charge. THAT was damn hot! 😁
I was in two minds when he had his private chat to me, though I wasn't at all rude to him.
I like the phrase "functional swinger." I was 100% a social swinger, there HAD to be some social lubricant to get the party started for me.
And don't get me started on the "director" male... I had many a time where the other male was more interested in directing what MY man was doing to his lady that I was left out in the cold!
Thankfully I didn't come across too many swinging directors. And the times I did, they get on my nerves.
Perhaps I should have use the 'fucktional swinging' term!
Yes, I completely agree: once the boundaries have been set, such as whether to use a condom or not, or whether to engage in anal sex or not, there has to be room for improvisation, otherwise swinging becomes a cooking recipe.
I've never seen swinging as a dish made from a recipe. My partner and I always discussed our boundaries and preference throughout our swinging years.
@spunkycumfun - Harry Connick Jr has a very good “Recipe for making love”
@Just2chat2 I'll have to play that song when I'm next trying to seduce a woman!
thank you for the words 'social' swingers. im not a swinger however, clicking socially first is who i am. i don't understand how people don't understand that
There's a common presumption that swingers will fuck anybody. In my experience, that was not true at all.
@spunkycumfun connections are just so important to me
@mysexualgoodtime They were to me in my swinging days.
This blog post is part of a series of my swinging moments, not presented in chronological order. See SWINGING MOMENT 1: FROM THE HOT TUB TO THE LOUNGE VIA THE KITCHEN, SWINGING MOMENT 2: THE SMOKIN' HOT CHAIN MAIL DRESS, SWINGING MOMENT 3: NEARLY A DOUBLE-PENETRATION AT A LUXURY HOTEL, SWINGING MOMENT 4: EVERYBODY WAS KUNG FU FIGHTING!, SWINGING MOMENT 5: SWINGERS HERE LOVE A PREMIER INN!, SWINGING MOMENT 6: JUST WATCHING OTHERS, SWINGING MOMENT 7: HALFWAY AT UTTOXETER, SWINGING MOMENT 8: BLOOD AT A SEX PARTY, SWINGING MOMENT 9: TWO BIG NIPPLES AND ONE BIG COCK, SWINGING MOMENT 10: AN 'ORGY' IN A HOTEL ROOM, SWINGING MOMENT 11: A ZIPLESS FUCK IN A JACUZZI, SWINGING MOMENT 12: NOT SWINGING WITH CANADA, SWINGING MOMENT 13: WOULD YOU HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE CALLED POOPAL?, SWINGING MOMENT 14: THE MAN WITH A CANE AND A NON-PLAYING WIFE, SWINGING MOMENT 15: CALLING KEVIN OUT, SWINGING MOMENT 16: A CARPET BURN, AND NOT FROM SEX!, SWINGING MOMENT 17: TWO VERY LONG DRIVES FOR NOTHING, SWINGING MOMENT 18: SOMETIMES IT'S NOT FAIR, SWINGING MOMENT 19: BEWARE OF CAMBRIDGE SWINGING COUPLES, SWINGING MOMENT 20: A WOMAN TAKES HER MAN FOR A WALK, SWINGING MOMENT 21: A HARLEY DAVIDSON AND A PANG OF JEALOUSY, SWINGING MOMENT 22: A MAGICAL TIME IN LINCOLN, SWINGING MOMENT 23: SEX WITH A 'DIRTY WHORE', SWINGING MOMENT 24: A COUPLES NIGHT AT A SEX CLUB WITH A UNICORN ENDING, SWINGING MOMENT 25: SHROPSHIRE MEETS SHROPSHIRE IN CHESHIRE, SWINGING MOMENT 26: FROM A NEVER ENDING BUKKAKE TO A NOT-SO-HAPPY ENDING BUKKAKE?, SWINGING MOMENT 27: A PROWLING WITNESS TO A DOUBLE-PENETRATION, SWINGING MOMENT 28: THE WOMAN FROM ST LOUIS, SWINGING MOMENT 29: MY BEST EVER DINNER PARTY, SWINGING MOMENT 30: THE LAST PARTY, SWINGING MOMENT 31: AN EMBARRASSING INCIDENT IN THE TOILETS and SWINGING MOMENT 32: PIMPING AT A CLUB for other moments.
These posts are solely my recollections. I readily accept that others involved may recall the swinging moments differently, especially the interpretation of the moments.