Warning - mucho TMI ahead. Why am I writing about this? Well it's mildly traumatic for me and it feels therapeutic to write about it. If you're not interested in gynecological problems, just scroll on by.
For past posts on my hooha problems, see:
Hoo-ha update
Hooha Update - Pelvic Floor Consult
When last I posted, I had seen a pelvic floor therapist who gave me some "exercises" to try to loosen things up. I've been doing them. Not religiously I guess. But it seemed like it was helping somewhat because I was able to insert a decent sized vibrator (similar in size to HWD haha) and it wasn't uncomfortable.
Earlier this week the in--person appointment with the sexual medicine doctor was finally coming up, so I asked HWD if we could do another test drive. I did some prep with doing my dilator exercises and then inserting the vibrator for a while. Then he tried going in and....dang it, it still hurt. (frustrated emoji) I did ask him to slow down and that helped but I still had to ask him to stop after, hmmmm... five minutes maybe?
It is a mystery to me why the vibrator is OK but his penis hurts. I suppose it's because I'm controlling the vibrator and getting the angle exactly right. Also, it seems like added lubrication gets lost much more quickly when it's skin to skin vs. skin to silicone.
My appointment was Thursday afternoon. I reported on how things had been going. The doctor wanted to do an exam, which was fine with me. Then she asked if she could use this special camera device that they have. She warned me that insurance doesn't always cover it, and if it isn't covered, the charge is $600 (alarmed emoji). Initially I said no. But, the reality is that I have a huge health savings account that I got when I retired and it's growing faster than I'm using it. So I decided it was silly to worry about that ,and I gave her the OK.
She left the room while i undressed from the waist down, then returned with her assistant who would be taking notes and saving the pictures that she took. PLUS a trainee who was shadowing the assistant. So, three people staring at my hooha. Yes, not just the doctor was staring at it, because the image was being shown on the wall on a big screen tv! (alarmed emoji times two). I have a vague memory of this from my last colonoscopy, but now I was having to look at everything unmedicated. She did tell me that I didn't have to look, but she was pointing out various things so how could I not look?
She noticed my little sebaceous cysts right off the bat and asked me if they bother me. Hell yes they do, but it's more of a psychological annoyance than a physical one. I told her my dermatologist had removed a few that were prone to get irritated.
She examined my clit closely and her opinion was that it probably has atrophied somewhat, although of course she didn't have a pre-menopause exam to compare it with. She also demonstrated how the clit is supposed to be able to slide freely from underneath its hood, but that wasn't happening with me. It looked like the clit had adhered somewhat to the hood. This is probably from the lichen sclerosis that I've been treating.
She moved down to my "vestibule" (inner area of the vulva that is the entrance to the vagina, kind of a funny name). She was poking around with a Q-tip and asking whether various areas hurt, asking me to use a scale of 1 to 10. It was almost as frustrating as the eye exam where the doctor keeps asking you "which is better? This one? or this one?". I mean, I know exactly where it hurts. There's a little membrane at 6 o'clock , the fourchette, that apparently isn't stretchy enough anymore. Other areas might have felt slightly tender, but how do I know whether they were a 1 or a 2 or a 4?
In the end her recommendation was to re-up on using the estrogen/testosterone cream. I had dialed it back to twice a week because it seemed like it was causing a bit of irritation. And to use the lichen sclerosis med daily (instead of twice a week) for a couple of weeks (she noticed an area on the vestibule where it was not completely healed up).
She recommended some books and websites. I'm not too enthused because I've already done a lot of reading about sex and sexual pleasure.
She also, like the pelvic floor therapist, suggested considering sex therapy. Maybe. I am not really a "therapy" kind of person. I was browsing websites this afternoon and just reading the bios made me cringe. Here's one example: "Personal growth and recovery is an ongoing process of finding the next reachable foothold on the way toward your goal. You have already begun the first step in your work by looking for someone to talk to. We will work together to help you figure out a path to your goals and to find the confidence to lift yourself to the next reachable step along the way.". (barf emoji)
Question of the day - have you ever done sex therapy? Or just general therapy? How did it go?
Just for fun:
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20 comments
Tres magnifique I love
I've tried therapy but not sex therapy. While realising therapists are very different in their approaches, I can't say therapy helped though it certainly didn't make matters worse.
Once I tried couples therapy and that perhaps did make things worse because we would often talk about what each other said in the last session before the next session. I guess that's the point but it did lead to more arguments.
Oooo I could definitely see that happening! That things mentioned in therapy might be fodder for a fight later on.
HWD and I don't really fight. Maybe we are both doormats? Haha. Seriously, he has had therapy - and has to deal with a very cranky ex on an ongoing basis - so he is pretty good at not escalating. And I am conflict avoidant.
The vibrator not being uncomfortable is quite a bit of progress for you. (2 thumbs up)
And the 5 minutes of intercourse? I can sympathize (though not for the same reason)
Having my hoo-ha projected on the wall would be interesting to me. I was disappointed that the surgeon didn't give me any pictures of my uterus when it was removed.
Laughing at your five minute sympathy.
Ironically HWD is very long lasting when that is not really what I'm looking for at this point, haha!
I didn't really care for the extreme closeup but I have to admit I could see things WAY WAY better than the times when I tried angling a mirror underneath. It's just too far away yanno?
I am so proud of you for working on your struggles. And so sorry that a few are still ongoing.
I have never had sex therapy. I have seen a regular therapist, actually more than one, and neither helped at all. The last one did more harm than help. My son swears you have to really shop around to find the right fit of a therapist. Like a best friend but more clinical.
I hope the docs advice helps you. Including doing your dilation exercises often. Set an alarm maybe?
Skin versus silicone is huge difference. The lube you use with one doesn't always work with the other in my experience. I went thru several commercially made lubes and was unsatisfied. My Gyn suggested mineral oil (if memory is correct), however I didn't want a liquid oil in my bed. Mess, greasy stain marks, etc.
I use coconut oil to make body butter, healing cream, etc. I decided to try that and now it is all I use.
It's creamy to solid depending on temperature. It melts at about 76oF. I can use a tiny, tiny amount and get great slippage that stays slippery for a long while. For me and my body. Because it starts out as a solid, I don't have to worry about spilling it. And it is edible and unflavored to us.
My point that took too long is to try different lubes.
And get on top of HWD if possible so YOU control the angle, depth, speed, etc. Hedge the vets in your favor.
Please keep us posted. I hear of so many women having painful sex. It needs to be discussed and solved if possible.
Hugs!!!
I think you're right about having to "shop around" to find the right therapist and I'm just not sure I have the energy for it at the moment.
We were using coconut oil for a while and then the container in my bedside drawer became empty and I failed to replenish it. How dumb is that? Anyway, HWD bought some more the other day and we will definitely be trying it again - I do think it's longer lasting than the water based stuff that my practitioners recommend (Sliquid).
Someone on reddit recommended a warming balm called Vipstick. It's expensive but I might give it a try just for kicks.
I've had regular therapy to help me work through life stuff, but I'm not sure what sex therapy would do... make you okay with not having enjoyable sex? Or just okay with not having sex? If you had any inclination to not caring about sex, I'd think you'd have been there a long time ago. The only other sex therapy I've heard of is where the therapist tries sexual activity with you. That's a big no thank you there, unless I can pick who the therapist is! I'm sorry for all the trouble. Sounds miserable. ?
I'm assuming sex therapy might involve getting more comfortable with communication so I can do better with involving HWD with solutions? Also the gynecologist and sex medicine doctor both have said things to the effect of, "When you're afraid it's going to hurt, you tighten up as a protective response". I don't really feel that's what's going on here but I think they think that therapy might help with that.
I did do a post on the menopause reddit yesterday and one responder described a practitioner doing hands on therapy with her - trying to "map" the areas that were causing pain. It sounded interesting. But the thing is, I am already pretty sure about where the pain is coming from.
@NightBloom95 I actually did buy some CBD/THC suppositories from the sexual medicine doc after my first video visit with her. I keep forgetting to try them...I need to experiment with that.
I also have used THC gummies from time to time. I do find they help a bit with libido in the moment.
@smartasswoman I know that my issue is scar tissue from the surgery and I do know exactly where the "tight, sandpaper" part is. I did a chatgpt session and asked it a bunch of questions about solutions, and it gave me some suggestions that actually work. It's along the lines of my original thought that more activity will keep things stretched and hurt less. But the suggestions of gentle stretching in the area that is tight the night before and morning of sex can help things pre-relax. I'm sure I could ask my FWB, and he'd be more than happy to do that for me! Position is also key if the pressure is not where the tightness is. I'd be curious to know if the CBD/THC help.
@MyNameIsKay one of the interesting ideas I saw on reddit is to use an OTC lidocaine ointment on the area that gets stingy, a few minutes before having sex. It would numb it up a bit. A hemorrhoid ointment would be safe to use since it’s formulated for that type of tissue.
And of course I’ll continue with the stretching exercises.
@smartasswoman I almost forgot one other interesting chatgpt tidbit. It was about the way I eat now being carnivore (mostly). In eating foods that are high in collagen, that is supposed to help with replenishing the skin including the hooha. I don't know how long that is supposed to take, but what I had read/watched on YTube, if I lost weight slowly enough and ate enough things with collagen, like chicken skins or chicharrons, I wouldn't have that much loose skin. It would plump up and cannibalize itself as I went along. I'm not sure how that's really working as I have plenty of loose skin at this point and no way to compare what it would have been like had I not eaten this way, but I've only been on carnivore for less than a year. Anyway, thought I'd throw that into the discussion.
I can understand why putting this into words would feel grounding. Those kinds of appointments can be a lot to navigate, but it sounds like you came away with clearer information and a plan that makes sense for you.
Thanks, sexyldy.
I wasn't sure if I was reading a medical update or an erotic vignette (and I didn't want to offend you), so I treated this as both. 😐 🔥
My only experience with a sex therapist was with a Domme named Liz. Although I'm pretty sure she wasn't licensed. I'll be posting that encounter as soon as this place irons out its bugs. 🐛
Thanks for the new word.
I'll try and work it into a regular convo... somehow.😶
I didn't really think there was anything erotic about this so I'm glad if you were able to get that out of it! (laugh)
Try asking a random lady if you can enter her vestibule and see what response you get, haha.
@smartasswoman
Ask a "random lady"?
Now there's a thought. 😲 🔥
I recently had a cataract procedure, which has restored my vision to crystal-clear status, AND enhanced my imagination. I could easily see where I would be completely distracted if three women began poking around between my legs while flashing the proceedings on a big screen.
If you have any screenshots of your "friend," feel free to attach them. With my improved eyesight, I'll examin them with a clinical eye. 😎
BTW... I never realized how poor my vision had become until I had those cataracts removed... amazing.
@Paulxx001 congratulations on your cataract surgery! Isn't the difference amazing? Did you get vision correction as well?
For mine they implanted a corrective lens and after 60 years of being very near sighted, I can see distance without glasses (I do still need reading glasses for close up stuff).
@smartasswoman
I may still need reading glasses, (it's only been 3 days) but I'm writing THIS on my cell phone. And I can NOW clearly see street and highway signs, as opposed to guessing and approximating.
Did you know that lights at intersections came in three vivid colours?
Fascinating... 😁
I know this is a serious challenge for you, but I hope you'll forgive me for laughing at your unexpected turn as a porno queen. On a more serious note, I applaud your commitment to finding a solution for you and HWD.
I too have experienced two experienced those "sign here to commit to pay if your insurance does not" situations, once for an ear thing, and once for a throat thing. But both times insurance paid a HUGELY discounted number with no complications.
Oh, I'm glad you laughed! I was trying for mildly funny.
I haven't had any major insurance denials during my time on medicare, so we'll see how this goes.
@smartasswoman You have an Advantage Plan I assume. Legend is they actually make their money but denying coverages, but what I've seen is the hardball negotiate pricing. I don't know for sure, but suspect basic Medicare does not.
@CleavageFan4U correct, I'm on an Advantage plan. I know those kind of plans have had their problems, and one of the ones in our area actually went out of business because so many providers stopped working with them (no doubt because of the hardball pricing you reference). The one I'm on doesn't seem to have that issue, so far. Fingers crossed.
I think the strategy will be to try to predict when my health is really going to go to hell in a hand basket and switch to traditional Medicare before that happens. While I am still relatively healthy, my plan's zero premium and extra benefits like gym membership are appealing.
Good for putting up with all that to try to find out what’s going on down there. Brave woman!